What do our assumptions say about us?

I had a weird run-in at a store over the weekend. I was shopping with my daughter, and she'd gone to another rack to look at Halloween costumes. I went to join her, and I passed by two women. One of the women said something like, "which ones are on sale," or something similar, but I assumed she was talking to the other lady. When I reached my daughter, however, the lady raised her voice and started commenting about how young people these days are so rude and won't answer people when they speak to them and how they think they're better than everyone else.

Being slightly preoccupied with the fact that I was with a child who needed my attention, I wasn't fully aware of everything this lady was saying. She was very loudly going on and on about how rude people will get what's coming to them, and on and on. Because this lady was being so loud and obnoxious in her carrying on, I couldn't hear what my daughter wanted, so I finally took her by the hand, and moved away.

Which is when it hit me.

The woman was complaining about me.

I have to admit, it really bothered me that I had a stranger literally raining down curses on me because I didn't answer her question. I am not a rude person. I typically go out of my way to be polite, especially to strangers. But I'm also a very non-confrontational person, so I really didn't want to go talk to her. Even across the store, I could hear this woman loudly complain about young women who think they're better than everyone else. I've learned through painful experience not to engage crazy people, and based on the curses she was calling down, I was pretty sure that engaging was a bad idea.

As I shopped another section of the store (okay, I was really hiding from her so that I could go check out and not hear about what a horrible person I was for not answering her question- which would have been "I don't know, sorry."), I started to think about this woman. She didn't know me, and yet, she automatically assumed that my lack of response was that I thought I was better than her. In truth, I honestly thought she was speaking to another person (who was an elderly lady), AND, I was in a hurry to get to my daughter (who looked like she was about to make a mess).  I admit, maybe I should have gone to the lady when I realized that she felt slighted by me and said, "look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," and then explained my side of things.

Which, of course, led to me analyzing why I cared so much that some strange lady in the store was cursing me. And when I say cursing, I don't mean saying bad words, I mean she was literally saying that I should be cursed for my actions. Because I know who I am in Christ, I know that another person's curses mean nothing. But it bothered me so much that I prayed for this lady as I waited for my daughter to try on her Halloween costume. That's when I realized that this woman's words said far more about her than they did about me.

I believe this woman is an unhappy person who sees a lot of negative in the world around her. Her first assumption about a stranger is negative. I tend to be negative in my assumptions, but in her shoes, I would have thought that the person I asked didn't hear me. So what would the life of someone more negative than I look like? Maybe I'm guilty of making wrong assumptions about her, but I felt sorry for her. That her assumption about me was that I thought I was better than her said a lot about how she saw herself. She must think that she's not worth a whole lot if her judgement of others is that they think they're better. And that made me sad. What made me more sad, though, was realizing that in such an assessment is a deep level of pride. Of wanting to be elevated just as high or higher than someone else. If she didn't want that, she wouldn't have needed to loudly proclaim her disapproval of a stranger. And in so proclaiming, she told the world that she thought she was better than me.

In judging, this woman became exactly what she was complaining about.

Which made me realize that so many of the things I complain about are often flaws in my own character. When I assume something negative about a person without talking to them to learn the truth, I'm merely reflecting the flaws in me. My own insecurities. My own fears. My own idols. I can assume a lot of things about people, but those assumptions are probably not very fair. And, as I struggled with being bothered by this woman's assumptions about me, I realized that I probably make negative assumptions about people more often than I should.

I wish I had an ending to this post, like, "this is what you should do to get over it," but you know what? I don't have that answer. I wish I knew how to be better at not assuming negative things- or even assuming at all. I do think that being aware, and recognizing that our assumptions aren't always true, is a good start.

What do your assumptions say about you?

The Unseen Lent

When I first looked at the idea of Lent this year, I really struggled with wanting to do something, yet not wanting to feel hypocritical about it. I had a lot of friends on my blog, Twitter, and FB share their thoughts and ideas. It was so helpful to hear all of the different perspectives.

Then, on Ash Wednesday, I went to a new church, and the reading was exactly what I needed to hear.

Matthew 6:1-6

Showy Religion
1 “Be careful that you don’t practice your religion in front of people to draw their attention. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  2 “Whenever you give to the poor, don’t blow your trumpet as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they may get praise from people. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 3 But when you give to the poor, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing 4 so that you may give to the poor in secret. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

Showy Prayer
 5 “When you pray, don’t be like hypocrites. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners so that people will see them. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 6 But when you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to your Father who is present in that secret place. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

I took this from the Common English Bible, and I love the headings of "Showy Prayer" and "Showy Religion." Because I think that's the part that was really bothering me about the whole Lent thing. I'm kind of fed up with the Christians who are out there sounding their trumpets about how great they are that the works of Christ are almost invisible to anyone watching.

So I chose a secret Lent project. Interestingly enough, a comment from one of my nonbeliever friends about Lent got me thinking about how I wanted to honor God in this time, and I'm doing something based on this person's advice. I did end up telling hubby my project, because I needed his help on something, and it's been great to conspire with him to do what I'm doing in secret. In some ways, I feel closer to my husband than ever, because I have this wonderful secret that I share with him, and him only. Some days, I think that I will tell people about it when I'm done, because I truly believe that this thing is transforming my heart in unexpected ways. I want to share it with people who might be able to use it in their own lives. And other days, I am so full of the joy of having this beautiful thing that I share only with my husband and God, and am so mindful of the warnings in Matthew 6, that I don't want to lose it.

For now, I want to encourage you to find a glorious secret- something that is wonderful and brings joy to your heart- to share with God and God alone. Or, like me, with your spouse. While I believe that sharing your faith can be a very good thing, there is something very magical about reserving a private place in your heart just for God.

**

Do you want to win a copy of the leather-like Thinline Bible DecoTone Tan/Brick Red edition of the Common English Bible? I'm participating in a blog tour promoting this new translation, and I will be giving away a copy each week through Pentecost. Just comment on my posts featuring the CEB, and you'll be entered in that week's drawing. Unfortunately, people outside the US are not eligible to win.

The Unseen Lent

When I first looked at the idea of Lent this year, I really struggled with wanting to do something, yet not wanting to feel hypocritical about it. I had a lot of friends on my blog, Twitter, and FB share their thoughts and ideas. It was so helpful to hear all of the different perspectives.

Then, on Ash Wednesday, I went to a new church, and the reading was exactly what I needed to hear.

Matthew 6:1-6

Showy Religion
1 “Be careful that you don’t practice your religion in front of people to draw their attention. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  2 “Whenever you give to the poor, don’t blow your trumpet as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they may get praise from people. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 3 But when you give to the poor, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing 4 so that you may give to the poor in secret. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

Showy Prayer
 5 “When you pray, don’t be like hypocrites. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners so that people will see them. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 6 But when you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to your Father who is present in that secret place. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

I took this from the Common English Bible, and I love the headings of "Showy Prayer" and "Showy Religion." Because I think that's the part that was really bothering me about the whole Lent thing. I'm kind of fed up with the Christians who are out there sounding their trumpets about how great they are that the works of Christ are almost invisible to anyone watching.

So I chose a secret Lent project. Interestingly enough, a comment from one of my nonbeliever friends about Lent got me thinking about how I wanted to honor God in this time, and I'm doing something based on this person's advice. I did end up telling hubby my project, because I needed his help on something, and it's been great to conspire with him to do what I'm doing in secret. In some ways, I feel closer to my husband than ever, because I have this wonderful secret that I share with him, and him only. Some days, I think that I will tell people about it when I'm done, because I truly believe that this thing is transforming my heart in unexpected ways. I want to share it with people who might be able to use it in their own lives. And other days, I am so full of the joy of having this beautiful thing that I share only with my husband and God, and am so mindful of the warnings in Matthew 6, that I don't want to lose it.

For now, I want to encourage you to find a glorious secret- something that is wonderful and brings joy to your heart- to share with God and God alone. Or, like me, with your spouse. While I believe that sharing your faith can be a very good thing, there is something very magical about reserving a private place in your heart just for God.

**

Do you want to win a copy of the leather-like Thinline Bible DecoTone Tan/Brick Red edition of the Common English Bible? I'm participating in a blog tour promoting this new translation, and I will be giving away a copy each week through Pentecost. Just comment on my posts featuring the CEB, and you'll be entered in that week's drawing. Unfortunately, people outside the US are not eligible to win.