Today I am grumpy.
As part of our simplify thing, and the whole saving money thing, we're switching from the cable bundle of phone, internet and cable to Dish, DSL, and VOIP- non bundle. I suppose, long-term, it will save us some money. But right now, all the start up costs and time involved have been such a pain that I'm wishing we'd just let the cable companies take our money. You know, like that commercial where the family keeps handing over money. Personally, I'd be fine with getting rid of cable and TV altogether, but I've lost that fight too many times. Yes, I like my shows, but I could live without them.
Anyway, today we're dealing with the fiasco known as getting DSL installed. Getting the Dish installed was a 6 hour nightmare that involved having multiple people running through my house and being the lucky people for whom it wasn't a simple set up. VOIP did not involve multiple people, but it has involved a lot of money up front, (but so has Dish and DSL), but it's just been a pain connecting everything.
On top of that, our furnace has been acting up for over a month now. It'll work for a few days, then decide to quit. Hubby will tinker with it, then it will work, then it will randomly stop. Today it is not working. So I'm in my office with a blanket and space heater and very grumpy about my cold house. I keep asking to get someone in to look at it, but he is confident he can fix it, which leaves me... um, cold.
But wait... I'm not done with my reasons for being grumpy. Hubby, in his infinite man-mind, has decided to move all of our computer, modem, phone, whatever, stuff, into our furnace room. So we have a communication hub. Which means that he has taken everything out of that storage room and scattered it all over the basement. I cannot walk the ten feet between the stairs and my office door without putting my life in danger from the man junk scattered throughout. And kid junk, because hubby shifted their play area, and now they can't get to the area where they need to put away their stuff. So it's all piling up.
Much of the blame I lay at hubby's feet because he's the one who turned this all into a giant nightmare project. Which is probably not fair, but hey, who said being married is about being fair?
Hopefully, I haven't lost you yet... because I actually do have a positive point besides unloading all of my frustrations.
Yesterday, I was out shopping with my grandma, and I saw a plaque that said something to the effect of, "Thank you Lord for the dirty dishes because it means we have food to eat."
And it occurred to me, as I was preparing what I thought was the mother of all telling my hubby exactly what I thought of the fact that my world has been upside down for the month (longer, if you count the furnace), that all of these problems are like the dirty dishes plaque.
How many people can't afford cable or dish? How many people in the world even have TV? Thank you, Lord, for our ability to have TV and all the extras (even ones I don't think I want).
How many people can't afford DSL? Or the super high speed hubby is getting so that my job will be easier. Or wow, my ability to work from home instead of going to an office every day. Thank you, Lord, for DSL, and high speed internet.
What about the phone? Another convenience we take for granted. Something else that we can afford- a land line, and three cell phones. (One is hubby's work phone, provided by work). But again, what a blessing that not everyone has, but sure makes our lives easier. Thank you Lord, for providing us with ease of communication and the means to do so.
Let's talk furnace... so yes, it's been in the 50s in my house. Outside, it's in the 20s. Where would you rather be? Even with a broken furnace, how many people in the world DON'T have heat? How many people can't just pile on the blankets and crank up the space heaters? Thank you, Lord, for giving my the privilege of being warm and comfortable even when I don't appreciate it.
But let's also discuss the person I am cranky at for not doing all of this the way I want it done and inconveniencing me. Yes, I am talking about The Man. I have to acknowledge that he didn't wake up and say, "let me mess up things for my wife today." In fact, he was thinking that he wanted to get on board with my saving money plan and do his part. He thought he could fix the furnace himself and save us from paying for a service call. He thought that once we get through this service transition, that we will be paying less for more. I know, from talking to some of my other married friends, that not all spouses would get on board and go to that effort. Not all spouses can repair broken things in the house. Thank you, Lord, for a husband who is on board with my money saving plan. Thank you for a husband who can fix things around the house. Thank you for a husband who provides enough for the family so that we can have all of these wonderful things. And thank you, Lord, for a husband. I'm probably not thankful enough for him, especially when so many out there don't have spouses, or spouses they can count on as much as I count on mine.
I'm going to try to remember that in the times of being grumpy, that I still have many blessings I can be thankful for. What dirty dishes are you thankful for?
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Thanking my way out of the grumpies
Today I am grumpy.
As part of our simplify thing, and the whole saving money thing, we're switching from the cable bundle of phone, internet and cable to Dish, DSL, and VOIP- non bundle. I suppose, long-term, it will save us some money. But right now, all the start up costs and time involved have been such a pain that I'm wishing we'd just let the cable companies take our money. You know, like that commercial where the family keeps handing over money. Personally, I'd be fine with getting rid of cable and TV altogether, but I've lost that fight too many times. Yes, I like my shows, but I could live without them.
Anyway, today we're dealing with the fiasco known as getting DSL installed. Getting the Dish installed was a 6 hour nightmare that involved having multiple people running through my house and being the lucky people for whom it wasn't a simple set up. VOIP did not involve multiple people, but it has involved a lot of money up front, (but so has Dish and DSL), but it's just been a pain connecting everything.
On top of that, our furnace has been acting up for over a month now. It'll work for a few days, then decide to quit. Hubby will tinker with it, then it will work, then it will randomly stop. Today it is not working. So I'm in my office with a blanket and space heater and very grumpy about my cold house. I keep asking to get someone in to look at it, but he is confident he can fix it, which leaves me... um, cold.
But wait... I'm not done with my reasons for being grumpy. Hubby, in his infinite man-mind, has decided to move all of our computer, modem, phone, whatever, stuff, into our furnace room. So we have a communication hub. Which means that he has taken everything out of that storage room and scattered it all over the basement. I cannot walk the ten feet between the stairs and my office door without putting my life in danger from the man junk scattered throughout. And kid junk, because hubby shifted their play area, and now they can't get to the area where they need to put away their stuff. So it's all piling up.
Much of the blame I lay at hubby's feet because he's the one who turned this all into a giant nightmare project. Which is probably not fair, but hey, who said being married is about being fair?
Hopefully, I haven't lost you yet... because I actually do have a positive point besides unloading all of my frustrations.
Yesterday, I was out shopping with my grandma, and I saw a plaque that said something to the effect of, "Thank you Lord for the dirty dishes because it means we have food to eat."
And it occurred to me, as I was preparing what I thought was the mother of all telling my hubby exactly what I thought of the fact that my world has been upside down for the month (longer, if you count the furnace), that all of these problems are like the dirty dishes plaque.
How many people can't afford cable or dish? How many people in the world even have TV? Thank you, Lord, for our ability to have TV and all the extras (even ones I don't think I want).
How many people can't afford DSL? Or the super high speed hubby is getting so that my job will be easier. Or wow, my ability to work from home instead of going to an office every day. Thank you, Lord, for DSL, and high speed internet.
What about the phone? Another convenience we take for granted. Something else that we can afford- a land line, and three cell phones. (One is hubby's work phone, provided by work). But again, what a blessing that not everyone has, but sure makes our lives easier. Thank you Lord, for providing us with ease of communication and the means to do so.
Let's talk furnace... so yes, it's been in the 50s in my house. Outside, it's in the 20s. Where would you rather be? Even with a broken furnace, how many people in the world DON'T have heat? How many people can't just pile on the blankets and crank up the space heaters? Thank you, Lord, for giving my the privilege of being warm and comfortable even when I don't appreciate it.
But let's also discuss the person I am cranky at for not doing all of this the way I want it done and inconveniencing me. Yes, I am talking about The Man. I have to acknowledge that he didn't wake up and say, "let me mess up things for my wife today." In fact, he was thinking that he wanted to get on board with my saving money plan and do his part. He thought he could fix the furnace himself and save us from paying for a service call. He thought that once we get through this service transition, that we will be paying less for more. I know, from talking to some of my other married friends, that not all spouses would get on board and go to that effort. Not all spouses can repair broken things in the house. Thank you, Lord, for a husband who is on board with my money saving plan. Thank you for a husband who can fix things around the house. Thank you for a husband who provides enough for the family so that we can have all of these wonderful things. And thank you, Lord, for a husband. I'm probably not thankful enough for him, especially when so many out there don't have spouses, or spouses they can count on as much as I count on mine.
I'm going to try to remember that in the times of being grumpy, that I still have many blessings I can be thankful for. What dirty dishes are you thankful for?
As part of our simplify thing, and the whole saving money thing, we're switching from the cable bundle of phone, internet and cable to Dish, DSL, and VOIP- non bundle. I suppose, long-term, it will save us some money. But right now, all the start up costs and time involved have been such a pain that I'm wishing we'd just let the cable companies take our money. You know, like that commercial where the family keeps handing over money. Personally, I'd be fine with getting rid of cable and TV altogether, but I've lost that fight too many times. Yes, I like my shows, but I could live without them.
Anyway, today we're dealing with the fiasco known as getting DSL installed. Getting the Dish installed was a 6 hour nightmare that involved having multiple people running through my house and being the lucky people for whom it wasn't a simple set up. VOIP did not involve multiple people, but it has involved a lot of money up front, (but so has Dish and DSL), but it's just been a pain connecting everything.
On top of that, our furnace has been acting up for over a month now. It'll work for a few days, then decide to quit. Hubby will tinker with it, then it will work, then it will randomly stop. Today it is not working. So I'm in my office with a blanket and space heater and very grumpy about my cold house. I keep asking to get someone in to look at it, but he is confident he can fix it, which leaves me... um, cold.
But wait... I'm not done with my reasons for being grumpy. Hubby, in his infinite man-mind, has decided to move all of our computer, modem, phone, whatever, stuff, into our furnace room. So we have a communication hub. Which means that he has taken everything out of that storage room and scattered it all over the basement. I cannot walk the ten feet between the stairs and my office door without putting my life in danger from the man junk scattered throughout. And kid junk, because hubby shifted their play area, and now they can't get to the area where they need to put away their stuff. So it's all piling up.
Much of the blame I lay at hubby's feet because he's the one who turned this all into a giant nightmare project. Which is probably not fair, but hey, who said being married is about being fair?
Hopefully, I haven't lost you yet... because I actually do have a positive point besides unloading all of my frustrations.
Yesterday, I was out shopping with my grandma, and I saw a plaque that said something to the effect of, "Thank you Lord for the dirty dishes because it means we have food to eat."
And it occurred to me, as I was preparing what I thought was the mother of all telling my hubby exactly what I thought of the fact that my world has been upside down for the month (longer, if you count the furnace), that all of these problems are like the dirty dishes plaque.
How many people can't afford cable or dish? How many people in the world even have TV? Thank you, Lord, for our ability to have TV and all the extras (even ones I don't think I want).
How many people can't afford DSL? Or the super high speed hubby is getting so that my job will be easier. Or wow, my ability to work from home instead of going to an office every day. Thank you, Lord, for DSL, and high speed internet.
What about the phone? Another convenience we take for granted. Something else that we can afford- a land line, and three cell phones. (One is hubby's work phone, provided by work). But again, what a blessing that not everyone has, but sure makes our lives easier. Thank you Lord, for providing us with ease of communication and the means to do so.
Let's talk furnace... so yes, it's been in the 50s in my house. Outside, it's in the 20s. Where would you rather be? Even with a broken furnace, how many people in the world DON'T have heat? How many people can't just pile on the blankets and crank up the space heaters? Thank you, Lord, for giving my the privilege of being warm and comfortable even when I don't appreciate it.
But let's also discuss the person I am cranky at for not doing all of this the way I want it done and inconveniencing me. Yes, I am talking about The Man. I have to acknowledge that he didn't wake up and say, "let me mess up things for my wife today." In fact, he was thinking that he wanted to get on board with my saving money plan and do his part. He thought he could fix the furnace himself and save us from paying for a service call. He thought that once we get through this service transition, that we will be paying less for more. I know, from talking to some of my other married friends, that not all spouses would get on board and go to that effort. Not all spouses can repair broken things in the house. Thank you, Lord, for a husband who is on board with my money saving plan. Thank you for a husband who can fix things around the house. Thank you for a husband who provides enough for the family so that we can have all of these wonderful things. And thank you, Lord, for a husband. I'm probably not thankful enough for him, especially when so many out there don't have spouses, or spouses they can count on as much as I count on mine.
I'm going to try to remember that in the times of being grumpy, that I still have many blessings I can be thankful for. What dirty dishes are you thankful for?
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Tuesday Tea Time: When you want to run away screaming
Um, yes, this happens to me frequently. Mostly because I am a super introverted mommy with a super extroverted high maintenance terrorist diva daughter and I find it best for all parties involved for mommy to go have a little tea time with her BFF. Said BFF also has a terrorist diva daughter (though hers is not as extreme as mine. Not that it's a competition. I'd gladly let someone else win.). On this particular day, however, we also wanted to run away screaming from the wonderful men we married.
These are the days when the only thing that will do is being in an Asian restaurant (preferably Chinese) where the nice wait staff comes by with great frequency to refill your tea pot. Frankly, I don't care which kind of tea they give me, because most of the time, any good Chinese place will give you a pot of the house Jasmine and it's really quite good. Or maybe I'm desperate. Either way, I don't care. It's tea. When you ask me what keeps me from having to check into a loony bin, I'll tell you- tea. There is nothing a pot of tea won't cure. Sometimes it takes several pots, but it always works.
Anyway, the last time I ran away, it was dinnertime, and since I could not cope with the idea of cooking AND dealing with my family, I told my BFF to pick a restaurant, and as long as I got my pots of Asian tea, I was good. She chose sushi. Now, I've never really braved the real stuff without my beloved Camy Tang, but that night, I was REALLY brave and did sashimi. I did not die. I didn't even gag. I would even say it was quite good. Which is saying a lot since I just looked up the place, and the reviews say it's not that great.
We ended up at Wasabi Sushi Bar. The patio seating was great, and I loved the ambiance. Nothing like drinking tea and watching the sunset. The service was a little slow, but since I ended up arriving an hour early (and getting some nice quiet time in), I am not complaining. They also had a tea menu, which impressed me, since most of these places have maybe two or three choices. I also had the plum wine. Best part of the whole night-
Me: "I'll have the plum wine and a pot of the decaf green papaya pineapple tea."
Waitress: "You want two drinks?"
Me: "Yes. A glass of plum wine and a pot of tea."
Waitress: "You want hot tea?"
Me: "Yes. I want hot tea."
Waitress: "So you want plum wine AND hot tea?"
It finally occurred to me that it is apparently weird to want a glass of wine and a pot of hot tea. This poor lady gave me the strangest look, and gave my friend the same look when she showed up and ordered the same thing (she got a different tea- the orange creamsicle tea, which was delish). For the record, the combination of a glass of wine and a pot of tea is nothing short of a miracle cure when you've had a horrible day.
So, when you want to run away screaming, even though the online reviews from people who are really into sushi aren't that great, I think you should try this place. The plum wine was excellent, the tea pretty good, and I liked the food. Plus, if you're there when it's nice enough to sit on the patio, the sunset is amazing. By the end of the night, you'll be empowered to go home, give that sweet littleterrorist girl a big hug, then give your ball and chain great husband a big smooch and thank him for letting you have such a nice evening.
 |
| YUM! |
 |
| One of these is a tea menu. |
We ended up at Wasabi Sushi Bar. The patio seating was great, and I loved the ambiance. Nothing like drinking tea and watching the sunset. The service was a little slow, but since I ended up arriving an hour early (and getting some nice quiet time in), I am not complaining. They also had a tea menu, which impressed me, since most of these places have maybe two or three choices. I also had the plum wine. Best part of the whole night-
 |
| Tastes great with wine! |
Waitress: "You want two drinks?"
Me: "Yes. A glass of plum wine and a pot of tea."
Waitress: "You want hot tea?"
Me: "Yes. I want hot tea."
Waitress: "So you want plum wine AND hot tea?"
It finally occurred to me that it is apparently weird to want a glass of wine and a pot of hot tea. This poor lady gave me the strangest look, and gave my friend the same look when she showed up and ordered the same thing (she got a different tea- the orange creamsicle tea, which was delish). For the record, the combination of a glass of wine and a pot of tea is nothing short of a miracle cure when you've had a horrible day.
So, when you want to run away screaming, even though the online reviews from people who are really into sushi aren't that great, I think you should try this place. The plum wine was excellent, the tea pretty good, and I liked the food. Plus, if you're there when it's nice enough to sit on the patio, the sunset is amazing. By the end of the night, you'll be empowered to go home, give that sweet little
Friday, February 26, 2010
Sick Kids, Working Husbands, and Life
It's been a crazy week.
Monday morning, my 9yo woke up with a bad cough and didn't want to go to school. This is the kid who never wants to miss school, so I knew she was sick. The next day, ditto. I took her to the doctor, and the poor kid had a bad case of bronchitis. Some antibiotics and more time off school later, I have a semi normal kid back.
Monday also began hubby's insane work schedule. He went to work at 6:30 a.m., came home around 4p.m., then went back to work at 11p.m. He got home around 8a.m., then went back to work at 10 a.m. on Tuesday. He didn't get home again until 2p.m. on Wednesday. He went back to work at 10p.m. on Wednesday, then came home at 4a.m. Thursday, he worked from 8a.m. until 4p.m. Today was a normal day- from 6:30 a.m. until 3:30 p.m.
Crazy, right? This week, I got a taste of being a single mom- except I have a great husband working hard to support us. But I was stuck at home with a sick kid and life got pretty messed up for me. As I watched my exhausted husband go from work to falling into bed for a couple of precious hours and back to work again, I realized I wasn't the only one paying attention to his hard work and dedication. My daughter, who is usually in school and doesn't see daddy's long hours, realized just how hard her father works.
As I explained to our daughter about what a great dad she's got, I realized just how much I take for granted what an amazing husband I have. Sure, I tell him that he's great, but how often do I let him know that I appreciate him? So I've been telling him more, and making it known. He's not perfect, but he does his best. He's a pretty great guy, and I'm lucky to have him.
The more I started appreciating my hubby, the more I started to realize that I have a lot of wonderful things in my life that I don't always appreciate the way I should. So today, I am grateful. And appreciative. More importantly, I'm trying to take notice of the things I need to show more appreciation for. There's a lot to appreciate about this world.
What do you need to take notice of and appreciate?
Monday morning, my 9yo woke up with a bad cough and didn't want to go to school. This is the kid who never wants to miss school, so I knew she was sick. The next day, ditto. I took her to the doctor, and the poor kid had a bad case of bronchitis. Some antibiotics and more time off school later, I have a semi normal kid back.
Monday also began hubby's insane work schedule. He went to work at 6:30 a.m., came home around 4p.m., then went back to work at 11p.m. He got home around 8a.m., then went back to work at 10 a.m. on Tuesday. He didn't get home again until 2p.m. on Wednesday. He went back to work at 10p.m. on Wednesday, then came home at 4a.m. Thursday, he worked from 8a.m. until 4p.m. Today was a normal day- from 6:30 a.m. until 3:30 p.m.
Crazy, right? This week, I got a taste of being a single mom- except I have a great husband working hard to support us. But I was stuck at home with a sick kid and life got pretty messed up for me. As I watched my exhausted husband go from work to falling into bed for a couple of precious hours and back to work again, I realized I wasn't the only one paying attention to his hard work and dedication. My daughter, who is usually in school and doesn't see daddy's long hours, realized just how hard her father works.
As I explained to our daughter about what a great dad she's got, I realized just how much I take for granted what an amazing husband I have. Sure, I tell him that he's great, but how often do I let him know that I appreciate him? So I've been telling him more, and making it known. He's not perfect, but he does his best. He's a pretty great guy, and I'm lucky to have him.
The more I started appreciating my hubby, the more I started to realize that I have a lot of wonderful things in my life that I don't always appreciate the way I should. So today, I am grateful. And appreciative. More importantly, I'm trying to take notice of the things I need to show more appreciation for. There's a lot to appreciate about this world.
What do you need to take notice of and appreciate?
Monday, February 08, 2010
The Marriage Project by Kathi Lipp
It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!You never know when I might play a wild card on you!
Today's Wild Card author is:
and the book:
Harvest House Publishers (December 1, 2009)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Kathi is married to Roger, the Worship Arts Director at Church on the Hill in San Jose. They have four kids and live in San Jose, CA. When she’s not doing laundry, Kathi is a full-time speaker and writer whose articles have appeared in Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian Woman and Christian Parenting Today. Her first books, The Husband Project and The Marriage Project were both released by Harvest House.Visit the author's website.
Product Details:
List Price: $12.99
Paperback: 232 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (December 1, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736925287
ISBN-13: 978-0736925280
MY REVIEW:
I really like the concept of this book. Like Kathi, I read tons of marriage and relationship books, and this one is by far the most practical of them all. I like how she gives a lot of concrete examples and ideas for couples to try. He doesn't know it yet (surprise honey!!) but my Valentine's gift to my husband this year is that we're going to talk about this book, and we're going to do the 21 day project. I like having specific ideas of what I can do with my husband to make our marriage stronger.
If anyone wants to join us in this adventure (the book recommends doing it with other couples), leave a comment and we'll coordinate details.
AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:
Why The Marriage Project?
With every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may not see.
-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I have a shelf full of marriage books and I bet if you‘ve been married for any amount of time, you do too.
Most of the books that we own are great books. They talk about God’s desire for a healthy marriage, the theories behind a healthy marriage, and what a healthy marriage should look like if you apply these principles.
Some of those marriage books have had a great impact on my relationship with my husband.
Most of them? They ended up on our bookshelf as things I feel guilty for 1) not implementing on a daily basis and 2) not dusting.
When Roger and I got married we both brought two teenagers, two full-time jobs, and a host of volunteer activities into the relationship. There just wasn’t much time to be sitting up in bed after a long day, taking turns reading pages out of marriage enhancement books and staring longingly, with great resolve, into each other’s eyes.
On the other hand, Roger and I both determined to make this marriage work. We each had been in marriages that ended in divorce, and we were committed to being absolutely intentional to do everything we could, in God’s power, to see that we had a marriage that not only lasted, but also was honoring to Him and filled with joy.
That’s when the crazy ideas started to flow.
First, there was The Husband Project, where I challenged my friends (and myself) to bless our men for 21 days without expecting anything in return. While most women kept it a secret from their husbands, I had to tell Roger eventually (he had a right to know what book I was working on seven hours a day).
After that, Roger and I wanted a project to complete as a couple. The results of that are what you hold in your hand.
I wanted a way to bless my marriage that was very practical, fun, following God’s plan and purpose for marriage (and perhaps just a little bit flirty). I needed something that wasn’t just a theory about what to do about my marriage – I wanted some checkboxes. I wanted something that would instruct me, “This is what you do, now go and do it.”
That is what I needed, and that is what I ended up writing.
Becoming an Expert on Your Own Marriage
I’m definitely not a marriage expert. After one failed marriage and just four years into my second one, I’m probably not the first person you’d approach for marital advice. (Although the fact that Roger and I got married with four teenagers between us, and we’re still together, should earn us some kind of presidential Medal of Honor. Or at least a nifty certificate in a leatherette case.)
So I gleaned and condensed the very best advice from every marriage book on our shelves and adapted it into short, doable steps – or projects, that we could work on together.
This is how I have to manage almost every area of my life – whether it’s healthy eating, child rearing, Bible study, and most recently, marriage. It’s not enough that I know what I’m supposed to do; I need to have a plan to get up and do it.
Through these crazy little projects (most taking less than five or ten minutes) my husband and I learned new things about each other. We rediscovered what makes each other tick, confirmed some basics we already knew, and found new and exciting ways to encourage one another. While I may not be a marriage expert, I became an expert on my marriage.
I love how The Message Bible illustrates the words of James when it comes to putting feet to our thoughts:
Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? (James 2:14-17)
We can talk about marriage all day long. We can buy books and listen to podcasts about how we should have great marriages. We can listen to sermons and do Bible studies. But, unless we put some God-acts to our God-talk, no one benefits.
Hundreds of couples have done the Projects before you. These simple acts have been proven to change not only people’s behavior, but also their attitudes. I pray that God pours out His blessings on you and your marriage as you put feet to His plan for your marriage.
With every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may not see.
-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I have a shelf full of marriage books and I bet if you‘ve been married for any amount of time, you do too.
Most of the books that we own are great books. They talk about God’s desire for a healthy marriage, the theories behind a healthy marriage, and what a healthy marriage should look like if you apply these principles.
Some of those marriage books have had a great impact on my relationship with my husband.
Most of them? They ended up on our bookshelf as things I feel guilty for 1) not implementing on a daily basis and 2) not dusting.
When Roger and I got married we both brought two teenagers, two full-time jobs, and a host of volunteer activities into the relationship. There just wasn’t much time to be sitting up in bed after a long day, taking turns reading pages out of marriage enhancement books and staring longingly, with great resolve, into each other’s eyes.
On the other hand, Roger and I both determined to make this marriage work. We each had been in marriages that ended in divorce, and we were committed to being absolutely intentional to do everything we could, in God’s power, to see that we had a marriage that not only lasted, but also was honoring to Him and filled with joy.
That’s when the crazy ideas started to flow.
First, there was The Husband Project, where I challenged my friends (and myself) to bless our men for 21 days without expecting anything in return. While most women kept it a secret from their husbands, I had to tell Roger eventually (he had a right to know what book I was working on seven hours a day).
After that, Roger and I wanted a project to complete as a couple. The results of that are what you hold in your hand.
I wanted a way to bless my marriage that was very practical, fun, following God’s plan and purpose for marriage (and perhaps just a little bit flirty). I needed something that wasn’t just a theory about what to do about my marriage – I wanted some checkboxes. I wanted something that would instruct me, “This is what you do, now go and do it.”
That is what I needed, and that is what I ended up writing.
Becoming an Expert on Your Own Marriage
I’m definitely not a marriage expert. After one failed marriage and just four years into my second one, I’m probably not the first person you’d approach for marital advice. (Although the fact that Roger and I got married with four teenagers between us, and we’re still together, should earn us some kind of presidential Medal of Honor. Or at least a nifty certificate in a leatherette case.)
So I gleaned and condensed the very best advice from every marriage book on our shelves and adapted it into short, doable steps – or projects, that we could work on together.
This is how I have to manage almost every area of my life – whether it’s healthy eating, child rearing, Bible study, and most recently, marriage. It’s not enough that I know what I’m supposed to do; I need to have a plan to get up and do it.
Through these crazy little projects (most taking less than five or ten minutes) my husband and I learned new things about each other. We rediscovered what makes each other tick, confirmed some basics we already knew, and found new and exciting ways to encourage one another. While I may not be a marriage expert, I became an expert on my marriage.
I love how The Message Bible illustrates the words of James when it comes to putting feet to our thoughts:
Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? (James 2:14-17)
We can talk about marriage all day long. We can buy books and listen to podcasts about how we should have great marriages. We can listen to sermons and do Bible studies. But, unless we put some God-acts to our God-talk, no one benefits.
Hundreds of couples have done the Projects before you. These simple acts have been proven to change not only people’s behavior, but also their attitudes. I pray that God pours out His blessings on you and your marriage as you put feet to His plan for your marriage.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Marriage Rant
No, I'm not mad at That Man. Yet. The day's still early. ;)
This started when a friend of mine, Lisa Samson, posted this article on her Twitter. I love Lisa, and she always posts stuff that makes me think. The trouble with Twitter is the inability to have a discussion that lasts more than 140 characters. My Twitter feeds to my Facebook account, and a friend posted his thoughts on the article, which led to me FINALLY able to discuss my thoughts on the article, and then I realize that rats on Facebook don't give me enough room to have my full say.
So here you are. Be prepared for a longish post.
I think it's easier to, as Jesus talks about, look at the speck in our neighbor's eye rather than the plank in our own.
There are a lot of threats to marriage, mostly because we as individuals are looking so hard for something to blame externally rather than getting the gumption internally to make our own marriages work.
My favorite quote from the article is, "Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed."
The reality of marriage is that in the context of that relationship, we grow, change, and develop as people. I am a different person BECAUSE of my husband. As a couple, we can choose to grow together or grow apart. I don't like all of the lessons I've learned as a result of being married, but they are obviously lessons I needed to learn.
Because we treat marriage as an end, and not a process, I think too many people give up on the process.
What I saw in the article that I don't think was stated as overtly as it needed to be (and maybe he didn't want or intend to), so I will...
Each of these things is viewed as an end. You succeed if you remain a virgin until marriage. You succeed if you get married. You succeed if you stay married. But that's not the point. It's not why God established marriage. If that were the case, there'd be a little checklist in each of our Bibles that tells us exactly what we need to do to get into Heaven. Well, I guess there is one. Follow Jesus. And nowhere in the Bible do I see Him giving the moral imperatives that we try to impose on everyone around us.
One of my friends sent a quote over Twitter today (sorry, don't remember who originated it, since it's been passed among everyone I know today) that sums up this very issue: "A pharisee is hard on others and easy on himself, but a spiritual man is easy on others and hard on himself." AW Tozer
It's easy for us to look at "issues" rather than in our own hearts. I wonder if the delay in marriage and the idea of waiting to be fully formed before marriage is the idea of perfection society has imposed upon us. We want to wait until we are spiritual enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, experienced enough, thin enough, etc. These are just smokescreens for avoiding the state of our hearts and the realization that God loves us just as we are. And, if you want to cling to the romantic notion of the "perfect" mate, it is the person who recognizes what God sees- someone who is imperfect, but still worthy of their love.
I will say, I really hate the title of the article. I don't think there should be a "case for early marriage." Love the subtitle, "Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot." Truly, I think that embodies what is wrong with marriage today. We are given mixed messages, unrealistic expectations, and do not have the tools to deal with imperfection in an inherently imperfect relationship.
This started when a friend of mine, Lisa Samson, posted this article on her Twitter. I love Lisa, and she always posts stuff that makes me think. The trouble with Twitter is the inability to have a discussion that lasts more than 140 characters. My Twitter feeds to my Facebook account, and a friend posted his thoughts on the article, which led to me FINALLY able to discuss my thoughts on the article, and then I realize that rats on Facebook don't give me enough room to have my full say.
So here you are. Be prepared for a longish post.
I think it's easier to, as Jesus talks about, look at the speck in our neighbor's eye rather than the plank in our own.
There are a lot of threats to marriage, mostly because we as individuals are looking so hard for something to blame externally rather than getting the gumption internally to make our own marriages work.
My favorite quote from the article is, "Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed."
The reality of marriage is that in the context of that relationship, we grow, change, and develop as people. I am a different person BECAUSE of my husband. As a couple, we can choose to grow together or grow apart. I don't like all of the lessons I've learned as a result of being married, but they are obviously lessons I needed to learn.
Because we treat marriage as an end, and not a process, I think too many people give up on the process.
What I saw in the article that I don't think was stated as overtly as it needed to be (and maybe he didn't want or intend to), so I will...
Each of these things is viewed as an end. You succeed if you remain a virgin until marriage. You succeed if you get married. You succeed if you stay married. But that's not the point. It's not why God established marriage. If that were the case, there'd be a little checklist in each of our Bibles that tells us exactly what we need to do to get into Heaven. Well, I guess there is one. Follow Jesus. And nowhere in the Bible do I see Him giving the moral imperatives that we try to impose on everyone around us.
One of my friends sent a quote over Twitter today (sorry, don't remember who originated it, since it's been passed among everyone I know today) that sums up this very issue: "A pharisee is hard on others and easy on himself, but a spiritual man is easy on others and hard on himself." AW Tozer
It's easy for us to look at "issues" rather than in our own hearts. I wonder if the delay in marriage and the idea of waiting to be fully formed before marriage is the idea of perfection society has imposed upon us. We want to wait until we are spiritual enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, experienced enough, thin enough, etc. These are just smokescreens for avoiding the state of our hearts and the realization that God loves us just as we are. And, if you want to cling to the romantic notion of the "perfect" mate, it is the person who recognizes what God sees- someone who is imperfect, but still worthy of their love.
I will say, I really hate the title of the article. I don't think there should be a "case for early marriage." Love the subtitle, "Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot." Truly, I think that embodies what is wrong with marriage today. We are given mixed messages, unrealistic expectations, and do not have the tools to deal with imperfection in an inherently imperfect relationship.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Weekend to Remember
That Man and I are at the Family Life Weekend to Remember Conference. So far, we're having a good time. It's been interesting to see the unexpected things we're learning about each other, even after 9 years of marriage. And, I have to admit, there's some things I've been learning about myself that I'll probably end up sharing in posts to come.
One thing this conference has taught me is that even if you think you know it all or have it all together, there's something you can still learn. I was amazed to see how many couples were there who'd been married 20, 30, even 40 years. I thought for sure we'd be among the old fogies and it turns out, we were the young 'uns. I love knowing that there are folks out there who've been in it for the long haul who are still committed to making their marriage better. There is still something for them, who could probably teach all of us a thing or two or three, to learn.
Mostly, though, I am just blessed by the thought of seeing so many people committed to making their marriages work. It's not an easy thing in this day and age, that's for sure. Judy, one of the speakers, made the comment that the world, especially Hollywood, gives us this example of having a few kids together, living together, and if it gets too hard, you find someone new and supposedly better. Well, that doesn't seem to be working so well for them, now does it? Where's the stability and growth in that?
Probably the biggest thing that I've learned so far (we still have sessions tomorrow) is that God created my husband for me. The things that I say, "okay, God, why him, why me," are areas that God has placed in our lives to help one or both of us grow in some way. None of us are perfect, but together, we can grow and become better. If I reject him or some aspect of him, I am rejecting something God has placed in my life for a purpose. Which is basically rejecting God. It puts things in a whole new perspective as I begin to look at things, even the negative ones, as opportunities God has placed in my life.
Mostly, though, I've just been blessed by this time alone with my husband, away from the kids, to reconnect with him. I hope each of you who are married get an opportunity to reconnect with your spouse sometime soon. For those of you who aren't, well, take the time to reconnect God and deepen that relationship.
Tomorrow we'll go home, and from there, figure out ways to keep the spark ignited and connect even better in the future. Any fun tips?
One thing this conference has taught me is that even if you think you know it all or have it all together, there's something you can still learn. I was amazed to see how many couples were there who'd been married 20, 30, even 40 years. I thought for sure we'd be among the old fogies and it turns out, we were the young 'uns. I love knowing that there are folks out there who've been in it for the long haul who are still committed to making their marriage better. There is still something for them, who could probably teach all of us a thing or two or three, to learn.
Mostly, though, I am just blessed by the thought of seeing so many people committed to making their marriages work. It's not an easy thing in this day and age, that's for sure. Judy, one of the speakers, made the comment that the world, especially Hollywood, gives us this example of having a few kids together, living together, and if it gets too hard, you find someone new and supposedly better. Well, that doesn't seem to be working so well for them, now does it? Where's the stability and growth in that?
Probably the biggest thing that I've learned so far (we still have sessions tomorrow) is that God created my husband for me. The things that I say, "okay, God, why him, why me," are areas that God has placed in our lives to help one or both of us grow in some way. None of us are perfect, but together, we can grow and become better. If I reject him or some aspect of him, I am rejecting something God has placed in my life for a purpose. Which is basically rejecting God. It puts things in a whole new perspective as I begin to look at things, even the negative ones, as opportunities God has placed in my life.
Mostly, though, I've just been blessed by this time alone with my husband, away from the kids, to reconnect with him. I hope each of you who are married get an opportunity to reconnect with your spouse sometime soon. For those of you who aren't, well, take the time to reconnect God and deepen that relationship.
Tomorrow we'll go home, and from there, figure out ways to keep the spark ignited and connect even better in the future. Any fun tips?
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