Kindness doesn't cost anything

I've been thinking about kindness lately, and last night, as I was editing my latest book proposal, I realized that kindness is one of the themes I've been exploring a lot lately.

A while back, I talked about my own personal kindness challenge, and how I was being more intentional about being kind. I'd hoped to spend the month talking about kindness, but then, I got zinged by someone I once thought of as a friend, and wondered if I really had any place to speak with authority on the subject. In one of my "I totally did not mean to be hurtful" moments, I said something that she interpreted as being unkind. The sad thing was, her response to me was very unkind, and while my lack of kindness was completely unintentional, her intent was to make sure I understood just how "bad" I was. Which, to me, is even more unkind. I'm not telling this story to call this person out. While she severed our friendship completely, I bear no ill will towards her. Actually, I kind of feel sorry for her, and hope that whatever that need in her to demand treatment from others that she does not reciprocate, that need is somehow filled. Somewhere inside her is a wounded person who needs healing, love, and yes, kindness.

Which is where, as I was writing last night, I started to think about how so many times, we ask for kindness, and in some ways, expect others to be kind toward us. Yet we often are not the ones freely sharing kindness. My daughter, Princess, often justifies her unkind behavior by saying, "well, the rule is do unto others as you would have them do to you. They're being mean to me, so I guess that means they want me to be mean to them!" As hard as I work to correct this view, I look around and realize that we all have that problem. Our first response when someone is unkind is to lash out, to criticize, to condemn.

Last night, I was in the store, and this guy was being, well, to put it nicely, a jerk. At first, I was like, huh, what a jerk. But then I noticed all the things he had in his basket. Medical supplies. Like the heavy duty kind you have to get when someone at your house is really sick. I wondered who he loved was sick, and what was wrong. I silently prayed for him, and when we both started for checkout at the same time, I intentionally slowed down, even though I was just as eager to beat the coming hail storm. What did it cost me to let this worried guy go ahead? Okay, I might spend a little more time in the store than I'd wanted to. But maybe those extra couple minutes of getting to whoever had him so worried would make a difference.

Notice my first reaction was not, "I wonder why he's got all those medical supplies," but, "what a jerk." My former friend's reaction was not, "huh, I wonder what's going on in her life that she was so short with me?" Sometimes being kind means taking an extra step back and not reacting. Not calling the person a jerk, or making the person pay for what seemed like a slight. Sometimes being kind is just a friendly smile or waiting patiently when you're in just as much of a hurry. Mostly, kindness is treating others the way you want to be treated, even when they don't follow that rule.

The best part about kindness, is that while it requires a little more self-control, is that it doesn't cost anything. Sometimes we think that we need to go out and buy people a cup of coffee or take them dinner, or do something really grand. But the truth is, the most meaningful part of kindness is simply how we treat each other. For me personally, the kindness of others in my life has been life-changing. And truthfully, as much as I've had to deal with unkindness, it is the kindness of loving friends that have made me want to be a kinder person. Maybe I'm living a little too much in my books, but ultimately, kindness is what changes the hearts of my characters.

Where has kindness made a difference in your life? What can you do to share kindness with others?

K is for Kindness

What the world needs is a little more kindness.

I say this as a person who is not particularly kind. I admit that I have a temper, and I have a tendency to snap at people when I don't mean to, or sound overly harsh when I'm just trying to be firm. But I'm trying to be gentler, kinder, and form nicer responses before biting people's heads off.

When I look at so many of the world's problems, I wonder what having just a little more kindness would do. I'm not so naive as to think that kindness would cure all of the world's ills, but I do think it would make the world just a little bit better.

A while back, I did a random act of kindness experiment. My goal each day was to find one random person and do one secret random kind act for that person. I did a lot of fun, sometimes crazy things that really stretched me as a person. I found that being kind to strangers was addictive. Sometimes, I had an almost intoxicated feeling watching someone's day get just a little bit better. More importantly, I learned that when I was intentional about doing one kind thing, I ended up becoming kinder in general.  While it was a great experience, I learned something else valuable. Being kind to random strangers makes no difference when you aren't being kind to those closest to you.

I've been wanting to go back to my kindness experiment, only this time I'm doing it with a twist. I'm choosing to deliberately be kind to someone in my own life. Rather than putting pressure on myself to be kinder or be nicer or whatever, I'm giving myself a manageable goal. One deliberate act of kindness toward someone who needs it. My act of kindness may be as simple as not giving a mean retort when someone says something to hurt my feelings. It might be buying my friend a cup of coffee. It might be watching a princess movie for the 1,987,230th time with my Princess. It might be following through with a promise I didn't really mean to make. It could be any number of things, but it only has to be one thing.

I would also be remiss if I didn't say that the kindness challenge also included being kind to yourself. Because let's face it. We'll do everything we can to be nice to those around us, but what are we telling ourselves when we look in the mirror? We give someone else a break, but when do we give ourselves one? My post about indulgence is a good reminder that sometimes the person we need to be kinder to is ourselves.

When I originally came up with this challenge, I kept it a secret because I try to be mindful of the verses in Matthew about giving to the needy in secret. I didn't want my good deeds to be about puffing myself up in the eyes of anyone else. But as I think about kindness, and the need for us all to be just a little bit kinder, I realized that I can't ask others to be kinder if I don't tell my story. So now, as I move forward in my own personal kindness challenge, I'd like to have people join me.

Since April is blogging A to Z month, I'm going to make May my Kindness Challenge month. Are you willing to commit to performing one intentional act of kindness toward someone in your life during the month of May? It may not change the world, but I know it'll brighten someone else's day.