M is for Money

It's Sunday night. For some of you, it's Monday morning. But I have a little while until my clock calls it Monday, so let's call it Sunday. Even though this is Monday's post. Whatever. I guess the only reason the time is important is because the money thing happened for us on Sunday.

Brief history of our family finances. My husband was laid off from his job less than a month after I found out I was pregnant with our almost 9 year old. Talk about world's worst timing.  He spent the next 3 years working odd jobs, starting businesses (that failed and put us HUGELY in debt), and doing everything he could to support us. I even took a job doing taxes. Which I actually loved, but ended up quitting a few years ago to spend more time with my family. Three years of no steady income and insane financial disasters, and I'll be honest- we're still paying off some of that debt. But we're doing well now, and not a day goes by that I don't feel incredibly blessed for what we have.

Fast forward to 2012 taxes. 2012 was good to us. I made money, hubby made money, both at his job, and with his side jobs. I paid off a lot of debt, including the car. Our daughter required extensive therapy not covered by the insurance and we could afford it without eating ramen for weeks. We refinanced and got a lower interest rate on our mortgage. I became thriftier. We made more money than we've ever made. In fact, we made more money than we'd ever dreamed we could make.

At first, I was disappointed because, I mean, you make all this money, and we're not living that much better than we did before. But then I realized just how much more we do have. Back when hubby was laid off, we qualified for free preschool for our other daughter. Now, we don't, but when we had a child with learning issues and no help from any source, especially the school, I could write the check. So yeah, it's disappointing to not have all the "stuff" I thought we would at this income level, but who can put a price on what we've been able to do for our kids?

And then there's the fact that this is the first year EVER that we've owed. Because I am trained to see what the numbers mean, and how the heck could we possibly OWE, I took a look at why we owe. The answer is kind of funny. We owe because I was more frugal this year.  We owe because we saved $5000 in mortgage interest by refinancing. We owe because I used airline miles instead of paying for some of my airfare for business trips. I look at all the good things I did financially, and I realize that we owe the IRS because I did a good job.

So you know what? The IRS can have that money. Even with paying them, I still come out ahead.

Today was the day of reckoning. I had to pay all of our bills so I could figure how much money we had left so I could figure out how much to take out of savings to pay the IRS. In the meantime, I've been watching airfare for a family trip we're taking, and since it was the first time hubby and I have sat together over finances for a while, I showed him what I'd found and asked his opinion. He told me to buy the tickets. OUCH. On the same day I'm paying the IRS! But we've been saving for this, and so guess what? I booked the tickets. And THEN, because clearly I'm insane, I checked prices for flights for a trip I'm taking in July, because I noticed there was a sale. Half the flights were SOLD OUT. So I did what any crazy person would do, I bought the tickets.

This morning I was at church, and I do a weird thing with tithing. I get a number in my head of what I think is right, and then I pray about it. If hubby's with me, I show him my number, and he tells me what he thinks. Sometimes his number is higher, sometimes mine is. And sometimes, I feel a nudge about an even higher number. I always write a check for the highest number. So today, I was in church, praying about what to give, thinking of my standard number, and I had the nudge to write it for more. Our pastor gave a great sermon about temptation, and how we're always tempted with good things. He cautioned us to never accept the good things apart from God. I realized that I tend to make a lot of my decisions, even good ones, apart from God, so I reaffirmed my commitment to consult Him more. This is the point at which I started writing my check.  Most of the time, you write checks without thinking, which is what I did, until I looked down as I was signing it. It was for DOUBLE my standard amount, which is more than the amount, I thought God had led me to give.

At first, I was a little startled, because I knew that I hadn't paid this month's bills yet, and I knew I had to pay the taxes. At the time, I had no idea I was also going to pay for two trips. That would have really freaked me out. I honestly had no idea how much money I'd need to cover it all.

But as I thought about trusting God, and how we'd trusted God all through hubby's dry season, I tore out the check and dropped it into the offering.

I told this story to hubby tonight, as I was spending an INSANE amount of money, and he just laughed at how far we've come. For the amount of money I spent today between airfare, taxes, and bills, I should have a car for all my trouble. And even though I'm still appalled at the amount of money that just went through my checking account, I'm also incredibly grateful. Today was a day of plenty. I wrote all of those checks, and I know we can cover them all. The numbers worked out pretty close to perfectly. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude for that feeling, because I remember the days when there wasn't enough money to cover any of them. When, if I had even owed the IRS $100, I would have freaked out because there was no way we'd have come up with it without sacrificing groceries or gas or some other necessity. I think about how far we've come. And I want to remember. I want to remember so that if things continue to go well for us, I don't get puffed up about it and think we've arrived. Or think that it's our due. I want to feel blessed instead of entitled. I want to feel grateful instead of bitter that we don't have more.

I have no idea what your financial situation is. If you're in a good place, I hope you take the time to be thankful for where you're at. Appreciate the blessings you have. If you are able, pass that blessing on to someone else. And if you're in a bad spot, that's okay too. I remember those days. I'm still recovering from those days. Hang on. Do the best you can. It's okay. It will be okay.

 

L is for Lazy

As in, I was too lazy to think up a blog post for today. Someone mentioned in a comment in one of my previous blogs that it was a deep post. Maybe that depth sucked my remaining brain cells out and I no longer have the capacity to think. Who knows? I will admit that I vary from being deep to being completely shallow. Right now, I'm just tired.

So how about a cuteness overload of chicks?

 

 

K is for Kindness

What the world needs is a little more kindness.

I say this as a person who is not particularly kind. I admit that I have a temper, and I have a tendency to snap at people when I don't mean to, or sound overly harsh when I'm just trying to be firm. But I'm trying to be gentler, kinder, and form nicer responses before biting people's heads off.

When I look at so many of the world's problems, I wonder what having just a little more kindness would do. I'm not so naive as to think that kindness would cure all of the world's ills, but I do think it would make the world just a little bit better.

A while back, I did a random act of kindness experiment. My goal each day was to find one random person and do one secret random kind act for that person. I did a lot of fun, sometimes crazy things that really stretched me as a person. I found that being kind to strangers was addictive. Sometimes, I had an almost intoxicated feeling watching someone's day get just a little bit better. More importantly, I learned that when I was intentional about doing one kind thing, I ended up becoming kinder in general.  While it was a great experience, I learned something else valuable. Being kind to random strangers makes no difference when you aren't being kind to those closest to you.

I've been wanting to go back to my kindness experiment, only this time I'm doing it with a twist. I'm choosing to deliberately be kind to someone in my own life. Rather than putting pressure on myself to be kinder or be nicer or whatever, I'm giving myself a manageable goal. One deliberate act of kindness toward someone who needs it. My act of kindness may be as simple as not giving a mean retort when someone says something to hurt my feelings. It might be buying my friend a cup of coffee. It might be watching a princess movie for the 1,987,230th time with my Princess. It might be following through with a promise I didn't really mean to make. It could be any number of things, but it only has to be one thing.

I would also be remiss if I didn't say that the kindness challenge also included being kind to yourself. Because let's face it. We'll do everything we can to be nice to those around us, but what are we telling ourselves when we look in the mirror? We give someone else a break, but when do we give ourselves one? My post about indulgence is a good reminder that sometimes the person we need to be kinder to is ourselves.

When I originally came up with this challenge, I kept it a secret because I try to be mindful of the verses in Matthew about giving to the needy in secret. I didn't want my good deeds to be about puffing myself up in the eyes of anyone else. But as I think about kindness, and the need for us all to be just a little bit kinder, I realized that I can't ask others to be kinder if I don't tell my story. So now, as I move forward in my own personal kindness challenge, I'd like to have people join me.

Since April is blogging A to Z month, I'm going to make May my Kindness Challenge month. Are you willing to commit to performing one intentional act of kindness toward someone in your life during the month of May? It may not change the world, but I know it'll brighten someone else's day.

 

 

J is for Judgement

I've been thinking about this post for a while now. Mostly because the J-word is such a huge part of my faith journey. I did not grow up in a Christian home. I was always curious about Jesus, and I went to church with whoever I could, whenever I could, but my family always had the attitude of, "no thanks." Their biggest reason: Judgement.

I've experienced a lot of judgement in my life. More when I've lived my life as a Christian than when I strayed from my faith. It's as though the moment we accept Christ, a switch magically flips and we're suddenly supposed to become more perfect and more capable of overcoming the flaws of humanity that made us need Christ in the first place.  Except it's never worked that way for me. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but as much as I've prayed to become a better person because I'm a Christian, the more I find I fail. Worse, the more I work on being that person exhibiting the magical "Fruit of the Spirit," the more I seem to have a whole lot of rotting fruit falling off my tree. When I dig deeper into the question forever embroidered into friendship bracelets about What Would Jesus Do, I end up falling woefully short of anything that would make God proud.

The real Danica, the person I am when I am just being me, is not the person who exemplifies any of the Christian ideals we learn about in Bible studies. I cuss. A lot. Mostly in my head, but I do enjoy letting a good one rip once and a while. I can say, without any doubt, that my children learned every bad word they know from me. I have a pretty mean spirit. I was just talking on the phone today with one of my BFFs lamenting someone else's good fortune that we did not think was fair. I told her, "I know I'm supposed to be happy for her, and I know I'm not being Christlike, but man!!!" I yell at my kids. I plot people's murders in my head. I lust after things I know I shouldn't lust after. I don't read my Bible every day. To be honest, I don't understand most of what I do read in the Bible. I sometimes skip church because I'm too lazy to get out of bed. I do not love my neighbor. I really don't even love myself most of the time. I tell people I'll pray for them and then forget. I try to spend time with God, but spend most of that time sitting around, wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing and how you spend time with someone who's invisible. Mostly, I don't get what it means to be a Christian. Because while I think God is awesome, I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge. Sometimes, I even question God. I wish this was the complete list, but I could probably continue the list all night and still not be done writing it.

Great confession, huh? The reason I don't confess these things more often, is that I fear the judgement that comes with them. I've seen Christians who confess to their failings in attempt to be more transparent, but you know what? Those confessions almost always come with some deep Biblical lesson to show how much God is working in their lives. I don't really have those same answers. When I slip in front of some Christians and say that bad word or unkind thing or totally blow it on a Biblical interpretation, I'm immediately thrown into the pot of sinners who, despite our best intentions, are going to hell. If I have a glass of wine, some Christians don't care, and others are immediately calling the exorcist in hopes of saving my soul. Some days, I'm afraid to take a step or open my mouth, because I know that despite my good intentions, I'm going to alienate a group of people I deeply care about. So I clam up and go through the motions. I try to be the good, more evolved (or maybe I should find another word, since some people would have me burned at the stake for saying "evolve"), Jesus-loving Danica that's sure to go to heaven. But it makes me miserable.

I don't presume to be a theologian. But here's what I believe to the bottom of my soul. God knows the real me. He knows when I'm faking it. He knows every single bad thing about me, every single doubt, and He chooses me anyway. He knows I don't have it figured out. He knows I'm trying. And I'd like to think that even though I somehow missed the class on how to be magically transformed because of faith in Jesus, that God loves me anyway.

Because I am not a fully evolved Christian, I don't always remember these things when people judge me. I forget that it doesn't matter that others think I'm the biggest messed up sinner on the planet. I sometimes fail to cling to God's love and grace when I need it most. And yes, there are days when I, too, judge. I'm sorry for that. Like I said, I'm still figuring this out.

There are people in my life who don't judge me. I'm really grateful for them. Those are the people who are Jesus to me. They don't need me to be more or less of anything. They love me as I am. And when I someday become that highly evolved Christian I read so much about in all the self-help Christian books, they're going to love me still. Of course, I'll probably be dead at that point, but hey, we'll be in heaven, so it'll all be good.

I is for Indulgence

[caption id="attachment_4367" align="alignright" width="300"] Tea time with my girls. Notice I made some of my scones heart-shaped, just for the princess.[/caption]

One of the lessons I'm learning is the value of indulging oneself. Not to the point of being a silly, spoiled brat, but in saying, "I am worth it." Indulging yourself once and a while means slowing down and taking the time to care for yourself so that you are better equipped to do the things you need to do- including taking care of others. My friend Lucille Zimmerman wrote a great book on self-care, and I learned so much from her in the process of critiquing her book before it was published. I used to be the kind of person who took care of myself last, and found that I was always worn out, run down, and never seemed to have any time for myself.

Let's face it. I'm a busy mom. I have a busy life. I imagine that a lot of the people reading my blog can say the same about their lives. But you know what? Taking time for yourself, indulging yourself in a few things that fill you up make you a better person. Again, I'm not talking about always thinking of yourself or putting yourself first all the time. But every once and a while, give yourself permission to do something good for you because you want it.

Today was an indulgence day for me. The kids were off school for a snow day. But I had a massage appointment booked. Fortunately, the roads weren't bad, and you know what? I need my massages. For a long time, I waited until I was in a lot of pain to finally go in and get it taken care of. Not anymore. I have a standing appointment every other week. Yes, every other week. Is it expensive? I found a good deal that allows me to prepay for 12 sessions, and when I do that, it costs 50% less than if I bought them individually. So yes, it costs quite a bit of money, but I have less pain and am more relaxed because I make a point to do something good for my body.

After my massage, I worked for a little while, but then I remembered I had some yummy scone mix in the pantry I'd been wanting to use, so why not have a tea party with my girls? I made scones, used my good teapot, my good tea, my nice tea cups, and the girls and I had a lovely afternoon visit. It feels good to use my nice things, instead of saving them up for special occasions. I made a special occasion out of an ordinary day, indulging my love of scones, tea, and time with my girls.

This evening, after the girls went to bed, I took a bath with some lovely bubble bath my friend gave me for my birthday and read a book. Another indulgence.

I could have cleaned my house. To be honest, I should have cleaned my house. But the dirt will keep. Instead, I took some time to take care of myself and do something nice for me. I feel really good. I am relaxed and ready for a good night's sleep. And tomorrow, I will tackle everything else I needed to do with gusto- except maybe cleaning the house.

H is for Hard

I wrote 458 words tonight. That was really hard. Usually I can write a lot more in the time I took, but for some reason, the words weren't flowing. Plus, I've been thinking of what I'm supposed to write for "H" and that was hard too. I also had to get two excited little girls to bed. We're supposed to get a huge snowstorm tonight and tomorrow. We got the snow day phone call just before bedtime. Do you know how hard it is to get little girls excited about a snow day to GO TO BED!

I'm trying to eat healthier, and that's hard. Mostly because I crave bad foods, and though I try not to keep them in the house, a bad food always sneaks its way into my tummy.

In fact, I think about a lot of things in my life, and the reality is that a lot of my life is hard. And even as I try to list the things in my life that are hard, and barely scratch the surface, I know that my life isn't nearly as hard as others. Still, I always wish I had an easy button, like on the commercials, but the easy fairy hasn't made her presence known.

A friend of mine recommended The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck. I've read the first chapter several times, but  I never seem to get past it. He says, "Life is difficult." And he's right. He talks about how you have to accept this fact to get to the good stuff in life. I'm sure he says it more eloquently than I just did.

I'm not sure I've gotten to a place where I can accept that life is just hard, but I am learning to look at the hard stuff in life and do it anyway. I didn't want to write. I wanted to take a bath and read a book. But I would like to finish writing this book, and so, even though the words were hard, and I don't like what I wrote, I did it. Maybe I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm closer. I think if I waited for it to be easy, it would never get done.

I used to have a poster of the poem, The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost. It's my favorite poem. I wish I still had that poster, but I guess since I have the poem memorized, it doesn't matter. I like the reminder that the more difficult path is the one that ends up giving you a feeling of accomplishment.

So... life is hard. But I'm hoping, that if I push through the hard things, and do the hard stuff anyway, it will be worth it.

How do you handle the hard times?

G is for Good Grief!

[caption id="attachment_4360" align="alignleft" width="300"] My cuddly chick. She was cuddly even before she got sick.[/caption]

It's been a doozy of a few days. The MOPS sale was wonderful- this was a good year for the group financially, and they made a good profit. Not sure of the final numbers, but I know everyone was happy. My personal numbers- this was a record for me! I made more than I spent! I spent $140, and I made $160. Wahoo me!

Toward the end of the sale, I started feeling a little sick. Just tired and run down, but like I was coming down with something. So I went home and went to bed. I thought I was better today, but I'm still a little icky feeling, like my body wants to get sick, but hasn't yet.

On top of that, my chick, Gwendolyn, started acting sick on Friday. She was having issues with one eye being swollen shut, so we researched it, and are trying a few different remedies. The trouble with the Internet is that you get answers from "your chick will die," to "your chick will be fine- do this." Nyssa also ended up getting sick, but she's much better now. Gwendolyn is still not really better, but she isn't worse. And while she mostly sleeps, she's still eating and drinking fine. So... we'll see. I don't want her to die. I know that's part of life with animals, but I'm already attached. She's such a sweetheart. There is a vet who will see her, but I don't really have $80 to spend, especially if she's going to die anyway. From what I understand, she'll either make it or she won't, and not a lot you can do about it. Boo!

And then... we woke up this morning to find that we'd been robbed. For the past three years, at about this time of year, someone breaks into all of the cars in our neighborhood. Last year, my Kindle was stolen from my car. This year, a dolly (from the sale) was stolen from my car. AND, my daughter's bike was stolen from our yard. Several bikes went missing from our neighborhood. We don't even live in a bad neighborhood. It's very middle class, low crime, but for this stinky teens who keep doing this! They caught the kids the first year, which is how we know they're kids. They didn't get enough evidence in year two to prosecute. So here's hoping that year three, they can get them again. The bad news is that these kids are getting smarter, and the police think they used gloves. Or at least that's what their attempts to fingerprint our cars came up with. The good news is that one of them was dumb enough to drop a flashlight in our yard, so maybe it will have something they can use.

But as much as I am sad about the events of the weekend, I'm also feeling pretty blessed. Yes, they stole stuff from us, which makes me feel very vulnerable, it was just stuff and can be replaced. Yes, it sucks that my daughter's beloved bike is gone, but she's learned a valuable lesson about putting her bike away at night like we tell her to. And yes, I am really bummed about my chick. But she's not dead yet, and maybe she won't die from this. I've also had some really precious time with her, and I'm thankful for that.  As for being worn out, I realized that I haven't been sick since November, which is really good, considering I don't have a great track record in the winter. So if I am getting something, I'm still thankful it's been so long since I've been sick, and I'm really thankful for my body getting stronger and healthier.

And you know, as much as I am shaking my head and saying UGH to this weekend, I'm really grateful of the fact that this is the worst things have been in a long time. I'm really thankful for all the other wonderful things I have in my life. But good grief, I am ready for some plain old good stuff!

F is for Friends

[caption id="attachment_4350" align="alignleft" width="300"] Me and two of my dearest friends![/caption]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, how lucky and blessed I am to be able to meet such wonderful people. I have a deep mistrust of people and friendships. A lot of bad things have happened to me, and I've met a lot of bad people. But over the past few years, I've met a lot of wonderful people and I've begun to appreciate the friends in my life.

People often mistake me for either being more friendly than I am, or less friendly than I intend to be. When I am in "more friendly" mode, it's because I'm working hard to push outside of my comfort zone. A natural introvert, I find even smiling at a stranger to be absolutely exhausting. So, when I'm not pushing myself, people misinterpret my lack of smile (which I guess looks like a scowl) to me being unfriendly. The truth is, I'm neither. I'm just not very comfortable around people. It takes a lot of work to be friends with me, so I'm trying really hard to appreciate the wonderful people who've made the effort.

So for my friend post, I want to share a list of things that people have done for me that have made a huge difference in my life. I hope, when you read this list, you'll realize that when you do these things for others, even if you think they're small, they can mean the world to someone else.

• Notice Characteristics. This is actually a hard one for me. At first, when people would say things mentioning a specific thing about me (like, Danica is a writer), I was really uncomfortable. But I've begun to realize when people are doing this, it's a good thing, and they actually like that about me. I find it very affirming and healing, even though at first it bothered me.


• Acknowledge. This one might sound kind of weird. I started going to a new church about a year ago, and I am overwhelmed at how the new people I've met have gone out of their way to acknowledge me and say hi. I nearly wept the first time I took communion from our pastor, and he said, "Danica, this is the body of Christ broken for you." Use people's names and care about them personally.


• Hug. I admit, hugs are tricky for some people. I've spent the better part of my life being in the non-hug group. I'm always afraid of being the first hugger because I don't want to hug someone who doesn't like to be hugged. But now that I've got so many hugger friends, I have to admit that a lot of my hug barriers have gone down, and I feel really blessed by my friends who hug.


• Check in on a personal level. "How are you" is great, but what has meant the most to me are the people who ask about something specific they know is important in my life, like "How are those chickens?"


• Do stuff for no particular reason, without expecting anything in return. In the past, I've known a lot of people who had the attitude of "I did this for you, so now you have to..." And there's a part of me that does like to return favors. I hate to owe anyone anything. But there's also something really beautiful about someone doing something for you just because. "I care about you, so I want to do this..." is a really powerful message to give to a person. It doesn't have to be anything huge- it could be as small as helping with a project, or buying a cup of coffee.

Here's the cool thing about the above list. Not only did people doing those things in my life bring me a lot of healing on a personal level, but knowing how they've made a difference in my life have pushed me to reach out and do those things for others. And I hope, that one day, I can be the kind of friend to someone else that my friends have been to me.

What little things have people done for you that have made a huge difference in your life?

E is for Energy

At the point in which you're reading this post, I am beyond exhausted and in desperate need of energy. The MOPS sale is in full swing, and I've already spent the better part of twelve hours on my feet and am looking to do the same today. Before you cry me a river, I should add that some of the amazing women I work with have been on their feet even longer. Of course, I also will have to find time to sneak in a few minutes of my actual work at some point during the day, and maybe even get to see my family. Or at least kiss their sleeping little heads.

So why do it?

I always ask myself this question at some point during the sale, and some years I even think that it will be my last year. I have a supervisor position, which doesn't mean much of anything, so don't be too impressed. It just means I work long hours in exchange for the privilege of shopping early. And, I get some of the headache and responsibility of some of the buck stopping with me (but only in a small way- there are others with way more responsibility than me). It can be a lot.

But really, it goes back to the idea of energy.

There's no doubt that I spend three intense days working harder than I work all the other days of the year combined, plus all the time and hassle (remember puking dog?) getting my stuff ready to sell. But I'm with a group of women who are doing the exact same thing- some more, some less, but there's an energy of all being in it together, and at the end of the sale, realizing that you've had some fun, made some friends, made a little extra money (hopefully enough to cover what you spent at the sale), and supported an organization that uses the money to help other moms.

I like the energy of a group of people working together for a common goal. I like the energy of moments when you and another person are so exhausted that someone says something that makes no sense at all, and yet it makes perfect sense because you're so tired that your brain has found a way to make it work. I like the energy of friends you only see once a year who are still your friends. I like the energy of finding a good deal. I like the energy of clearing some of the junk out of my house that someone else is going to love. I like the energy of knowing that it's only temporary. I like the energy of connecting with people who share my faith but express it in different ways and go to different churches.

I wish I could find that same energy in all of the things I do that exhaust me. I hope, as I'm writing this post ahead of when I truly feel the exhaustion, that I will remember this energy and be able to finish well.

How do you handle challenges to your energy levels? How do you find energy when you're exhausted?

D is for Dog

If you ask my children, my favorite child is The Dog. This is true. It is also true that I often like The Dog better than my husband. Except, perhaps, for the other day when The Dog PUKED IN MY CAR!

Allow me to rewind. We began April Fool's Day at 5 a.m. I am not a morning person and I do not do mornings. The Man had to to be at work at 3 a.m. Sadly, it was not a joke. So, at 5 a.m., The Man's usual time to get up with The Dog, I was awakened by a horrifying sound. The Dog was puking. So, my no poop rule. That also applies to puke and any other bodily fluids. I do not do bodily fluids. If I did not have a husband who supported me in this endeavor, I'd have a nanny. However, this does not help me at 5 a.m. when The Dog is PUKING and The Man is not home. The worst part of The Horror was that The Dog sleeps in my bed.

I jumped out of bed, freaking out that The Dog, my beloved, soon-to-be-toast, is PUKING in my bed. I threw him off the bed. Then I turned on the light. And found my faith in The Dog was restored. You see, he was considerate enough to lean over the side of the bed and puke on the floor. Well, it would have been more considerate if he'd gone and done it in the toilet, but I suppose that's asking a bit much. So, I was quite pleased that The Dog did not actually puke in my bed. And then, he had the great thoughtfulness to clean it up himself. By eating it. Gross, but I was happy to not have to clean puke.

The next day, I was busy getting ready for the annual MOPS used toy and clothing sale. While I graduated out of MOPS, I still volunteer with the sale. It's fun, and I get great bargains on stuff. I also sell a lot of my kids' stuff. The day proved to be quite stressful. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. I had to run to my FIL's house to get more safety pins (one more thing that went wrong) and decided to be nice to The Dog. He is very jealous of my new Peeps. He thinks he is being replaced. He is correct.

The Dog loves to go on car rides with me, but I don't take him often because I'm usually in and out of the car and I don't want to leave my sweet little cherub alone. So, I took The Dog with me to my FIL's. All was beautiful. The Dog got to play with Grampa, sniff Grampa's yard, pee on Grampa's stuff, and then we headed for home. That is when The HORRIBLE Thing happened, and The Dog PUKED in my car.

I cannot express the absolute horror of the disgusting smell of dog puke in a car on a cold day when you have to have the heater on. Fortunately, The Dog also ate this pile of puke, again saving me from cleaning puke out of my car. However, my car still smelled, and despite using cleaners on the stain, I still have a dog puke stain in my carpet. I almost got out the carpet cleaner, except it was raining, and I have a morbid fear of being electrocuted, which I was sure, with the way my luck was going, would have happened. Mind you, all of this happened at a time when I needed to load my car with my stuff for the sale and get it there at a certain time. I almost cried. Except I kept telling myself how stupid it was to be crying over dog puke when I had so much stuff to do. So I saved it for when I had time to blog. Aren't you lucky, getting to hear about my near breakdown over dog puke.

Wait. My post was supposed to be about how much I love my dog. I love him. Really, I do. And I still like him better than my kids. They don't clean up their own puke. I think I like The Man better. He usually cleans up everyone's puke, so he's got The Dog beat. Anyway, I love my dog. He's awesome. Except when he pukes or does other gross stuff.

(P.S. If I'm not as up on comments or visiting folks as usual, I'll catch up in a couple days or so. I'm pre-posting a lot of stuff because I'll be working at the MOPS sale pretty much the entire time. So not being rude, just being crazy!)

 

C is for Cowgirl

[caption id="attachment_4335" align="alignleft" width="300"] Cowgirl[/caption]

 

When I talk about my little ones, I use their fun nicknames. This is my daughter, Cowgirl. I think it's obvious why we call her Cowgirl.

We spent the weekend doing typical Cowgirl things. She belongs to an organization called Westernaires, which is a mounted precision drill organization. She rides every weekend- rain, shine, even snow. Even holidays.

Saturday, we got our chickens, got them settled, and then I drove Cowgirl to her ride.

[caption id="attachment_4337" align="alignright" width="300"] Cowgirl's team doing a propeller![/caption]

We do not own horses. Westernaires lets you rent their horses for a pretty reasonable amount of money. Which is good, because Cowgirl loves horses. Actually, she loves all animals, but she especially loves horses.

This is sad, because I hate poop. Horses poop a lot. You have to walk in their poop when you go watch Cowgirl ride. I try to step around most of the poop. But I still go to watch her ride, because she really loves it. You've never seen a kid grin so big as my Cowgirl grins when she's around horses.

[caption id="attachment_4336" align="alignleft" width="300"] Go Cowgirl![/caption]

 

Sunday was a special day, since it was Easter. Westernaires celebrates Easter in its own special way. They have an Easter parade. Cowgirl was one of the kids on her team selected to ride in the parade. This means she had to be there at 6:30 a.m. to groom

and saddle. Then they rode the horses to the staging area, changed into costumes, and then the parade started at 10:00 a.m. After the parade, they had a church service in the arena. The kids stayed on their horses for the service, so this made Cowgirl happy. Then, they  changed out

[caption id="attachment_4334" align="alignright" width="300"] Church even a Cowgirl can love.[/caption]

of their costumes, unsaddled, and we went to a pancake breakfast sponsored by the Lions Club. I guess we should call it lunch, since

we didn't get there until 12:30.

So it was a long day. A long weekend, actually. Filled mostly with Cowgirl's activities, and the rest of us along for the ride. Well, she was the one doing the riding. We just watched.

But that's life with a Cowgirl.

B is for Brain dead

I'm on Day Two of the A-Z Blogging challenge and I'm already brain dead. I can't think of a single thing to write about. True, this is Sunday night and I'm cheating by trying to get all of my posts pre-written, but I'm afraid that if I don't, I'm going to forget and not have my posts.

So here's what I'm doing this fine Sunday night on Easter. Hubby is in bed. Cowgirl is in bed. Princess is sitting next to me doing her reading exercises. My Peeps are eating. The dog is upset because Princess is in his spot. With tomorrow being the first of the month, I have a lot of stuff for work that has to be ready for first thing in the morning. Since work is on Eastern time, and I'm on Mountain time, I'm never conscious before the work peeps demand that I have stuff done. My solution- have it all ready the night before. So that's what I just finished doing. Everything for work is set for tomorrow and looks good. So when I wake up in the morning, I won't have a million emails saying, "where's X?" Why? Because it's already done.

Wow. I really have no point to this blog post. I tried, I did. But I'm really tired. I really do look like the zombie me. Maybe I will come up with something more entertaining later.

In the meantime, tell me how you handle being braindead and unable to think of anything creative...

A is for ADVENTURE!

We got the good news on Wednesday. The Chicken Law passed!!! We've been working for almost a year now on getting chickens for our backyard, but until Wednesday, it wasn't legal.

So of course, we took the first available opportunity to get CHICKENS!!

I have to admit that I'm still mostly a city girl at heart, and I'm still squeamish about things, especially when it comes to cleaning their vents (in lay terms, this means unclogging their poop holes). I know, GROSS!

But the more I research the value of urban homesteading, keeping chickens, and all that stuff, the more I'm convinced it's an important activity for our family. We're going to have fresh eggs without all the yucky additives, and some really cute pets.

It's an adventure! Or at least that's how I'm going to choose to look at it, since this adventure involves an awful lot of poop.

(Have I mentioned how much I hate poop?)

But even this poop-hater has to admit that these little babies are awful cute. Our flock includes: Gwendolyn, a Salmon Faverolle; Lacy, a Gold Laced Wyandotte; Nyssa, a Black Australorp; and Matilda, a Speckled Sussex.

Hubby even installed a chicken cam in their pen so we can watch them and not disturb them. He calls it our Peep Show.  We are having a ridiculously fun time sitting around watching our little chicks. It's better than cable! Gwendolyn (my little cutie) is a real pistol and she's so fun to watch!

Do you have chickens? What's been the best part of raising chickens for you? Any advice for newbies like us just starting out?

 

Uni and Friendship

I've recently begun experimenting with trying things I'm afraid of. Not dumb stuff, like going a hundred miles an hour, but reasonable things a conservative person like myself might try in attempt to stretch my comfort zone. Sometimes it works out brilliantly. Other times, not so much.

I'm a squeamish person. I do not do blood or bodily fluids, which is my husband's parenting role in our marriage. Part of my squeamishness involves food. I do not like uncooked meat. I'm so terrified of food poisoning that I'll only eat my meat well-done. Medium well is what I consider a daring adventure. So sushi is really outside my realm of comfort.

However, a few years ago, I began experimenting with sushi. I started with California rolls, and then one day, I asked my friend Camy, who is a sushi expert, to introduce me to the good stuff. So she did. I became a huge fan of unagi. Since then, whenever I go for sushi, I make a point to try something new. Which is easy since I don't go for sushi very often.

The other night, I had a girls night with my BFF. She and I have sushi on occasion, and we take turns getting something new. I decided to try uni.

Here's what you need to know about uni. I learned this from Camy because she has a book called Only Uni. Uni is sea urchin gonads. Let that rattle around in your brain for a while, combined with my squeamishness, and understand why I would be hesitant to try uni.

So there I was, staring down the sushi menu, knowing that what I wanted was unagi, but feeling guilty that I really should try something new. I checked the uni box. My BFF said she'd never had it either. Yay! An adventure for the both of us.

My mistake was eating the unagi first. Because as I ate all my yummy favorites, the uni stared at me, taunting me in its orange glory. "Taste me," it said. But my BFF said, "wow, that looks kinda weird, doesn't it?" Boy, and how!

We were paying for those two pieces of uni, so by George, I was going to try it. No wimpy little tastes for me. I popped part of it in, and took a bite. Then I wanted to die. I gagged it down, then thought that maybe wasabi would make it taste better. For the record, wasabi only makes things that taste good taste better. It makes nasty stuff worse. My second, and last, bite fought me the entire way down. My body rebelled at the hideousness I was forcing it to consume. I grabbed my (thankfully cold) cup of tea and chugged. Those nasty sea urchin gonads fell like a weight to the bottom of my stomach. I wished I still had some unagi to get the nasty taste out of my mouth.

When I finally drank enough tea (half a pot or so) to be able to speak, I told my BFF that it was the worst food experience of my life. But maybe she should try it. She told me she believed me, since she'd never seen me drink so much tea so fast. Being the brave soul that she is, she took a tiny piece of the remaining uni and tried it. I think she might have wished that she hadn't. She also had to drink a lot of tea, and even when we were eating our dessert some time later, I think she could still feel pieces of sea urchin clawing at her stomach. I know I did.

The moral of the story, besides "uni is the nastiest thing I've ever eaten," is that I'm glad I tried it. There, I said it. Because every time I go out for sushi, I'm going to see uni on the menu and I'm going to have a good laugh. I'm always going to remember how my BFF bravely tried a piece too, because she wanted to make me feel better, and because she wanted to be brave, and maybe because she's just a little bit nuts. But that's why I love her. Uni will always remind me of her. And Camy Tang, who told me what it was to begin with. The adventure of friendship is being willing to do something a little outside your comfort zone, and if it works, you can celebrate it. If it fails, you have someone to laugh about it with when it's over.

So go out, grab a friend, and do something outside your comfort zone. You don't have to eat sea urchin gonads. In fact, I recommend you avoid it. But find something you've been curious about, or maybe are a bit afraid of, and try!

 

Using the blessing to take the sting out of the cost

At this moment, hubby and I are cringing at some of our bills. For the first time in twenty years, I owe taxes. Added to that, our dog needed some expensive care- routine, but because of his age, he needed some extra things that made it cost more money. On top of that, we had to have some work around our house done. We could have put off the dog and the house, but I was afraid that if we waited, there'd be more problems that would cost more.

All in all, we've had to tighten our belts significantly this month. I've cringed as I've had to write the checks, cringed even more when we had a few weird bills come up that we weren't expecting, and had a general bad attitude about money and spending it.

Then I had a reality check.

We owe the IRS because we made more money than we've ever made. In fact, we made more money than we'd ever thought we could. I planned for that, yet it wasn't enough. Because I had to know where we went wrong, I checked a few things. Not only did we make more money, I actually spent less money on my business, so we had fewer deductions. In addition, we refinanced our mortgage, so we lost deductions there. In essence, we owe money because I worked so hard to save money this year.

Thanks to Obamacare, we had more medical expenses than we've ever had, but because of our income, we couldn't deduct any of it. I knew we wouldn't be able to deduct our expenses this year, and while I am a little bitter at how much out of pocket we spent, I can't help but be grateful that we could pay for all of it. My daughter needed special therapy not covered by the insurance. I wasn't sure where the money would come from, but after refinancing our mortgage, we were able to easily pay for it.

Last year, we paid off our car, paid down a significant amount of debt, paid for our kids to be in all the activities they wanted, never went without a basic need or had to decide which need was really a want, and did a lot of fun things as a family.

We're planning on visiting our eldest daughter for her military graduation this summer. A family vacation. Hubby was upset at how much it is going to cost. But then I broke it down for him. We can afford to take a family vacation! It wasn't many years ago that we couldn't afford to go camping for a weekend, let along fly to Washington DC for a week as a family.

It stinks that we have to pay taxes, but as I look back on the year, and I look to the things we get to do, I find the blessings so overwhelming, that I'm feeling a little better about having to hold off on a purchase I really wanted so I can write a check to the IRS. The fact of the matter is, if I had to write the check right now, despite the mortgage payment I have to make in a week, I could do it and not have to do without.

We've been really blessed this year. And I'm trying to keep that in mind and not be focused on the bitterness of the unfairness of having an avalanche of expenses coming at us all at once. With every bill that comes because insurance covers less and less, I am thankful that we have insurance, and that our family is healthy. I'm paying my taxes and am grateful that I can. Just a few years ago, this tax bill would have crippled us financially.  I look at my home, and I am grateful that I have a home. I'm especially grateful that our house payment is quite a bit less than it was, even though our new mortgage holder has been horrible to work with. I'm grateful we have good-paying jobs.

Where it all leaves me is here- the more I count the blessings, the less I am bothered by the cost. When I look at the seeming dark moments of today, I remember the darker moments of the past, and I am so grateful for where we are now. I can't begin to express how overwhelmingly grateful I feel for the wonderful things in my life. I sit here and say over and over, "thank you God," knowing it is not enough to express this overflowing gratitude in my life, yet I can't find any other words. I pray that if things in my life become dark again, I will remember the power of gratitude.

In the midst of your trials, what have you found to be grateful for?

Is Rob Bell really my enemy?

Some of my friends may be convinced I'm going to hell for saying this. But as I see the new flurry over Rob Bell, a controversial pastor who has now endorsed gay marriage, I find myself in a weird place. It bothers me less that Rob Bell has come out in favor of gay marriage than do people's responses to it. I am appalled at the mean, hateful posts people are putting out there because of his opinion. Okay, I get it. He's a popular teacher who's written a lot of books. Our church used to watch a lot of his videos. Then he started saying things people thought were controversial, and now people treat him like he's a tool of the devil.

I should confess that I haven't read his books. I have a couple I've been meaning to read, but that's the story of half the books I own. I've watched some of his Nooma videos. I've read articles about him and I've heard people ripping him to shreds over his opinions. Many of those people haven't read his books either.

Why do we feel like we're experts on the spirituality of a man we don't know?

More importantly, why do we feel it's our right to lash out in angry judgment because we don't agree with what he's said? Why are our responses full of hate?

I think I would respect the people who disagree with Rob Bell more if they said, "Whoa. Rob, I love you man, but I think you're wrong on this one, and here's why." Why don't we do that- to Rob- and to anyone else who challenges our tightly held theological beliefs?

Regardless of whether or not his position is right, Rob is a child of God whose sins Jesus died for just as much as anyone else's. Some people may be in shock over this, but Jesus died for Republicans and Democrats alike. He even died for those who don't affiliate themselves with a political party. He died for people we don't agree with. He died for people we don't like. He died for the people who are mean to us.

I even believe that Jesus had the audacity to die for Rob Bell. He loves Rob. He loves Rob when he's wrong. He loves Rob when he's right. Someday, when Jesus and Rob sit face to face, they're probably going to talk about those things. As much as I want to say I know how that conversation will go, I don't. None of us do.

But here's the conversation I will be a part of, and how I imagine it going:

Him: "Danica, you messed up on a lot of things."
Me: "Yes, Lord, I know."
Him: "When I said X, did you really think I meant Y?"
Me: "Uh... sorry?"
Him: "I forgive you."
Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Now let's talk about what you did right."
Me: "Sweet."
Him: "Thanks for loving the least of my children."
Me: "Uh... you're welcome? Who were they?"

The trouble is, I don't know who "they" are. I have a really hard time loving my enemies. I have a hard time thinking charitably toward people I consider crackheads (the bad kind, of course). I am not always nice to people I should be nice to. I call people bad names in traffic. I yell at my kids. I snap at people when I'm tired or stressed or irritated. I say mean things mostly without intending to, but sometimes I'm just being mean. So I know I don't always do it right. I probably mess up more than I succeed.

That said, I try really hard not to publicly tear someone down. As a Christian, it's not my job to post a million blogs about the people I think are going to hell. Nor is it my job to let the world know who I think is sinning. There's enough sin in my own life, thanks. If you love the sinner but hate the sin, I don't think it means attacking that person- verbally, Tweetally, or otherwise.

If you posted something bad about Rob Bell, please know this isn't personally directed at you. I saw at least 50+ posts that made my heart hurt. I know you're trying to spread the truth the best you can. But I implore you, please take a moment to ask God to share his love for Rob with you. Maybe you aren't posting mean things about Rob. Maybe your hot button is one of the other many controversial issues floating out there. Will you think about how your words can reflect love instead of hate?

Rob Bell is not my enemy. People who attack Rob Bell are not my enemy. My enemy is hate. And as much as it makes my heart hurt to see the hate floating around cyberspace, I'm trying to do my very best to respond in love.

Will you join me?

 

Confessions of a codependent doggie mama

[caption id="attachment_4222" align="alignleft" width="300"] How can I work without my dog?[/caption]

There I said it. I am a codependent doggie mama. I love my doggie, probably more than I should, and it probably meets conditions of more psychological dysfunction than mere codependency. But we won't discuss that. After all, that's why I pay a therapist. ;)

My dog is having his teeth cleaned today. But since going to the vet, groomer, or anything else that involves me dropping him off and leaving him is SO traumatic, I scheduled it all into one big fun spa day. Well, if spa days involve going under anesthesia and getting an IV. Anyway, he's getting the works- teeth cleaning, immunizations, exam, bloodwork, grooming... pretty much anything a healthy 13 year old dog needs to have done. I should be getting back a new dog.

But while he's gone, I miss him. The space next to me is empty, and it makes me sad. Every once and a while, I forget where he is, so I get up and go looking for him. After searching my house, my yard, and an instant of panic, I remembered. I seriously do not know how I will survive when he dies. But he's healthy, so even though he's 13, I have lots of time, right?!

I decided to look up codependency, since I can't focus on anything but my missing dog. I didn't like those quizzes, because talk more about HUMAN relationships, and mine is all about my dog. So here's my own quiz. Take it and see if you have a codependent relationship with your pet.

1. You're eating dinner and your pet wants your attention. Do you:
a.) Feed it some of your dinner.
b.) Ignore it.
c.) Try really hard to ignore it since that's what Cesar says to do, but explain to your pet that it's for his own good, and you'll feed him just as soon as you're done. Then rush through dinner so you can feed your pet.

2. You buy your pet's treats at:
a.) A specialty pet store that allows my pet to come in and pick his own treats. Nothing but the best for my pet.
b.) What treats? Pets don't need treats
c.) Wherever I happen to be that has something I think my pet might like

3. When you die, you've made provisions for your pet. They are:

a.) I'm leaving everything to my pet, of course. My trustee will take good care of my pet when I die.
b.) Are you freaking kidding me?
c.) I'm not sure my pet can live without me. My pet will be euthanized and buried with me.

4. When you are not with your pet, you feel:

a.) What kind of crazy person isn't with their pet 24/7?
b.) I'm sure my pet is fine. I'm fine.
c.) Alone and depressed, longing for our reunion.

5. If your pet predeceases you, you will:

a.) Have it cryogenically frozen to bring back when technology allows.b.) Where's the shovel?
c.) Have its ashes turned into a diamond that I will make into a ring so beloved is always with me.

6. You consult your pet on decisions:

a.) I have no opinion that my pet did not give me.
b.) Pets can't make decisions.
c.) When I need the vote to swing my way. My pet shares all of my opinions.

7. How much money do you spend on your pet?

a.) Everything I own belongs to my pet.
b.) Only what I have to.
c.) I make sure my pet gets the best without going overboard.

8. What do you feed your pet?

a.) Homemade food.
b.) Whatever's on sale.
c.) What my vet recommends.

9. Where does your pet sleep?

a.) In a specially designed pet co-sleeper.
b.) Its kennel.
c.) With me.

10. My pet is...

a.) My entire universe.b.) a pet.
c.) A good portion of my universe, but sometimes I let other things slip in, like my family.

Scoring the test:

If you scored mostly A, then you're crazier than me. Get help right away! If you scored mostly B, you don't deserve to own a pet. Take it back, and get something easier on your emotions, like a rock. Unless your pet is a rock. Then, good for you! If you scored mostly C, well, all C's, then hey, we got the same score! I see no real problem here.

(Please note, this test is for fun. If you suspect that you or a loved one may have a problem with your relationship with your pet, you should seek professional help, not the blog of a lady missing her dog.)

Being a Grumplestiltskin

When my kids are cranky, I often refer to them as "Grumplestiltskin." Well, today it's my turn. Actually, it's been my turn for a while now. I've been quiet about my grumpies because I've felt like I've been unusually grumpier than usual. And as I tell my kids, "who wants to hear from a Grumplestiltskin?"

Grumpy number one: People who ask questions prefaced by, "I didn't read the directions, but here's my question."

I'm seriously ready to go postal on this one. I don't understand why people would ask a question before reading the directions. So far, in all but one case, the answer is specifically found in the directions. That's why we have directions!

Grumpy number two: The media in general

I'll be honest, if I didn't have to be online for  my job, I think I'd stay off the Internet for um, forever. Well, maybe not forever, since I pay a lot of my bills online. And I would miss seeing what's up with my friends on Facebook and Twitter. I wish I could become a computer genius so I could invent an algorithm that would keep all political and bad news stories off my feeds, even if they come from friends. I don't want to hear about it.

Grumpy number three: My house

Okay, I love my house, and I learn to love it more every day. But right now, it's really dirty and messy, and my family does not care. So if I want it clean I have to do it all myself or I have to get mean. I'm tired of doing it all and I'm tired of being mean. So I guess that's really what I'm grumpy about.

Grumpy number four: Exercise

I've been working really hard to get in shape. I'm doing my workouts, eating (mostly) right, and I am still not losing weight. I also feel worse, not better. Since I started working out more, I'm constantly exhausted. And I'm really discouraged about that. The upside is that I talked to my nutritionist, and we think I've got an undiagnosed low thyroid. The doc says mine is normal, but I have every other symptom of low thyroid, so I'm going to start some supplements and see how that does.

Grumpy number five: Not really having a reason to be grumpy

Here's the thing I am most fully aware of. I have a pretty good life, and a million things to be happy about. I am seriously blessed, and for the most part, I am very blessed. So why am I still grumpy? That's the million dollar question, and the more I think about it, the grumpier I get.

Am I just a Grumplestiltskin? Or is there hope that I can be transformed back into my true princess self?

What do you do when you're feeling unreasonably grumpy?

The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life by Geri Scazzero

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

 

Geri Scazzero

 

and the book:

 

The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life

Zondervan (January 2, 2013)

***Special thanks to Rick Roberson for sending me a review copy.***

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Geri Scazzero is a teaching pastor and director of Marriage Ministry at New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, New York City, a multiracial, international church with over sixty-five countries represented. She is coauthor of The Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook for small groups and also speaks regularly to pastors, leaders, and their spouses.
Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Geri Scazzero knew something was wrong with her life and her ministry. After having spent 17 years trying unsuccessfully to fit into the traditional mold of "perfect pastor's wife," she finally threw in the proverbial towel. Making the painful decision to leave her husband's thriving church, she stopped pretending everything was "fine" and embarked upon a solitary journey of faith. Her emotional and spiritual trek not only established a revolutionary new paradigm in her life, but it also led her to a beautifully transformed life, marriage and ministry.

Within the pages of her latest book, author and popular conference speaker Scazzero shares deeply out of her own life, offering a seasoned and radical message for Christian women today. According to author Geri Scazzero, becoming an emotionally healthy woman begins by quitting eight unhealthy ways of relating. When you stop pretending everything is fine and summon the courage to quit that which does not belong to Jesus' kingdom, you will be launched on a powerful journey---one that will bring you true peace and freedom.

.Genre: RELIGION/Christian Living

Product Details:

List Price: $14.99

Reading level: Ages 18 and up

Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Zondervan (January 2, 2013)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0310320011

ISBN-13: 978-0310320012

My Review:

I really enjoyed this book. I thought it had a lot of great points and see a lot of areas where I need to quit!! I think I've always had such a negative view of quitting, so this book was a great new way to look at things.

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

When You Can’t Take It AnymoreThis is a book about following Jesus and summoning the courage to quit anything that does not belong to his kingdom or fall under his rule.

Traditionally, the Christian community hasn’t placed much value on quitting. In fact, just the opposite is true; it is endurance and perseverance we most esteem .For many of us, the notion of quitting is completely foreign. When I was growing up, quitters were considered weak, bad sports, and babies. I never quit any of the groups or teams I was part of. I do remember briefly quitting the Girl Scouts, but I soon rejoined. Quitting is not a quality we admire— in ourselves or in others.

The kind of quitting I’m talking about isn’t about weakness or giving up in despair . It is about strength and choosing to live in the truth. This requires the death of illusions. It means ceasing to pretend that everything is fine when it is not. Perpetuating illusions is a universal problem in marriages, families, friendships, and work places. Tragically, pretending everything is fine when it’s not also happens at church, the very place where truth and love are meant to shine most brightly.

Biblical quitting goes hand in hand with choosing. When we quit those things that are damaging to our souls or the souls of others, we are freed up to choose other ways of being and relating that are rooted in love and lead to life.

For example . . .

When we quit fear of what others think, we choose freedom .

When we quit lies, we choose truth.

When we quit blaming, we choose to take responsibility.

When we quit faulty thinking, we choose to live in reality.

Quitting is a way of putting off what Scripture calls falsehood and the old self . As the apostle Paul writes, “Put off your old self . . . and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood” (Ephesians 4:22 – 25). When we quit for the right reasons, we are changed. Something breaks inside of us when we finally say, “No more.” The Holy Spirit births a new resolve within us. We rise above our fears and defensiveness. The hard soil of our heart becomes soft and ready to receive new growth and possibilities .

The Bible teaches that there is a time and season for everything under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). That includes quitting. But it must be done for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way. That’s what this book is about.

Cutting the Rope

In 1985, Simon Yates and his climbing partner, Joe Simpson, had just reached the top of a 21,000-foot peak in Peru when disaster struck. Simpson fell and shattered his leg. As the sky grew dark and a blizzard raged, Yates tried to lower his injured friend to safety. At a certain point, however, he accidently lowered Simpson over an ice cliff, where he hung helplessly. Straining to hold his partner’s body in midair, Yates was faced with choosing life or death for his friend.

When he could hang on no longer, Yates had to make a hellish decision: cut the rope and save his own life, sending his partner plummeting down to certain death, or face certain death trying to save him.

Yates later related those painful moments, “There was nothing I could do. I was just there. This went on for an hour and a half. My position was getting desperate . . . I was literally going down the mountain in little jerky stages on this soft sugary snow that collapsed beneath me. Then I remembered I had a penknife. I made the decision pretty quickly really. To me it just seemed like the right thing to do under the circumstances. There was no way I could maintain where I was. Sooner or later I was going to be pulled off the mountain. I pulled the penknife out.”

Yates cut the rope moments before he would have been pulled to his own death.

Certain that his partner was dead, Yates returned to base camp, consumed with grief and guilt over cutting the rope. Miraculously, however, Simpson survived the fall, crawled over the cliffs and canyons, and reached base camp only hours before Yates had planned to leave. In describing his decision to cut the rope, Yates articulates the core inner struggle for each of us in doing I Quit!

I had never felt so wretchedly alone . . . If I hadn’t cut the rope, I would certainly have died. No one cuts the rope! It could never have been that bad! Why didn’t you do this or try that? I could hear the questions, and see the doubts in the eyes of those who accepted my story. It was bizarre and it was cruel . . . However many times I persuaded myself that I had no choice but to cut the rope, a nagging thought said otherwise . It seemed like a blasphemy to have done such a thing. It went against every instinct: even against self-preservation. I could listen to no rational arguments against the feelings of guilt and cowardice . . . I resigned myself to punishment. It seemed right to be punished; to atone for leaving him dead as if simply surviving had been a crime in itself.

Quitting can feel like we are severing a lifeline, that someone, possibly even ourselves, is going to die. For this reason quitting is unthinkable to many, especially in the church. It appears “bizarre” and “cruel.” Who wants to be unpopular and rock the boat or disrupt things? I sure didn’t.

But there comes a point when we cross a threshold and we can’t take it anymore. Like Yates, we know we will die spiritually, emotionally, or otherwise unless we quit and choose to do something differently. We finally step over our fears into the great unknown territory that lies before us.

Yates was criticized by some in the mountain-climbing community for violating a sacred rule of never abandoning one’s partner — even if both died in the process. Joe Simpson himself passionately defended Yates’ choice. Ultimately, Yates’s decision to cut the rope saved both their lives.

The “Unfree” Christian

When I fell in love with Christ, I fell hard. As a nineteen- year-old college student, the enormity of God’s love over- whelmed me. I immediately began a passionate quest to know this living Jesus, and I was willing to do whatever it took to please him.

I eagerly structured my life around key spiritual disciplines such as reading and memorizing Scripture, prayer, fellowship, worship, fasting, giving financially, serving, silence and solitude, and sharing my faith with others. In my pursuit of Christlikeness, I absorbed books about the importance of spiritual disciplines by such authors as Richard Foster, J . I . Packer, and John Stott. They were helpful in broadening my understanding of Christianity and inspiring me to keep Christ at the center of my life. However, I failed to grasp the truth that a healthy spiritual life includes a careful balance between serving other people’s needs and desires and valuing my own needs and desires. Instead, I put most of my efforts into caring for others at the expense of my own soul.

The accumulated pain and resentment of this imbalance led to my first big “quit” at age thirty-seven. After seventeen years of being a committed Christian, I came to realize that excessive self-denial had led me to a joyless, guilt-ridden existence. Jesus invited me into the Christian life to enjoy a rich banquet at his table. Instead, it often felt like I was a galley slave, laboring to serve everyone else at the feast rather than enjoying it myself. In my relation- ship with Jesus, I’d gone from the great joy of feeling over- whelmed by his love to bitter resentment at feeling overwhelmed by his demands.

My identity had been swallowed up in putting others before myself. I constantly thought of the needs of our four small daughters. I worried about Pete’s responsibilities. I filled in wherever needed to help our growing church. These are all potentially good things, but my love had become a “have to,” a “should” rather than a gift freely given. I mistakenly believed I didn’t have a choice.

A renewed understanding of my own dignity and human limits enabled me to place loving boundaries around myself. I soon realized this was central to offering a sincere and genuine gift of love to others. Like God’s love to us, it must be free. And the extent to which I valued and loved myself was the extent to which I was capable of loving others well.

Dying to Live

Quitting is about dying to the things that are not of God. Make no mistake, it is one of the hardest things we do for Christ. But the good news is that quitting itself isn’t just an end; it is also a beginning. Biblical quitting is God’s path for new things to come forth in our lives, for resurrection. And yet, the path that leads to resurrection is never easy.

Internal voices alarm us with fears of quitting.

“What will people think?”

“I’m being selfish and not Christlike.”

“I will mess everything up.”

“People will get hurt.”

“Everything will fall apart around me.”

“I will jeopardize my marriage.”

Everything inside us resists the pain associated with dying — the nonnegotiable prerequisite for resurrection. As a result, we often cave in to our fears as a short-term anxiety-relief strategy. Sadly, this usually leads to painful long-term consequences — ongoing inner turmoil, joyless- ness, and festering resentments. As a result, we become stuck and ineffective in bearing genuine fruit for Christ. In my case, it resulted in a shrinking heart that sought to avoid people rather than love them.

Yet, it is only through dying that we can truly live. In the words of Jesus, “who- ever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it” (Mark 8:35). And that was what happened when I quit — I got my life back. And what followed were even more transformations that not only changed me but also brought new life to Pete, our marriage, our children, our church, and to countless others .

Quitting has purified my heart. It has demanded I admit truths about myself that I preferred to bury and avoid. Facing flaws and shortcomings in my character, my marriage, my parenting, and my relationships has been scary. At times, I felt like I was cutting the rope that kept me safely tethered to the side of a mountain. But God has used each free fall to purge my heart and to give me a more intimate experience of his mercy and grace. Thus, along with a deeper awareness of my sinfulness, I have become increasingly captured by God’s passionate and undeterred love for me.

Quitting has led me to a dream-come-true marriage with Pete. Over time, as we began to eliminate unhealthy ways of relating and practice new emotionally healthy skills, our marriage has become a sign and experience of Christ’s love for his bride, the church. And quitting impacted the rest of our relationships as well, including our relationship with our children, our extended families, and the larger community of New Life Fellowship Church.

Quitting has taught me to be loyal to the right things. Although “I quit” might sound like it’s only about leaving something, I actually gained a renewed commitment to persevere for the right things. I learned how to serve others sincerely rather than begrudgingly. The apostle Paul offers this vivid description of the paradox of quitting:

What happens when we live God’s way [when we quit]? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard — things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. (Galatians 5:22 – 23 MSG, emphasis added)

I never dreamed quitting would lead to this kind of freedom and fruit. I used to try to produce, through my own efforts, the fruit of the Holy Spirit. But I found out that when we do life God’s way, fruit simply appears in the orchard. It is a marvel to behold. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. What I ultimately discovered when I quit was a path into the true purpose of my life — to be transformed by the love of God and, by the Holy Spirit, to slowly become that love for others .

The pages that follow explore eight specific “I Quits.” While they do build on one another and are meant to be read in order, each chapter also stands alone. You may wish to begin with a chapter that speaks most urgently to your present circumstance. Once you’ve read that chapter, I encourage you to return to the beginning and read how that content fits into the larger whole .

We don’t make the decision to quit just once; each “I Quit” is a lifelong journey. One never really finishes with any of them. I wrote I Quit! to prepare you to walk through this new journey for the rest of your life. As you continue your journey of quitting, know that you don’t have to figure out everything by yourself. I encourage you to find and rely on wise, experienced mentors to guide you through the complexities of quitting well. Knowing when and when not to quit are equally important!

Let us now begin to explore the first “I Quit” — quit being afraid of what others think.

Chicken Dreams... Coming True?

[caption id="attachment_4300" align="alignleft" width="225"] These are old pics, but can't you see how much my girls love chickens?[/caption]

Many of you know my desire to have chickens. And if you don't, well, I want chickens. And bees. In my backyard. I've become more and more interested in Urban Homesteading- partially for environmental reasons, partially for nutrition reasons, and partially for faith reasons. However, in our area, we're not allowed to have chickens in our backyard. Many of my friends do it anyway, but I'm not okay with setting that example for our kids. So I've been pounding on doors (and mostly being ignored) trying to find out how to change the law.

Fortunately, other people must have been doing the same thing, because the county is FINALLY considering measures to allow backyard chickens. I received an email from one of the county planners with information on the proposed regulations.

For those of you who live in my area, would you consider sending a letter of support to the county, letting them know that it's about time we got to have chickens!!

Here is the text of the email I received:

[caption id="attachment_4301" align="alignright" width="225"] She wants a chicken![/caption]

Hello! Jefferson County Planning & Zoning is processing several revisions to the Zoning Resolution. In general, the revisions allow backyard chickens and bees and consolidate the agricultural, commercial, corridor, industrial, mobile home, mountain residential, residential, and suburban residential districts. A draft of these changes is available for public review on our website. The direct link to the changes is http://jeffco.us/planning/planning_T59_R65.htm, it can also be navigated to by going to the main Planning & Zoning page (http://planning.jeffco.us) and then following the link under the “Zoning Resolution Revisions” announcement.  Please email comments to Heather Gutherless or Nina Ruiz by February 20, 2013. More information regarding these changes is outlined after the Hearing Dates.

 

Hearing Dates:   

Planning Commission: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 at 6:15pm

Board of County Commissioners: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 at 8:00 am.

Both hearings are held in Hearing Room 1 of the Jefferson County Administration and Courts Building, 100 Jefferson County Parkway, Golden. Public testimony is welcomed.

 

Bees and Chickens:

The proposed regulations regarding keeping chickens and bees on residential properties are located in Section 5 – Accessory Uses. These revisions are a result of many inquiries and requests to keep chickens and/or bees on residentially zone properties.  Currently, chickens and bees are allowed in the County’s Agricultural Districts and chickens are allowed in the Suburban Residential Districts, Mountain Residential Districts and the Residential-One District.

 

The main changes to this section include:

• Ø Allows for the keeping of bees and chickens on single family detached, two-family dwelling or duplex residential lots through a miscellaneous permit.


• Ø Maximum number of chickens allowed is 6. No roosters allowed.


• Ø Allows one bee hive for each 4,000 square feet of lot area.


• Ø Permits for either bees or chickens may be revoked at any time for failure to comply with the provisions of the Zoning Resolution or any other local, state or federal laws.

 

The Planning Director discussed the benefits of keeping backyard chickens in a blog post on November 20, 2012. You can view that post by going to: http://jeffco.us/roller/jeffcoblog/date/20121120

 

District Consolidation

The Zone Districts are currently broken into one section for each specific zone district. For example, the Agricultural-One District is its’ own section, Agricultural-Two District is its’ own section, and Agricultural-Thirty-five District is its’ own section. Planning Staff has consolidated all related zone districts into one section and has reformatted the information on uses, setbacks, heights and lot sizes into chart format, rather than in paragraph format. So in the consolidation, all Agricultural Zone Districts are shown in the Agricultural District section, rather than being split into 3 different sections. This consolidation was completed for the agricultural, commercial, corridor, industrial, mobile home, mountain residential, residential, and suburban residential districts. For the most part, the consolidation did not change the uses and standards in the districts, however, there were some instances where language needed to be changed.  Additionally, other changes that staff felt were minor, housekeeping-type changes are also included in these revisions.

 

All changes are outlined in the “Summary of Proposed Changes” sheet that is on the same website as the draft text.

 

Please contact us if you have any questions.

 

Heather Gutherless and Nina Ruiz

 

Heather Gutherless

hgutherl@jeffco.us

303-271-8716

 

Nina Ruiz

nruiz@jeffco.us

303-271-8732