Kindness doesn't cost anything

I've been thinking about kindness lately, and last night, as I was editing my latest book proposal, I realized that kindness is one of the themes I've been exploring a lot lately.

A while back, I talked about my own personal kindness challenge, and how I was being more intentional about being kind. I'd hoped to spend the month talking about kindness, but then, I got zinged by someone I once thought of as a friend, and wondered if I really had any place to speak with authority on the subject. In one of my "I totally did not mean to be hurtful" moments, I said something that she interpreted as being unkind. The sad thing was, her response to me was very unkind, and while my lack of kindness was completely unintentional, her intent was to make sure I understood just how "bad" I was. Which, to me, is even more unkind. I'm not telling this story to call this person out. While she severed our friendship completely, I bear no ill will towards her. Actually, I kind of feel sorry for her, and hope that whatever that need in her to demand treatment from others that she does not reciprocate, that need is somehow filled. Somewhere inside her is a wounded person who needs healing, love, and yes, kindness.

Which is where, as I was writing last night, I started to think about how so many times, we ask for kindness, and in some ways, expect others to be kind toward us. Yet we often are not the ones freely sharing kindness. My daughter, Princess, often justifies her unkind behavior by saying, "well, the rule is do unto others as you would have them do to you. They're being mean to me, so I guess that means they want me to be mean to them!" As hard as I work to correct this view, I look around and realize that we all have that problem. Our first response when someone is unkind is to lash out, to criticize, to condemn.

Last night, I was in the store, and this guy was being, well, to put it nicely, a jerk. At first, I was like, huh, what a jerk. But then I noticed all the things he had in his basket. Medical supplies. Like the heavy duty kind you have to get when someone at your house is really sick. I wondered who he loved was sick, and what was wrong. I silently prayed for him, and when we both started for checkout at the same time, I intentionally slowed down, even though I was just as eager to beat the coming hail storm. What did it cost me to let this worried guy go ahead? Okay, I might spend a little more time in the store than I'd wanted to. But maybe those extra couple minutes of getting to whoever had him so worried would make a difference.

Notice my first reaction was not, "I wonder why he's got all those medical supplies," but, "what a jerk." My former friend's reaction was not, "huh, I wonder what's going on in her life that she was so short with me?" Sometimes being kind means taking an extra step back and not reacting. Not calling the person a jerk, or making the person pay for what seemed like a slight. Sometimes being kind is just a friendly smile or waiting patiently when you're in just as much of a hurry. Mostly, kindness is treating others the way you want to be treated, even when they don't follow that rule.

The best part about kindness, is that while it requires a little more self-control, is that it doesn't cost anything. Sometimes we think that we need to go out and buy people a cup of coffee or take them dinner, or do something really grand. But the truth is, the most meaningful part of kindness is simply how we treat each other. For me personally, the kindness of others in my life has been life-changing. And truthfully, as much as I've had to deal with unkindness, it is the kindness of loving friends that have made me want to be a kinder person. Maybe I'm living a little too much in my books, but ultimately, kindness is what changes the hearts of my characters.

Where has kindness made a difference in your life? What can you do to share kindness with others?

Everything you need to achieve your dreams

When I entered 2014, it was with the intention of focusing on taking the steps I need to achieve my dreams. I have a lot of "someday I'd like to" in my life, and I decided that "someday" was no longer good enough. I've been studying a lot of different ideas and methods for achieving your dreams and goal setting, and combining that with my art journaling.

One of the exercises I did talked about the qualities you want to have when you reach your dreams. Unless you develop those qualities on the way to your dream, you aren't going to be happy once you get there. That's why, when a lot of people reach certain goals, they're still unhappy. I can attest to that feeling of unhappiness with reaching goals. I stopped setting goals at one point because I was tired of getting what I wanted, but not being any happier. So this exercise asks you to focus your attention on what qualities and feelings you want to have when you reach your goals and fulfill your dreams.

I started thinking about what I wanted to feel, what qualities I wanted in my life, and, going back to those things that didn't make me happy, I thought about what I thought getting those things would make me feel, and I put those down as well. As I looked at the things I put on paper, I realized something very powerful. Getting my dreams was less about having certain things as it was about the kind of person I wanted to be. More importantly, I realized that I could be that person and have those things without ever accomplishing any of my actual life goals. Even if none of my dreams every came true, I could still be content with my life. That's not to say I don't have dreams. But I realized that my worth is not dependent on the outcome of my dreams.

Many times, when we set goals, we think that by achieving that thing, we're going to get something else. Maybe it's love, acceptance, confidence, happiness, success, peace, or some other amorphous thing we can't really define. A lot of times, it really isn't about the goal, but about that underlying quality we want to get. As I thought about my goals and the underlying emotions and qualities, I realized that I would probably reach my goals faster if I actually worked on the qualities I want in my life first. Even better, though, was the realization that this journey is a lot like the Wizard of Oz. Whether it's the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, or the Scarecrow, the very thing we seek already resides within us. We just need to dig in and make use of it.

What are your dreams?

What qualities do you hope to gain when you finally reach your dreams?

Is there something you could be doing now to bring about those qualities? What's inside of you that you need to bring out?

Sharing a few happy thoughts...

[caption id="attachment_4568" align="alignleft" width="300"] Watching this mama swan and her babies in Kensington Gardens was so joyful! How could anyone have thought those precious little babies were ugly?[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4569" align="alignleft" width="300"] Beautiful duck watching over the babies beside The Serpentine.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4570" align="alignleft" width="300"] Clearly my time in Kensington Gardens and Hyde park was all about the birds. Isn't this a handsome fellow?[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4571" align="alignleft" width="300"] Beautiful rose in Hyde Park[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4572" align="alignleft" width="300"] More beautiful gardens in Hyde Park. Imagine sitting in here and inhaling all the fragrant flowers. Bliss![/caption]

It's been a weird few days. I had family visiting (LOVED it) and yet, every interaction with someone in the outside world ended up with me scratching my head wondering how so many narcissists can exist in this world without the universe imploding.

Last week, I created a really cool calendar of things to blog about and when, and somehow I lost it. Then, today, I got an email saying that my blog server had been updated, so I logged on and realized that I lost a bunch of comments. So if you commented on my blog recently, and you don't see it, my apologies. I promise I didn't delete it on purpose. :)

So how do those two thoughts go together?

It made me think about happy thoughts and the need to share more of them. As I was getting angry over watching some really selfish people do some really selfish things to others, then to find a lot of my plans going awry, I realized that my anger and frustration doesn't do anyone any good. I can complain about narcissists all day long, but a narcissist is not going to read my complaint and think, "wow, I really am a narcissist. I should stop." And all the good people reading my complaints just get frustrated at the narcissists, and that doesn't do them any good!

I could also complain about all the various things that have just gone wrong in the past few days, and while I could get sympathy, the reality is, it doesn't do anything to fix the situation.

Which is why I'm going to happy thoughts mode. A lot of bad stuff is out there. If you scroll through Facebook today, you can read all about people's horrible happenings. And some joyful ones, like my friend just became a grandma for the second time to a super cute baby! So I'm choosing to think on the happy things. I'm ignoring the negative garbage, and I'm re-filling my good news happy tank.

What fills your good news happy tank? Share yours, and maybe between all of us, we can brighten everyone's day! If you look at the pictures, those are some of my happy tank pictures. I don't know why, but there's something about taking pictures of pretty flowers that makes me happy. I hope people will look at them and see a little beauty that will give them a smile.

 

 

 

Taking steps toward my dreams now

[caption id="attachment_4565" align="alignleft" width="300"] Standing in front of Rotten Row, a place I've dreamed of seeing for years.[/caption]

The funny thing about my lack of blogging of late is that it's not because I've lacked things to say or reasons to blog. The truth of the matter is that I keep thinking I'm going to re-do my website, and I don't want the hassle of having to move my whole blog or get new posts caught in transition. But I keep pushing back my website move. Partially due to the schedule of the person I'm having do it, partially due to my schedule. So, here it is, my site, and my blog, languishing.

Which is a perfect metaphor for most of my dreams and plans right now.

It should come as no big surprise that I have a lot of big dreams. Some I've had for years, but pushed aside due to time, money, doubt, and probably a few other reasons. But earlier this year, some of those dreams were re-awakened. And I came to this realization: The only thing standing in the way of what I want is me.

Sure, there are the practicalities of things like money, and time, but the truth is, even without enough time and enough money, I could be working toward my dreams. Okay, so there isn't enough money. So why aren't I working hard to set aside the money to pay for what I want? Logical, yes?

So the first half of this year, I've been thinking. Planning. Dreaming. And then my husband and I took what, for me, was a dream vacation I'd hoped to do for years. I realized that it wasn't enough. Yes, it was a wonderful trip. But why did I wait so long to find a way to come up with the money to go? Why didn't I recognize the importance of this dream, and do what it took to get there?

I realized that I was tired of waiting on the sidelines for everything in my life to perfectly come together to make my dreams come true.

Some of you may wonder about my writing. Isn't selling my first, then my second, book enough? In a word, no. I used to be ashamed of that answer, but the truth is, there is so much more I want out of life. I am grateful for my contracts, and I intend to keep writing. But I also intend to step out and keep pursuing the more.

Which leads me here, to this blog. I don't know when I'll get my site redone. It may be next week (not likely) or next year (more likely). But in the meantime, I'm going to keep sharing and moving forward. I'm going to keep doing the things I need to get what I need in place to accomplish my dreams.

What are your dreams? Are there steps you can be taking now to get you closer to them, even if the big pieces aren't yet in place?

The value of relationship in customer service

Over the past few months, I've been having a lot of issues with our medical insurance company. Weird claims processing, being charged for things we shouldn't be charged for, bills I don't understand, etc. Today I learned something that completely changed my perspective on things not working as they have been. I realized just how important relationship is.

We've had the same insurance company for 15 years. In addition, we've had the same claims adjuster for that time. Over the years, I've been able to pick up the phone, talk to her, and figure out any questions or problems. It's been a very friendly relationship. As soon as I identify myself, she immediately says, "hello, Danica, how are you?" in a way that has always made me feel like I had an advocate in our insurance company. Rare, I know, but I think it's something I've taken for granted. Or at least it's something I've gotten so used to that I've forgotten just how powerful it is. One quick phone call was all it ever took to get really complicated messes straightened out.

Which is why all of the confusion we've had with our insurance company is puzzling. I couldn't understand why certain mistakes were being made, and why things that were usually taken care of had become such a mess. Today when I called, I finally got a live person. Someone new.  We have a new claims adjuster, and she hasn't known us for 15 years. She doesn't know the ins and outs of our medical billing history, needs, and how our providers work. All she knows is that she has a job to do and that's to push papers and crunch numbers. We're just names on claim forms. Our conversation wasn't filled with pleasantries or the warm familiarity I've come to recognize from our old claims lady.

I talked to our new claims lady and got everything straightened out. Yay! But as I hung up the phone, I felt a little sad at the loss of the old claims lady. Yes, business got done, and everything worked out. Mission accomplished. However, I realized that I'm going to have to make a lot more of these phone calls to straighten things out. There won't be any more friendly sticky notes on claim letters from the lady who knows us, telling me not to worry about something, or telling me what I need to know. Instead, it will be the formal letters with Dear Mr. and Mrs. X that will take phone calls to decipher and add a little more stress to my day.

Unfortunately, I don't know why our old claims lady isn't handling our claims anymore. She was an older woman, so she could have retired. Or she could have moved elsewhere in the company. Or she could have gotten a different job. But I'm going to miss her, and relationship we've built over the years. While she handled our claims, I didn't worry about anything having to do with our insurance. I always knew that she was on top of it. I knew that we would always work it out.

Most of my job is, in a lot of ways, related to customer service. My hope is that the people I've worked with for years know that I'm going to take care of them. That the new people I meet and work with will feel the same way. As people start reading my books, I hope that the relationship I develop with them will be about knowing them as people, and not just names in a database.

How has a good relationship impacted your customer service experience?

Taking the grumpy wumpus by the horns

Are you in a grumpy mood? Feeling down? Feeling insignificant?

I've had a rough week of that. It seems like everything I've planned on this week has fallen apart, and I haven't had the strength to do much more than mope. When I'm in these moods, I tend to hide away and just be... blah. Not a great choice, but I hate subjecting others to my moods.

So today, something interesting happened. I had a long list of things I was going to do to snap out of it. None of them materialized. Well, there's hope for one more of those things, but I've decided not to let my mood rise and fall on that event. I was feeling even more sorry for myself, and I have a huge list of things to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do any of it. Then my friend Barbara Phinney posted a blog about me.

Basically, she talked about how I made a great first impression and my interaction with her meant a lot. I had to drag out the tissues. Another friend commented that she'd felt the same way about me.

I felt like a fraud. Here I was feeling totally insignificant, and TWO people mentioned what a difference I'd made to them. Then I read a blog post by Alexandra Franzen talking about how we are significant, we are a BIG DEAL, no matter what size our audience is.

Wow.

I realized that as much I felt insignificant, thinking that way was wrong. I was telling a lie about myself. I'm not insignificant. Two people today told me that I was important, and in just 45 minutes, I'm going to have a little girl wrap her arms around me and tell me how much she missed me while she was at school today.

So I took out my big girl pens, aka my Sharpies, and I started to catch up on my art journaling. I realized that during my doldrum time, I stopped doing the one thing that always makes me feel better. It's not pretty art, or at least it's not gallery quality art, but that's okay. Art is art, and it's a great way to clear out the fog. My ugly wolf did its job. It, along with the encouragement I needed, chased away my Grumpy Wumpus.

If you're in a similar mood, I hope my post (and the ones I linked to) give you encouragement. Then take out those markers, crayons, paints, or whatever you have on hand, and make something creative. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it can even be ugly. Make it your own, and chase that icky mood away!

Winners!! And a name!

I gathered up all of the suggestions for the brothel name and I sent them over to my editor, asking her to choose one. I figured she'd be the best judge of what would work for my book and our readership, and she came up with...

 

The Pink Petticoat!

 

Crystal Ridgway, thank you so much for the suggestion. Let me know which online bookstore you'd like a gift card to, and be on the lookout for my second book next spring, featuring The Pink Petticoat.

My other random winner was Holly S.

Thank you everyone for your great ideas and suggestions!

Book news! And a contest!

I finally have a release date for my first Love Inspired Historical book! Look for it November 2014! I also sold my second book, which will be out early to mid 2015.

With all that to celebrate, I wanted to share some of the fun. In my second book, a brothel called The Lucky Miner plays an important role in the story. My editor would like me to change the name to something that doesn't include the word, "Lucky." I thought it would be fun to let my readers help me pick a new name. My book is set in 1881 in Leadville, Colorado, during the silver boom.

I'm going to give you all a week to help me name my brothel. I'll take a look at all of the ideas submitted and choose my favorite brothel name. If two people suggest the same name, I'll go with the one who suggested it first.

The GRAND PRIZE: I'll use your brothel name in my book, you'll be featured in the acknowledgements, AND I'll send you a $25 gift card to the online bookstore of your choice.

And because I want to spread the joy a little, I'm going to give away a random prize to one of our entrants. Just fill out the entry form and rafflecopter will choose a winner to receive a $25 gift card to the online bookstore of their choice.

If you don't see your posts right away, don't worry... it'll be there eventually. Due to high levels of spam, I have to approve everything. Stinky spammers ruin it for everyone!

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A rant, or possibly a question, about Young Adult books

For those of you who followed my Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project, it should come as no surprise that I've been reading A TON of Young Adult books over the past few months trying to wrap my head around whether or not the Young Adult book I wrote is publishable. I've really enjoyed many of the books I've read. Most of them have way too much sexual content for me to be comfortable letting my kiddo read them- yet. However, THAT is not my rant. My rant is this: Lately, everything I've read ends without an ending. Rather, what I've noticed, if you were to sit the book on a three-act structure, the books are ending at  Act One. Since each book touts itself as being book one of a trilogy, in some ways, that makes sense. Sort of. If you want to read three two hundred page books to find out how the primary story question ends.

I do not.

Let's break this down. Each book is two hundred pages (give or take... actually a bit longer, but I like simple math). Plus, they are all hardcover, which retail for about $17.99 each. So, I have to read 600 pages to find out how a story ends, AND pay just over $50 to find out the ending.

No thank you.

Really. Just. No.

Yes, the idea of sucking readers in at a high pricepoint and then making them buy three books is kind of ingenious. If it's a bestseller like The Hunger Games, the author and publisher stand to make a lot of money.

But here's the thing. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but when I got to the last chapter, realizing I was going to have to read TWO MORE books before getting any satisfaction, as a reader, I felt betrayed. Then, as a writer, when I realized that basically, I'm going to get Act One in one book, Act Two in the next, and Act Three in the final book, I felt cheated. Ultimately, I felt manipulated. It's going to cost me fifty bucks to find out whether or not the ending is satisfying. Based on book one's ending, I have no guarantees of a satisfying ending.

Which means I'm not buying the rest of the series. You haven't given me any assurances that I will be satisfied at the end of book three. Moreover, because I feel so manipulated with book one, I probably will never pick up books by either of these two authors again. My trust was blown with book one, and with the limited reading time that I have, I'm not willing to try another book.

The more I mulled over my outrage over these two books, the more I began to wonder, is this simply a trend in publishing? I also recently read a general fiction book that did the exact same thing. And I hated it. HATED it. I might just check the book out of the library and read the last couple of chapters to find out how it ends, but I cannot afford to invest the kind of time the author and publisher ask of me. Maybe I need to stick to the "formulaic romances" some people like to mock. At least with them, I know that I'm going to get a satisfying ending. Not, "buy two more really expensive books, and MAYBE you'll be satisfied."

So that's my question... am I expecting too much? Is there an underlying piece that I'm missing that says, "if you're reading a Young Adult book, or a Mainstream book, do not expect a complete story without reading all of the books in the series?"

You are an artist... even if you can't draw a straight line

One of the things I hear all the time from people when I talk about my art journal journey is "well, I'm not an artist." Time to call out that lie! Okay, so maybe you think you aren't an artist. I get that. I bought into that lie for a long time, and even got rid of some of my art because it "wasn't good."

I can't draw to save my life, and if you really want to know the truth about my art, I can't even draw a straight line. In fact, I can't even TRACE an object without really messing it up. My art is messy, imperfect, and will probably never hang in a gallery. But I don't care. It's my art, and it's expressing what I need to express. Sometimes not as fully as I'd like, but that's okay!

This week's art challenge was to use something we got in the mail to make art. I recently received a card from a friend, and I decided the envelope was pretty, and to use it. She and I are part of a group of long-distance friends who call ourselves the Bat Girls. As I thought about what I wanted to do with the envelope, I thought, what a great chance to pray for my friends. So I made art. I prayed for my friends. I thanked God for having them in my life. I prayed for their needs. I prayed we could see each other again soon.

Since we are the Bat Girls, I wanted the batman logo on it too. I downloaded the logo, cut it out, and traced it.  Here's the part you need to notice as you carefully examine the picture. My lines are all messed up! I did a terrible job cutting it out, and an even more terrible job tracing it. BUT I DON'T CARE. Every artist has a signature something, so maybe mine is that it's never going to be perfectly traced or lined. There is so much I can't do well, but if I wait until I get it perfect, I'm not going to start. So I do what I can, and I love it, imperfections and all.

If you're curious about making art, or want to try, then I encourage you to JUST DO IT!! Don't worry about being perfect, getting it right, or even that your kids are a thousand times more talented than you. Even if it's just stick figures, your art is for you. Don't let someone else's standards of good art get in the way of expressing yourself.

The healing power of art, friendship, and Truth

One of the biggest blessings in my art journaling journey has been to see how many inner wounds it has healed. I'm doing a number of different art journal projects, and one of the most daunting things has been that a lot of the challenges ask you to do some kind of self-portrait.

I'm going to be honest here. I HATE pictures of myself. I'm not like some people, who completely shun the camera, because I have relatives who are like that, and it makes me sad that I have no pictures of them. But still, there's a tiny part of me that dies inside when I'm asked to be in a picture. When I see a picture of me, I see the awful labels that have followed me around for years- the ugly girl who was bullied and made fun of. I hear the voices that tell me I'm not good enough and point out all of my flaws. And I think, "I'm such a phoney for all the positive self talk I give myself about my appearance."

So when I'm asked to take a picture of myself and put it in a journal that's all about celebrating my creativity, I think, "why am I torturing myself?" Which means I put off the task as long as possible until I'm finally forced to do it because I can't allow myself to skip a journal exercise.

Today I had coffee with my friend Niki. She does not know I was struggling with this, and yet, she said something that rocked my world in terms of how I viewed my picture. She said something along the lines of, "living under Christ, we are already God's beloved. He doesn't look at us and see sinners, He sees people He dearly loves." I knew those words to be true. But as I tossed them about in my mind, I realized that as much as I say I believe that, I don't live that in my own life. If I really believed that God looked at me as His beloved, JUST AS I AM, then why do I look at myself with labels that are not true? I've worked so hard to get past the body image lies, but as much time as I spend telling myself what I think should be the truth, the old lies creep in.

When I got home, I decided to do the selfie exercise. As soon as I printed the picture, I immediately started picking out the flaws- my double chin because I don't know how to hold my head right, the hormonal acne, the gray hairs, the awkward smile. I glued my picture down, and I wanted to cry. But then I remembered Niki's words, and I thought, "all those things I hate, God loves."  Before I could stop myself, I took a Sharpie, and wrote right across my forehead, "beloved." I decorated my picture by decoupaging tissue paper around it. I like that look, and I decided that it reminds me of stained glass, which is something you find in the most beautiful of cathedrals- God's holy places. I am a holy temple of God. But then I had to take it a step further. I wrote down all the labels GOD has given me. All the beautiful, wonderful things that HE has called me. I surrounded myself with truth.

I look at that picture now, and I think, "wow, I'm really pretty." I don't feel the shame I typically feel when I see a picture of myself. I see me. I see the person that God made. And I think she's lovely. I am lovely.

I don't make art because I have aspirations of being a great artist. Most people are not going to look at the art I make and think I have amazing talent. But that's not the point. In my art, I've found a way to take the wounds of the past, combine them with the beautiful words of truth from my friends, and find healing. I look through some of my other selfie projects, and I like the girl I see. She may not be perfect, but that's okay. God looks down on her - on me- and sees someone He adores.

What do you see when you see pictures of yourself? Do you see someone who is beautiful and beloved? If not, I encourage you to let God into that place. Take your picture. Print it out. Claim God's truth over your image. You are so valuable to God.

New Year, Better Me!

Happy New Year!!

I was looking at one of the ad campaigns we're supporting for work called New Year, New You. Now, no offense to the folks who came up with that idea, but the more I've thought about it, the more I don't like that idea. For the most part, I like who I am. I don't want to find a new me, I just want a better me. Which I think is the whole point of New Year's Resolutions. We want to build on the foundation of the life we've been creating and make it better.

One of the things I realized in the last few months of 2013 is how much of my true self I've been repressing. Things I love that I've been pushing aside for practical reasons, because I'm afraid, because I don't know what to do, because I've forgotten, and probably a lot of other reasons. But what I've found is that as I let some of that out, I'm really a lot happier. The other thing I've realized is that as focused as I've been on a lot of the mundane, I've really lost a lot of focus on who I am. Over the past few months, I've been really stumped by questions that dig down to the heart of who I am. Things I feel like I should know the answer to, but I don't.

At the end of 2013, I committed to doing some things that dig in to who I am and who I want to be. 2013 saw one of my major dreams come true.  And while I couldn't be happier over that accomplishment, there are still so many things I want to do. Looking back, I realized that years ago, I thought that when we reached this level of income, we'd be really set. And yet, in some ways, we're no farther along in life than I'd thought we'd be. Some of that is my fault, some of it is the hubby's fault, and some of it... well, it's just how life happens sometimes.

So this year, my goal is to be more intentional about making my life more into the life I've always wanted. Don't get me wrong here. I really like my life. I'm so blessed. Sometimes it's overwhelming to see just how blessed we are. But there are also longings in my heart, dreams I have, that I'm more focused than ever on pursuing. I always start my year really focused on all the great things I want to do, and at some point during the year, when things get crazy, I forget. So my hope for this year is that I don't forget. I'm also working on some plans to help with that. For example, I'm participating in an art journal project called The Documented Life Project. Art journaling is one of the things I've been doing to make myself happy and rediscover myself. Hopefully incorporating that into a planner will help me be more organized. Plus, I'm also adding a new aspect to it- I bought the wrong planner, so I have a ton of extra pages. I decided to use those pages to help with my goal setting and goal planning. I'm hoping that having my goals and dreams close at hand- as part of my daily planner- will help remind me of my focus.

How are you focusing on the new year?

 

Taxes for the writer guest blog

I'm guest blogging today over at Seriously Write, sharing my thoughts on taxes. A great way to start your year off right!

http://networkedblogs.com/Ssg9L

My Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project REVEALED

I have been tormenting some of you for a while now over my super duper top secret writing project since NaNoWriMo. I can finally reveal what I've been working on.

So... when I decided to do NaNoWriMo, I was in an interesting situation. I always do NaNoWriMo. And, because I feel like it's sort of a rebellious thing, I always try to write a weird book completely outside of my comfort zone that I don't entirely intend to publish but secretly hope it will become a bestseller. So far, no secret hope come true, but maybe someday, right?

This year, I entered NaNo season after talking with my 13 year old about books and how it was hard to find a book for her to read. So, being the slightly insane woman I am, I decided to take on the challenge for NaNo. Yes, friends, my secret book was a Young Adult. Let's be clear here- the book was solely written with my daughter's tastes in mind. Which means a ton of stuff blows up, there's a dragon, the heroine can totally kick anyone's butt, and there's a nod to her favorite character from TV. This also means that I have no idea if there's a market for it, or if it's even wise for me to try to sell a YA at this point in my career, so this book may never see the light of day. And I am perfectly okay with that.

I decided that this book would be my daughter's Christmas present. I wrote it, and I'll be honest, I LOVE THIS BOOK!! Which probably means it's total crap, but I don't care. Did I mention I blew up a ton of cool stuff in it? I also decided that I was going to keep this a secret and make it a surprise, which was REALLY hard to do because I REALLY loved writing this book. And I was REALLY excited to see what my daughter thought.

And then, sometime in December, as I was patting myself on the back for being THE BEST MOM EVER, I had a horrible realization. I had another child who would be really hurt if I didn't write HER a book for Christmas. Thus turning me into the worst mom who ever walked the planet and would cause my child years of heartache and therapy to get over the fact that I clearly liked her sister better because I wrote her sister a book and not her. Crap. So I wrote ANOTHER book.

Yes, friends, once my big December work project was finished, I wrote another book. For my 9 year old princess. I call it, "Mommy needs her head examined." Fortunately, I could get away with writing a shorter book with a less complex plot. I think this would fall into the middle grade category, except that I may have pushed that line a bit. But hey, the point is, I wrote a book for my other kid, and finished it on Christmas Eve at 11:54 p.m., which means that I SAVED Christmas. Or at least I saved myself from the guilt trip I would have been given for the rest of my life for writing a book for one kid and not the other.

Sadly, the second book is not as good as the first. I am not in love with it. It is, after all, a rough draft, but this kid, bless her little heart, is yet old enough to understand. She just thinks that having mommy write her a book is the coolest thing ever, and that her mommy is awesome. Yay me.

The kids opened their presents, and were not as excited as I hoped they'd be. But they were still happy, and Cowgirl, who was sick, spent the day reading my book. She finished it already and liked it. She did not say it was THE BEST BOOK EVER, which makes me sad. Clearly my children do not think I am as brilliant as I think I am. Oh, wait. No kid thinks that of their mom, so we're still good.

So there you have it. My Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project. Two books in less than two months. One that was totally awesome (as far as I am concerned), and one that was not so much (but the recipient thinks it is).

Which means I'm taking a tiny little writing vacation until I hear back from my editors. Or not. Maybe I should write a book for my dog next...

Deepening the Psalms through Art Journaling

My art journal journey has been really great for me- but because I am not an "artist," I don't always have clever ideas about what to do. Last night's Advent Bible reading had us read Psalm 6. Now, I've read the Psalms a hundred bazillion times. Okay, maybe not literally, since I don't even know how much a hundred bazillion is. But it's a lot. However, as I read Psalm 6, verse 4 really stuck out to me. It says, "Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love." Now, I am not a theologian, and I don't claim to understand even half of the Bible. So when something really hits me, it hits me hard and I can't let it go.

The part I couldn't let go is this: He wasn't asking God to save him because he was super awesome. No, he asked God to save him because of God's unfailing love. God's loving character was the reason God would deliver him. How many times do we ask God to save us because of all the different reasons on our list, most especially, the reason that we are worthy? It hit me then, as I read those words over and over, that I do not have to be worthy for God to save me. Theoretically, we know that. But what I found interesting was that this was in the Psalms, aka before Jesus came and assured us of our salvation. Even before Jesus, it was in God's good character to save us because He loved us. His love for us, despite our unworthiness, is unchanged.

Which leads me to my art. This message was so powerful to me that I really wanted to do some kind of art to remember it. To let this beautiful thought about God sink deep into my heart. But it's such a short verse, and I am so bad at art, and I don't have a very creative artistic mind. Some of you are probably looking at my picture thinking that I am SO creative and SO good at art. Trust me, that's not talent, that's just being a good student of a few simple techniques. (For which I am very grateful, and if you want to learn some of this, you should take the Made Art class. LOVE it!) Anyway, as I was really trying to think of ways of expressing what was in my heart, I felt really inadequate. And I was tired, so I prayed about it, then went to bed.

Tonight I sat down to make art, and I realized that I still have nothing. So I went to Pinterest for inspiration. I saw a lot of great pieces of art in other art journals, and for whatever reason, I was drawn to tree pictures. I thought about it some more, and then I remembered a project we did with Kelly Watts on the Proverbs 31 woman. Which is when I decided to combine the cute little circle thingys she taught us with my tree and the other ideas floating in my head. Why am I telling you this? Because you need to know that I am not an art genius. I just wanted to make something cool to express my joy at seeing something beautiful in God's Word.

And that leads me to the art I created. Maybe you didn't get a good look at it, but when I look at it, I think, um, that's really depressing!! The landscape is barren, the girl in on her knees crying with her eyes closed, the tree is bare, and even my cute little flower is falling apart! I felt so much joy in God's word, but as I created the art, I was creating depressing stuff. I didn't feel depressed, but I don't know, it just came out. But the more I worked on my art, and the more I contemplated the verse as I made the words, I realized something. How many times do I resent other people's blessings from God because in my mind, they don't deserve them? It really humbled me and struck me in a lot of painful places. And so, I painted, I sharpied, and I prayed. I thought about how imperfect I am, how I wanted people to know that I made so many mistakes in my art, and it was okay. I thought about a quote I once saw attributed to Bob Ross, and how if you make a mistake, you just turn it into a bird. It made me happy to think about making birds in my art. No, I did not actually put a bird in my art. But I think about my life mistakes, and how God has let me turn them into birds instead of leaving them as big ugly blotches on the canvas of my life.

So my picture looks kind of depressing. A depressing situation, and I guess, a depressed person. But God's Word is surrounding her, and it is full of hope. I realized that it's actually a hopeful picture, because no matter what is happening in our lives, God's love is unfailing. Which led me to the final touch on my picture. I'd planned it only being about Psalm 6:4. But as I thought about how thankful I am for God's love, I couldn't help but add a reminder to my rather pathetic tree- my favorite verse of praise: Psalm 106:1. Versions of it appear in different places in the Psalms and I love that it is so often repeated. My favorite phrasing is a mishmash of versions, and I think that's okay too.  "Give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good. His love endures forever."

What I loved about taking this verse and making it art is that in all, I spent about four hours on one verse. I think if you'd handed me a verse and asked me to spend four hours on it, I would have said you were nuts. But because all that time marinating in this one verse was spent doing art, I felt like I got so much more out of it. I dug deeper into the verse and I feel like I know it intimately. Yet I also know that even with all this, I still don't fully understand it. And I'm okay with that too.

Have you read something recently that's spoken to you? Consider turning it into an art project to see if you can dig deeper.

 

Lesson in Writing Productivity

This is my (I think) 8th year of doing and finishing NaNoWriMo. I ended with just over 62,000 words, plus I also wrote a proposal and sample chapters that didn't get counted in this number. Some of my friends get freaked out over those numbers. I will say that this has been my most productive word count writing month ever- I probably wrote somewhere around 90K.

I'm not saying this to brag on how well I did. Honestly, I think a lot of it comes from knowing myself, my process, and accepting it. I wanted to share some of what I learned because I hope it will help some others figure out their process as well. The key, in my opinion, is accepting and following your own process. We all work differently. So take a look at what worked for me and see if you can apply it to your own process.

I do work full-time. I've been telling myself it's part time, but I finally accepted the writing on my timesheet, and so I am admitting my full-time status. :) So how do I write that much AND work full time?

1. I recognize and respond to my productive hours. If I sit down to write at 9 a.m., I'll have maybe 1K done by noon. If I sit down to write at 9 p.m., I'll have 1K by 9:30. Therefore, I only write during my productive hours. This does mean, with a full time job and a family, that I went to bed later than I wanted to and I have been really tired this month. But with an active family and a husband who worked 60 hour weeks in November, plus a major work event, I didn't have a choice to put off other responsibilities to write. I wrote when I could, and I made it as productive as possible.

2. I recognize and respond to other productivity cues. I can't work with any background noise or the TV. I mean, I can, but if I have the TV on to catch up on my favorite show while I'm writing, I'm lucky to get a page written. With the TV off, I can write 1K in the time it takes to watch a show. So I made a choice to let the DVR record my shows, and when I have time, I catch up on them. I also recognized what an easy distraction the Internet is. Even though I told myself, "I'll look this up real quick," it ended up sucking a lot of my time for writing. So... I found times and places to write with no Internet access. My best writing days were in a coffee shop with no Internet access and in a car as a passenger on our Thanksgiving trip.

3. I accept my choices. It's easy for all of us to say, "I have no time." But when you look at ways you waste time, then you can examine what you could be doing instead. So when I felt like reading a book instead of writing, I was conscious of that being my choice and reminding myself that I DID have time to write, but I was choosing something else. I didn't do a lot of things I wanted to do this month, but I accepted it as MY CHOICE. By owning my choices, I felt a lot better about writing and taking the time to do the things I needed to do and also taking the time to do things I wanted to do. I did make choices to spend time not writing, but I accepted that as my choice, and I didn't feel guilty. Personally, I think there is a lot less guilt whether you write or don't write, when you accept the choices you make in that direction.

4. I accepted it as a fun "want to" instead of a "have to." I never go into NaNoWriMo with a lot of pressure. This year, I had a plan to write a book that is completely not in my genre and I haven't even decided if I'm going to try to get it published. I broke a ton of rules and had a lot of fun. I chose to see this book as a "play" book, to experiment and explore. Yes, I kind of had that luxury because all of my writing deadlines have been met. But I think sometimes we approach our writing with a lot of pressure and an idea of the rules and a list of everything we have to accomplish and I think that stifles our creativity. Every once and a while, I think it's good for our brains to have a break from that pressure and just let it go crazy.  My book is kind of crazy. But I'm really pleased with it, and I'm proud of what I did.

5. I nurtured my creative spirit. Remember that accepting my choices bit? Well, this month, I did a lot of art journaling. I really did not plan my time well at the start of this month. I joined three art challenges, a fitness challenge, NaNoWriMo, and had my usually busy life. (In the spirit of full disclosure, I did not fully complete my fitness or art challenges.) Some days, I ignored my art challenges to write. Some days, I ignored writing to do art. Some days, I did both. I remember from my time doing The Artist's Way that Julia Cameron suggests having artist dates with yourself. One day, when I was struggling with the writing, I closed my computer and went to the art museum. I came home to free flowing words and felt capable of handling what was a tough scene. I am learning that when I take time to nurture my creative spirit by playing with stuff in my art journal or going to the museum, or doing something creative OTHER than writing, my writing flows faster and better. If I art journaled and wrote in the same day, I averaged about 2k in an hour. If I only wrote that day, I averaged 1K an hour. To me, those numbers are significant, and it tells me that allowing myself creative freedom in another arena makes me more creative in general.

So that's how I got it done. It wasn't pretty at times, and please don't come to my house anytime soon or you will see the things I chose not to do so I could write, but if I could go back and choose how I spent my time differently, I wouldn't. I think I learned a lot this month and I'm excited to apply it to future months.

How did your writing go? Do you have any productivity tips that make your writing go faster?

 

Behold!!

I'm doing a lovely Advent art challenge from Claudia Love Mair on the word behold. I was really trying to think Advent, but this beautiful stream is what kept drawing me. Perhaps it's because in this season of crazy, I crave peace, and the peace of this scene soothes me. Not that it has anything to do with beholding, of course. Unless I think about all the beholding we do in this season. If you look at many of the houses in the neighborhoods, and in all the stores, you'd think that someone vomited Christmas all over the place.

I don't think it's any different if you compare Christians and non-Christians. Just because it says, "Jesus," doesn't mean it's any less noisy. The noise of the holidays starts earlier and earlier, and I was thinking the other day that the longer we draw it out, the less special the decorations seem to me. A friend of mine likes a particular song, but it's such a special song that she hates to hear it very often. She says that when you play it too much, it becomes common, and when it becomes common, it becomes less special. That's how I feel about everything Christmas. I don't feel like Christmas decorations are very special. Or very honoring to Christ. Yes, I'm even talking about those plastic baby Jesuses you see in manger scenes. Really? Does beholding that draw me closer to God? Not really.

That's not to say I'm anti-Christmas or even anti-decorations. We just pulled a huge tub out of the attic to dig out our Advent wreath to light our candles and say our blessing as a family. I think we have about five more tubs full of Christmas junk to put out. And yes, Santa still comes to our house, and we're participating in our church's Advent Conspiracy project to build a well for a sister church in Rwanda. But I'll be honest. Those things don't draw me as close to Christ as a peaceful spot far away from the craziness, a place where I can be still, and BEHOLD!

I hope this holiday season, you take a moment to find the place where you feel closest to God, and just sit there- away from what everyone else tells us is supposed to represent the season, and find peace.

When you fertilize, don't forget to water!

So I totally just gave away my takeaway with title, but bear with me anyway. I laughed at myself for using a gardening analogy, because even though I love playing in my garden, let's just be honest. I am not very good at it. This year was yet another checkmark on my box of miserable gardening failures. Why didn't I post many pictures of my garden this year? Because it was really pathetic this year, that's why. I have to remind myself of my own advice about being an imperfect gardener.

But you see, that's not really the point. Today's garden post is really about the garden of your soul. I've spent the entire month really taking care of myself, tending my own personal garden, and doing things that bring me joy. I've been doing a lot of art journaling. I've been writing. I've been taking naps. I've been exercising. But as I realized today, it's all fertilizer, and I forgot to water.

One of my most important self-care items is that I take baths. For me a bath is not about getting clean. That's what I use the shower for. For me, when I take a bath, it is all about cleaning my soul and filling my spirit. Now before you think I'm going all deep and spiritual, let me reassure you. I tried to do personal growth and Bible study in the tub. It doesn't work for me. No, for me, the bath is all about taking my mind off of whatever is on my mind, not thinking about anything, and just relaxing. I realized a few weeks ago, during a massage, that I don't always know how to relax, even when that's the task at hand. My therapist kept saying, "relax," and I kept saying, "I am," and then I realized I wasn't. Why? Because I was thinking about it. When I'm in the bath, I bring a book, not something that will make me think, but something that will make me not think of anything beyond the black and white print. I stay in the tub until that book is done. Sometimes, I take a stack of books, and I seriously will not leave the tub until those books are read.

What does this have to do with water and fertilizer? Other than I take a bath in the water, and I usually put Epsom Salts in it (which is a kind of fertilizer, I think- well, at least it helps plants grow).

With all this great fertilizing activity I'm doing to feed my soul, I forgot my water. I haven't taken a bath in at least a month. No gasps of horror, please, I still shower. But for me, that weekly, sometimes nightly, activity is what waters my soul. The fertilizer is great, but without water, my poor little soul has been starving.

I had a weird moment this evening. I was doing all the things I know to do to take care of myself. I even skipped a social event I was really looking forward to because I was having a mini "crap, I've been around too many people lately" attack. I was being really good to myself, and yet I just wanted to cry. I had this horrible feeling in my chest, and I thought, "there is no logical reason why I want to cry." But no matter how hard I tried to feel better, I couldn't. And then I thought, "I just need a bath."

As soon as I lowered my body into the tub, I felt better. I read a long book, and as I contemplated a second book, it hit me. The water is what sustains me. My regular baths are my way of watering my soul, and I haven't done it in a long time. I tried arguing with myself for a while, and then I realized that all the other good things I've been doing, that's the fertilizer. Fertilizer is a good thing, but if your plants aren't getting water, no amount of fertilizer is going to make them grow. They're just going to burn out and die. Which is why I sat here, for no good reason, wanting to cry.

Lesson learned. I'm not going to skip bath time just because I'm doing other good things for myself. I think we all have things in our lives that are our water. Mine just happens to be kind of literal.

Are you feeling unbalanced? In what ways do you need to water your soul?

Facing my fear

I have a confession about my fears. I'm afraid of a lot of seemingly dumb stuff. Fortunately, I've been able to avoid a lot of the things I'm afraid of. I mean, why face your fears unless you really have to, right? Okay, fine. I'm a pretty avoidant person. But sometimes, I'm forced to do things on my own, even if I really don't like it.

Today was one such day. This year our family "adopted" a foster child to buy presents for. We had a lot of fun shopping for our foster child, and we really loved getting to do something to make a child smile. If you have the opportunity to do something like this, I highly encourage it!

The fly in the ointment of our perfect fun is that we have to have our presents wrapped and turned in by Monday. This poses a slight problem for me because I have a very firm "do not take out Christmas things prior to Thanksgiving" policy. We have a ton of wrapping paper, so I didn't want to buy any. I'd meant to ask hubby to get some wrapping paper out of the attic before he left for work, but I forgot.

This is where my fear kicks in. I am TERRIFIED of the attic. First, you have to climb a rickety ladder to get there. Second, the attic is dark. Third, we have a mouse problem, and I think the attic is a perfect place for them to live. Since I am afraid of heights, rickety ladders, the dark, and mice, I think we can all agree that the attic would fit my definition of hell pretty nicely.

But I needed boxes, labels, wrapping paper, and all that stuff I did not need to buy. And I had to get this all done today.  So I braved the rickety ladder and peered into the attic. I spied a roll of wrapping paper within easy reach. I grabbed it and realized I could make it work. I started wrapping presents, then realized I needed boxes and did not have labels. However, we re-use boxes every year and I decided it would be a bad idea to give our icky boxes to someone else. I needed to go to Target for something else, so I thought, perfect! I'll get boxes, labels, and I'll be set.

I went to Target, finished my presents, and ran out of wrapping paper. So I had to brave the attic once more. This time, there were no wrapping paper rolls within easy reach, but I talked good talk to myself, like, "you won't die immediately if a mouse bites you. It'll take time for it to take effect, and maybe they'll have a cure if you go to the hospital in time." I found the wrapping paper box, grabbed the first roll I found, and came down. Unfortunately, it was a small roll, so I had to go back up for more. That roll was also small, so I needed to go up again. Finally, I had to go up ANOTHER time because I miscounted the boxes I needed and had to go up and look for a decent box. All this to say, when I thought I'd need one more roll of wrapping paper, I was DONE. I pieced together some paper for the last two gifts and made it work. There's fighting fear, and then there's just saying, "I did it, and that's enough for me."

Since I am writing about this, you know that I did not die during my excursion. I was not injured. No mouse bit me. In fact, I did not see a mouse or any other creepy crawly creature. I am currently not exhibiting symptoms of being infected with hantavirus.  Nothing bad happened.

Right now, I feel pretty proud of myself. I did it! Of course, it did take all day, and now I have to figure out a different time to deliver the presents, which means that I could have waited for hubby to get home and do all this FOR me, but... that's okay. I did a very good thing for myself, and for some cute little kid who has no idea the struggle I went through to get her presents wrapped. And that's okay too. She'll rip the paper off in about thirty seconds, and that will be the end of that.

Wait, I was supposed to be encouraging here. Bottom line is that I did it. Mostly because I had some kid I will never meet counting on me. Weird motivation, except that as I look at how blessed my family is, it doesn't seem right to not pass that on to someone else. The financial sacrifice did not hurt as much as the five minutes of terror it took to climb down that stupid ladder- five times. Am I the only one for whom down is worse than up?

Anyway, the good thing about facing my fear is that I feel better and stronger having done it. I don't plan on climbing up there again anytime soon, and preferably not in this lifetime, but if I have to, I know I can do it. I think we're all stronger than we think we are, and that we are capable of a lot more than we think we can do. I don't know what you're avoiding because you're scared, but I encourage you to take a leap of faith and try it.

The pain behind the productivity

[caption id="attachment_4496" align="alignleft" width="300"] This is what my broken heart looks like.[/caption]

Tonight was a great night. I got to spend time celebrating the launch of my friend's book. It was one of those mountaintop moments when you're bursting with pride because of your friend's success. I talked with friends, and a couple of them commented on how my personality is such that as soon as I make up my mind to do something, it's done. I don't see myself that way, to be honest. Mostly, I feel pretty weak-willed and unable. But I was really flattered, and it made me feel good to see that my friends think I'm capable of more than I do.

Then I came home, and without going into detail, something happened that sent me into a valley. There's an issue I've been struggling with for several years, and some days I do great, and other days, not so much. Now before you assume you know what it is, trust me, you don't. It's something that I keep very private, and I really don't want to share. Sorry. There are limits to things I'm vulnerable about. :)Besides, that's not the point. I was sitting there, feeling really sad. Trying not to cry. Trying to be strong. Trying to tell myself all of the logical reasons to move past what I was feeling. And I couldn't. I still can't, to be honest.So I did the only thing I know to do. For some people, it's taking a drink. Some eat a bag of chocolate. Others might go do something crazy. Me, I work. I find something productive to do that has a measurable result. Tonight, that was working on my office clearing project so I can sell my desk and finally get the treadmill in my office and have a treadmill desk. As I cleared off my desk, I could look at my desk and see the progress. I can't see the progress in my heart. As I worked, I thought a lot about the Brene Brown course I'm taking right now, and how she talks about how we numb our pain. For the first time, I realized that my productivity is how I numb my pain. I can't do anything about the thing that hurts, so I find something I can do something about. A lot of people turn to something self-destructive, but I turn to something I think is constructive. Except, as I'm starting to realize, it's just as destructive because I'm not really dealing with the thing that caused me pain to begin with. With that realization, I stopped working. I had definitely made progress on my office project, but the truth is, I still hurt. Ordinarily, my solution would have been to keep working until I felt nothing but exhaustion. Tonight I've chosen to let it out. To feel the pain. There's so much work I could do, but instead, I'm going to be brave. I'm going to make art, and I'm going to talk to God, and I'm going to cry- a lot.How do you numb your pain? And how do you learn to stop?