Who I am.

Every so often, I come to realize that I'm repeating the same patterns that I think are bad, but I'm not sure how I get into them or why I'm doing it, or how on earth I ended up here. Maybe I'm the only one who does this, so maybe this won't make sense, but here goes. Have you ever finished a project, time period, etc. and said, "next time, I'll do it differently. I'll do it better," only to find out at the end of that next time, you've ended up in the exact place you thought you'd do differently?

And that, my friends, is where I am today.

So frankly, I'm depressed. I managed to hold myself together, attend a group I belong to, go in to work to take care of one client, do some shopping, and head home. I fully intended to do the thing I always do when I'm depressed, didn't get enough sleep, and don't have the energy to focus on anything but how much it stinks to be where I'm at right now. But then, I opened my email, and found one from a friend that had me laughing so hard, I was crying.

I realized something very important from this silly little email. And trust me, it was silly. But that's why I love this person. My friend believes in me. But more important than that, this person "gets" me enough to send me silly messages to convey that message in a way I understand far better than people's platitudes about how great I am. (And frankly, when I'm in this particular mood, such platitudes make me mad because I think I'm being lied to, as irrational as that sounds.)

Much of my depression today was about this whole question of where I belong. I've always been "the weird one." To be honest, I've never known where I fit in this whole scheme of life. As I've gone deeper into the writing journey, God's made it really clear that being a writer... that's where I "fit."

Over the past couple of months, I've been asked to give up some things to help fulfill this whole "purpose as a writer thing." Still not able to share it all publicly, so again, bear with me. It's hard to give up things that have been a part of your life for so long. It's hard to say no to things that actually make me feel like a normal human being. It's hard to give up on things I think will finally define me as just a regular gal. Those are the things I've wanted my whole life, and even though in some ways, I find a lot of satisfaction in them, they make me miserable.

I am not normal.

For me, normal is abnormal to the rest of the world. And even though I can recite the Bible verses about not being of this world until I'm blue in the face, I still struggle with my frustrations of not being normal. I wonder why I can't walk into a room and be like everyone else. So I struggle, trying to be the person God made me, and yet trying to walk this tightrope of trying to fit into a world where I don't belong.

It's exhausting.

And I think that's why God has asked me to walk away from some of those things. He knows it's not good for me. He didn't make me to be some kind of mime walking the streets in an imitation of life. If that's what He'd wanted, that's what He'd have made. Instead, He made ME.

I am wacky. I am crazy. I am silly. I am creative. I am an artist. I paint beautiful pictures with my words. I do not understand the way the "normal" world works, even though I fake it real well. And sometimes, like today, when I am forced to face all the things I'm doing wrong because they have absolutely nothing to do with my writing, it all comes crashing down and I want to hide in my hole for a few weeks.

But see, today... today I did things differently. I did not go take a nap. I cleaned my house. I let the kiddos drag the neighborhood kiddos over to play. I made a nice dinner. I let That Man take me shopping for a new camera, even though I really wanted to go to the mothership, BN. I finished my work. I ate a bowl of ice cream. And then...

I wrote.

Because see, God made me for some important things. I don't know what they are. It could be writing the Great American Novel that finally made everyone open their eyes to the truth. Or it could be raising the glittery princess who finally manages to blow up the world. Or it could be raising the cowgirl whose love of animals mimics the love of Christ. I don't know. But I've got to do my best to remember the path God put me on. And to follow it wherever it leads.

I find comfort knowing that these struggles are not in vain. I know that some of the folks reading my blog deal with the same issues. You guys are such an encouragement to me because I am reminded that I do fit. I belong right where God put me. Which is where each of you belong. If you're the creative artist type, it's okay. Be weird. Encourage your wacky friends. Send them emails about having your photos taken at a wild screaming match at Sean Penn's wild Arbor Day party. Rip your heart out and expose it to the world, offering it up as a sacrifice to the Lord. Do whatever silly (or normal... if that's your gig) thing you're supposed to do because God made you that way.

Finally, because I couldn't find a good place to slip it in unnoticed (but maybe it's supposed to stand out), I encourage any artist types who are struggling with their artist identity to read my friend Heather's blog. She's got some incredible posts that encourage and inspire me in my journey.

Maybe this time, as I try to figure out how to do things differently, I'll remember that the best answer may be to just not do it at all and to trust God.

Thursday Thirteen #45: High Fructose Corn Syrup

Thirteen Things about High Fructose Corn Syrup Ever since I watched a program on the Discovery Channel or someplace similar about High Fructose Corn Syrup, I've become uber paranoid about the stuff. It's SO bad for you. As I've tried helping my family eat healthier, I've realized that this stuff is just as bad as, if not worse (and I vote for worse) than the whole trans-fat deal. When will we learn to stop messing with our food? Oh. Right. Not supposed to rant. Must. List. 1. HFCS is made using fungus, fermentation, and chemicals in conjunction with corn. Doesn't that just sound yummy? 2. HFCS has been shown to speed up disease and disrupt the body's natural processes in lab tests with rats. 3. I have a hard time finding pickles made without HFCS... oddly enough, when I used to can with my grandma, we never put HFCS in them. 4. The manufacture of HFCS increases pollution and uses more energy than natural sweeteners. 5. HFCS is entirely man-made. There is nothing natural about it. 6. I was eating KFC tonight (yes, I know, bad health choice) and on the label for the HONEY, the primary ingredient was HFCS. What's wrong with regular honey? 7. Preliminary evidence links HFCS to cancer. 8. HFCS affects hormonal production. 9. Dr. Pepper made with sugar tastes better than Dr. Pepper made with HFCS, but is only available from certain distributors (mostly in Texas). 10. HFCS is cheaper than sugar. (But is it worth it?) 11. This is not an all-inclusive list, but here's a link to a list of foods with HFCS. 12. Have you seen the Juicy Juice commercial where they show the parents giving their kids a glop of HFCS? That glop is in a lot of what we eat and drink. 13. Many natural food markets will not carry products with HFCS, but some do have it, so it's important to read the labels. A list wasn't as satisfying as a vent, so I think I'll vent about it again one of these days.

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The name game

I know, you all will have a heart attack and die. Two posts in one night. It's because Packrat hasn't released anything new lately and I've completed all the sets I can. So, my choices of activity are: watch the Jericho DVDs hubby got me for M-Day (blech... I'd have to go to the other TV), clean up from party (you'd think they'd have done that for me, it being M-Day and all), write (I am WAITING to hear back on my revisions, so there), or mess around on the computer.

ANYWAY... Jaen's response to my last post had me posting this as a really long response, and then I decided just to do it as a blog.

I called my daughter Kiki in my last post. Let's be clear here. I'm the only one allowed to call her Kiki, and she barely tolerates that. The people at church call her Kiki, but I'm semi-convinced they think Kiki is actually her name. Which is kinda funny, because she won't answer to it. So they all sit there, saying, "hey, Kiki," and she ignores them. Sorry. I probably shouldn't find that funny, but I do. I should probably talk to her about manners, but I'm always too busy laughing. Did I mention she's a Diva? And don't you think Kiki is a Diva name? Oh, to go back and change her birth certificate... (Kidding, honey, I promise)

The funny thing about Kiki and her friends is that they all have weird names. Veronica is also known as Lolly, and she calls Kiki "Caleb" which is also not her name. She calls Liam "Leo". Then there's The Dog, named Grant, but we call him LiLi. When That Man and I got together, I thought his family was huge. Well, it is, but it's not as big as I thought. Because THEY all have nicknames and so when you hear them talk about all these people, you think they're different people, but they're not.

Which is actually pretty funny that Jaen posted something that made me think of nicknames. In case you're wondering, she posted as JANET. I don't know her as Janet. I know her as Jaen (and how do you say that, anyway?). Which is why I generally go around listing myself as Danica/Dream. No, I'm not schizophrenic. At least I don't think I am. Am I? But different people know me as different names, and I can never remember which name which people know me by.

As I read the previous paragraph, I'm cracking up even more, because some of you are scratching your heads wondering where I got a comment from Janet. It's because I have FOUR blogs. I started one, a long time ago, didn't like the interface, but have no clue how to transfer the posts, so I started double posting. And then, I got a MySpace, and it had a blog and folks wanted to read my blog but they were too lazy to click a link and I'm sooo accommodating, so I just copied my blog on MySpace. And THEN, I found out that some of my good friends who also like to read my blog are on Xanga, so of course, I copy and paste there.

Are you dizzy yet?

Even though I should probably feel guilty that I'm confusing my poor sweet terrorist child by calling her Kiki instead of her real name (which I DO use on occasion, and not just when she's in trouble), she's going to have to get used to it, I fear. Life will give her all sorts of nicknames. At least the one I gave her is cute and loving, right? And if it does scar her for life, well, I suppose there's always therapy. Or she could write a book. ;)

Knock-knock Mania

I survived yesterday's trauma of four-year-olds running around my house. Why, oh why, did it have to be cold and windy? One of the lovely activities the children forced me to endure was knock-knock jokes. At this age, one of the important developmental stages is learning to grasp humor. Which, trust me, they do not grasp.

So here are some of the winners...

Kiki: Knock-knock.
Liam: Who's there?
Kiki: Banana.
Liam: Banana Who?
Kiki: Banana I'm going to marry Liam when I grow up.

Followed with her best friend Veronica...

V: Knock-knock
K: Who's there?
V: Banana.
K: Banana who?
V: Banana I'm going to marry Liam too.

Which led to a screech from Liam, who said, "But I'm going to marry Kiki!" Granted, Liam and Kiki have been friends for a couple of years now, and in that time, both have been very firm in their resolve that they will be marrying each other when they grow up. But still... my daughter is FOUR and she's already fighting with her best friend over boys.

Once we clarified that they were too young to decide who was marrying who, we were able to get to such ditties as:

Knock-knock
Who's There?
Carrots
Carrots who?
Carrots on my forehead.

I think we endured about thirty minutes of this... each punchline followed by hysterical laughter. I was so grateful that my best friend was there for the torture. Said friend is mother of Veronica... she and I had some good laughs.

It's really been wonderful sharing this time with her. When she told me she was pregnant with V, I was a bit sad because I'd been trying for so long and it hadn't happened yet. And then it did, just a couple months later. We made so many plans... watched our bellies grow together, told our babies in our bellies that they would be best friends. When the girls turned one, we were sad that they didn't seem to want to play together. Now that they're older, it's such a joy to watch how much they love each other.

So there we were, watching them already fighting over a boy... not a developmental milestone we thought would happen now, but it's still really great to have a mom friend to walk, talk, laugh, and cry through each stage. Even when the stage consists of:

K: Knock knock
V: Who's there?
K: Sandwich.
V: Sandwich who?
K: Sandwich is gonna eat you all up!

Gotta save 'em while I can...

A sweet little ditty...

As we know from my pre-Mother's Day blog, the small one turns four on Monday. Someone else near and dear to our hearts will be turning fifty the day before. Yes, my friends, some of whom may have already entered, Chip MacGregor is holding his annual really bad poetry contest. Last year, I did not win with my epic ode, which is good, since it means I'm not bad. This year, I'm playing it short and sweet.

Oh the pressure!!
I sit on my couch trying to think of something witty
A perfect little ditty
To celebrate the half century of the life of a man named Chip.
But all I can think about is dip.

Lays, anyone?

Yep, there it is... the brilliance that is Danica. And a lesson to you all in why thinking that it's so much easier to have the kiddos over to your house is a really bad idea formulated in the fumes from household cleaning supplies.

Thursday Thirteen #44: Celebrating my Kiki

Thirteen Things about My Kiki Well, even though everyone wants me to do a Mother's Day blog, I'm doing one on my little Kiki. Which sort of qualifies as a Mother's Day blog, since she is my daughter. Anyway, she's my baby, and she turns four on Monday. I'm a bit sad about that, so I've been planning this blog for a while. 1. Her real name is not Kiki, but we've called her that for years. However, she's recently informed me that she is NOT a Kiki and I need to stop calling her that. She has a 15 minute explanation as to WHY she's not a Kiki, but I still can't help myself. 2. She has a strong fear of wolf-is and coy-whoa-tees. She thinks wolves and coyotes are going to attack us when we drive through the mountains, even though we've explained she's safe in the car. 3. Until recently, I loved asking her, "Whose baby are you," because she'd answer, "OARS!" But now, she tells me off for calling her a baby. 4. I've blogged a few times about having her daddy's beautiful blue eyes, but it bears mentioning again. I love those eyes! 5. She's a daredevil with no fear. She taught her big sister how to climb the monkey bars at the park. 6. She's very good at reminding me the things I "got-for"... aka forgot. 7. Being pretty is at the top of her list of things to do. We can't leave the house unless she thinks she's pretty. (And no, this does not conform to the world's standards of pretty, even though people regularly stop her and tell her how pretty she is) 8. We also call her Imelda, as in Imelda Marcos. They share a passion for shoes. 9. On personality profile tests, we score exactly the opposite on everything. 10. I once asked God why He gave me this little Kiki. Then she came running through the room, sprinkling glitter everywhere. And that's why He brought Kiki into our lives... without her, we'd have no glitter. 11. Her favorite color is pink and has made it her personal mission to convince everyone else to adopt pink as their favorite color. 12. Other nicknames for her include: The Terrorist and Birth Control. I think any person considering having children should spend some time with her before making such a rash decision. 13. Of all the jobs I do, raising her is the toughest. But I have to say, it also brings me the most joy.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Writing Challenge!!

Okay, fine... I admit it. I'm addicted to Crackrat. Oh wait, you already know that. And, sad to say, I have about half of my crit group addicted as well. There might be a problem with that. Sooo... for all you Crackraddicts as well as writers needing a kick in the tail, I'm offering a writing challenge.

Here it is... You have until May 19th to post your writing goal. Then, we're going to work our tails off for the next week. Whoever meets their goal by the highest percentage wins a prize. For the Crackraddicts, that'll be 1000 credits of my hard earned cash. For the rest of you, that'll be a $10 gift certificate... pick your pleasure- Starbucks, BN, etc.

Now... to sweeten the pot... I'm going to run this challenge once a month all summer. Those people who meet their writing goals EVERY month during the challenge will be eligible for a special GRAND PRIZE. I can't yet announce what it is because I haven't exactly cleared it with hubby, but if he says yes, it's going to be totally fun.

Distractions happen, especially during the summer when the kiddos are home, the weather is nice, vacations are happening, etc. So this is a little incentive to keep going. So start thinking about your goals and what it'll take to achieve them. :)

Thursday Thirteen #43: PACKRAT

Thirteen Things about PACKRAT 1. Some of you might think I'm talking about That Man... hahahaha... he's more of a pack-wildebeest or something immense. But I'm not. 2. Packrat is a game on Facebook. 3. My close friends and I call it Crackrat because it's more addictive than crack. Not that I've ever smoked crack. But I know someone who has, so that should count. 4. The point of the game is to collect cards to make sets. 5. To collect cards, you can either steal from your friends, the rats, buy them, or get a random drop. 6. Stealing from your friends is tricky... you can either play free for all (FFA) or co-op. FFA means you take what you want when you want. Co-op means you respect your friends- ask before you take and help each other build sets you need. 7. I only play co-op. If you steal something of mine without my permission, I will kill you. Or I'll just send my friends to make your life a living nightmare. Don't mess with me. Seriously. I mean it. 8. You can find all the information on the sets and the recipes to make the sets here: http://packrat.bluwiki.com/ 9. I have all the current sets, excluding the two released in the past day, completely vaulted. 10. Out of the retired sets, I have two completely vaulted, and three partially vaulted. 11. Packrat teaches you a lot about people... some love to help and want nothing in return. Others will help for a price. And then there's the liars and cheaters who will stop at nothing to get what they want. Which is sad, since it really is only a game. 12. The best part about crackrat, other than FINALLY getting that set vaulted, is helping one of the people you got addicted vault a set of their own. 13. And yes, I had to stop writing this post to check my pack. But no, I'm not telling you how many times.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Something Real...

Someone who will remain nameless but if you click on the link, you can find out who... does a very good job of nagging me when I don't post regularly. I saw her tonight and promised her I was working on something and would post. So, for you, oh nameless friend, here is my post.

When I talked to her about what I was going to post, I mentioned that I had a whole list of topics I wanted to blog about, but couldn't decide. But that wasn't the whole truth. The whole truth is that there is one topic I REALLY want to blog about, but haven't dared, so I keep toying with silly things not worthy of the space on the page.

Tonight, I dare. It's not pretty. It's not funny. But it's real.

I've been thinking about this ever since my friend Jan linked to my blog. She's got it under the title, "Dream, Believe, Achieve." Yeah, it's at the top of my blog. And when I started my blog, that's what I thought I wanted to blog about... dreaming, believing, and achieving your goals. And you know, I used to blog about that. Then, I started moving away from it until now, I just blog about stuff.

What kind of stuff? Real stuff. Things like I have a gassy dog (although not so much now, thanks to a revolutionary product called Dog Smog), kids who drive me nuts and to my knees with gratitude that they're mine, a Man, writing, and lots of other quirky stuff that happens in my life. But what's the point of all that stuff?

When I set out on this crazy journey as a writer, I wanted to write because I thought that somehow, my words, my experiences, and my stuff might be able to help someone else (and okay, I wanted to be able to kill people- legally). And that's still my goal. Maybe I won't solve your life's problems, but I hope that when you're done reading my blog, you'll come away feeling a little lighter than you did before.

So why am I not blogging like I used to? That Man asked me about it tonight, wondering if it had something to do with my addiction to Crackrat. And I have to admit that yes, I do spend an awful lot of time on Facebook playing the game (Crackrat, for those not in the know, is actually called Packrat, but is more addictive than crack, so I call it crackrat. If you'd like to play, let me know and I'll add you. But be warned. You steal my stuff without asking and I PROMISE I'll kill you). But that's not why I'm not blogging.

The truth... the big one that I've been working hard at not telling, is that I'm really jaded about the whole blog thing. It's the big bandwagon for authors to promote themselves. And yes, I admit that I hope once I have a book out, my blog readers will race to the stores and buy copies for themselves, their neighbors, their grandmothers, and their second grade teachers. But if I never sell a book, I hope that I still touch someone's life. And I guess I don't see that in a lot of the bandwagon bloggers out there. And then there's the Fakers... wow... this is a hard one for me to admit to. Mostly because I don't want folks to read this and say, "boy is she a big fat meanie." But maybe I am.

Here's the thing about blogs and the internet in general. We can write whatever we want and no one knows if it's the truth or a lie. We can post a great story about our lives, and it could very well be a complete work of fiction. We can pretend to be real about our feelings and share something earth-shattering about the work God is doing in our hearts, and never live it out. People say things on their blogs that they would never say to a person's face. And I guess I'm more than a little sick of it.

What does this have to do with my blog? Everything. I asked That Man, who reads my blog faithfully every day and knows me better than anyone but God, how real my blogs are. Would I say the things on my blog to a person's face? Do I live out the things I talk about? Even if I don't succeed, is there evidence that I'm really trying? Am I a Faker? Or am I Real?

I've been trying to come up with a new word. Not Real. Not Relevant. Not Transparent. Not any of the words the Fakers and their followers use to describe themselves. Because that's not me. I'm just a girl, on a journey, trying to figure out this living in God's grace thing, hoping to meet some fellow journeyers so we can all encourage each other. At the risk of giving myself away as a total cheeseball (okay, fine, I am), the thing I think about most when I think about my writing and my blog is a song from High School Musical... we're all in this together.

But I want it to be something real. Something true. Something not filled with puffed-up rhetoric about how humble I am or how great I am, but something that people can take away to help them on their journey. I'm not going to lie to you and say that this morning, I woke up early and read my Bible. I meant to, but I had to check my pack to make sure some stinky jerk who will remain nameless, however if someone tries to add you as a friend because *I* recommended him, he is a big fat liar, and you should tell him to keep his grubby paws off. Not that I'm addicted or anything. But before you pass judgment, you should know that I did do three loads of laundry, clean four toilets, one sink, the kitchen, have a tea party with my best friend and our kiddos, work on my online jobs, go to WFTJ, read kiddo a story, AND get my latest revisions out for crit so I can meet my deadline. Then again, that could be a complete lie and you'd never know it. But I hope, by the way I live my life, you know it's the truth (or you could come by and use my sparkling toilets).

So there you go... my attempt at a blog that represents what I really want my blog to be about.

Thursday Thirteen #42: Healing Promises by Amy Wallace

Thirteen Things about Healing Promises by Amy Wallace I love helping folks out by promoting their books when they have a blog tour. Except I get tired of reading the same old reviews over and over... so, as many of you know, I like to switch things up a bit. Which leads to this week's Thursday Thirteen. Amy's book deals with a lot of issues, but I think one of the larger themes is finding hope in dark circumstances. In her discussion questions, she asks the following question(s). Clint and Sara struggled to believe God's promises when life gave them a multitude of reasons to stop hoping. How do you stay open to hope and to God? And so, in proper Thursday Thirteen form, I'm sharing thirteen reasons found in Healing Promises to keep hoping. 1. God is in us. 1 John 4:15-16 "If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." 2. God helps us overcome. 1 John 4:4, 5:4 "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." "for everyone born of God overcomes the world" 3. God has great plans for us. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 4. We can rest in God's hope. Psalm 62:5 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." 5. God's plan, even if we don't understand it at the time, works toward His purpose. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 6. God doesn't promise to end our suffering, but to use it for our good. Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." 7. We need to bless the Lord regardless of our circumstances. Job 1:21 ""Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." 8. We need to learn to stop depending on people and circumstances. Those change, while the Lord remains constant. 9. Because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." 10. God has already won the battles we fight. John 16:33 ""I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."" 11. The Lord is our protector. Psalm 18:2 "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." 12. For those who know the Lord, death is not final. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-15 "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep." 13. Finally, the love of the Lord never fails. Amy talks about 1 Corinthians 13:8, but I'll let you look that up if you want. Instead, I'm going to share the verse that most strongly shows this for me. Jeremiah 31:3 ""I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." No matter what circumstances you're in, or how dark the world appears, just as the characters in Healing Promises learned, God's love overcomes all. He is our strength and will carry us through. To learn more about this incredible book, visit Amy's website, Heart Chocolate, for sample chapters, a great newsletter, and other information.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Little presents from God

I don't get to see my best friend very often. She lives about 45 minutes away and is a very busy working mom who not only has a full-time job, but somehow manages to cart around her kiddos with all their extra activities. She once told me her son's schedule and I about had a heart attack. Not only are we best friends, but we were pregnant together, I was there (with my own big belly) when her daughter was born, and now, our little girls are best friends too. I love it when life works out that way.

Anyway, she was recently promoted, which means I've seen less of her. She's going through training at the store by my house, but it's a weird schedule and she's got no real breaks that she can spend with me.

This weekend we worked on installing a sprinkler system in our yard. It's a lot of work to say the least. I've been needing to go to the store, but didn't want to leave hubby alone with the kiddos while running equipment, nor did I want to bring them. And then I procrastinated, playing packrat, cleaning the house, and chasing the kiddos. Finally, I REALLY had to go to the store.

So there I was, wandering the aisle, looking for a container to put legos in. And there she was. I think we both almost burst into tears. We hugged, talked, and she helped me find the perfect lego container. Fortunately, she happened to be working in that department and also happened to have the same container for her daughter's toys. We only got a few minutes, but she was able to share some things about her life and what's going on with her. Things she needed to share with someone, but couldn't because of her hectic schedule.

As I drove home, I thought about what an amazing coincidence it was that we happened to be in the same aisle at the same time... I was supposed to have gone earlier in the day and she usually doesn't work Sundays. It's also one of her last days at this store before she gets her new store. And... it's a big store and not her usual department. I think God knew that we both needed that moment of connecting with each other, even if for only a few minutes.

Sometimes we ask God for really big things and wonder why we aren't getting them. It's like the little kid who wants a pony... he asks mom and dad for a pony, but at the time, a pony's not feasible. However, mom and dad keep giving the kid other gifts. But because the kiddo is so focused on that pony, a lot of times, the kid doesn't recognize all the other gifts mom and dad are giving him. I think God's a lot like that. We focus on the answer we want, and sometimes we miss the small blessings. I'm so thankful that God is a loving father who chooses to give me good things. Sometimes it's the big things, but sometimes, it's the small lagniappe of running into my best friend for a much-needed hug.

Thursday Thirteen #41: Post Tax Season

Thirteen Things about Post Tax Season So now that I'm semi done with tax season, I thought I'd post a few things I'm going to do to celebrate... 1. Sleep. Hasn't happened yet, but any day now... 2. Work on revisions. 3. Find a way to get those wretched squirrels out of my porch. 4. Clean my house (why hasn't the bulldozer fairy dropped one off yet?) 5. Do something fun with the kiddos. 6. Go on a date with the hubby. 7. Catch up on reading. 8. Shave my legs. 9. Organize my office. 10. Pay my bills. 11. Start my garden. 12. Go on walks. 13. Finally catch up on everyone else's blogs and get back to regular blogging

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Yes, I know...

But let's pretend I've been a good little blogger. And let's pretend I haven't had a few really crummy days with a few bright spots. Let's just pretend all is normal in Danicaland and focus on one beautiful, amazing thing....


I HAVE MY LIFE BACK!!!!!

Tax season is officially over. While I do have a few cleanup things to do, I am pretty well done. Yep yep yep.

I am so happy.

I am so exhausted.

Does anyone want to take my kiddos for a couple days so I can sleep?

Pure randomness

For all my lovely friends who've been nagging me... I'm sorry. Not only is it the last week of tax season, but a new project I've been waiting to launch has finally launched, AND another thing I've been waiting on is happening now, AND somehow I managed to get myself addicted to packrat.

Just shush. I do not want to hear it.

On top of all that, I've got insomnia something fierce. I'm in bed and all I can think about is everything else I have to do. I try to take a nap and the dishes piling up in the sink start calling my name. The dark circles under my eyes have dark circles.

But you're not here to read my complaints. Somehow, I'm supposed to entertain and uplift you. Or make you laugh. And trust me, there's nothing funny about insomnia or the mess my house is in or the fact that life is just piling up on me. But knowing some of you, you're probably laughing. Good for you. Go ahead. Amuse yourselves at my expense. There's a dead body in a future book with your name on it.

And that's pretty funny too... I was talking with someone about this the other night. As much as I talk smack about killing people and all the gory things I'd do, I have yet to actually do it in a book. Except my hero. He's really in a coma. Er, was. He woke up this chapter, so we're all quite thrilled. But I'm still singing "boyfriend in a coma." Does anyone remember that song? I'm writing this beautiful heart wrenching scene and I'm singing a rather funny song.

Lack of sleep, I tell you. Lack of sleep. Seriously, I am the funniest person I know when I don't get my ten hours. I'm working on 5-6. I think. I went to bed last night at 1, spent most of the night tossing and turning and being kicked by kiddo who connived her way into our bed, and finally got up at 6:30 to help other kiddo get ready for school and take out the recycling because it's recycling day and That Man always forgets. I tried to go back to sleep but we have wood peckers. Have you ever seen the movie "Failure to Launch"? The girl and the mockingbird... I feel her pain. For us, it's wood peckers. One pecks on the metal vents on the roof, the other pecks on the gutters in response. They peck and peck and peck and peck and peck and peck and peck and peck and peck. It echoes through my house.

I am going crazy.

Speaking of going crazy, and the real reason for my rambling post other than to let folks know I really am alive (which you'd know if you played packrat... but don't you dare play if you're going to steal my cards, because then I really WILL kill you and put you in a book).... I'm helping out with a giveaway for my dear friend Cheryl Wyatt. I've just told you a whole lot of random stuff that's going on in my life. Now I'm going to tell you something really random about her. She got her first motorcycle at age five. And if you're part of the ACFW book club and are playing the game, you've just been given an important clue.

If you aren't a member of the ACFW book club, then why not? Not only do they discuss great books (like Cheryl's), but they have some fun contests. So click here to join.

Finally, because I'm so nice and free with giving away other people's stuff, plus, I figure I owe it to you for forcing you to read my rambling to get the answer, I'm going to pick a winner out of all the comments for a free Cheryl Wyatt book. So tell me something random about your crazy life. Craziest, most random event wins.

Thursday Thirteen #40: Reasons I need a bulldozer

Thirteen Reasons I need a bulldozer 1. Because you can't walk through my dining room with all the clean laundry piled up. 2. You also can't walk through the living room with all the MOPS sale stuff piled up. 3. You can't walk through the basement with all the kid stuff piled up. 4. You can't walk through my bedroom with all the dirty laundry piled up. Notice a theme here? 5. You can't see my kitchen counter with all the mail and school papers piled up. 6. You can't see my sink with all the dishes stacked up. 7. There's a big dirt pile in my back yard that needs to be flattened. 8. We have ugly evergreen bushes in the front yard that I want gone. 9. It might be helpful for next winter for snow removal. 10. I have boxes of papers in my office to sort. 11. Did I mention our storage unit that needs to be cleaned out? 12. Because I think it would be fun to squish stuff. 13. And, as my stepfather likes to say, you never know when a bulldozer will come in handy.

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Oh how the mighty have fallen...

In my last post, I was extremely excited about filing my taxes.

Today, I realized something terrible.

Oh great wonderful tax person that I am...

I filed my own taxes wrong.

Poor hubby's going to have a heart attack when he reads this. The good news is, it only sets us back about $300, so we'll still have plenty of money. The bad news is, I'm going to be teased mercilessly about it for a very long time.

Basically, what happened was that when I went to file my Federal taxes, I used a W2 off our company's HR site. I missed the part about it being LAST YEAR'S. So when I went to file our state this evening (I did them separate... and a good thing, since that's how I found the mistake), I realized two things: one, the W2 was for the wrong year, so I understated our income and two, I didn't add back our state tax refund (they didn't send me a form!). GRRRRR

Fortunately, I am a trained professional, and I've gotten quite good at filing amended returns for other people who do stupid things on their taxes. Now, I'm the stupid person, and fortunately, I think I've finally gotten our taxes right.

*insert long sigh*

The other really good thing is that I discovered the mistake prior to April 15th, which means I'll get the corrections out to them by the deadline, so I won't owe penalties or interest. YAY!

Hey, I've got to have something to be happy about.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

First of all, today is the first day in a really long time that I got off work before dark. AND I didn't work a 12 hour Saturday. YAY Me!!

Second, I finished our taxes!!! You what they say about the kind of car the mechanic's wife drives? Well, the tax preparer almost never has her taxes done before April. And mine are DONE!! And we're getting a bigger refund than I'd anticipated. I'm so glad we had to pay points when we bought our house. :)

Third, my coughing is much more manageable and I'm actually *gasp* starting to feel better.

All in all, it's been a banner day. How about yours?

Thursday Thirteen #39: Naptime

Thirteen Things about Naptime Yes, my friends, it's naptime... and all the reasons why... 1. I'm tired. 2. I have a cold. 3. The kiddos are home for spring break and driving me nuts. 4. It's an overcast day. 5. I just finished reading some contest entries for a friend. 6. My couch is comfy. 7. So's my bed. 8. And my house is a mess. 9. My dog is snuggly. 10. I don't have time to do anything else before going to work. 11. I need my strength to work tonight. 12. I can't stop yawning. 13. And really, I just feel like taking a nap.

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I promise I'm not dead

I just have the sort of virus that makes you wonder if you have any tissue remaining in your lungs or if it's all now on its way to the dump with the rest of the 500 boxes of tissues you've used in the past few days. I must also confess to wondering if parts of my brain might have exited via my nose.

The good news is I'm on the mend.

The bad news is a lot of other things have happened since I last blogged and I will be unable to tell you about any of it. And I think some of it might have been entertaining.

Oh well. That's life I suppose.

Hope you all had a good Easter.

Thursday Thirteen #38: Things I found while unpacking my office

Thirteen Things found in my office As many of you know, we bought a new house in August. Yay us! However, in all the moving/packing/etc, I was mostly an observer, as I'd just had surgery and was on restriction. Which means I have dozens of boxes labeled "Danica" and have no idea what's in them. So, as we moved into the new house, and as we're (STILL) getting things out of storage, those boxes get shoved into my office. I'm trying to get our taxes done but am missing a bunch of stuff, so thought I'd dig in and see what I could find. And here it is... 1. Love notes from an old boyfriend... this was at the start of my internet years, so they're a whole bunch of printed emails. Some of them are pretty interesting. I should probably get rid of them, except that a few had some things that would make a pretty good book. Guess we'll see what That Man (who does read my blog daily) thinks. 2. My first breakup poem. Written in 9th grade. Or maybe 10th. Had rather creative descriptions, like "your ugly stork legs" ending with "I HATE YOU" written in very large letters. I should frame it. 3. Copies of the literary journals from middle school and high school featuring my work... man, I was so proud they accepted my writing. Some things never change, I guess. 4. A notebook one of my writing teachers gave me to fill up with all of my writing. I think I unpacked about 20 more like it tonight. I'm definitely prolific. 5. Copies of the articles I wrote for the school paper. I had a humor column. Maybe I'll post some on my blog. They're mostly funny because they're so bad. 6. My high school AP history binder with all my notes. No idea why I kept it, of all things. Maybe it's because of my love for history. Or maybe it's because Mr. Shepherd was one of my all-time favorite teachers. 7. A card that came with some flowers I got when I had my youngest. It was with some random papers. 8. My old checkbooks from high school and college. I'm thinking I need to buy a shredder. 9. A wrapped present. No idea what it is or who it's to. 10. A book I thought I sent my grandma. Oops. 11. Another binder with some papers I wrote in college. Hmmm... are we seeing a theme here? 12. Some letters from one of the most negative influences in my life during one of the darkest points in my life. I'd thought I burned everything from this person. Anyone want to come over for another bonfire? 13. The receipt from my first "official" date with That Man. (Which was ten years ago in April) I can't decide if I'm going to do a cool frame collage thing or put it in a scrapbook. First, I have to find a picture of us from when we were dating. So there it is.. a glimpse into the mess known as my office. I emptied five boxes, and shoved about five more into a closet because I didn't have the energy to sort through all those papers. Most of it will probably end up in a landfill somewhere, but given that I'm finding weird things in random boxes, I need to go through it all. I'm STILL missing receipts I need for my taxes. Oh well, if I don't find them, I'll leave it off the return, and if I get audited, I'll just have extra deductions to show them. Or something.

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Making time for the important things

One of the most important things that came out of the retreat was a renewed focus on God. After spending forty hours of doing nothing other than contemplating the Lord, it's hard not to think about priorities. We watched a Rob Bell video on noise, and the thing that struck me was one of the questions he asked about what we're filling our time with.

I've been frustrated lately because I haven't had time for Bible study. I'd planned for my evenings, after everyone's in bed, to spend that time with the Lord. But I get home, and I'm so tired from everything else I have going on that the words on the page start to run together. But I'm so wired that I can't sleep. So I sit up and play computer games. I find it relaxing. Except then I never find time to spend with the Lord.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

If I say God is the most important thing in my life, why haven't I fit Him in?

The truth is, I fill my life with a lot of noise.

I started to examine a lot of the things in my life, a lot of my priorities. I had to ask myself the tough questions, like: "Does the time I spend playing computer games add to my relationship with God? Does it further the purpose He has in my life? Does it accomplish anything useful in my life?"

Now, before I get folks flaming me for attacking computer games, let me just say that I don't think there's anything wrong with them. Given the right time and place. But when I use them to fill up my "God time" that's a huge problem.

So I'm choosing to give up computer games. Not entirely. But rather than being my means to unwind, they are a reward. Something I get to do after everything else that's important, everything that adds to my life, is done. I'm giving up a lot of other things, too. Some of them I'm not able to share completely, but I do want to share one piece... the part where I'm examining and making decisions.

I keep coming back to the question... while I enjoy it, and it's something that makes me happy, how does it add to my relationship with Christ? How does it add to the ministry He's given me?

The Bible talks about being double-minded. Never in a good way. When we have so much going on, we can't help but become double-minded. Even though all the things I have in my life are good things, and certainly all have served the Lord, they don't allow me to keep my focus where it should be.

I've given myself a year... time to figure out and cut out the things that are taking away from what's really important. It means saying no to things I used to say yes to. It means disappointing people who are counting on me. It means giving up things I really enjoy. But it also means gaining precious time for the things that really matter to me.

So the question for those of you who are eagerly looking to my journey in hopes you can glean wisdom for your own is...

What's the noise you need to cut out of your life?

Sweet Joy...

The silent retreat was the most amazing experience ever.

Ever.

I'll be sharing some of my thoughts over the next um... rest of my life, because truly, it was life-changing.

Honestly, I miss it already. I miss the silence. I miss having nothing better to do than enjoy God's presence. I miss sitting with Him and just... sitting.

It's been a few hours since I've read the Bible, and I crave it. I hunger. I need the sweet joy of his words.

One of the things that came out of a weekend of intentional silence and focus on the Lord is the necessity for greater intentionality in my life. And I'll be honest. It means making some decisions that are going to be hard at first. It means giving up things that have filled my life for a long time. Meaningless things. Bad habits. Changing patterns of behavior that have been with me as long as I can remember.

I'm actually looking forward to it.

I'm giving up so much, and yet the joy of what I'm gaining... I can't even measure.

How well they know me...

Yesterday, I put a request on the ACFW loop for some research assistance in victim notification. I got a lot of great responses, but the best one was from my CP.

It said:

Who'd you kill this time?

Sigh.

How well she knows me.

In my defense, I did NOT kill anyone. Merely severely injured, possibly in a coma, but not dead. He's the hero, after all. I understand it's bad form to kill the hero, especially in the first 1/4 of the book. I'm cooking along on the book, #3 in the series, since I expect I'll be getting some edits back next week on #1, which means I'll be back in edit-blah-dom, and out of creative land. Ugh.

Tomorrow, I head up the mountain for a much-anticipated retreat. Our church is having a silent retreat as part of Lent. As I tell people how excited I am about it, they all have the same response: "You're going to be silent for an entire weekend?"

Sigh.

I admit, it may be a challenge, but I'm also soooo excited to have an entire weekend without, "Mom! Come wipe my butt!" It's going to be great to have forty hours to focus on the Lord. And maybe get a little more writing done before I'm slung back into edit mode.

Sigh.

Thursday Thirteen #37: In honor of That Man's Birthday

Thirteen Things about That Man Since I still haven't found a gift for him other than my presence (which really, should be present enough), this week's Thursday Thirteen is in honor of his birthday. 1. He's a brilliant designer... if you need something built, he can figure it out and create it. 2. One of the things I found attractive in him was his motto: Why be normal? 3. He's addicted to James Bond. 4. We have a don't ask/don't tell policy... don't ask about his tools, I don't tell about my books. 5. I also found the fact that he's a doting father attractive. 6. He's a history nerd like me- we spent our honeymoon on a road trip examining historical sites of interest. 7. He's got the second most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen. The first belong to our daughter, whose beautiful blues are an answered prayer. 8. He's really cute in his pajama pants. 9. His mission statement, even though it's not totally accurate for today, completely inspires me. We're talking Jerry Maguire here. 10. He thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive, which makes him the sexiest man alive. 11. He gets a cheesecake every year for his birthday. I still owe him this year's. 12. He's only got one facial expression. After ten years, I'm starting to be able to decipher it. 13. He loves me more than any other human being I've ever met. And isn't that just the best thing about anyone?

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The only deadly sin

I haven't been feeling well lately. The doctors are mystified. So today, as I tried to drag myself out of bed to go to WFTJ, I decided not to. I took the kiddo to school and plopped my exhausted self back in bed. I spent most of the day sleeping.

And then, horror struck. My doorbell rang. Now, my house has a very firm "No Solicitors" sign pasted near the bell. My assumption: the person ringing the bell has a very important reason for doing so. Twice. You all know where this story is headed, don't you?

I opened the door to find a very perky couple identifying themselves as being from some organization. I firmly told them I wasn't interested. Perky woman tries to step into my house. My House. I told them I wasn't interested again and shut the door.

Now, here's what future solicitors need to know about showing up at MY HOUSE. The sign says "No Solicitors." As a courtesy, allow me to share the definition of solicitor from my beloved Dictionary.com, "One that solicits, especially one that seeks trade or contributions." And, in case you don't know what the word "solicits" means, here it is: "To seek to obtain by persuasion, entreaty, or formal application" and my favorite "To petition persistently; importune."

So here it is: broken down in plain English. If you ring my doorbell and want to tell me about whatever it is that you're selling or seeking donations for, DON'T. The sign says not to. If you can't read, then I don't want to entrust my money with your organization. As a writer, I think literacy is important. If you can read and are choosing not to respect my sign, then I'm choosing not to support an organization who chooses not to respect ME.

How does all of this relate to the only deadly sin? Ask my husband. In our home, waking me is punishable by death. Particularly when I don't feel well. Particularly when I'm ignoring all items of importance to spend my precious day sleeping. Particularly when said interruption leaves me unable to go back to sleep. Particularly when said interrupter is perky. Have I mentioned that I hate perky people? Especially upon waking.

I was hoping to leave my state of hibernation to tell you I feel much better, am much happier, and am back to my old self. Now, all I have to say is that I'm still tired, grouchier, and now I have a headache. I can still hear the doorbell echoing against my throbbing skull.

And then, I had a horrible thought. Given that I wasn't wearing my glasses, and I very well could have just slammed the door in my own mother's face, what if I just slammed the door in Jesus' face?

Sometimes, being an old grouch does not pay.

Worst of all, I still haven't gone out and bought the hubby a birthday present. Yep, it's his birthday. So make it up to him and post a great big happy birthday to That Man. I would, but I have a headache.

How many posts can I attempt in one night?

I've been trying to blog all night. But I get about ten sentences into it and realize it's snoozably boring.

I tried blogging about my latest book. It's tres faboo. I'm absolutely loving working on something brand new. This is my favorite part of writing, getting to know a new set of characters, seeing where they take me, and enjoying the journey. And that's about where I started to get boring.

So I decided to blog about this funny story from work. And then I realized it's only funny if you have the visual, and since I didn't think to take a picture, no one would get the joke.

Then, I thought I'd blog about a special moment I had with the littlest one. But again, it requires photographic evidence, and again, I didn't take a picture.

I could tell you about my exceedingly busy day, but that's certainly not very interesting.

Exceedingly. And that, my friends, is yet another possible blog topic. I'm watching Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightly version) right now. I'm pretty sure I counted the use of that word ten times in a five minute period. Exceedingly exceeding, I'm sure. I've decided this is my least favorite Jane Austen movie. And I think I might like the Colin Firth version better. Exceedingly. But I think perhaps I should watch it again to be sure.

So there you have it. All the thoughts running through my brain. And one other little happy thought I'm not quite ready to share yet, although I will be exceedingly happy when I do so.

A Soldier's Family by Cheryl Wyatt

The thing that's hard about promo-ing my friends' books is that it tends to sound like, "great writer, great friend, go buy the book." But truth is, all of those things are true. Cheryl's a great writer with a great voice. You know how you'll read a book by an author, think, "wow, this is fabulous, I want the rest of this author's books," and discover it's a New York Times bestseller with a huge backlist? Well, that'll be Cheryl in a few years.

Cheryl's got a love for military heroes, and I love her glimpse into the world of pararescue jumpers. I had no idea what a PJ was until I met Cheryl and read her stories. They are true heroes, and not just in Cheryl's books. If you like a good romance with a military hero, then definitely check out her Wings of Refuge series. If you missed her first book, it's still on sale on the eHarlequin.com website. You don't want to miss a single story.



About the book:

On A Crash Course With Love

She was the woman of pararescue jumper Manny Péna's dreams. But he'd stuck his foot in his mouth the last time he met Celia Munez. Now, grounded after a parachuting accident, he was desperate to make amends with the beautiful widow. But Celia wasn't having it. The last thing she needed was another man with a dangerous job—even if he had given his life to God. Yet Manny's growing commitment to her and her troubled son began to convince her that perhaps she should take her own leap of faith.


About the Author:

Cheryl Wyatt's closest friends would never dream the mayhem she plots during announcements at church. An RN-turned-SAHM, joyful chaos rules her home, and she delights in the stealth moments God gives her to write. She's convinced that having been born on a Naval base on Valentine's Day destined her to write military romance. She stays active in her church and in her laundry room. Both of her debut novels (Books 1 and 2 in her Wings of Refuge Series from Steeple Hill) have received Romantic Times Top Picks.
Visit Cheryl Wyatt on the Web : www.CherylWyatt.com
Or her blog www.Scrollsquirrel.blogspot.com

Thursday Thirteen #36: Vacation Edition

Thirteen Things about Vacation!! Last week, I posted a happy blog about Spring. And then March, the snowiest month in Colorado, arrived. I can no longer see my backyard. I am depressed. So I thought what better way to forget the depressing weather that awaits than to blog about going on Vacation!!! Starting with planned vacations and ending with hoped-for vacations... 1. Silent Retreat. In just one more week, I'll be up in the mountains, enjoying a retreat with our church. Sadly, it won't involve sun, warm weather, massages, or anything remotely tropical, but it'll be a nice break. 2. Writer's Retreat. Our local ACFW chapter is planning a retreat for the end of April. Very much hoping to attend. That one's in the mountains, too. 3. May writer's conferences. Actually, I'm undecided on this. I want to go, but not sure I have the $$. There's a couple I'm looking at, so we'll see. 4. South Dakota. One of my dear friends lives up there and I'm thinking about going up for a long weekend with the family in July. 5. Illinois. Another trip I'd like to take to visit some friends- we've talked about this summer, but haven't set a date. 6. RWA San Francisco. End of July, first of August. That one's already reserved and mostly paid for. Just need the plane tickets. 7. ACFW Minneapolis. End of September. 8. Florida. Going to see my dad in January. 9. CRUISE!! January. It's a writer's conference. I'm teaching. Huh... most of this is work-related, isn't it? Not a lot of vacationing going on. But that's what's on my calendar already. So here's what I'd like to put on my calendar. 10. Pennsylvania. I really want (and need!) to visit my grandma. It'd also be a good chance to catch up with other family I haven't seen in a long time. 11. Someplace warm and sunny. Like NOW. At least I'll be doing that next January when it's super cold and yucky here. 12. Mexico. I've been there once, to build a church in a dusty town far away from anything resembling a beach. Some friends are there now, doing mission work in Puerta Vallarta, and I think I'd like to check it out. 13. Israel. Totally not happening this year, or probably any time real soon, but wanted to get it on my list, since I keep running into folks who are going in the near future. I miss that place. I lived there for a summer and loved it. Missed a lot of things I'm learning about now and need to go back and reconnect. So where are you escaping to this year? Or where would you like to escape to? ** Special thanks this week goes out to Hootin' Anni for her lovely header.

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Guest blogger: Camy Tang

Today, we've got a special guest blogger, my good friend, Camy Tang. And really, there's no better way to introduce her and her latest book, Only Uni, than her post about our friendship. I love Camy's books and their wonderful glimpses into ties that bond friends together. As a friend, she's got the formula figured out, and it definitely comes through in her writing.

***




I’m really excited to be guest blogging for Danica today. She was one of the first people to welcome me to the world of writing.

I’m totally serious (for once). When I first started writing again, I ended up on the Steeple Hill discussion boards because Steeple Hill was the first publisher I thought of when I thought of Christian romances. I’ve enjoyed Love Inspired romances for years and years.

The discussion boards were fabulously new to me. Suddenly there were all these Christian romance readers, writers, and even better, published authors chatting away. I lurked for a few days, then registered and introduced myself.

Danica is the board hostess and immediately made me feel welcome. So did everyone else, but Danica was the one who explained things to me (techno-ignorant as I was) and told me about discussion board etiquette.

I can’t begin to count the number of friends I made and the immense amount of information about writing that I learned. I would not be published today if not for those boards and those ladies and Danica.

I got to know her better when I went to Denver for ICRS a couple years ago. We had a BLAST hanging out with other friends late one night, singing bad karaoke in an almost unbelievably seedy bar and eating bland Mexican food.

(Yes, women can bond even over bland Mexican food.)

What was more, she actually seemed to LIKE me after spending several hours in my company. Imagine that! And her husband didn’t run screaming in the other direction when she introduced us (he obviously thought I was some OTHER Camy who was infinitely nicer and more sane than that loud, weird Camy who was on Danica’s online boards).

We have gotten closer in the past year (proven by her letting me run amok on her blog, here), and I hope we will always be good friends. She knows my bad habits and likes me anyway. And isn’t that the best sort of friend?


***

Danica again...

Yes friends, that is the best sort of friend. And I'm so thankful that I've got a friend like Camy, especially given that I was a total airhead friend today.
Insert embarrassed grin here... Got busy with work and stuff (had to work all day, you know!), and was just toodling along, checking email and realized... I'm a bad friend!! Camy was scheduled to blog today, and I forgot. Technically, it's still March 1st, but I'd hoped to get it up sooner. Maybe that's why we're such good friends. That whole, loving each other anyway. Love her, love her books, so do take the time to pick them up. You won't regret it.

Also, she's got a great contest going on right now, so stop by her website and check it out!

Thursday Thirteen #35: Excited about SPRING

Thirteen Things about SPRING Okay, I know, it's only February, headed into March. But it's been nearly 60 here for the past few days and I can't help but Think SPRING!! 1. Since we're in a new house, I get to re-plan my landscaping. Start fresh. Anything goes. Ugh. I'm sorta nervous about this. I have a black thumb and have no idea what's going to work. But still... it'll be a grand adventure. 2. We'll get to finally dig a sprinkler system. Really, when I say "we", I mean "he" as in That Man. 3. We'll get to finally pull out those ugly evergreen hedges. Why, oh why, does every house have to have those nasty spider home things? Again, when I say "we", I mean "he". 4. We'll get to start another garden. This time, I really do mean "we". The kiddos love growing tomatoes and snacking on them all summer. Once "he" gets it plotted out, tilled, and whatever else one does to a garden, I'll start planting. 5. We'll finally be able to see the back yard to pick up the dog poop. Here, I say "we", mean that I'll try to make the kiddos and hubby do it, but end up doing it myself because I'm the only one who cares about dog poop in the yard. 6. We'll get to take walks. Or at least think about it. We moved away from the nature preserve, so now I'll have to walk through the neighborhood. Not so much fun, but good exercise. 7. We'll get to walk to DQ and Starbucks again. Both within walking distance of the new house. 8. I'll get to make the kids stay outside more. YAY!! No more running and screaming in the house. 9. I'll get to sit on my nice new patio set I bought specifically for sitting on the front porch, sipping iced tea, and waving at the neighbors. 10. I'll get to say "YES!" next time the kids want to go to the zoo. 11. I finally won't have to live in sweaters. 12. We can get the rest of our stuff out of storage and finish moving in. Yes, I mean "we" as in "he" except that I'll be pointing and bossing him around. 13. Tax season is almost over and I can have a life again.

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Shocking post time

I know, two posts in less than a few hours. I'm sick, I tell you, sick. Really. I am.

Anyway, I was having a minor pity party for myself because I'm being denied valuable Panera time. Yesterday, I missed because I could not move, I was so sick. Tonight, I missed a writing thing I wanted to go to, but decided I'd keep more friends if I didn't share my germs. Tomorrow, I have to help out at kiddo's school, so I can't go to Panera (although... do you think my germs are lingering, so it would be doing them a disservice to go).

So here I was moping about not being able to write, and I had a realization.
"Self," says me, "why can't you write now?"
"Now?"
"Yeah, now."
I pondered this for a moment and realized that there was no logical reason why I can't write and feel sick at the same time, so I opened up the computer and started working on the revisions for the second book.

And you know what I realized?

It's GOOD.

Really good. Send off to crit group and prepare to submit good. Bang down people's doors and make them read it good.

Once I hit the "send" button on my email, I realized something else. I'm free. For the first time in forever, I no longer have horrible edits and revisions hanging over my head. I get to write something BRAND NEW.

And it's gonna be good!

I almost wish I didn't have to go to bed right now, it's so good.

Linked In or Out?

Since my last post, a lovely little tummy bug decided to grace my life with its presence. I'm finally feeling well enough to lift my head from the pillow, so I thought I'd get caught up. We won't discuss how many emails were in my inbox. One of the emails was from a survey thing I joined years ago. Mostly, I'm so busy that I delete the surveys. However, I decided to answer this latest one, and it was on... all things internet.

As I examined the latest offering in ways to keep up online, I had to wonder about whether or not I'm linked in and whether or not it's a good thing. There's all these ways to connect with folks online, ways to talk local politics, ways to find out what's happening. I admit, I don't use any of it. Truth be told, I know more about the presidential race (which is next to nothing, except that I'm disgusted by all of the candidates) than I know about who my city council reps are. Actually, I don't think I have any, because I'm living in unincorporated territory. But still. I know little about life around me. I had to wonder, am I linked in? Am I so wrapped up in my own little world that I have lost my sense of community?

Probably.

Most of my closest friends are hundreds, even thousands of miles away. I wave to my neighbors. I'll occasionally say hi to the folks at church. And *gasp* I'll even attend a gathering I'm invited to now and then.

I don't watch the news. I don't read the papers. I know about as much about current events as the guy at the water cooler at work. Frankly, I don't really want to know more. Which is sad, because I used to be the nerd desperate to get cable so I could have CNN. Now, I figure, if it's important enough, someone will let me know.

So will one of these new and better ways to get me linked in to my community change my attitude? Will it change my behavior?

Probably not.

Sure, I think I should probably be a little more involved in the world around me. But I'm not sure more technology is going to do that. The truth is, I don't believe any of that makes a difference. Getting a news feed on the latest pregnant starlet does nothing for my quality of life. Ditto for hearing the latest slam on the presidential candidate of the day.

So what will make a difference? Things like going around the big bush separating "us" from "them" and ringing the neighbor's doorbell to say "hi" might. Attending my kiddo's PTA meeting to find out why, exactly, do they have our kids pimping out "stuff" to raise money for the school every other month and then committing to change whatever that is might.

But being more linked in? That, I'm not so sure about.

Hey Look, it's a....

Darn, couldn't think of anything clever to take your attention away from the fact that I am getting worse at the regular blogging thing.

It's been a rough week. I keep saying that, and yet, I can't come up with any answers as to why. I just feel pounded on all sides by all things. I'm tired. I did, however, take a totally rad (tee hee, I said rad... where's carmel to tee hee at my carmelisms?) picture of the terrorist. Unfortunately, said child absconded with the camera and now all I have is the blog version of a shaggy dog joke. Guess you had to have been there. :)

Other than that, my life is boring. I have no words of wisdom for anyone (except maybe don't leave camera where children can find it). I have no sad but true stories of things that have happened to me lately. No funny stories. Nothing remotely, slightly, or majorly embarrassing. I am becoming, I fear, ordinary.

In three weeks, I'll be going on a silent retreat. Maybe somewhere in the silence of the mountains, I can find my sanity. Or not. Maybe I wasn't sane before and am now. Ugh. Isn't that just the most depressing thing I've ever said?

So tonight, as I prepare to lay my weary head on the pillow, I beg of you... share something good. Please!

Those pesky kids!

The past week was crazy. Kiddos off school, work, life, blah blah blah.

Because the kiddos were off school, I watched an inordinate amount of Scooby Doo. Almost every episode ends with the criminal exclaiming, "and I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids." Or some version thereof.

I can relate to the criminals... I kept saying that over and over while the kiddos were off school. I'd start working on a project, and wham! "Mom, she bit me!" "Mom, she said I was ugly." "Mom, she won't help me clean." "Mom, I need some milk." "Mom, I'm hungry."

Needless to say, I've gotten little done over the past few days.

Recently, on the ACFW loop, people were discussing the idea of being a SAHM and trying to get writing done. A lot of folks talked about what they do to facilitate writing and kids.

I've shared a lot with you all about my Panera time, Starbucks visits, and my beloved Denny's. That's how I get my writing done. With the kiddos off school, I didn't get my two Panera days and I'm hurting for it. I didn't get the writing done I needed, and it's been driving me crazy. Those pesky kids!

I finally resorted to bribery. If they let me have my writing time, I'd bake cookies with them. It sort of worked. We baked cookies, but I didn't get as much writing done as I would have liked. But that's okay.

The reality of being a writing mom who also works the tax season is that I don't always get to write as much as I'd like. However, I'm learning to balance the realities of parenting with the realities of being me. It's important to set boundaries with my kids to let them know writing is important to me. I want them to know that dreams are important and require hard work. Just because I'm "mom" doesn't mean I don't have dreams. More importantly, as I model the behavior of what it takes to achieve dreams. How else will my kids learn that the things they want to do with their lives aren't going to just land in their laps? But I also want them to know that they are important to me. I've always got time for a cuddle, and some of my best stuff is written with a kiddo on my lap.

So what about you? How do you balance the demands of parenting and working towards your goals?

Thursday Thirteen #34: Valentine's Chocolate Edition

Thirteen Things about Valentine's Day Chocolate It's a VDay Standard... but do you know what's good? 1. Tim Tams. Technically only available in Australia (but really, how romantic would THAT be to have a guy go all the way there to get you chocolate), however, my good friend found them for sale at Cost Plus World Market under the name Arnott's biscuits. 2. Dagoba Organic Chocolate. YUM!! Not only is it good for the earth, but good for you, too! The lavender is my favorite. 3. Chocolate dipped fruit. Doubly good for you. 4. Godiva. Need I say more? 5. Chocolate Fondue. 6. Chocolate body paint. For the adventurous. Personally, I'd go with real melted chocolate, because the stuff you buy for the body tastes a little like plastic. 7. Hot chocolate. Made the real way, on the stove, with milk. None of that powder stuff, tyvm. Topped with whipped cream. 8. M&Ms... while not pure chocolate, I have a weakness for the peanut ones. 9. Chocolate covered pretzels. I love the chocolate/sweet/salty combo. 10. Ghirardelli. Again, I don't really need to say much more, except I'll be in San Fransisco in July, and you can bet that'll be one of my stops. 11. Chocolate covered espresso beans. There's a great place in SD that makes 'em. 12. Chocolate dipped biscotti. Goes great with tea. 13. Really, any good quality dark chocolate will do.

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The Little Things

We've all heard the phrase "it's the little things that count." Today seemed to be one of those days that really pointed out the value in that statement.

On my way to Words for the Journey, a writing group I belong to, I called That Man to see where he was working. Usually, I go out to lunch with the folks afterward so we can chat, but I had to go into work to call the IRS on behalf of one of my clients, and today was the only day I could fit it in. I figured if That Man was working anywhere on my way to work, I'd stop and have lunch with him. As luck would have it, timing was perfect for us to meet on my way to work and his way to another jobsite. The cool thing was hearing the happiness in his voice when I proposed the idea. You wouldn't think having lunch with your spouse was a big deal, and yet, it meant the world to him.

I've been thinking about it off and on all day, not so much the fact that I'm a wonderful wife for taking time out of my busy day to have lunch with my husband. But the fact that oftentimes, we can make such a difference in a person's life with little things, and yet we put it off because we think it's too small to matter. We're waiting for the opportunity to do a big thing.

There's a lot of things I'm procrastinating on right now. People I want to see, talk to, write to, whatever... and I keep thinking, well, I don't have time to do it properly. So I'll just wait until I do. I didn't have time to have a proper lunch with That Man, just a quick bite, kiss kiss, and away we went. But he was so thankful that I'd taken even that small amount of time, rather than us each going our separate ways through a convenient drive through, finding a moment to be together.

I think about those moments with my kids. How often we're too busy to do this or that, and we think we're saving up time to do the big thing that'll impact them forever. And you know, I don't think those moments really matter to them. I certainly don't remember those big things from my parents. I'm sure they did them. I'm sure they spent countless hours planning and more money than they probably could have afforded. But what I remember is sitting on the back porch with my dad, drinking coffee and chatting about life. Playing cards in the kitchen with my grandma. Tasting the sauce to make sure it was "just right." Mundane things. Moments they chose to invest in my life to show that I mattered to them.

What are the moments passing you by? Is there a little thing you could do in someone else's life right now? Maybe it seems small to you, but maybe it means the world to them. It's something I'll definitely be focusing more on in the future.

A day off

My first in three weeks. I am so happy. I slept in, cleaned house, and that's about it.

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of Sabbath, maybe because I haven't had the choice of one in a long time, and I've realized that there's a good reason for it. I am, by nature, an introvert. Now, those of you who know me in cyber-space or see me at the occasional writer's group meetings or conferences might argue that fact. There's a girl in my small group who insists I can't possibly be an introvert. Trust me. I am.

Today, That Man wanted to go to some home improvement place to buy shelving stuff to build some shelves for the playroom. I'm envisioning this really cool Pottery Barn Kids thing I saw with a little seat. I did not want to go. I wanted to stay inside my beautiful, almost clean house and not have to deal with another living human being. So there I am, looking at shelving things that look nothing like the Pottery Barn picture because they're all in pieces, and I just wanted to sit on the floor, put my hands over my ears and cry like a baby. I conned my kiddos into being mostly quiet by playing "the quiet game" and staying silent until I said they could talk again to win a prize. We finally went home, and I sent them off to buy drinks for tonight, and I just sat there, on the couch, enjoying being completely alone.

I wonder what it would be like, to have a day, just like God did, where you could sit and do absolutely nothing. Not have to go chasing off to home improvement whatnots, pick up girl scout cookies (did that today too), make sure the bills get paid, scrub the toilets, figure out when we're going to buy valentines and make the silly little valentine box for school, and oh, yeah, since my Lent thing has been narrowed down to spending time in Scripture, get right on that one. The truth is, even if I had a real day off, I don't think I'd know what to do with myself. I've filled my life with so much busy-ness that as much as I crave calm, I go a little nuts when faced with the prospect. I have too much to do in too little time.

Today, my wonderful Man surprised me. As part of our church's Lenten experience, we're doing a silent retreat. Forty hours of not speaking. Of not having to worry about the laundry, what's for dinner, whether or not the kiddo wiped her butt, where the best price on lumber is, and how I'm going to get it all together to make sure every little thing is done just right. I asked him earlier in the week if I could go, and he did his usual "maybe" thing. Tonight, he said yes. I'm part excited, part freaked out. But mostly, craving that time for just me and God.

I don't know what your schedule looks like. For a lot of you, it's either as crazy as or even more crazy than mine. I hope you'll find a way to step back, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break. We all need one.

Lenten thoughts

Yesterday, I posted a TT on Lent. Mostly because it was timely, but also because it's on my mind a lot. Our church is doing something called Project Forty in celebration of the Lenten season. I admit, I worked the night they launched it. In case you've been on the moon the past few weeks, this is the peak of tax season for me. I haven't had a day off in almost three weeks, and I've been pulling 40+ hour weeks. And that's just at the tax job. Some part time job, eh? Ah well, it's only a few weeks a year.

Anyway... I'm digressing. I do that a lot. Particularly when sleep deprived.

I've been in this frame of mind for a while now, beginning with the New Year. Everyone makes resolutions that statistics show end up being broken within a matter of weeks. I decided I didn't want to make any resolutions, but I did want to grow. I just didn't know what that meant for me.

Then, I saw a program on TV about the end of the world. Not that I believe in all these theories or anything, but I found myself asking, "what if?" What if the world did end when all these prophecies say it will? 12/21/12 (the latest doomsday) isn't all that far away. If the world ended on that day, am I okay with how I've lived my life? Can I face that end with confidence?

Now, I'm not talking about salvation here. I'm talking about my own integrity as a human being and follower of Christ. Have I lived my life in such a way that I can stand in front of God knowing that I made the most of the life I was given? Do I have regrets? Are they things I can do differently now?

So there I was, at Lent, and I started researching Lent to have something clever to post on TT other than how exhausted I am. What struck me the most was reading about Ash Wednesday, and how the ashes represent the sin and fallen condition of man. In Biblical times, people covered themselves in ashes when they fell into a deep state of sorrow for their transgressions. I did not attend a service or have ashes placed on my forehead. And yet, I feel the deep sorrow of knowing my sins. And hungrily desiring to be better.

Like with New Year's, I'm not focusing my Lenten season on some grand "giving up" or "adding a discipline." If that's your thing, that's great. But to me, there's something empty about having a little list to check off. I'm hungering for deep, spiritual fulfillment. I don't want to spend forty days doing something just to do it. I want to come through this season changed for the better. More importantly, I don't want it to end with the celebration of Our Savior's resurrection. I want to continually grow in who I am in Christ. I want to live my life mindful of the fact that not one of us knows the day or hour, and that when my hour comes, I want to be able to stand in front of the Lord unashamed.

Thursday Thirteen #33: Lent

Thirteen Things about Lent Since today (yesterday now) is the start of the Lenten season, I thought I'd share some things about Lent. 1. For most Christians, it the a season of 40 days of fasting and prayer before Easter. 2. In most western Christian traditions, Sundays don't count towards the 40 days because they celebrate the resurrection of Christ. 3. Lent begins with Ash Wednesday, a day of reflection on what we need to do to change and grow as Christians. 4. Ash Wednesday got its name from the tradition of placing ashes on people's foreheads as a sign of mourning for sin. 5. Forty is an important symbolic number in the Bible: it often symbolizes discipline and preparation. 6. Many people will either give up something in observance of Lent or take on a new spiritual discipline. 7. Three important elements of celebrating Lent are prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, showing justice to God, ourselves, and others. 8. Roman Catholics see Lent as an important part of their tradition, while most Protestants see it as a choice. 9. Sundays are feast days, so there is no fasting on Sundays. 10. Palm Sunday is the last Sunday before Easter, celebrating Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem, the beginning of Holy Week. 11. The Thursday before Easter is known as Maundy Thursday, which is when Jesus and his disciples celebrated the last supper. 12. Some Christians will celebrate with a Seder meal, honoring the Passover, which is what Jesus and his disciples were celebrating with the last supper. 13. Good Friday is the next day, commemorating the crucifixion and burial of Jesus.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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