Thursday Thirteen #54: Insomnia Edition

Thirteen Things about Insomnia So, as you can tell by the time stamp on the post, I can't sleep. Ugh. So, here's a little about my insomnia. 1. It's a never ending pattern for me. I started Sunday night, stayed up way too late, slept in too late Monday, stayed up too late... thought I kicked it Tuesday by getting up normal, having a normal day, going to bed at a normal time. Slept late today (I honestly couldn't get up, I was so tired) and now up late again tonight. UGH. 2. I think tonight's because I've been caffeine free for a month now, and made the mistake of having a Dr. Pepper at 7... I cannot have caffeine after 4 and have a good night's sleep. 3. It's also because my friend Cheryl has a book due and she needed me to read it before turning it in to her editor. The darn thing was so good, I couldn't put it down. It's unedited, and to be honest, I didn't find a whole lot wrong with it. :) You all are reading Cheryl Wyatt, aren't you? 4. Believe it or not, I'm actually not stressed about anything. Except maybe how messy my house is. 5. The whole milk thing doesn't work for me. I hate milk. 6. Ditto on all the supposed herbal things. They make me gag. 7. On this top ten list, I do most of them. Obviously, I violated the caffeine rule, and I didn't know about the no puzzle-solving or work rule. Other than that, I do all that stuff. 8. I'm allergic to most sleeping pills. 9. Reading sometimes helps me fall asleep, but I have to finish the book before going to sleep, and if it was an exciting book, I'll still lay awake thinking about it. 10. After reading Cheryl's manuscript, I feel so invigorated with creative juices that I really want to write instead of going to sleep. 11. That Man is due to get up at any time now to go to a job that needs him there super early today. 12. I'm also hungry, but I know that if I eat, I really won't be able to sleep, so now I'm torn between two bad decisions. Ugh. 13. To tell the truth, I'm not all that bothered about not being able to sleep right now. I'm sitting here, listening to big band music, drinking some water, and enjoying a nice evening. I just know that tomorrow, when the children start with that whole, "Mooooommmmmmmyyyyy" thing, I'm going to be really upset. So what about you? How do you sleep?

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Work, work, work...

Yep, still working on the website. Mostly, it's just figuring out controls and how to hook up stuff. And learning the difference between a section, category, and article. I, apparently, do it all out of order. *sigh*

On a productive front, I FINALLY finished the revisions on this silly book. I thought I was done, and then I realized, oops, I'm 5K words short because I calculated by the old method, not the current method. So I've been editing, adding, blah blah blah, and then I was 2K over. *sigh* I'm now at a place where I can finally say it's just about perfect and I'm ready.

The funny thing I'm learning with all this work is that the work is never finished. And it's never perfect. A hard lesson for a perfectionist to learn. Fortunately, I'm trying to get rid of a little of that perfectionism, so maybe one of these days, we can call me fixed.

My Website!!!

As many of you know, I've had a website for a while. To be honest, I've been hating on it... totally DIY, totally unprofessional, and it's just icky. My neighbor, aka my adopted brother, is a computer geek. The company he worked for just lost its funding, so he's on a little unpaid vacay right now. So.... lil' sis is taking advantage...

However, I have very few ideas as to what I want. Well, that's not true. While this is my site, it's really YOUR site. Which means I want what you want. So tell me... what do you want?

Here's the site in its infancy... www.danicafavorite.com. Leave a comment here or one via the site and let me know what you think, what you want, etc. I will probably be changing the header graphic, but I don't have any good ideas. I think I'll probably be changing my blog to match, but that's down the road.

Why do I love him... let me count the ways...

Yesterday, I went shopping. I bought new clothes. Now, most husbands have a bit of a freakout moment when their wives say, "Honey, I went shopping and got a couple of outfits." Mine... he says, "that's great, honey," and proceeds to admire my purchases. Not just the usual guy thing of, "uh huh," but he genuinely looks at them and gives me his opinion. In the case of this shopping trip, I majorly scored.

I finally caved to the fact that I don't have a lot of clothes that fit. I hate shopping, so since I was in the mood, I figured I might as well get it over with. After all, I'll be at a conference in a couple of weeks and they might not like it if I walked around in sweats. So I shopped.

That Man understands that I seldom buy anything new for myself. I generally buy stuff for everyone but me. He gets pretty excited when I buy stuff for myself. He's even more excited because I actually bought colorful things. And... who knew? He thinks I look sexy in skirts. I bought a couple of them. :)

If that wasn't enough to get me in a good mood, today, he did something spectacular. Today, finally, after having to stare at the abomination since we moved in, he finally moved it. I tried taking a picture, but the camera batteries were dead.

Close your eyes and imagine... a big ugly roof sitting in the middle of my backyard. It's our shed roof and it's taken him nearly a year to get it moved. But it's finally in place. Now he can finish the shed, put all of his ugly man junk in it, and I get my yard back. Except... there's now an ugly brown spot where the grass died from having the shed there. Oh well, I'll plant more.

I'm so happy! So tell me... what are the silly little things people do for you that make you happy?

Thursday Thirteen #53: Better late than never

Thirteen Things about My Trip It's the better late than never edition... been a funky week. However, I did promise I'd share more about my trip, so here it is... 1. One of the fine activities the family engaged in is what as known as the chicken fly... 2. You climb a ladder, stick a chicken in the mailbox, and then plunge it out to make it fly. The person whose chicken flies the farthest wins. We did not win. But we sure had fun. 3. I had my children arrested for making a mess. They have not, however, learned their lesson. My house is messier than ever. 4. We also ate like pigs. 5. The littlest one also treated us to some of her beautiful singing, courtesy of a stick she found on the grounds, with backup from her favorite princess doll, Aurora, aka Allora. 6. At the end of the evening, we were treated to a flute serenade and a gorgeous sunset. Huh... well, that's the best of the pictures. So I guess I'll tell you about a few other things until I get to thirteen. 7. We were so far in the mountains, away from any towns, that the nearest place to view fireworks was at least an hour away. This was the first 4th of July I've gone without seeing fireworks. Oh wait, I lied. Didn't get to see any the summer I was in Israel, either. For some reason, they don't celebrate the 4th. ;) 8. Even though it was a family vacation, I did not sleep with my hubby. I slept in the cabin, he and the kiddos slept in a tent. He'd been promising to take them camping, so we figured this was the closest thing. They wouldn't stay in the tent without him. 9. We saw a real live cay-whoa-tee. Sadly, or maybe gladly, the little one afraid of the wild beasts did not see it. She's still bitter about that. 10. I forgot to take pictures of the accommodations and pond. The pond's a little low, but it's still real nice to sit on the bench, drinking tea, and staring at it. 11. We're planning on building a labyrinth there. A few months ago, I was talking about how I wished I had some land to build one, and Gloria said I could put one up at the cabin. I think she's more excited about it than I am. 12. The kids fought less than usual, but are making up for it now. 13. We did not bring the dog, for fear of wild animals. I missed him a lot. We need to figure out a way to bring him so he doesn't get eaten.

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I want to go back...

We spent a glorious two days in the mountains... the family has a cabin in the mountains that we visited for the first time. I can assure you we will be going back. As often as possible. Especially now that I know we have unlimited access.

I can't begin to explain what I loved about being there. Certainly, it was because it's in the mountains. I seriously could never live far from my beloved mountains. How can a person be in the midst of such perfect majesty and not believe in God? Such beauty cannot come from an accident.

The other piece was the peace.

I should tell you that while the cabin has electricity, there is no running water, no phone service, and has two 10 by 12 rooms, one upstairs, one downstairs. For six people, this presents a bit of a space problem. The cabin is affectionately known as "The Shack." For the bathroom, there is a shed several yards away containing a composting toilet. The shower consists of a solar heated bag of water hung on the side of the shed. Primitive, but not unlivable.

For two days, I didn't have to listen to the phone. For two days, I did not hear the blaring of a TV. For two days, we had no computers. For two days, all we had was the glory of God and each other. We had good food, good conversation, good hikes, good times. Not once did my kids say, "Mom, I'm bored."

I enjoyed a book and a cup of tea overlooking a small pond while the birds sang me a song so beautiful, I wonder what I did to deserve such a spectacular symphony. While reading another book, moths attacked me. Apparently, not all of nature appreciates my taste in literature. All in all, I read ten books this weekend.

I'm reminded of Thoreau and I understand the appeal of Walden. Here, in the mountains, I have found my own Walden. And truly, being back in the city, I feel as though a piece is missing from my heart.

This morning, after a comfortable night in my own bed, I woke to such a cacophony that I ran out to the porch, hands over my ears, trying to focus only on the sound the birds in our yard and then the soft whisper of rain. I hated being back in the land of noise. I hated that the children were downstairs on one TV, my husband upstairs on the other. They are in bed now, and the only thing I hear is the soft clack of my fingers on the keyboard and the ticking of the kitchen clock. I miss the hummingbirds. I miss the quiet so dense you can hear the wings of the moths as they float through the darkness.

As I adjust to being back home, I have to figure out how to bring back the feeling of peace we all knew. How about you? Where do you find the most peace? And how do you keep it with you in the midst of all the craziness of life?

Home again...

Well, I posted my TT Wed night with every intention of getting back to my blog Thursday morning before I left town. You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men...

So I mentioned, I think, that my freezer died last week when I got back from Costco, so we had to buy a new one. Well... I shopped around, finally settled on this little beauty from Best Buy.


The salesman told me when I ordered it, I'd get it either Tuesday or Wednesday. AFTER I paid for the thing, he said, oops, no sorry, it's Thursday. I let him know I needed it EARLY Thursday or sooner. (AKA I'm leaving town) Wednesday, I get a phone call saying they'll be delivering it LATE Thursday afternoon/early evening. I tried to explain I was leaving town, and needed it sooner. The woman was VERY uncooperative. I finally told her that we'd have to wait until Monday since I would not be home. I asked if we could get some kind of credit since they messed up my delivery time. Nope. Had to talk to the store. Hubby went to the store, they said they couldn't do anything. Okay, fine. I'm irritated that I have to wait until Monday for my freezer, but since I won't be home, that's fine.

Fast forward to Thursday. AKA the day we're leaving, which according to Murphy's law, is the day everything goes wrong and gets messed up. It does, but so far, not too bad. We are getting ready to walk out the door and the phone rings. It's Best Buy. They're on their way to my house with my freezer. Since they're on the way, we figure, okay, we'll wait around. Of course, this leads to mad dash of moving things around to get freezer in the house since I wasn't planning on it getting here until Monday. And, because you all know I was trying to get out of town, they got to my house later than what they said. I'm slightly bitter that I paid $60 for all of this hassle.

However, I did get out of town. And I do have my brand-new, beautiful freezer. And really, hubby is probably grateful for the Best Buy delay, because it gave him more time to get stuff together without me yelling at him for taking too much time. :) So I'm happy even though I'll probably think hard before buying something else from Best Buy that has to be delivered. My appliances from Home Depot were not this much hassle.

Anyway, now that I'm home again, I can start playing with my new freezer, get a little unpacking done, do some laundry, take a bath, download pictures, and then I'll blog about my many adventures in the mountains. We had a ball. Nearly two days of no TV, no computers, no noise... heaven. Of course, the rest of the family is holed up in the basement glued to the TV. Sigh. Now that I know we have use of this cabin, I think we may do this at least once a month. :)

Thursday Thirteen #52: Things that make me smile

1. My Cowgirl
2. My Princess
3. My friend Tonya's pictures. It's too late to ask her permission to post one, so go visit her.
4. Jokes about The LiLi. My hubby and I get pretty silly with them all.
5. Babies.
6. Silly text messages from my friends... they know I don't text, but every once and a while, they send me a message that warms my heart.
7. Reading a good book.
8. Mike Myers (He just happens to be on Leno right now. My all time favorite comedy is So I married an ax murderer)
9. Being in the mountains.
10. A good cup of tea.
11. Chatting with friends.
12. Accomplishing things.
13. Making That Man smile.

Mugs, Pictures, and Dilemmas...

Jan tagged me with a challenge to show off my mugs. So I took a few pictures and then realized why I haven't been posting pictures to begin with. I can't find the little doo-dad to get them from my camera to my computer! I finally found it, and so I present to you... my mugs.




The first one is of my two favorite mugs. My best friend bought me the Harrod's mug when she visited London. The black dog reminds me of my own dog, and the white dog, well, I want one of those. So it's a sort of past, present, future mug. But mostly, it makes me think of her, so when I miss her, I make myself a little tea and drink it from that mug. The second mug in the picture is my everyday mug. It's huge, which is why I love it. I hate small mugs I have to keep refilling.

The second picture is three teacups from Randy's grandmother, a woman I never met, but I'm sure I would have loved her. At the old house, I had all of her old funky dishes on top of my cabinets as a display, but you never really could see them. Here, I have no space on top of my cabinets, so I've decided I'm going to put them into service. I watched a show the other day that really inspired me to go ahead and use some of the "nice" things I'm saving for later.

All of this leads to the dilemmas... I unpacked his grandmother's things the other day, because we made a huge effort to get our stuff out of storage. AND, as of yesterday, the storage is empty and we have everything in our house. Well, in the garage anyway. In the midst of all this craziness, our freezer decided to die. As in right when I got home with Costco loaded up with groceries to go in the freezer. The new freezer, a bit smaller and prettier than the old one, will be delivered Thursday. I haven't quite figured out how we'll get the old one out and the new one in yet. There's the matter of the very full garage.

Now that we have everything here, I feel compelled to get things cleaned up and organized. Plus, there's that full garage I have to contend with. My biggest annoyance right now is my mess. Right now, I do all of my work from a little spot on the couch in the family room. It's great because I have a full view of the backyard and any mischief the kiddos are getting into. It's bad because I have a whole slew of stuff I need to do my work and I have no place to put it.

Enter exhibit A:
As you can see, it's a mess. I proposed the solution of getting a small bookcase (one of the little short ones) and putting it right there so I can have all the stuff I need organized and at arm's reach. That Man, who hates the mess (and I might add had MORE areas like this than I do), thinks the bookcase will just end up cluttered and messy. Which I will admit, probably will happen. He wants me to move it all downstairs to my office. The problem with that is a.) my office is packed full of boxes and I can't move in there, let alone get to any of my overstuffed bookcases. b.) I hate my office because it's in the basement, where it is dark and smelly, so I don't ever use it.

The mess mostly consists of boxes of books I have bought within the past few months and either need to read, write the review, or judge for contests. I could stack them on the floor, but the kiddos would take that as an invitation to destroy or move, and even though it looks like a mess, the boxes ARE organized according to task and priority.

Soooo.... tell me what I should do. Suggestions, compromises, ideas are welcome!

The diet game

First off, thanks to everyone who's been stopping by and saying hi, giving me their congrats. It's been a funky few days, so I'm just catching up on blogging now.

Second, and the real purpose of today's post. I've been on a cleanse diet for about a week or so. Now before those of you who know me jump down my throat and say I don't need to go on a diet, let me explain. It's not a lose weight thing, but a clean out my system thing. Last year, I had tummy issues resulting in the removal of my gall bladder. This spring, the tummy troubles returned. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me. Based on a number of things, I think it's a result of buildup of junk in my body. I'm working with a nutritionist, and we decided that the best thing for me is a gentle cleanse. The basic principle is that I cut out all bad stuff, then cut out potential allergen and foods that are harder on the body. Once I've cut out all but the most cleansing foods, then I can add things back in and see how my body does. Basically, we're looking at gluten free, dairy free, only a few selected meats, and ABSOLUTELY no sugar or caffeine.

However, it's HARD.

I meant to start last Thursday. I was fine all day except for the fact that I was supposed to meet my girlfriends from work for drinks. Okay... so I had water, which is good. I tried, I really tried to abstain from the platter of appetizers. I had a nibble or two, so that spoiled the diet for that day.

Friday, we had a lunch for my friend's birthday. I'd skipped breakfast (I was busy, I forgot), and starving. Let's be blunt here. Nothing on my diet feels filling. More to the point, I have blood sugar issues, and that plate of bread in front of me was just too much. I caved. I ate a normal lunch. Then, we had a family dinner. I TRIED to order food on my diet, but the "safe" food had a little bad stuff on it. I know, I could've sent it back and asked for what I needed, but I hate doing that. It smacks a little too much of princess for me.

Saturday, I did okay, except I went to a gathering at a friend's house. And of course, they had food. I did pretty good, just had one taste and ate some snacks I brought. Sunday, despite being at a BBQ where they served all of my favorite foods, I stuck to the diet except for one bite of my daughter's cake. How can I resist? Monday through Thursday, I also did great. The truth is, I like a lot of the food on my diet and eat a lot of it anyway.

Then Friday came. Friday began the really strict part of the diet... I'm only supposed to eat rice, fruit, and vegetables. I succeeded for most of the day, but then I got lightheaded because I really need my protein. We went to Costco and I was confronted with my biggest food weakness. No, not the samples. I skipped most of them. Except... they had CHEESE. Not just plain old cheese, but cheeses from around the world. The GOOD stuff. The stuff I live for. I caved. Not hard core, again, just taking a bite of my daughter's sample piece. I have to admit, I felt guilty. I wondered if cheating meant I'd have to start over. I even Googled it. But I can't find anything specific to this cleanse. I can't stop obsessing over whether or not I should call my nutritionist. I admit, though, I felt much better after eating some chicken.

Today, I thought, I'll try again. I remember my lack of protein failure from the previous day and I pack a few nuts with my snack fruit. Did GREAT. I realize I technically shouldn't have nuts in this phase, but I also didn't have the blood sugar crashes I did like the previous day. Then we went to my neighbor's for a party. Wow... the food was INCREDIBLE. But all I ate was the fruit. Yes, I was good. Completely good. It was so hard to ignore the cheese calling my name. Even harder when my kiddo sat on my lap, eating it happily, and trying to get me to have a bite. It was also hard to say no to a very good hostess. I was raised that you don't offend by refusing hospitality. I didn't want to explain about my diet, because it freaks people out.

That said, I did come home and eat more chicken. As the afternoon wore on, I did have a couple of blood sugar issues, so I'm starting to accept that I really can't do the fruit, rice, and veggie thing. Which is okay. It's not like I'm taking any kind of drugs or something that'll mess me up if I don't stick to the diet.

Here's what I've learned in this week. First, this is the first diet I've ever been on. I tried something similar years ago, but couldn't even get going because it required too much of a lifestyle change. I think that's the problem with a lot of diets. They require a pretty drastic lifestyle change. This diet's been fairly easy for me, because I already eat (and LIKE) most of the foods I'm supposed to be eating. The challenge for me, for example, is meals like breakfast, where I don't usually do too bad, but my usual foods are off limits. That seems like it would be hard to maintain for a lot of people.

The next challenge is melding the diet with the world around me. I can't expect restaurants and friends to cook according to my diet. Which means having to have a lot of self control as well as tact in dealing with people who want you to eat things you can't. I've only been to two restaurants, but neither had anything that fit my diet without several modifications. To do the diet right, you really have to eat all of your meals and snacks at home.

And of course, there's temptation. I mentioned my weakness for cheese. I couldn't say no. Believe it or not, I've been fine with sugar. I even gave up my beloved tea. But cheese... *sigh*

That said, I also wanted to share my successes. The most important thing I'm doing is that I'm forgiving myself for my mistakes. With the cheese, for example, I didn't say, "well, since I blew it, I'm going to eat all the cheese I want." I had just a taste. And yes, I did limit myself to that little taste. In fact, every place I strayed from my diet, it was always just a small taste. Rather than giving up because I made a mistake, I continued to follow the diet. I kept going. I know a lot of people who stray from the diet a couple of times, then give up.

The next important thing I do is listen to my body. I knew the fruits and veggies weren't doing it for me. So I chose to keep a small amount of protein. I know it's important to follow a diet exactly, but it's also important to know your body. It's possible that if the foods you need aren't on the diet, maybe you're on the wrong one. Stay focused on what a diet SHOULD be: healthier eating habits and choices. As long as you're not substituting bad foods for the good ones on your diet, you're still doing good for your body.

Finally, be proud of yourself and celebrate your victories. Pat yourself on the back for the times you've succeeded. If you resist temptation, count it as a victory, even if you have to do it several times a day. The most important thing to remember about any diet is that you are choosing to do something good for yourself. Focus on your good choices. The good foods you're using to replace the bad. If you make a mistake, it's okay, just keep going. I know I will be!

Thursday Thirteen #51: Things I did today (be impressed)

Thirteen Things I did today (be impressed) 1. Made the kids breakfast (usually they get their own) 2. Folded two loads of laundry 3. Did the bellydancing workout show. 4. Did the Gilad workout show. (It was on right after bellydancing, and I didn't feel like that one gave me much of a workout today) 5. Watched the Dan Ho show (while I folded laundry) 6. Unpacked three and a half boxes (and one was the size of two boxes!) 7. Did two loads of dishes (more to come, since I unpacked some china and it's gross) 8. Cleaned off the counter. 9. Cleaned up the area behind the couch. 10. Paid bills. 11. Washed all the wood furniture in my bedroom with wood soap. 12. Went grocery shopping. 13. Made a healthy, delicious meal from all natural fresh ingredients using new to me recipes. Quinoa is pretty good! So give me a big round of applause. I'm going to need the encouragement to get up off the couch now. I'm tired and sore!

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The coolest discovery EVER!!

Well, okay, it doesn't beat sliced bread, but come on! Who can top that? The point is, I'm super excited.

As some of you know, I've been working on some revisions. I finally got the critiques back, made the changes, and YES! I sent them. So give me a great big pat on the back. Anyway, now that I'm eagerly stalking my inbox to see what the verdict is (and yes, I know it's unrealistic for me to think that I'd get an answer this soon, but I'm a writer. I'm neurotic. Part of the job description), I had a thought.

Be afraid.

Rather than biting my nails, driving everyone crazy, or worse, cleaning my house, while I wait, I'm going to be productive. NO, I'm not writing another book. I already have five that could go to this place, and I'd rather figure out if they're viable before I write another. Okay, fine, I AM writing another. But that's not the point I was trying to make.

Here's my point:

I have great critique partners. They help me see the things I can't see in my own writing. And they gave some really good feedback. In fact, I'm going to give just a quick plug for one of them, Camy Tang, and her Story Sensei critique business. Yes, she'll charge you. BUT it's worth it. She hacked up my manuscript something fierce. And I believe that the story I just sent is a thousand times better because of it.

So, rather than working on a new book (resisting the temptation... resisting the temptation... did I mention it's an AWESOME story), I'm taking what I learned and applying it. I know, scary thought. I've got the comments from my lovely friends (and no, Camy's not the only one who chopped it to pieces, she's just the only one I can promote), and I'm going through my other stuff and seeing how I can apply it. GACK. The work I have just created for myself.

But it's going to make me a better writer, which means in the long run, I'll be a better writer. Which is the advice I just gave to a newbie writer in a contest entry I judged. The writing was beyond putrid. And yet, I could feel her passion for what she wrote just as clearly as I could see the red-highlighted words spell check said she missed. Bad writing can be fixed. But you have to be willing to learn the craft. To step out and say to someone you know is not going to be nice to you, "do your worst," and be willing to accept that criticism. Greg Johnson of Word Serve Literary recently spoke to our ACFW group and said that one thing that impresses him is an author telling him that s/he had several strangers read and critique the book and that s/he applied that criticism. Are you willing to step out and learn whatever it is you need to learn to become a better writer?

And I still haven't told you my discovery.

Because I'm committed to becoming a better writer, I'm going to apply what I learned to the other things I have in the hopper. However, I hate hate hate editing on screen. I get dizzy. So I do a lot on paper. Which is great, except we have wimpy printers. I usually just put it on a flash drive and head to Kinko's. And that's when I found out... I can do it all via Internet and then pick it up when it's printed. For twenty five dollars, my friends, I will have a printed version of the book I'm going to be editing. I just have to go pick it up. No more waiting at the store with whining children while it prints. Nope. It'll be ready when I get there.

Life is so good.

Thursday Thirteen #50: Commericals I hate

Thirteen Things about commercials I hate 1. Viva Viagra. It’s number one because I absolutely detest this commercial. It has completely ruined what used to be a pretty good song. 2. All E.D. Commercials. What I really want to know is how much they have to pay these guys to stand up on national T.V. and tell the world they have E.D. 3. “I have genital herpes.” “And I don’t.” Let’s be frank here. Neither of you would have genital herpes if you were more careful in choosing your sex partners. More on that with the next one. 4. Gardasil. Back to my previous frank discussion. What the commercial doesn’t tell you is that HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. We’re spending an awful lot of money helping people not spread disease through medicine when if they just said no, they wouldn’t get the disease either. Now, to be fair, all you can control is you. A good friend of mine got HPV from her husband who got it from a college girlfriend and never knew he had it. But still… the commercial is only telling half the story, and rather than all these commercials with “fixes” for STDs, maybe we ought to think about commercials educating people on a little something called abstinence. 5. Political ads. I am considering not watching TV for the next four months. I’ve already seen a few for the Senate, I think. Ugh. I am so not interested in hearing a bunch of half-truths designed to prey on the emotions of the undereducated. 6. The Sarah McLachlan ASPCA ad. Kill me now. Not only is it ten times longer than the average commercial, but it’s depressing. Yes, abused animals make me sad. However, I’m not giving you a dime to help you continue showing that horrible ad. 7. Alcohol ads. Going to be general here, but I’m so sick of all these ads showing people drinking, having a good time, being irresponsible and then they have the little flash at the end: Please drink responsibly. And how, exactly, did your commercial demonstrate that? 8. Phillip Morris ads. If they’re so committed to helping people quit smoking and preventing teens from quitting, why do they still manufacture and sell cigarettes? Just wondering… 9. Lelli Kelly Shoes. The song is irritating as all get out. But worse, they try to sell you on these shoes that aren’t all that cute by promising lip gloss with the shoe. Ick. Although maybe some of my irritation stems from the fact that my daughter is somehow related to Imelda Marcos and can’t understand why I refuse to buy her $65 shoes. 10. Spike TV ads. “Who’s the hottest woman?” Vote on who’s blah blah blah. Because that’s what real men do. Gag. 11. The Caveman ads. I don’t even know the company… “it’s so simple a caveman can do it.” I’m sorry, why does that make me care about your product? 12. MySpace ads. Okay, these aren’t on TV. But seriously, every time I log into MySpace, I’m bombarded with ridiculous ads. Mostly for rich men in my area looking for wives. Apparently, they failed to notice that my profile clearly says I’m married. Plus, there has to be something wrong with a rich guy who has to advertise on MySpace for a wife. 13. Facebook Ads. They’re smaller than MySpace ads, which is good. They’ve caught on to the fact that I already have a husband, so they keep telling me about how I can lose weight. What I really hate about those ads is that they show women who are too skinny as the idea or women who are not fat as being overweight. Ugh.

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Dear Fat Cells,

I am writing to offer my most humble apologies for the abuse I heaped upon your poor tired existence this afternoon. You see, while I thought it might be a good idea to exchange some of you for some muscle, I had no idea what such an endeavor entailed. To be sure, oh precious fat cells, when my husband suggested a short bike ride, my idea of a short bike ride in no way intersected with his. I would have been content to stop when you first began to complain. However, to have continued as far as we did constitutes nothing less than torture. For that, my beloved fat cells, I must beg your forgiveness.

I realize, of course, that you, my most treasured fat cells, that as I offer this vain attempt at apologizing to you, I still contemplate my life with more muscle instead of fat. You must think me quite the hypocrite. But I am sure that you also know my brownie-loving heart. For as long as I am capable of preparing the luxurious deep chocolate creations sitting on my counter, there will always be room in my body for fat cells. One cannot exist without the other. Still, I feel I must replace you with something leaner and healthier, as I've been accused one too many times by too many people of being pregnant. I'm tired of snapping people's heads off as I inform them, "No, I'm just getting fat." Hardly the way to win friends and influence people. Although they're not doing themselves any favors by inquiring as to my reproductive status. Should such status ever fall upon our family again, I promise to wear a t-shirt proclaiming the uh, joyous news.

So, most adored fat cells, can we find some common ground? Is there a way we can peacefully coexist? Can we find a way to reduce the degree to which you protrude? Will you help me fit into my jeans again? More to the point, could you please cease complaining with your stabbing pains to my rear end? The fact of the matter is that my rear end is already troubled by the man and children in my life and I certainly need no further pain in my backside.

I appreciate your kind consideration in this most grievous matter. As a peace offering, I most gratefully offer you another fine specimen of chocolate.

Thank you ever so much,
Me

Inspy... then I'm outtie...

As you can tell from my last post, I have great plans. Great, I tell you, great. But have you ever noticed how, when you commit to positive change, life throws stuff at you as if to say, "yeah right."

That was today.

Er, how about we scoot back to yesterday afternoon? I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie with kiddo, trying to entice her into a nap. Didn't work out so good. Apparently, while I was sleeping, kiddo tried to wake me, and I told her to go away. Don't remember. What I do remember is waking up to a flooded basement. Yup. Kiddo was trying to tell me that the basement toilet was overflowing. Oops. So we had a little talk about what EMERGENCY means and that mommy saying "go away" doesn't count during one. *sigh*

We spent the rest of the time leading up to older kiddo's soccer party cleaning up flooded basement. The good news is I think we managed to save everything. The bad news is I didn't get anything else (like the stuff on my list) accomplished.

Fast forward to 6:30 a.m. Aka time of "wake mommy and die." Yeah, you know what's coming. Actually, not vomit this time. But screaming, "mommy I have a headache," and 101 fever comes awfully close. And her tummy was upset, so I feared vomit. I spent the entire day with sick kiddo attached to me like stink on a warthog (I LOVE that line! So glad they make kiddo movies inspy for grownups).

I'd planned on writing. And I did get in 3 pages in between "mooooooooooooommmmmmyyy." I'd planned on doing a little exercise. And I think five minutes counts as a "little" exercise. I'd planned on doing some work site updates. And I finished them about ten minutes ago. I'd planned on reading a book. Well, maybe tomorrow.

Here's the inspy part of my lovely not so lovely messed up plans. I very easily could have thrown in the towel. Tomorrow, there will be several in the laundry, thanks to my new de-germing plan. But here's the thing... we let a lot of things stop us from reaching our goals. Flooded basements happen. Sick kiddos happen. But darn it, I have a book to write. Maybe I didn't meet the full goal, but I did make progress.

We have to learn to accept that the perfect circumstances for whatever it is we're trying to do may never happen. We just have to dig in and do it anyway. I think sometimes we're thrown challenges to find out if we're really serious about what we say we're going to do, or if we let every little thing stop us. And I feel like I can say that because I'll tell you honestly, I've been doing a lot of that lately. Well, this circumstance didn't work out right... Kiddo blew this up, so I had to fix a big mess... whine, whine, whine.

Today, I finally said, "that's enough." I can either sit and whine about how yet again, my perfect day got blown to bits, or I can try to piece together what I can to make progress. And maybe tomorrow, things will blow up again and I'll sulk in my tea for another day. But maybe, hopefully, I'll remember how great it felt to know that I accomplished something really good in spite of all the yuck, dig in, and do it again.

Thursday Thirteen #49: Staying Sane in Summer!

Thirteen Things about Staying Sane in Summer Like so many mothers everywhere, with kiddos out of school for the summer, I tend to go a little crazy. I'm pretty sure their goal is to "Mom, I'm bored," me to death. This summer, however, I have a plan. And here are just a few ideas as to how to beat the boredom and stay sane this summer. Share some of your favorites! 1. Have a schedule! Kids are used to a school schedule and knowing what happens when. While I don't think it's a good idea to have it as tight as school, giving the kids a basic framework, like, on Monday, we have library; on Tuesday, we have Mom's writing group; on Wednesday, we do whatever; on Thursday, we have Mom's writing group; on Friday, we go on a field trip; etc. It's not rigid, but they know something is coming, and they can look forward to it. 2. Take advantage of the local library summer programs. They've got great summer reading incentives. At our house, Monday is library day, and the kids know it. We go to the library, pick out new books, and then have a picnic in the park adjacent to the library. 3. Take advantage of the "freebies." With the library program, we got all sorts of coupons for free or reduced cost entry to local attractions. Who can say no to a free trip to the amusement park or bowling? 4. Go park hopping. Explore the local parks and try something new. It's amazing how a dinky park your kids have never been to ends up being the coolest place on earth simply because it's something new. 5. Set goals with your kiddos. Summertime is exciting if they're working toward something. One of the girls wants some new Webkinz. The other wants more Disney Princesses and accessories. I gave each of them goals that when they achieve their goals, we'll go buy them. Of course, to reach their goals, it means putting forth consistent effort all summer. (And staying out of my hair!) 6. Make them work. We went to a local living history museum recently and the parents were stunned at all the chores young children had to do. Certainly, there's no coal to shovel at our house, but there's plenty of work to be done. It's amazing how much they'll do to get to go to the amusement park (and the tickets were FREE, courtesy of the library. Love it!). 7. Start a garden. Yes, they're a lot of work, but hey, you've got helpers. The kids love going out in the summer and eating the fresh tomatoes off the vine (and with the salmonella scare, homegrown is a great option). If you involve them in the process, it becomes a great (and FUN!) learning tool. 8. Arrange playdates. At least once a week, I get together with friends and their kiddos. That way, I get grownup time, and the kiddos get to beat up someone other than each other. 9. Take advantage of memberships. Years ago, I figured out that if we go to the zoo more than twice a year, it's better to have a membership. So we got one. Why let it go to waste? So we have regular zoo days. 10. Walk places. I know, most of my ideas involve GOING somewhere. Which is important to keep from going stir crazy. But with gas prices, I can understand being hesitant to do all that going. So... walk! Take the kiddos on "explores." See what things you can discover in your neighborhood. Is it a new park? Is it a shortcut to the nearest Dairy Queen? Find out! Not only does it get kids out of the house, but it helps mom's bathing suit fit a little better. 11. Check out the local tourist office or chamber of commerce. Or Google... "free kids activities in my area." See how many activities and sites on the tourist brochures you can check off. Many of the activities are free OR have great discount coupons in the brochure. 12. Summer sports activities, lessons, vacation Bible school. This year, we're doing riding lessons. However, the soccer club my daughter is in also has summer skill camps. And then of course, there's VBS... many churches use this as an outreach to the community, so even if your church isn't having one, chances are a nearby church will. 13. Don't get too rigid. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to do a lot of stuff with the kiddos and keep them entertained. You don't have to be too elaborate or get too expensive. But with a little creativity, you also don't have to spend all summer listening to kiddos whining, "Mom, I'm bored," all day.

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The sound of silence you hear...

Is me actually WORKING!!

Okay, so first I really must apologize for not blogging and getting back to folks sooner. I had a headache that started last week and is barely at bay today. There were a few days where the words on the screen were awfully blurry. So I kept computer time to a minimum.

However, it's put me really behind on other work I've needed to get done. The great thing about my job(s) is that for the most part, I can do it on my own schedule as long as I meet certain deadlines, accomplish certain tasks, etc. However, when you spend a week doing the bare minimum, you quickly realize that oops! the major plans you'd been working on haven't happened yet. So I'm playing catch-up. Which is extremely not fun with the remnants of a headache. Oh well. If I'd had a normal office job, I'd really be in trouble, since I'd have been skipping work altogether. Yep, I'm in that much pain. Actually, it's not so much the pain, but the blurred vision and inability to focus. Hate this!

Aren't you glad you read my blog today? To hear me whine about my head? The good news is, I should be getting better, since I went to the chiro and had a vertebrae in my neck REALLY out. He fixed me up, so once my body figures out that all is well, I'll be just fine.

In other news, I am working on getting into a summer rhythm, YAY me, so that's making me happy. And I've been having lots of really deep thoughts... maybe it's the headache talking, or maybe I'll have some cool things to share. Stay tuned...

Thursday Thirteen #48: Anniversary Edition

Thirteen Things about Our anniversary Today, That Man and I celebrated nine years of wedded insanity. :) Here's a special tribute, looking back on our relationship. 1. I refused to give him my phone number for a very long time. I thought he was a cheeseball trying to hit on me and I had sworn off men. 2. When we finally did start talking outside of church, he very quickly became my best friend. 3. We evolved into dating in a very strange way... basically, it was the only time he's ever really put his foot down with me. As in, that's it. We're dating. 4. I spent the first six months of our dating relationship trying to figure out how to break up with him and still be best friends. Since that didn't work out so well, I decided I had to marry him. 5. He proposed by giving me a beanie baby rhino with my ring around its horn. 6. He waited until the very last minute of "The Deadline" to propose. 7. We were married on a golf course because it was the only outdoor venue that hadn't been booked yet and I was determined to get married outside. 8. We went on a road trip for our honeymoon... took all the back roads, stopped at all the historical markers and points of interest. Very fun. 9. The most memorable anniversary gift he gave me was a spa weekend at a hot springs resort... by myself. I love him for that. 10. He is the first person in my life to have shown me unconditional love, the only person who knows everything about me, and he still thinks I am the most wonderful woman in the world. 11. He also thinks I am the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world. Not bad after all these years! 12. He is my biggest cheerleader and does everything he can to help me achieve my dreams. 13. After all these years, and everything we've been through (which trust me, is a LOT), I'd do it all again.

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Grace covering anger

The past few days, I've realized that I'm just angry. No particular reason, just angry. Maybe it's all the high fructose corn syrup I've cut out of my diet. A couple days ago, I screamed at my kids like a total shrew. And in the middle of it, I realized, I have absolutely no reason to be so angry at them. I apologized, shut my big fat mouth, and curled up on the couch with a blanket.

So today, I sat down at WFTJ, and my friend Robbie starts talking about how I've been on her mind lately, blah blah blah (actually, it was quite sweet, and I'll start crying if I talk about it, so we are NOT going there). And then she says something interesting about how I've grown. That when she first met me, she sensed a lot of repressed anger and frustration, but now she sees a lot of joy and peace in me.

Apparently, she wasn't in the house the other day when I screamed at my kids or last night when I yelled at the hubby and hung up on him. Yeah. Real proud moments.

We start talking and another friend comes up and says, "you're angry? Why are you so angry?" Which of course, leads to me tirading about the most idiotic things in the world that are absolutely no big deal and I have no real reason to be angry about them except that well, I'm just angry.

So I keep asking myself, why am I so angry? And where is this joy that my friend Robbie sees in me? (Robbie, by the way, is the ultimate in living joyfully. You should check out her blog, Joy Dance, and see what I mean.)

I did my thing, went to church, blah blah blah. Not really, but the full church topic has to be saved for another blog. Anyway, we were worshipping, and some of the things I'm angry about starting coming out. Things I'm holding in. Things I don't want to share because the things I'm angry about are selfish things and I don't want to be selfish. Things that hurt way deep down but I'm afraid to talk about them. No, that's not true. I've talked about them. I feel like I've talked about them ad nauseum for three years and nothing's changed. It still hurts. And honestly, I have to think that to some extent, people are sick of hearing it. So I shut it all up inside and don't talk about it any more. And there I am, crying my eyes out in the middle of church, trying to hide it because I know that if hubby sees, he'll want to know what's wrong and that'll just start another issue, and I'm tired of having issues.

And then it hit me... everything I've done today, everything I've heard, talked about, it all boils down to letting God handle my burdens. He does not care if I come crying to him a hundred times a day about all this stuff in my heart. He's not going to think I'm a bad person, a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad whatever it is I've decided I am. He's not going to send me to the corner reserved for the naughty little girls who still cannot get their act together.

One of the verses we talked about in WFTJ was Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Oh, how my soul needs rest. I am carrying so many burdens. And I'm doing it alone. Because I have some warped thought in my head that it has to be that way.

Tonight in church, Dave talked about grace. And while it wasn't specifically tonight's topic (though I suspect it will be another night), I realized the person I most need to give grace to is myself. To know that even if I unload all the burdens I carry around on His shoulders, it's not going to make me any less in God's eyes. Dave gave the great analogy of a scale, and that our way into heaven isn't dependent on the scale. In my head, I know this to be true... the ticket to heaven is grace. And yet, I am so wrapped up in my perfectionism and hating these human desires that I'm not laying it at the cross. It makes me wonder... have I really accepted grace? Or am I still stuck in some Pharisaical rut of believing lies and trying to perform my way into heaven?

The reality of who I am is that I'm a mess. I'm trying to clean it up, really I am. But it's pretty stupid to think that a mess is going to clean itself up. I've got kids. I should know better. But that's been my expectation. I'm angry because I'm not perfect. I'm angry because all the perfect things I planned for my life aren't happening in the perfect order I planned for them. I'm angry because I rely way too much on me and not enough on God. Nothing I do is going to cure this anger until I can step away and fully accept grace.

Communication Frustration

Communication has not been working for me. I'm a writer. I teach. I've been trained in public speaking. I get paid to chat with folks on the web. This should all translate to: Danica knows how to communicate, right?

Apparently not. Either that, or I can't seem to run into the folks who do.

Issue #1: Not telling me what you want. Especially if I give you the opportunity to do so. When I say, "what do you want," and you either say nothing or don't respond, why am I the bad guy for not giving you what you want? And yet, I've had several people be absolutely nasty to me over the past few days for that exact thing. I can't read minds, so why is it MY problem that you have a problem?

Issue #2: Going back on what you previously told me. This is really getting to be a hot button with me. If you say, "do this," and I do, don't be mad at me later for doing it. I have several new orifices after being torn into for doing exactly what I was told to do.

Issue #3: Not saying what you mean. Years ago, a Christian comedian did a routine about how when a person said, "bless his/her heart," they were really saying "you big idiot." That drives me nuts. If you mean the person is an idiot, then just say so. I'll respect you a lot more.

So there it is... my frustration with communication as of late. Please feel free to share your own frustrations. And do try, when communicating with me, to be clear and avoid making the mistakes above. It'll save all of us a big headache.

The Country Mouse Citified

I grew up in a small town. So small, that until a couple years ago, you couldn’t call my grandma and tell her something private because one of the neighbors on the party line was always listening. I was the stereotypical “I can’t wait to get out of this town” person. I left for college and never looked back. I return for the occasional family visit, but mostly, I’m content to remain near the city, where Dairy Queen, Starbucks and Safeway are all a short walk away.

Today, as I headed down the freeway, enjoying the feeling of breezing past the other cars, I saw an old pickup truck with some unusual features. “How quaint,” I thought, admiring how cute they’d done up their truck. Perfectly country, and definitely something out of Hicksville. As I continued to exclaim over how adorable this out of place pickup was, I realized something.

We had that kind of truck growing up.

I probably won’t admit this story to my family, since they all think I’ve grown way too big for my britches and turned into some kind of city snob. And maybe I have. But it’s interesting to know that as much as you’ve taken the mouse out of the country and firmly implanted her in the city, there are some country things you just can’t take away.

Thursday Thirteen #47: Where did the week go?

Thirteen Things about where the week went I have to say, I hate long weekends. I have a hard enough time keeping track of days as it is, so when folks mess it up by throwing a holiday in there, I get really confused. Which leaves me wondering... where did the week go? 1. I flounder without a "normal" schedule. The little one had her last day of preschool last week, so I'm having a hard time focusing without that schedule to remind me of what day it is. 2. Having hubby home on Monday made me think it was Sunday so I've been a day behind all week. 3. For some reason, I keep thinking we have one more week in May... 4. I remembered a birthday party just before we had to be there, so the little one didn't miss it! 5. I managed to double book us for a picnic and a girl scout event. 6. I did make it to Sharen's last day at WFTJ, but because I thought we had another week, I forgot her gift. 7. The school isn't serving hot lunch tomorrow, so I REALLY have to remember it IS Friday, the last day of school, and I have to pack her a lunch. 8. I did get all of our bills paid. I think. Now I have to remember to mail them... 9. I also got some books ordered that I've been meaning to order for a while. 10. I am working on a plan for the summer to keep us all on track (and on schedule!). 11. I did get in to work and finished another project I've been working on. 12. I went grocery shopping and stocked the kitchen. 13. And YES!! I did finish the newest Packrat set. :) So before you all comment and tell me to look up Flylady, let's just be clear here. Flylady is not my thing. I'll be fine once we figure out a new schedule. Until the next holiday or change hits. :)

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Progress reports, please!

So here we are at the end of the challenge.

My goal was 5,000 words and some revisiony stuff. I ended at 5,120 AND made the revisions that I know of AND sent them off for another pair of eyes. We will not discuss WHAT I wrote, because it was completely not what I was supposed to write, but really, what am I supposed to be writing right now? I'm REVISING. So I can SUBMIT.

What about all of you, my faithful friends? Did you make your goal? What did you do towards your goal?

Why I'm not looking forward to puberty.

A conversation in the car last night:

K: Mom, what color are my lips?
Me: (driving, trying to figure out what I still had to do with the remainder of the evening). Uh, red?
K: But I want them to be pink!
Me: Well, honey, I'm driving, so I can't see your lips. Lips are kind of a pinkish red, so maybe your lips are pink.
K: But you said they were red.
Me: (noting to self that I need a crystal ball to figure out what kiddo wants, and that I should have also actually looked at kiddo's lips before answering the question) When we get there, I'll look at your lips and tell you what color they are.
K: (tearfully wailing) My lips aren't pink!
Me: Honey, your lips are perfect. (Stopping at a light so I can turn and look) Yup, they're more pink than red. Your lips are beautiful.
K: But I want pink lips! (still sobbing)

We drive to our destination, and she spends the ENTIRE TIME crying because she wants pink lips. We head back home, and she's still sobbing and obsessing about needing pink lips.

Me: (Exasperated) Honey, I really think I was wrong in saying your lips are red. I think they're really pink.
K: (sniffing) You think so?
Me: Yes. (Because really, what color ARE lips? Pink? Red? Aren't they just the same shade with a little white thrown in? I'm a writer, not an artist)
K: (FINALLY ceasing the tears, but with a wavering voice) I'll go home and check to see if my lips are pink. I've just GOT to have pink lips.

She has since decided that her lips are definitely red. And she's extremely depressed that her lips are not pink. If you mention her lips, she starts crying.

Isn't this hormonal girly stuff supposed to happen when she's 14, not 4? If this is a taste of things to come, we are really in trouble. I joke about sending them to boarding school for the teen years, but seriously... how am I going to survive this?

Thursday Thirteen #46: Mid Challenge Checkup

Thirteen Things about Where I'm at in the challenge 1. I finished the Dark Roast set in Packrat. (HEY! That's important) 2. I've spent a great deal of time staring at the crack in my family room ceiling wondering how and why it got there, and whether or not anything will come crashing down on me as I write. (That's a legitimate fear... if the ceiling crashes down on my laptop, I'll lose everything.) 3. I'm at about 25% of my writing goal for the week with 3 days to go. And still confident I will make it. 4. I folded five or six loads of laundry. 5. I have all the current Packrat cards vaulted. (Talented, that's me.) 6. I am caught up on almost all of my online work, except for the coding stuff I can't figure out. (oh brother-poo... call me!) 7. I spent a day in Boulder researching setting. 8. I stopped by a lovely ice cream fountain in Golden, which will appear in one of my books. See, eating ice cream IS research! 9. I think I changed some of the backstory for my hero. Maybe. Dare I? How many times can I change it before I'm satisfied? 10. I emailed a few folks about the edits I need to do. 11. I even built a couple of Packrat sets for some friends. (And see, I'm generous, too.) 12. I've done everything on the to-do list except pay bills. Ugh. I'd much rather write than know how poor I really am. 13. Even though the words are not yet on the page (because really, how boring would that be?), I've done a lot more plotting and figuring of things I hadn't quite figured on stuff that needed to be figured. As soon as I get the edits on Book #1 done, I'll be able to breeze through a few changes I need to make to #2, and then I can finish writing #3. Is it sad that I'm excited about #3 even though I haven't sold #1 yet? Sheesh. I need to get a life. Or play more Packrat. ;)

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So the point of a challenge is...

TO DO IT!!!

Here's the funny thing. I've chatted with a few folks who said they read my blog. A couple said, oh yeah, I want to do that challenge thing.

So do it already! Post your goal. What are you going to accomplish between now and Sunday night?

Me, I'm going to send those lovely chapters to a fresh set of eyes to do some tweaking. While I wait, I'm going to write 5,000 words on book 3.

That's my goal. Meeting it will be something of a miracle given that hubby so graciously filled my Panera time with some repair dude, I have a research field trip planned with my friend Karen, kiddo has a school program, I still have my normal work to do, I'm supposed to pay bills, my house is a DISASTER, and hubby will be working insane hours. And for some reason, my family is still under the impression it's my job to feed them. I know, rough life.

Believe it or not, my list of things to do is not a complaint. Maybe just a small whine because I have a really bad headache. My point is this: we all have challenges. Some of you have bigger lists than I do. That's fine. Maybe it'll be all you can do to fire up the old computer and tap out a few lines. Then do that. Make yourself do something. Push yourself a little more to do more than you thought you could.

That's the only way to meet your goals.

Post them, and then go DO it!

Writing Challenge!!

It's that time!!!

A couple of weeks ago, I promised a writing challenge. And here it is: This week, we are WRITING. No excuses. I want goals, my friends, GOALS. What are you going to accomplish this week with your writing?

A few of you *nudge nudge* were at a conference this weekend and had some incredible requests. Some of us *kicking myself* were told be an agent that she had some revising to do. And the rest of you just need to get cracking!!

So here it is:
Post your goal in the comments section (unless you already did so in the previous post).
Sunday night, post what you did.

I will then do my math magic (be afraid) and figure out who met their goal by the highest percentage. That person wins either 1000 crackrat credits OR a $10 giftcard to the bookstore or java joint of their choice.

EVERYONE who meets their goals will be listed on the winner's list AND, if you meet your goals every month through August, you'll be eligible for a special grand prize. For Colorado folks, that spells par-tay at Dreamy's house. For ACFW folks, that means par-tay at ACFW. For everyone else, I'll do something creative.

Are you still reading? You shouldn't be. You should be posting a goal, then getting your behind in the chair and writing away. :)

How long do we avoid?

Yes, I've been playing Packrat again. Still. And I have everything vaulted that's available to be vaulted and I'm not so patiently waiting for the rest.

But that's not what I'm blogging about.

This morning, I was forced to face the reality that I am still not exercising enough.

Have you ever taken a sausage out of its casing, then tried to stuff it back in? Well, that's what I felt like today, putting on my capris for the first time this season. And I thought, they fit last year, they're GONNA fit this year.

Now, I have a lower tolerance for tight clothing, so I do tend to wear things baggy. But let me tell you... wearing those pants nearly killed me. I don't know how the people I see walking around in their tight pants do it, because I honestly thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. My parts were smooshed into parts they shouldn't have been smooshed into, and everything was rearranged to fit into places I'm not sure God meant for them to be.

Fashion is just not my thing.

I realize now that I'm faced with a choice. Spend the rest of the summer wearing sweats and old soccer shorts or finally break down and get back in shape. Considering I did agree to climb a 14,000 foot mountain this summer, I'm guessing it's going to be the one I'm avoiding. Wait. I'm avoiding both things, because I also hate wearing sweats. But you see where I'm going with this, right?

Some of you dear people who know and love me are saying, but Danica, you look great. You're fine just as you are. While I agree with you in theory, you did not have to wear those pants today. And no, they didn't shrink in the wash. Unless it happened to my entire summer wardrobe.

I have to ask myself, though, why does it take a crisis, like realizing none of your summer pants fit, to finally accept that you need to be doing what you already knew you should be doing, but kept putting off? The truth is, I hate exercise. I stink at pretty much every sport. Have you seen the TV shows that have the stereotypical kid that's always the last to be picked? They patterned the kid off of me. How I married a former pro soccer player, I have no idea. Further proof that God has a sense of humor.

Do you see all the excuses I continue to make? I could go on about the lack of time, lack of energy, blah blah blah. But in the end, it brings me no closer to climbing that mountain or fitting into my pants. So this week, I'm going to go out, walk around the block, catch up on my yoga show, and take that tiny step out of avoidance and into victory?

Anyone want to join me?

Who I am.

Every so often, I come to realize that I'm repeating the same patterns that I think are bad, but I'm not sure how I get into them or why I'm doing it, or how on earth I ended up here. Maybe I'm the only one who does this, so maybe this won't make sense, but here goes. Have you ever finished a project, time period, etc. and said, "next time, I'll do it differently. I'll do it better," only to find out at the end of that next time, you've ended up in the exact place you thought you'd do differently?

And that, my friends, is where I am today.

So frankly, I'm depressed. I managed to hold myself together, attend a group I belong to, go in to work to take care of one client, do some shopping, and head home. I fully intended to do the thing I always do when I'm depressed, didn't get enough sleep, and don't have the energy to focus on anything but how much it stinks to be where I'm at right now. But then, I opened my email, and found one from a friend that had me laughing so hard, I was crying.

I realized something very important from this silly little email. And trust me, it was silly. But that's why I love this person. My friend believes in me. But more important than that, this person "gets" me enough to send me silly messages to convey that message in a way I understand far better than people's platitudes about how great I am. (And frankly, when I'm in this particular mood, such platitudes make me mad because I think I'm being lied to, as irrational as that sounds.)

Much of my depression today was about this whole question of where I belong. I've always been "the weird one." To be honest, I've never known where I fit in this whole scheme of life. As I've gone deeper into the writing journey, God's made it really clear that being a writer... that's where I "fit."

Over the past couple of months, I've been asked to give up some things to help fulfill this whole "purpose as a writer thing." Still not able to share it all publicly, so again, bear with me. It's hard to give up things that have been a part of your life for so long. It's hard to say no to things that actually make me feel like a normal human being. It's hard to give up on things I think will finally define me as just a regular gal. Those are the things I've wanted my whole life, and even though in some ways, I find a lot of satisfaction in them, they make me miserable.

I am not normal.

For me, normal is abnormal to the rest of the world. And even though I can recite the Bible verses about not being of this world until I'm blue in the face, I still struggle with my frustrations of not being normal. I wonder why I can't walk into a room and be like everyone else. So I struggle, trying to be the person God made me, and yet trying to walk this tightrope of trying to fit into a world where I don't belong.

It's exhausting.

And I think that's why God has asked me to walk away from some of those things. He knows it's not good for me. He didn't make me to be some kind of mime walking the streets in an imitation of life. If that's what He'd wanted, that's what He'd have made. Instead, He made ME.

I am wacky. I am crazy. I am silly. I am creative. I am an artist. I paint beautiful pictures with my words. I do not understand the way the "normal" world works, even though I fake it real well. And sometimes, like today, when I am forced to face all the things I'm doing wrong because they have absolutely nothing to do with my writing, it all comes crashing down and I want to hide in my hole for a few weeks.

But see, today... today I did things differently. I did not go take a nap. I cleaned my house. I let the kiddos drag the neighborhood kiddos over to play. I made a nice dinner. I let That Man take me shopping for a new camera, even though I really wanted to go to the mothership, BN. I finished my work. I ate a bowl of ice cream. And then...

I wrote.

Because see, God made me for some important things. I don't know what they are. It could be writing the Great American Novel that finally made everyone open their eyes to the truth. Or it could be raising the glittery princess who finally manages to blow up the world. Or it could be raising the cowgirl whose love of animals mimics the love of Christ. I don't know. But I've got to do my best to remember the path God put me on. And to follow it wherever it leads.

I find comfort knowing that these struggles are not in vain. I know that some of the folks reading my blog deal with the same issues. You guys are such an encouragement to me because I am reminded that I do fit. I belong right where God put me. Which is where each of you belong. If you're the creative artist type, it's okay. Be weird. Encourage your wacky friends. Send them emails about having your photos taken at a wild screaming match at Sean Penn's wild Arbor Day party. Rip your heart out and expose it to the world, offering it up as a sacrifice to the Lord. Do whatever silly (or normal... if that's your gig) thing you're supposed to do because God made you that way.

Finally, because I couldn't find a good place to slip it in unnoticed (but maybe it's supposed to stand out), I encourage any artist types who are struggling with their artist identity to read my friend Heather's blog. She's got some incredible posts that encourage and inspire me in my journey.

Maybe this time, as I try to figure out how to do things differently, I'll remember that the best answer may be to just not do it at all and to trust God.

Thursday Thirteen #45: High Fructose Corn Syrup

Thirteen Things about High Fructose Corn Syrup Ever since I watched a program on the Discovery Channel or someplace similar about High Fructose Corn Syrup, I've become uber paranoid about the stuff. It's SO bad for you. As I've tried helping my family eat healthier, I've realized that this stuff is just as bad as, if not worse (and I vote for worse) than the whole trans-fat deal. When will we learn to stop messing with our food? Oh. Right. Not supposed to rant. Must. List. 1. HFCS is made using fungus, fermentation, and chemicals in conjunction with corn. Doesn't that just sound yummy? 2. HFCS has been shown to speed up disease and disrupt the body's natural processes in lab tests with rats. 3. I have a hard time finding pickles made without HFCS... oddly enough, when I used to can with my grandma, we never put HFCS in them. 4. The manufacture of HFCS increases pollution and uses more energy than natural sweeteners. 5. HFCS is entirely man-made. There is nothing natural about it. 6. I was eating KFC tonight (yes, I know, bad health choice) and on the label for the HONEY, the primary ingredient was HFCS. What's wrong with regular honey? 7. Preliminary evidence links HFCS to cancer. 8. HFCS affects hormonal production. 9. Dr. Pepper made with sugar tastes better than Dr. Pepper made with HFCS, but is only available from certain distributors (mostly in Texas). 10. HFCS is cheaper than sugar. (But is it worth it?) 11. This is not an all-inclusive list, but here's a link to a list of foods with HFCS. 12. Have you seen the Juicy Juice commercial where they show the parents giving their kids a glop of HFCS? That glop is in a lot of what we eat and drink. 13. Many natural food markets will not carry products with HFCS, but some do have it, so it's important to read the labels. A list wasn't as satisfying as a vent, so I think I'll vent about it again one of these days.

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The name game

I know, you all will have a heart attack and die. Two posts in one night. It's because Packrat hasn't released anything new lately and I've completed all the sets I can. So, my choices of activity are: watch the Jericho DVDs hubby got me for M-Day (blech... I'd have to go to the other TV), clean up from party (you'd think they'd have done that for me, it being M-Day and all), write (I am WAITING to hear back on my revisions, so there), or mess around on the computer.

ANYWAY... Jaen's response to my last post had me posting this as a really long response, and then I decided just to do it as a blog.

I called my daughter Kiki in my last post. Let's be clear here. I'm the only one allowed to call her Kiki, and she barely tolerates that. The people at church call her Kiki, but I'm semi-convinced they think Kiki is actually her name. Which is kinda funny, because she won't answer to it. So they all sit there, saying, "hey, Kiki," and she ignores them. Sorry. I probably shouldn't find that funny, but I do. I should probably talk to her about manners, but I'm always too busy laughing. Did I mention she's a Diva? And don't you think Kiki is a Diva name? Oh, to go back and change her birth certificate... (Kidding, honey, I promise)

The funny thing about Kiki and her friends is that they all have weird names. Veronica is also known as Lolly, and she calls Kiki "Caleb" which is also not her name. She calls Liam "Leo". Then there's The Dog, named Grant, but we call him LiLi. When That Man and I got together, I thought his family was huge. Well, it is, but it's not as big as I thought. Because THEY all have nicknames and so when you hear them talk about all these people, you think they're different people, but they're not.

Which is actually pretty funny that Jaen posted something that made me think of nicknames. In case you're wondering, she posted as JANET. I don't know her as Janet. I know her as Jaen (and how do you say that, anyway?). Which is why I generally go around listing myself as Danica/Dream. No, I'm not schizophrenic. At least I don't think I am. Am I? But different people know me as different names, and I can never remember which name which people know me by.

As I read the previous paragraph, I'm cracking up even more, because some of you are scratching your heads wondering where I got a comment from Janet. It's because I have FOUR blogs. I started one, a long time ago, didn't like the interface, but have no clue how to transfer the posts, so I started double posting. And then, I got a MySpace, and it had a blog and folks wanted to read my blog but they were too lazy to click a link and I'm sooo accommodating, so I just copied my blog on MySpace. And THEN, I found out that some of my good friends who also like to read my blog are on Xanga, so of course, I copy and paste there.

Are you dizzy yet?

Even though I should probably feel guilty that I'm confusing my poor sweet terrorist child by calling her Kiki instead of her real name (which I DO use on occasion, and not just when she's in trouble), she's going to have to get used to it, I fear. Life will give her all sorts of nicknames. At least the one I gave her is cute and loving, right? And if it does scar her for life, well, I suppose there's always therapy. Or she could write a book. ;)

Knock-knock Mania

I survived yesterday's trauma of four-year-olds running around my house. Why, oh why, did it have to be cold and windy? One of the lovely activities the children forced me to endure was knock-knock jokes. At this age, one of the important developmental stages is learning to grasp humor. Which, trust me, they do not grasp.

So here are some of the winners...

Kiki: Knock-knock.
Liam: Who's there?
Kiki: Banana.
Liam: Banana Who?
Kiki: Banana I'm going to marry Liam when I grow up.

Followed with her best friend Veronica...

V: Knock-knock
K: Who's there?
V: Banana.
K: Banana who?
V: Banana I'm going to marry Liam too.

Which led to a screech from Liam, who said, "But I'm going to marry Kiki!" Granted, Liam and Kiki have been friends for a couple of years now, and in that time, both have been very firm in their resolve that they will be marrying each other when they grow up. But still... my daughter is FOUR and she's already fighting with her best friend over boys.

Once we clarified that they were too young to decide who was marrying who, we were able to get to such ditties as:

Knock-knock
Who's There?
Carrots
Carrots who?
Carrots on my forehead.

I think we endured about thirty minutes of this... each punchline followed by hysterical laughter. I was so grateful that my best friend was there for the torture. Said friend is mother of Veronica... she and I had some good laughs.

It's really been wonderful sharing this time with her. When she told me she was pregnant with V, I was a bit sad because I'd been trying for so long and it hadn't happened yet. And then it did, just a couple months later. We made so many plans... watched our bellies grow together, told our babies in our bellies that they would be best friends. When the girls turned one, we were sad that they didn't seem to want to play together. Now that they're older, it's such a joy to watch how much they love each other.

So there we were, watching them already fighting over a boy... not a developmental milestone we thought would happen now, but it's still really great to have a mom friend to walk, talk, laugh, and cry through each stage. Even when the stage consists of:

K: Knock knock
V: Who's there?
K: Sandwich.
V: Sandwich who?
K: Sandwich is gonna eat you all up!

Gotta save 'em while I can...

A sweet little ditty...

As we know from my pre-Mother's Day blog, the small one turns four on Monday. Someone else near and dear to our hearts will be turning fifty the day before. Yes, my friends, some of whom may have already entered, Chip MacGregor is holding his annual really bad poetry contest. Last year, I did not win with my epic ode, which is good, since it means I'm not bad. This year, I'm playing it short and sweet.

Oh the pressure!!
I sit on my couch trying to think of something witty
A perfect little ditty
To celebrate the half century of the life of a man named Chip.
But all I can think about is dip.

Lays, anyone?

Yep, there it is... the brilliance that is Danica. And a lesson to you all in why thinking that it's so much easier to have the kiddos over to your house is a really bad idea formulated in the fumes from household cleaning supplies.

Thursday Thirteen #44: Celebrating my Kiki

Thirteen Things about My Kiki Well, even though everyone wants me to do a Mother's Day blog, I'm doing one on my little Kiki. Which sort of qualifies as a Mother's Day blog, since she is my daughter. Anyway, she's my baby, and she turns four on Monday. I'm a bit sad about that, so I've been planning this blog for a while. 1. Her real name is not Kiki, but we've called her that for years. However, she's recently informed me that she is NOT a Kiki and I need to stop calling her that. She has a 15 minute explanation as to WHY she's not a Kiki, but I still can't help myself. 2. She has a strong fear of wolf-is and coy-whoa-tees. She thinks wolves and coyotes are going to attack us when we drive through the mountains, even though we've explained she's safe in the car. 3. Until recently, I loved asking her, "Whose baby are you," because she'd answer, "OARS!" But now, she tells me off for calling her a baby. 4. I've blogged a few times about having her daddy's beautiful blue eyes, but it bears mentioning again. I love those eyes! 5. She's a daredevil with no fear. She taught her big sister how to climb the monkey bars at the park. 6. She's very good at reminding me the things I "got-for"... aka forgot. 7. Being pretty is at the top of her list of things to do. We can't leave the house unless she thinks she's pretty. (And no, this does not conform to the world's standards of pretty, even though people regularly stop her and tell her how pretty she is) 8. We also call her Imelda, as in Imelda Marcos. They share a passion for shoes. 9. On personality profile tests, we score exactly the opposite on everything. 10. I once asked God why He gave me this little Kiki. Then she came running through the room, sprinkling glitter everywhere. And that's why He brought Kiki into our lives... without her, we'd have no glitter. 11. Her favorite color is pink and has made it her personal mission to convince everyone else to adopt pink as their favorite color. 12. Other nicknames for her include: The Terrorist and Birth Control. I think any person considering having children should spend some time with her before making such a rash decision. 13. Of all the jobs I do, raising her is the toughest. But I have to say, it also brings me the most joy.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Writing Challenge!!

Okay, fine... I admit it. I'm addicted to Crackrat. Oh wait, you already know that. And, sad to say, I have about half of my crit group addicted as well. There might be a problem with that. Sooo... for all you Crackraddicts as well as writers needing a kick in the tail, I'm offering a writing challenge.

Here it is... You have until May 19th to post your writing goal. Then, we're going to work our tails off for the next week. Whoever meets their goal by the highest percentage wins a prize. For the Crackraddicts, that'll be 1000 credits of my hard earned cash. For the rest of you, that'll be a $10 gift certificate... pick your pleasure- Starbucks, BN, etc.

Now... to sweeten the pot... I'm going to run this challenge once a month all summer. Those people who meet their writing goals EVERY month during the challenge will be eligible for a special GRAND PRIZE. I can't yet announce what it is because I haven't exactly cleared it with hubby, but if he says yes, it's going to be totally fun.

Distractions happen, especially during the summer when the kiddos are home, the weather is nice, vacations are happening, etc. So this is a little incentive to keep going. So start thinking about your goals and what it'll take to achieve them. :)