21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids by Kathi Lipp

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

 

Kathi Lipp

 

and the book:

 

21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids

Harvest House Publishers (October 1, 2012)

***Special thanks to Ginger Chen for sending me a review copy.***

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Kathi Lipp is a busy conference and retreat speaker, currently speaking each year to thousands of women throughout the United States. She is the author of The Husband Project and The Marriage Project and has had articles published in several magazines, including Today’s Christian Woman and Discipleship Journal. Kathi and her husband, Roger, live in California and are the parents of four teenagers and young adults.
Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids offers a straightforward, workable plan to create new avenues of connection between parents and their kids. This handy guide coaches moms and dads to do one simple thing each day for three weeks to connect with their kids even in the midst of busy schedules.

Product Details:

List Price: $12.99

Paperback: 208 pages

Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (October 1, 2012)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0736929673

ISBN-13: 978-0736929677

My Review:

I'm always looking for new ways to connect with my kids, especially since I'm raising a mini-me and one who I still can't figure out! It was so great to have immediate reassurance and skills for figuring out how to connect with such different personalities. I love all the practical ideas and tips in this book. It's a lot more about doing than about theory. I especially love that within each of the 21 ideas, there are a lot of small ideas of things to do. I think there is something for every parent in here, and it's a great resource for when you run out of ideas or need something that's a little more creative than what you typically do. Kathi says it so well- we don't have to be perfect parents, so there's no pressure here to do everything or do it just right. Just pick something and do it!



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

The Book I Almost Didn’t Write

I argued with God for a long time before writing this book.

When I originally came up with the idea to write a book about connecting with your kids, I was on a “Mom High.” My husband, Roger, and I had been married for five years, and we had successfully blended a family. Two of his, two of mine, my cat, our dog.

Even the challenges I’d had with my stepson, Jeremy, after Roger and I got married were a mere memory. We had learned to care for each other, hang out together, and enjoy each other. And my relationship with my stepdaughter, Amanda, was growing, and we loved being together. All our kids would come over for Sunday night dinner and would often hang out during the week. While I knew we were far from perfect parents, I was excited that Roger and I both had close relationships with our kids.

But then all that went up in smoke.

My son, Justen, was going through a tough time in his life. He grew cold and distant from me. We were fighting and arguing and going through an awful, awful time.

And I needed to write a book about how to be close to your kids.

I cried out to God. I felt betrayed by him. I had poured all this love and energy, time and prayer into my son, and he was barely speaking to me. I felt like a failure. I felt like a fraud. And on the rare occasions that Justen and I had a conversation, I would curl up in a ball and cry as soon as we were done talking. I hated where our relationship was.

I talked with my husband about not writing the book. Not out of shame or embarrassment (and trust me, I felt both of those) but simply because I felt like the principles I had practiced didn’t work. My son was distant from me, and all the praying in the world was not helping. I asked friends to pray for Justen, pray for me, and pray for what this book was supposed to be about.

I’ve written much of this book during my desert time with Justen. I had nothing to hold on to but God’s Word, especially Philippians 4:6—“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

So I waited and I prayed. And I prayed some more.

And now, as I finish writing this book, God has used time and the healing that only he can bring to restore Justen to a good place. It’s taken a lot of time and a lot of prayer. But when I talked with Justen’s counselor, the one thing he said that I will never forget is this: “Justen felt safe enough with you to express his anger to you, because even with all of his anger, he never questioned your love for him.”

I’m afraid that each of my kids—and probably yours—are going to go through hard times. They are going to go through loss and disappointment and sadness, and they are not always going to behave as if all this “connecting stuff ” will make a difference. But let me tell you, it does.

Trust the process and trust your parenting. God has given you everything you need. You are not always going to feel like connecting. Do it anyway. Your kids need you to invest in them when they are young so that when they are older, they don’t ever have to question your love for them.

2

Why You’re a Better Parent than You Think You Are

I can tell you one thing about yourself right off the bat: You’re a better parent than you think you are. I know that’s a bold statement (especially since we’ve never met), but if you are anything like me and my friends, someone needed to tell you that.

I remember looking at the other moms at church, the dads out in the parks pushing their kids on the swings, and just knowing they all had it way more together than I ever would. Those thoughts started exactly one day after I became a parent.

It was time for us to check out of the hospital with Justen, who at one day and nine pounds and four ounces was just about the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen in my life. I was having a small (OK, enormous) panic attack. I couldn’t believe that the authorities, whoever they were, were going to let me take him home. Didn’t they realize I’d never handled a human baby before? What kind of broken system do we have that would let me (me!) take home this not-so-tiny baby boy?

And that’s when I knew I was sunk. In my mind, no one had ever had those thoughts before. All around me were happy couples who were dying to get their babies home and do what? I really had no idea. But I felt as though everyone else had been given a secret manual, and I had missed that day of orientation.

And the feeling persisted. All the other moms acted as if they had been parenting for decades. They had their parenting methods all picked out and were parenting on purpose.

I had a sneaking suspicion that they had their kids sleeping through the night after thirty days, were breastfeeding without tears, and woke up hours before their children so the house would be clean and activities laid out—activities that were not only creative but also educational. I felt like the world’s biggest loser of a parent.

But then something miraculous happened. I started talking to other parents. I mean really talking. And guess what I found out?

I found out they were just as unconfident, strung out, and secretly ashamed as I was. They too thought their kid was the only one to ever have a meltdown in the middle of Whole Foods. They too thought they had the only child on the planet who insisted on wearing his Spiderman underwear on the outside of his pants. They also thought that everyone else cooked homemade spinach muffins for their kids every morning and did alphabet-training drills starting at age two.

If you can relate to any of this, let me give you a few words of encouragement.

God gave the right parent to the right kid. There are days when this statement couldn’t feel further from the truth. You feel ill-equipped to meet your child’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Because, for the most part, you are. God wants you to rely on him and the people he’s surrounded you with. You are not designed to do this parenting thing alone, even if you are a single parent. There are no gold stars for parents who never ask for help.

God gave the right kid to the right parent. All those things that God needs to grow in you to draw you closer to him? He sent those in a neat little package called “your child.” Each of my kids has taught me something about myself—often things I would choose to ignore if given the opportunity. I would have never thought that I had a patience problem, for example, until I had a patience tester named Kimberly. But there is no chance to ignore such things when they need to be bathed, fed, and loved pretty regularly. I had to confront the parts of me that needed, desperately, to be more like Jesus—and often, I needed to confront my problems with a lack of patience before Kimber woke up from her twelve-minute nap.

Prayer is key. For years, when a kid issue reared its ugly head, I would go to my friends, I would go to my mom, and I would go to my wall of “how to raise a great kid” books to find the answer. I needed answers, and I needed them quick! But as my friend Erin MacPherson, author of The Christian Mama’s Guide to Having a Baby: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Your Pregnancy, says when it comes to pregnancy as well as parenting, “Go to God before Google.”

God will direct your heart as you parent. From day one, what I really needed was to know the heart of God and to let that direct me as a parent. Yes, I’m a big believer in wise council, but I am a bigger believer in not using God only when things hit the crisis stage (or the principal’s office).

• • • • •

Now, if you have a couple of years under your parenting belt, would you do us all a favor and tell the other mothers around you what went wrong?

• Tell us how the helpful junior higher you now are raising once threw a toy and knocked out her older brother’s tooth.

• Tell us that you faked dizziness so they wouldn’t release you from the hospital and you could stay another night.

• Tell us that your one and only prayer for the first year of your daughter’s life was, Dear God, please don’t let me screw her up.

When I was in high school, I had a youth leader named Emily Nelson. Emily had it all together. She’d married a great husband and started having great kids. Emily was the kind of person that I would spend a lot of time comparing myself to. You know the kind. You think to yourself, I bet they’re the kind of parent that grows their own organic food while teaching their kids French, as opposed to my kid who learned how to read from frequent exposure to packages of Chicken-Dino-Nuggets.

So imagine my glee when I read this essay by Emily about being a not-so-perfect mom:

As we cruised down the coast, singing along to Veggie Tales, I tossed carrots to my 3 sons who quickly gobbled them up. We arrived at the beach with our fresh-from-the-library-checked-out book about seashells and started collecting. After making sandcastles and letting them bury me neck deep, I pulled out the ice cream maker and made homemade, organic ice cream. I snapped a funny picture of them. “This one is for the scrapbook!” I exclaimed, and they tackled me with a hug. This was a perfect day, but…it never happened.

My REAL beach day started with screaming them into the car to beat traffic, telling them to forage the van floor if they were hungry, and throwing beach toys onto the sand, while I collapsed in my beach chair devouring the latest People magazine. I didn’t even bring the camera.

Looking back I’m tortured with what I didn’t do with my kids: take them hiking, educate them in museums, have family devotions. And I moan about what I did do: harsh words, wishy-washy discipline, and over-involvement in non-family activities. I look at the creative moms, the outdoorsy moms, the homemade-everything moms, the spiritual moms and think they parented so much better than I. Yet one day, as I was recounting my lack of mothering skills to my 27-year-old, he encircled me in a hug, saying, “Mom, you did just fine!” That boy never has to buy me another gift, as he gave me the gift of peace that maybe, just maybe, I did okay.

Every parent has struggles. Every parent has those nights when they toss a loaf of bread and some peanut butter on the table and call it dinner. But every parent also has those moments—probably more often than not—when they are a rock, an encourager, and a God-given gift to their children.

Your parenting road is going to have its share of take-the-hubcaps-off potholes. And it may be a long time before you hear the words, “Mom/Dad, you did just fine!”

But remember 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God is sufficient for all your needs. Even your parenting needs.

You see? You really are a better parent than you think you are.

Pinterest Busting the Microwave Cleaner

I don't know about you, but I find the whole microwave cleaning thing more than daunting. I've bought the spatter covers (and then my kids don't use them), I've threatened bodily harm to my family if they don't cover things in the microwave, and my microwave still looks like this:



So there you have it... my dirty microwave. After I saw a pin on Pinterest telling me how to get it clean and shiny, I thought, "what have I got to lose?" Dirt, germs, and probably diseases I'd rather not know about.

The directions said to follow these steps:

1. Pour 1 cup of vinegar into a 2 cup measuring cup.

2. Add 1 cup of hot water.

3. Microwave for about ten minutes.

4. Let stand for 5-10 minutes, then wipe with a wet cloth.

 

I followed those instructions. There was still a lot of junk stuck inside the microwave. Something really icky was caked under the turntable, so I took it out and soaked it, then cleaned underneath. I had to really scrape to get the caked stuff off. Then I noticed that the top of the microwave was still kinda icky.

 



 

I grabbed my usual spray cleaner and sprayed and scrubbed, but it wouldn't come off.  After about 5 minutes, I went back to Old Faithful, aka my Magic Eraser, and scrubbed the rest off.

I then went back to the original instructions, took some rubbing alcohol, and shined it up. I thought the rubbing alcohol left it streaky, so I ended up having to go back and fix the streaks. Still, it did end up looking nice at the end.

Conclusion:

While this was not a quick fix and it didn't seem like it came as easily as the pin implied, I did think that it made it easier to clean the inside of my microwave. I did have to scrub, but it wasn't nearly as much as I've had to do in the past. I'd say this one is mostly confirmed. It definitely helps, but it's not the complete fix.



 

Have you tried this method of cleaning your microwave? Did it work for you?

Pinterest Busters!

 

I have a slight Pinterest addiction. I thought I had it under control, aka I stopped visiting, but when I needed to get on for a work project, I couldn't stop. I love finding all of the great projects and seeing how I can do different things. But as my pinning has gotten out of control, I've realized that I have a lot of cool ideas, but there's so many things I'd like to do that it's almost overwhelming. What do I do? How do I start?

I'm not a very handy or crafty person. I like them in theory, but I'm terrible at executing most projects. As I look at some of the ideas, I also wonder- does this thing really work? I've tried making a few pins with limited success. Is it me? Or is it the project? And, as I see that there are similar recipes for the same food/cleaning hint/etc, I wonder which is the most effective.

Which has led me to my quest- Pinterest Busting!

Every Thursday, I'm going to post a new Pinterest project that I've attempted- and the results. I hope you'll join me and share your projects as well as your results. What works? What doesn't? What are you willing to attempt?

Why do we tolerate so much meanness?

Yesterday I ranted about an Amish reality show and how it seemed very disrespectful to the Amish. But the more I think about it, the more I've realized that a lot of what we consider "entertainment" is about being disrespectful of others. I look at the problems we face with bullying in our schools, and I wonder... is this where they get it from?

We live in a society that makes it okay to make a mockery of a religious group under the guise of free speech. Our political discourse consists of name-calling and lies. The shows we call "comedy" usually involve laughing at someone doing something ridiculous. Or someone who is different from us. Most of the jokes I see posted on people's Facebook walls involve making fun of someone or something. We laugh, but I can't help but wonder... has all of this meanness, even in jest, immunized us to the point where we forget that we're sometimes hurting real people?

We let things slide because sometimes we don't always realize they're there. We hear so many negative words that we often don't even hear them. This allows more negativity and meanness to slip in. And the cycle continues.

How do we combat this?

My honest answer is that I don't know. One of the most important things we can do is be aware and think critically about what we hear in the media- then make an informed decision. There are shows that are banned in my household. There are also shows I'd prefer my kids not watch, but hubby likes them, so they watch them. So I am teaching my kids to think critically about those shows. I ask questions like, "how would you feel if your friend did/said that to you?" Or, "Do you think that is how s/he should have reacted?"  Instead of letting my kids tune out during a television show and absorb the material, I'm asking them to think about what we allow to enter.

How have you handled negativity in the media?

Breaking up with Breaking Amish

Here's today's semi-ridiculous confession: I've been watching Breaking Amish on TLC. People who know me well will probably be shocked because a.) I hate reality TV, and b.) I'm not a big fan of Amish books.  But see, that's kind of why I wanted to watch it. I don't "get" the fascination with the Amish. I mean yes, I'll be the first person to sign up for a life without TV and rely on my beloved books. But I'm a big fan of indoor plumbing, electricity, and driving my car. And I'm sorry, but I don't think the Amish have the chokehold on what it means to be a good Christian. So I thought watching this show would be interesting. Maybe, as I watched Amish people learn about our ways, I could learn about them.

Um, NO.

If the Kardashians were Amish, I imagine this is what the show would look like. Ridiculous fights, cussing, being all-out mean, and frankly, these people act nothing like what I'd imagine the Amish to be like. And that was in the first episode. But then I thought, well, maybe I just didn't know as much as I thought I knew about the Amish.

So I endured a few more episodes, thankful for my DVR (one more reason I could not be Amish) and I fast-forwarded through most it. But then I caught something in one of the episodes about Jeremiah saying he was divorced. HUH?? Amish don't get divorced. Do they? So I decided to Google "Amish Divorce" and one of the first results I got was this gem: a blog devoted to showing everything on the show that is a fake. Color me embarrassed.

I'm not one to follow a lot of the gossip in the media, and so my instinct was to take it with a grain of salt- except that there's a lot of overwhelming evidence pointing to the lies, AND, every single thing that they get wrong is something that has bothered me from the get-go. I should have known better. I forget that television, even with their so-called reality shows, have absolutely no basis on truth. I should have realized that each segment of each episode features a Bible verse, and then shows how these people violate that verse. I try not to be a legalistic Christian, but it really bothered me that they seemed to be taking a piece of the Bible and then pissing on it. If that's not what you believe, then fine. But why make a mockery of something that their families would hold dear?

Frankly, the more I think about this show, the more I am appalled at how these people would completely disrespect a people group and tear apart their beliefs to people who don't all know better. Is there truth in the show? Maybe. But it would be like saying that watching The Simpsons is an accurate reflection of the typical American household.

TLC, I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of these ex-Amish who would sell their souls to be on television. And, I'm ashamed of myself for watching it. Amish people, I know you will probably never read my blog, but I want you to know that I am sorry. For those of you who don't know anything about the Amish, or even if you do, I hope you'll consider not watching this show.

Have you watched a show that you later feel betrayed by because it is such a misrepresentation of truth?

Tragedy's reminders

I don't know anyone in the Denver metro area who isn't absolutely sick over the horror of what happened to Jessica Ridgeway. Something so terrible should never happen to a child. The tragedy is a good reminder, though, of how vigilant we must be to keep our kids safe. Now before anyone gets upset or thinks I am blaming anyone, I'm not. I have no idea what safety measures Jessica's family had in place, and maybe Jessica did everything right. But let's make it as hard as we can for some sick person to harm our children.

When our kids asked about what was going on, we were honest with them, and we also took the time to remind them of our family's stranger rules. Every family needs to periodically review the rules with their kids.

Here are a few of the important items we covered with our kids:

• NEVER go anywhere with anyone they do not know. If someone asks them to get in a car, offers them candy, or asks them to help find a lost pet, the answer is to yell, "NO!" as loudly as possible and run to the nearest safe place, where they will let a responsible adult know right away. There is NEVER an okay reason to go anywhere or get into a car with a stranger.


• IF someone tells them that mom or dad sent them, that person will know the family code word. The kids are never allowed to share this word. If the person trying to get them to go with them doesn't know the word, the kids need to run away and go to a safe place and tell a responsible adult.


• If someone tries to grab them and take them, they are to kick and scream and fight and bite and kick and make it as hard as possible for the person to take them.


• If the kids are home alone, they are not allowed to answer the door PERIOD. We also do not allow them to answer the phone- we still have an old school answering machine. If we are calling the kids, they can hear us when the answering machine picks up. If someone enters our home, they have a safe place in the house to go and call 911.

What safety rules/tips do you use with your family?

Undead by Clay Morgan

What's a nice sweet girl like me who only likes reading about rainbows and butterflies and puppies and true love doing reading books about zombies?  Yes you read that right. Zombies.

The story begins almost a year ago when I was at a marketing seminar put on by my agent. A group of us went out to dinner, and I ended up sitting by this guy named Clay. We did the requisite, "So what do you write," conversation that invariably happens at these things. By now, you know that my answer was, "I write romance." Cue the stars in the eyes and the little angels fluttering above my head. His response: "I write about zombies." Um, okay. I'm not really a zombie girl. Not only does hubby explicitly forbid me from watching movies that do not end with, "and they all lived happily ever after SO HELP ME GOD," I am also not allowed to watch scary or violent movies. I'm pretty sure this includes zombies since they're kind of gross, and I don't even watch the gross parts on medical dramas.

This should have ended any thoughts I might have entertained about Clay's zombie book. But Clay is a neat guy, and he had some really interesting things to say about zombies. More importantly, how WE are really zombies. And I thought, "Huh. Maybe I'll read this book."

So... when Clay asked to have some folks help him spread the word, I decided to give it a shot. Even though I'm creeped out by zombies and anything that might possibly be a little gross, I've learned to keep an open mind. Besides, the zombie thing is about JESUS, so how bad could it be?

I learned three important lessons: One, do not make the mistake of thinking that you can start this book while making dinner. Your family won't appreciate dinner being a lot late. Two, if you're going to eat or drink while reading this book, do not read the footnotes.

The third, and most important lesson I learned is that in spite of my desire to live in the land of rainbows and butterflies and happily-ever-afters, I still dwell among the living dead. One of my favorite parts in this book was when Clay talks about us living in the state of undead. My favorite section is on page 122 "We find ourselves behind walls that keep us from God, whether it we build them ourselves or allow others to do it for us. We're chained to things that keep us from the sustenance of life that God offers. In that spiritual sense, we slowly die behind obstructions of self-love or addiction or whatever it is that buries us alive. It's often hard to recognize the face of death in our own lives. We don't see it so clearly when we are the ones on spiritual life support. Undead monsters make a great metaphor for spiritual death because decaying zombies and eternally damned vampires symbolize the opposite of purity and holiness, which is the essence of God."



We're dying. Every single one of us. And we yearn for the wholeness that can only come from God. Maybe that's why the whole death and dying and zombie thing freaks me out. Maybe there's a part of me that's afraid to look in the mirror and see the truth- I can pretty myself up all I want, stick a unicorn in the background, but it won't change reality. The good news is that while I am dying in this earthly body, there is real resurrection, real life after death, and I don't have to stay a zombie to receive it.

So that's the real me... zombie girl, ready for action. I hear tell that my next encounter with Clay the Zombie King might involve some swing dancing. Thanks, Clay, for sending me a copy of the book and putting me on your Undead Launch Crew. For those of you who are nice little girls like me who prefer rainbows and butterflies and happiness all around, this book is for you. And if you dig the whole zombie thing, I think you'll like it too. Visit Clay's website for more information: http://claywrites.com/undead

Zombie Swing Forever!!

Another risk payoff

I'm not really a risk-taker, which seems funny since so many of my blog posts lately have been about the risks that have paid off. I didn't intend for this year to be about risk-taking, but I'm hoping that my adventures in the garden will translate into a success in other areas of my life.



One of my gardening experiments was growing beets. I am one of those weirdos who actually likes beets. Until last Christmas, I'd only ever eaten beets out of a can. But for Christmas dinner, my FIL made some really yummy beets and that got me thinking about growing some. So I grew beets.

The only trouble with my beet growing plan was that I had never grown beets before, AND I had never cooked fresh beets before. Beets at my house involves opening a can. Ignoring those facts, I planted beets.

Which led to confusion about when to harvest.



When I finally decided to harvest, that meant finding an online recipe to cook beets. All of those recipes involved orange juice, and for some reason, that sounded gross, so I made up my own recipe using theirs as a guideline.

Danica's beet recipe:

Beets, peeled
Carrots
Onion
Garlic
Thyme
Sea Salt
Olive Oil

Mix the ingredients in a baking dish, bake at 450 for 45 minutes.



I didn't measure amounts, so use whatever you think is best. For the seasonings, I just lightly sprinkled over the dish, and it worked well. Most of the recipes I came across used thyme as a seasoning, so I tried it. I've never used much thyme, so I had no idea if it would be good or not, but it ended up being really good in this combo. The carrots also came from my garden, and they added a nice variety to the dish. We grew the rainbow carrots, so they ranged from white to orange to red, and I think the colors really made it nice. I generally hate cooked carrots, but I really liked these.



The verdict:
I LOVED this dish!!! I'm telling you, eating it was like having a spiritual moment with food. I was a little nervous because I had a friend for dinner, and I was a little nervous about experimenting on her, but she liked it as well. (Or was just being polite) My kids hated it, but they hate beets, so their opinion doesn't count. :)

Do you experiment with food? Have you had anything turn out surprisingly well?

 

 

 

Blessing your family with your imperfections

As a recovering perfectionist, I've had to let go of the need for everything to be just perfect. If you've followed my gardening journey, you'd know that I've allowed myself to do a lot of it imperfectly. And if you're not a gardener, that's okay... because so much of what I've learned can be applied to you as well.



My princess loves corn. When I planted the garden last year, she begged for corn, so I planted it, but I didn't know when to harvest it, so the evil squirrels got to it before I could. No corn for us last year. So this year, I planted corn again, and despite reading things about corn, I really had no idea when to harvest. But with the coming frost, I had to decide- pick the corn or leave it for the squirrels. I chose to pick the corn.



The corn we picked was small and not well-developed. I'm not sure what went wrong, but I realized that even the small amount we got from our garden would be enough for dinner. The little one loved eating the corn that we grew. It didn't matter that it wasn't pretty or that the ears were tiny and misshapen. My daughter now has the memory that her mommy planted corn for her, and we got to eat that corn, and it was delicious.



I'm so glad that I didn't let last year's corn failure keep me from trying again. I won't win any prizes or be on any master gardener shows, or even be the go-to girl for gardening advice. But I do have a little girl who got to have a really cool experience.



What have you been afraid to try because you don't think you'll do a good job?

 

You don't know me by Susan May Warren

Welcome to the campaign launch for Susan May Warren’s latest offering in her beloved Deep Haven series, You Don’t Know Me. Susan is celebrating with a $200 Weekend Getaway Giveaway and hosting a fun video Author Chat Party!


One fortunate winner will receive:

• A $200 Visa Gift Card (Use that to catch up with a loved one and “Get to Know” your spouse, friend, sister, mom…whomever!)


• The entire set of Deep Haven Books

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on October 22nd. Winner will be announced at the ”You Don’t Know Me” Author Chat Facebook Party on 10/23. Connect with Susan for an evening of book chat, Deep Haven trivia, and a live video chat! There will also be info about Susan’s BookShout read-along and a chance to win gift certificates, books, and other fun prizes!

So grab your copy of You Don’t Know Me and join Susan on the evening of the October 23rd for a chance to connect and make some new friends. (If you haven’t read the books – don’t let that stop you from coming!)

Don't miss a moment of the fun, RSVP today. Tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 23rd!

 

My Review:

I'm always nervous when reviewing a book written by a friend. My fear is always, "what if I don't like it?" Then I worry about what I'm going to say about the book. Which is silly because I've always enjoyed Susan May Warren's books.  I'll be honest- she had me at witness protection twenty years later. That's just too cool of an idea to pass up.

I took advantage of our cold weather and curled up with a warm blanket, a cup of tea, and the book. I am so glad I had nothing else planned for the afternoon, because I wouldn't have been able to put the book down. I really loved the complex relationships and how nothing was a simple decision for any of the characters. I think that's so true to how life is- from the outside we see one thing, and don't realize the many parts that are affected. Annalise didn't have the simple decision of running, staying, or running with her family. Too many other things impacted that decision. I also really enjoyed seeing the other relationships of people around them. I love getting into those deep places to see where people tick.

So if you have an afternoon to spend, I definitely recommend this book. Just don't think you're going to be able to read it in snatches, because you're not going to want to put it down.

** Disclaimer** I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for a review. They didn't tell me what to say, they just sent the book and asked me to be honest about what I thought. So there it is. :)

 

There's just not enough preparation

I am a warm person. When I say warm, I mean that I always like to be warm. Unfortunately, I tend to be cold most of the time. When we swing into fall and winter, I'm always sad because I know that I'm going to be cold- soon.

So when the weather report said it would snow Saturday and that it would get really cold Thursday night, I prepared. I brought in the produce that would get ruined, and I covered my garden to keep it going just a little bit longer.

As you can see, I got a nice selection of things. Yum!! I'm thinking there may be some zucchini bread in our family's future. :)

 

Imagine my horror when I woke up this morning to this:



Yes, friends, that icky white stuff is known as snow. Snow that we weren't supposed to get until SATURDAY. It's FRIDAY. I needed that extra day to mentally prepare.  Even though the snow is already gone, I'm still sad because it means that I am finally forced to face the reality that my warm days really are leaving.

So to cope, I'm making chili in the crockpot.

How do you cope with changes in the weather?

Lest you think I'm a garden expert...

Here are a few mysteries I still haven't figured out about my garden.



 

Yes, this is corn. You might have seen that I have a few rows in my last post. However... I have no idea when the corn is ready. Last year I grew corn, but by the time I picked it, the squirrels had eaten most of it. I have corn again, and I have no idea what to do with it. Maybe I should stop growing corn. Except if I did that, my little princess would be upset. *sigh*

 

 

 

And for exhibit B, we have cauliflower. Last year, I grew it next to broccoli, and then I read that you shouldn't grow them near each other. Needless to say, it didn't turn out well last year.

So this year, I grew them on opposite sides of the yard. And this is what my cauliflower looks like. I'm guessing that the purple means it's not ready yet? Hopefully it'll turn out, but I'm thinking I may have done something wrong again. *sigh*

 

I think what I love about working in my garden is that it's a lot of trial and error. Even though I am disappointed when my projects fail (like the cauliflower, one of my fave veggies), it's always interesting to see what I learn at the end of every season. Maybe one day I'll be a master gardener, and I'll have a super fabulous garden. And maybe it'll always be organized chaos. I do hope, that as you look at my garden pics and think that you'd like a garden of your own someday, that you give it a shot! Don't worry about being perfect or knowing what you're doing. Mine isn't perfect, but we still get a lot of enjoyment out of it.

 

Garden tour

Since I've spent a good part of the week talking about my garden, I might as well give you a tour. I've always been hesitant to show pics of my garden, because as a recovering perfectionist, all I can see are the flaws. But you know, I've got a pretty great garden, and I need to learn to accept that things will never be perfect. My garden is messy, full of weeds, and a work in progress. Kind of like me.



My herbs... I took them out of the grass so hubby can mow the lawn. I usually keep them in the grass because I always forget to water them, and at least if they're in the grass, the sprinklers get them. The rest of my garden is on an automatic waterer because I'd forget to water those plants too.

 

 

 

The path leads to my grape arbor- when we moved in, they had the arch thing, and I thought it would be perfect for grapes. The only problem is I planted grapes with seeds in them, and  after a while, we get tired of eating them. I don't know what to do with the rest of the grapes.

 

 

Our house also came with a sour cherry tree (not pictured) and an apple tree. The apples are yummy but pretty buggy. I'm going to talk to an arborist to see what I can do about that.  We have pumpkins under the apple tree, and they spread out into the lawn. I think it's hubby's sinister scheme to have to mow less of our lawn, since he never mows where my pumpkins are.

 

 



I planted some blueberries and raspberries along the fence. We've gotten a few raspberries, but no blueberries yet.

 

 

 

And for the main garden... we originally started with one large plot but I needed more room, so I got the two raised beds. The main problem with our main garden is that we have shade from large trees at the neighbor's plus our shed. So I tried putting my raised beds in a sunnier area. I have a strawberry patch along the fence by the raised beds. The only problem with that location is that on the other side of the fence, my neighbors have dogs and they never pick up the poop. So on hot days, it really stinks over there.



All in all, I'm pretty proud of my little garden. I'm still not satisfied with how everything is laid out, but I learn new things every years, and eventually, I'll figure out what I'm doing.

So that's my garden! I hope you enjoyed a trip to my little plot.

 

Garden Mysteries

Back in April, I posted about a mysterious plant in my garden. It took over a year, but I finally learned the identity of the mysterious plant. It's a hollyhock!!



I've loved hollyhocks ever since I was a little girl and my bff gave me some seeds from hers. But I never had the right place to plant them, so I've only dreamed of having them. I'm so excited that I finally have a hollyhock of my very own! I'm sure next year, after this one disperses its seeds, I'll have many more.

I'm so glad I didn't tear up this plant. Of course I may have to since it's right by my strawberry patch, and I want more strawberries.

Have you seen any of your mysteries finally reveal themselves?

The imperfect gardener

Every year, I grow a garden. Most of the time, it's a mess of weeds and strange plants, and most of my grand plans never quite pan out. I will admit that my thumb is a sort of brownish black and I can't take much credit for my garden's success. But every once and a while, I come up with something that makes me exceedingly proud of myself.

Last night I was making stock from our leftover chicken. I'd forgotten to buy carrots at the store, and then I remembered- I have some in my garden. Most years, my carrots are these pathetic spindly things that are an insult to the eater. But this year, I tried something different. I bought a new variety that promised rainbow carrots, and I planted them in a raised bed instead of the ground. And now...

I have carrots!!



 

So I had these lovely carrots to put in my stock. Then, I went out and harvested some fresh herbs (which I still don't fully know how to use. I'm still learning.) Those went into the stock too.

And I got to thinking that while I'm not the world's best gardener, it still blesses my family. My kids eat fresh grapes and tomatoes, and now carrots. I use a lot of our other vegetables to cook and prepare my family healthy meals. Over the summer, I had a much lower grocery bill because I had my own lettuce and other fresh veggies. I never got any big tomatoes (sob!) but I have a ton of the baby ones. (Anyone know what to do with a ton of cherry tomatoes?) Some of my stuff grew, and some didn't, but what I do have has been really neat to share with my family.

A lot of people tell me that they'd like to have a garden, but they don't know what to do. I didn't either. And I still don't really know what I'm doing. But half the fun is in the experimentation.

What have you wanted to do, but haven't tried because you were worried about not knowing what to do?

 

ACFW Healing

[caption id="attachment_4064" align="alignleft" width="300"] My roomie, Gina Conroy. A friend who blesses me immensely.[/caption]

My friend Gina has the tradition of giving a word to describe ACFW, and hers this year was connection. Which I loved, because I think it definitely played in to a lot of things I experienced. But I think, for me, the word wasn't connection, but healing.

When I attended ACFW for the first time in 2007, it was at the urging of some good friends. I went, and in some ways, had a good time, but in other ways, had a very bad time. A couple of things happened that really wounded me, wounds I've carried for a long time. I also had a lot of really wonderful moments, and made some really wonderful friends. But as each ACFW conference came and went afterward, I experienced a number of reminders of those wounds.

Over the years, I've done a lot to find healing, but a few pieces of my heart never lost the ache. I came into this conference with a lot of prayer and had a lot of people praying for me. A couple of days before I left for the conference, I had an amazing prayer time. God exposed a lot of the lies behind my pain, and I honestly felt like God had given me some deep healing. Now, I've thought I was there before, so when I went into ACFW this year, I was hesitant, but I wanted to believe, so I did.

God blessed me so richly this year. So many moments where tears would spring to my eyes and I would be thankful for His mercy and work in me. I connected with old friends, and I made new friends. And I was able to let go of the painful experiences in the past. At one point, God pointed out a specific person who'd been unkind to me in the past and whispered, "it's not you. It's her. And she's hurting in ways you can't imagine." For the first time, I was able to look at this woman with new eyes and have a level of compassion for her that I could never have thought possible. Don't get me wrong... we didn't have a wonderful "now we're friends" moment, and I don't think we will. But it's so freeing to know that I don't have to carry the burden of the pain.

Here are a few things I learned:

• Sometimes there are deeper things that have to be healed before you can find peace for issues that you've been trying to heal.


• Healing is a process, and there are no instant solutions.


• Even though some negative situations are your fault, sometimes they're not. You have to learn to pick up the things that are yours, and leave the rest alone.


• There are some really beautiful, wonderful people out there. Open yourself up to get to know them, and take a chance on friendships outside your comfort zone. You will be blown away by the blessing they bring to your life.


• Your struggles happen for a reason, and when you open yourself up to sharing them with others, you'll find that not only are you not alone, but by sharing with someone else, you are helping them with their struggles.

Thank you to all of the incredible people I spent time with, and also to those who prayed for me. If you want to see pictures, you can find them here:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151422099051562.582971.520901561&type=3&l=d58084f282

 

How has time shaped the wounds you've carried?

 

How do we give our kids value?

The princess and I had a weird conversation the other day. She was convinced that some day, when she grew up, I was going to forget about her. "I will never forget about you," I told her with confidence. "Yes you will. You're going to see me on the street someday and you won't know who I am." Nothing I said would convince her otherwise. I finally hugged her tight and told her that she was too precious to me to forget. At the core of my daughter's questions, though, was the question we all ask. Am I significant?

I started a new Bible study at our church based on the book, Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. So far, we've only discussed the introduction, but I have to say, even that small bit is changing my life. Keller's main point is that we set up idols for ourselves by allowing things to take the place of God's significance in our lives. It's making me realize how easy it is to take the focus off God and replace Him with something else.

One of the prominent thoughts in parenting today is giving our kids good self esteem. All of the books and schools tell us how we should praise our children and make sure they know they're loved. There are so many techniques for helping our children grow a healthy self esteem. But everything I've learned is missing one component. Where does our kids' value come from?

Is it because I say they are? Or because they are good in school? Or because they're such nice kids? Well, all of those are true. They are good in school (sometimes) and they are nice kids (sometimes). And I happen to think that they're pretty great. But that isn't why my kids are valuable. They are valuable because God says they are. That's it. There is nothing they can do to make themselves any more or less valuable.

The problem is that as parents, we tend to only give them value based on our authority. "You're valuable because I say you are." To a point, we need to do that. But we also can't neglect the idea that our authority is nothing to God's. God's authority is the ultimate authority, and we also have to remind our children of their value in God's creation. I know so many adults, myself included, who don't have the proper self esteem because they didn't learn as children their value in Christ.

As I denied that I would ever forget my daughter, I started thinking of reasons I would forget her- like a traumatic brain injury or Alzheimer's, or some other terrible thing. I didn't mention them to her, but as I started worrying, I thought, great, now I'll be a liar and that will really devastate her.  That's the trouble with placing the hope in a person... there's always the chance you'll be let down. But see, God isn't going to get a traumatic brain injury or Alzheimer's or have any other reason to forget us. God will always be there.

So I'm going to be more intentional about reminding my kids that even if I fail, and let's face it, I will, some way or another, God won't. Even if they fail, God isn't going to love them any less.

How do you remind your kids of their value in God's eyes?

Making the time

[caption id="attachment_4055" align="alignleft" width="150"] The books and knitting I'm sacrificing[/caption]

Can I make a confession?

A lot of people praise me for how organized I am and how I've got it all together, and how I get so much done. Right now, I am SO not living up to that title. In fact, I feel like I am juggling a million glass balls and at any moment, they're going to crash down into a million little pieces that will get stuck in my bare feet, leaving me bleeding all over a carpet I still need to clean.

I keep saying, "when X happens, I'll do Y." And you know what? X happens, and something else gets in the way of my doing Y. I was talking to a friend who used to be one of my writing buds. We used to challenge each other and push each other on a daily basis. She hasn't been writing much because life got crazy. She'd say things like, "when I get past X, I'll start writing again." Well, X finished but then another situation came up, and it's been a couple of years. I told her recently, "You've got to just say, I don't care that X is happening. I'm going to carve out this time and I will write. This is my writing time, and I'm going to stop letting stuff interfere."

Then I realized something last night. I do the same thing. I missed a writing goal. It partially was because I was waiting on someone else. But then I slacked off on doing my part. Because life was getting in the way. First it was because I still needed to do stuff with my new computer (and yes, still working on it!), then it was because my boss was on vacation, and I had a lot more to keep up on. There was also my husband working weird hours, leaving me to do more of his stuff. Let's not forget the kids' sports and activities. I was trying to keep up with it all, proud of myself on the days when I had it together, worked out, made dinner, did my Bible study, got my work done, and found time to write.

But most days I've been falling into bed exhausted because I have too much to do in too few hours. And left a lot on my plate undone. I've done a lot of kicking myself for not accomplishing everything I'd set out to do.

I was thinking about this last night as I finished a great chat for work. It was fun, and I loved it. I was so tired after that all I wanted to do was curl up with one of the books I've been wanting to read for a while. But then I got an email from someone who just sold her book and wanted me to know so I could make the announcement. Of course I was happy for her, but a tiny voice in the back of my head reminded me that I'd never get that announcement for myself if I didn't do the work. So instead of picking up the book and treating myself, I pulled out the manuscript and got to work. A few times, I thought about going to bed, but then I started thinking about all the people I keep telling to make the time.

So I made the time.

I'm not saying that what I wrote was good (but I hope it was!), but I did get more done than I thought I would. Moving forward, I'm going to be more intentional about making sure I find the time to write.

How do you find time for the important things that sometimes slip away?

 

Tired of Mean

I've grown weary of checking Facebook and Twitter. It seems like every other post is filled with something mean about someone else. Maybe it's a political party. Maybe it's an ideology. Maybe it's even a person. I used to have a friend I had coffee with on a regular basis, but I finally stopped going because I got tired of hearing how everyone who didn't agree with my friend is stupid. Occasionally, when I disagreed, I'd be told, "Oh, but YOU'RE not stupid. But everyone else who thinks that is." Um, okay. But why does the automatic response have to be to call the other person stupid?

The more I think about people who think differently, the more I realize that none of them are stupid. Sure, some of them may be ignorant of certain facts, others may have interpreted a situation differently. And maybe they just don't agree.

You know what I think is stupid? Being mean. Just because someone doesn't agree with you or hold a viewpoint you agree with doesn't make it okay to be mean to them. Maybe they have a perspective you haven't explored. Maybe their experience is different from yours. And sure, maybe you do take the time to see the other side. and you still disagree. But is there a way to politely agree to disagree? Without name-calling? Without having to be mean about it?

I unfollowed a few people today. I really debated about it, but then I thought, "why am I letting this person suck this energy out of me?"  I don't want to read things that do nothing but tear others down. I'm thinking about going on a social media diet through the election.

How are you handling the social media negativity out there?

Facing a Past Hurt

Several years ago, I had a situation with another woman that was very hurtful. When we came to her and her husband about the situation, they invited us to dinner to talk about it. The dinner was a disaster. Rather than being about resolving our differences, the couple used this as an opportunity to let us know everything we've done to hurt them, and everything good they've done for us. Their attitude was, "how dare you have anything against us when we've done all this for you and overlooked all of these faults?" In the end, we agreed to disagree, and nothing was ever resolved.

The experience scarred me deeply. As much as I tried getting beyond the hurt, I couldn't. I felt so much shame and condemnation from a couple that I'd once looked up to. I was afraid to engage with anyone who knew them because they'd put us so far in the wrong that I was afraid others would also look badly upon us. When this couple moved, I was relieved. But the hurt never went away.

Fast forward several years. Hubby ran into them at an activity our kids are doing together. And of course, they're on the same team. At our daughter's last game, the woman sat behind me. She arrived late, so I wasn't obligated to speak to her. I was relieved because the thought of even seeing her made me feel sick to my stomach. However, shortly after she arrived, I could hear her talking to her mother or mother in law. I was horrified to realize that she was talking about me.

They spent a great deal of time talking about me, and while I didn't hear all the details, I can tell you that it wasn't positive. I wished I had the courage to turn around and say, "since you're talking about me, why don't I join you?" But I'm not that brave, and I'm not sure it would have ended well. As I sat there, uncomfortable about being gossiped about in my presence, I realized something- she's hurting too.

The talk stopped as soon as I started cheering for my kiddo. Part of me hoped she realized her faux pas and was embarrassed to have been so indiscreet. Then I wondered if maybe the reason she acted the way she did was because she was embarrassed over how she'd treated me. And I thought, "I don't want her to be embarrassed further."

For the first time, I had compassion for the woman who'd treated me so badly. I still don't know what motivated her to hurt me. But I can't stop thinking about something I read a long time ago- "hurting people hurt people." Maybe I was the one to hurt her, causing her to respond in kind. Or maybe it was someone else, but I reminded her of that wound and made her lash out. Maybe it was a combination of both. I don't know. I'm not sure she knows either.

I'll admit that I'm probably not going to become her BFF. In fact, other than exchanging the same pleasantries I exchange with the other parents on the team, I probably won't talk to her. There's still a lot of healing in my heart that I need to do. But I'm finding it easier, knowing that she's suffering under the burden of our previous conflict, to let mine go. For me, taking the time to step back and try to imagine things from her eyes has helped in my healing.

Is there a wound from the past you're still healing from? How have you handled facing that person again?

Thank You Judy Blume

[caption id="attachment_4040" align="alignleft" width="150"] Yes, that is my actual childhood copy![/caption]

My little princess has had a hard time with reading, primarily because she has significant audio and visual processing issues. So in our house, with my stacks and stacks of books, a lot of our books sit... waiting. Today, though, we had an incredibly awesome moment. She asked me to help her finish reading one of her library books because she had a special book she wanted to check out. Of course I asked her which one it was, sure that it would be a princess something with lots of pictures, because that's pretty much all she reads.

"Oh, Mom, it's this great book. It's got this kid named Fudge in it and there's lots of books in the series. But the one I want is called Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Have you ever heard of it?"

Have I ever heard of it?

"Come with me," I told her, and I took her downstairs to the magical bookcase, the place where I keep all of my books from my childhood, plus a few of the older books I like to collect.

As we went downstairs, she got more and more excited. "You have it? Oh, I just know you have it. You always have the coolest books. Do you have all of the books? Oh, I just know you do."

I didn't answer her questions, mostly because I wasn't sure which ones I had. I had saved a few of my childhood treasures, and our eldest daughter went through a "Fudge" phase, where she had to have all of the Fudge books, and I'd kept those. I hoped I had Tales, but I wasn't sure. When I was in my early teens, my mom thought that purging my book collection was a good idea, and she made me get rid of a bunch. I managed to salvage a few, and today, they still remain my treasures. My books got me through a lot when I was a kid, and I'd always hoped to pass on that love to my own children.

[caption id="attachment_4041" align="alignright" width="150"] She couldn't put it down![/caption]

When we got to my magical bookcase, I immediately spied the Fudge books. It took some digging but I finally found... yes, the book she was looking for. In that search, we also found a lot of other great books that I loved as a kid- a lot by Judy Blume. Books my daughter eagerly eyed and commented that she wanted to read because she'd heard they were good. She grabbed Tales off the shelf and immediately began reading. Even though she only got through a couple of pages, my struggling little reader read. And she was mad when I sent her to bed. I suspect that after I tucked her in, she turned on her lamp and kept reading.

People wonder why I keep all of my books. Tonight was one of those reasons. Having a struggling reader means that if she shows interest in anything, I want that book in her hands right away. Part of her processing issue means that if she's excited about it today, she may not be tomorrow, and I will have lost that chance. I love having books to share... with my friends, with my family, but mostly, with my girls.

Tonight also reminded me of a lot of the reason why I write. I was that kid- weird, smart, awkward, and sometimes bullied for it. Judy Blume and a lot of others wrote stories that made it okay to be who I was. My kids are weird. Cowgirl doesn't care that she's different. But my little princess, some days I ache for her because she struggles so much with being different. I write books for people to know that they're not alone. If you're weird or different or have issues, it's okay. You've got someone who understands, and I hope, in those moments when you read my work, you'll feel a little less like it's you against the world.

Thank you, Judy Blume. Thank you for writing the books that encouraged me as a kid. Thank you for writing books I can pass on to my daughter because she relates to them and can actually read them, despite her processing issues. I could fill several books thanking the authors whose work I am thankful for. But I won't. At least not today. Tonight, I want to honor the woman who has always had the courage to share with us, even today as she blogged about her recent battle with breast cancer. How interesting that I have this experience with my daughter the same day she blogged. I thought about writing this in the same way she wrote the first book of hers to catch my eye, Dear Mr. Henshaw, but then I thought it might be awkward if she saw it and actually played Mr. Henshaw and made me answer questions. So I have no questions for her today, just my gratitude.

How about you? Are there books from your childhood that you've passed on to your children?

Squeezing the last bits out of the summer

It's such a gorgeous day today that I couldn't resist working on the deck, or as I call it, my outdoor office. Now that we're headed into fall and cooler weather, I'm determined to suck the last bit of sunshine before the cold hits. I often joke that I'm solar powered, so I need to charge up my batteries.

How are you spending your last bit of summer?

One more political rant- privacy violations

I already semi ranted about this on Facebook and Twitter. But I'm going to go off a little longer... I am REALLY frustrated that the political campaigns feel the need to constantly violate my privacy.

I started realizing it with the political popup ads. I have a popup blocker and I constantly have to temporarily disable it to do my banking. But... when I am surfing the web, minding my own business, I get political pop up ads.

Here's what bothers me about this. I honestly think that popup ads, especially ones that are this aggressive, are serious violations of privacy. I've purposely set my computer to not receive them, and yet they still appear. I'm tired of the tracking cookies that watch the sites I visit, and when I visit political sites because I want to research the candidates so I can vote based on education, I find that future sites I visit have ads for the political party I was most recently researching.  I'm sorry, but I do not trust a candidate who is willing to SPY on my internet activity to have my best interests at heart. Someone who is willing to disregard my decision to not have popups on my computer does not care about me or my family.

Now, for those of you who want to say, "but my political party or candidate isn't doing that," let me tell you that you are probably wrong, unless you are for a third party. Both Democrats and Republicans, as well as their supporting PACs and special interest groups, are doing this. In addition to the Internet ads, I am bombarded with phone calls. We get at least 5 political calls a day, and we're on the "Do not call" list. Apparently, it doesn't apply to political calls, and I think that's wrong. If I don't want people invading my space with their calls, I should have the right to say no. I should also mention the political candidates who ring my doorbell and wake me up from my nap to ask for my vote. Since you aren't capable of reading my "No Soliciting" sign, I'm not sure I trust you to be capable of reading the information necessary to properly represent my interests. And yes, I consider the candidate who left flyers on my door (right next to the "No Soliciting" sign) also violating my privacy. How can you "care about the environment" when you just wasted paper and ink on those glossy full color brochures that are going directly to my round file?

I understand the candidates are trying to get the word out. But honestly? When you invade my world with things I have specifically asked not to have (popups, tracking cookies, phone calls, visits to my house), you aren't getting the word out. You're pissing me off. Last presidential election, I commented that I was voting for the person who called me the least. This year, I'm voting for whoever violates my trust the least. Right now, the third parties are in the lead. It really is too bad that Ralph Nader isn't running this year, because he probably would have gotten my vote.

Candidates, if you want to restore whatever it is your campaign slogan says you're doing for America, start with restoring respectful treatment of the people you're supposed to be representing. Don't let your advertising and efforts to get elected cross the line into areas where people have asked you not to go. This year, I will not vote for it.

I'm back!!!

 

Part of me feels compelled to add the bad version of beotches, because I remember seeing it in a movie and it was funny. Plus, to be perfectly honest, I've been in a mood that can only be described as a cross between hysterical, foul, and vainly trying to keep my chin up.

Here's the lowdown...

I've been having some trouble with my laptop, which is my primary computer. A few weeks ago, it got worse, and the main issue was with the screen. On a laptop, this is a big problem. It kept getting worse, until I was finally forced to accept that I needed to buy a new laptop. After lots of research, crowd-sourcing, and finally biting the bullet, I am now working on my new laptop. It is a HUGE adjustment, and for someone who doesn't like change, it hasn't been a lot of fun. However, I'm working really hard at trying to stay positive, so here's my list of ups and downs:

DOWNS:

• I had to transfer all of my files over. Just my documents and images took over 24 hours. I could not use my computer during this time.


• Because it didn't transfer my email, I had to do that separately. Which took another 10 hours, then failed, then we tried again, which took another 6 hours. Yes, I have a lot of email. A lot of it is stuff I have to keep for work.


• I also had to transfer my web stuff separately. Fortunately, this only took ten minutes. :)


• All of my programs have to be re-loaded separately. I am still working on this. It's been a pain. I have to find old passwords, old logins, keycodes from purchases, etc. I know they say not to do this, but I am seriously considering putting together a notebook with all of this information in one place. If some dummy wants to rob my house and steal a notebook with all of my passwords in one place, they can have at it. It's not like they'll get anything great. Just my peace of mind, and I think I lost that a while ago. ;)


• Learning a new keyboard, new keystrokes, and a new touchpad. I don't use a mouse. Number one, because I typically do use my laptop on my lap on the couch, and it's not conducive to using a mouse. Number two, I tend to get tendonitis in my mouse arm, and using a mouse makes it really bad. The point of all of this is to say that I keep messing up sooo much using this new touchpad, and I have to re-do almost everything I start. Like this post. Dagnabbit.


• I really hated spending the money. Really. Really. Really.

UPS:

• I really am grateful for a new computer. It's new and nice and pretty.


• I am VERY grateful that I had the money set aside to buy a new computer. And I'm grateful we could afford it. Even though I'd have liked NOT to have spent the money, I'm really grateful we had it.


• My new computer is a lot faster than my old computer. It's been nice to have my usual large number of windows open without this thing getting bogged down.


• My new computer is also a lot lighter than my old computer. Another plus.


• So far, everything seems to be in perfect working order, and I'm really enjoying that. My old computer ran hot, and so far, this one doesn't, and I love that.

I'm thinking that in a month, I'll be on the other side of the learning curve and much happier. I don't like change, but I'm trying to embrace it as best as I can. How do you handle change? Any tips for making computer change easier?

Time to get political... and think!

I'm fairly intentional about not getting political in public. I've got too many online friends on both sides who tend to make jerks of themselves and alienate the other side with their political comments. If you're looking to read that Obama is the antichrist or that Romney will end democracy as we know it, you should probably find some other blog to read. I don't think people on either side are stupid. In fact, I'm getting tired of educated adults calling people names because they happen to think differently than others. I wish I'd thought to make copies of the different infographics going around. I'm amazed at how many of the Republican ones look almost exactly like the Democrat ones, and how they've both used the same distorted figures to prove opposite things.

A lot of my friends are saying that this election, they are voting for the lesser of two evils. I graduated with a degree in Political Science, so I totally understand this. I've always heard the philosophy that a vote for a third party is a wasted vote, because no third party will ever get elected. But I'm starting to question if that's really true. If so many people are merely voting for the lesser of two evils, what if we voted based on who we really want in office, regardless of political affiliation? Right now, this is just a question of "what if." I actually don't know if it would change things or not. But I've heard so many people argue that voting for a third party takes away from what could have been a win for the primary candidates, so why couldn't that logic work in reverse? Could enough people not vote for the two main parties that the rest of the population takes someone else seriously?

I don't know. I'm honestly just tossing ideas out there right now. But I'm tired of not feeling like I have a choice and not voting my true conscience. Before I vote, I'm going to take some time to do some serious thinking. I have great respect for all of my friends on all sides of the debate, and as I continue my own research into my decision, I hope everyone can continue in that respectful discussion.

So I've been researching... examining the candidates, and doing my homework. I found a quiz that I thought was very informative, so I thought I'd share.

http://www.isidewith.com/presidential-election-quiz?from=46400048

 

The dog days of summer

I'm working on some more thoughtful posts, but right now, all I can think about is how much I miss my dog. He's at the groomer's today, getting a much needed shave. It's weird not having him next to me. He spends his days right by my side and I'm sure he inspires me to get more work done. It's also getting harder, because a little voice inside me reminds me that he's 12 now, which is old for a dog, and I wonder how I'll handle the days when he's gone for good. And then I try not to think about it. :)

So since I'm missing my dog, here's a picture from a couple weeks ago, when my good friend Cheryl Wyatt stopped by with her family on their way home from Yellowstone. The three little ones are her dogs, the big  black one is mine. Okay, he's not that big, but compared to her dogs, he's a giant.

 

Sending your kid off on the next adventure

[caption id="attachment_4018" align="alignleft" width="300"] Daddy and his girls on the night his biggest one is leaving.[/caption]

Our eldest daughter just left for boot camp. A lot of people keep asking us, "are you upset?" or "are you worried?"  My honest answer is, "no. We're excited for her."

Sure, I understand that she's going in to the Army, and yes, that means she'll be around guns, and potentially going in to conflict. But I'm a firm believer in kids needing to get out of the nest and away from friends and family to see the bigger picture of life outside of what is known. She's also following something she's passionate about. She's a very talented photographer, and was able to get a job doing photography for the Army. Since graduating high school, she's been a little adrift, trying to figure out how to make photography work, but not being excited about the options. She's finally excited about this option. It's a cool opportunity. One of the guys she talked to who has the job she'll be doing told her that over the past six years, he's visited every continent except Antarctica.

So am I worried? A little. But that danger exists out there for everyone, not just our daughter. Watching her grow up, I've learned that I can't protect her from every danger, and she's going to make her own choices. The one thing that got me through it has been praying for her. I am firmly convinced that prayer has made all the difference. So I'm going to keep praying, and let the rest take care of itself.

I hope you'll join me in praying for our kiddo. She's pretty amazing, and we're excited and proud of her new journey.

Okay, fine, I admit it...

I'm sick. I have a weird summer cold that has me doing nothing but sleep or want to sleep. I had grand plans for my blog this week, and lots to talk about, but I have the attention span of... hmm... is there even a comparison? People like to say gnat, but honestly, the gnats around my house have a very looooong attention span, because they won't leave me alone. Me, on the other hand... I don't remember where I was going with this.

Right. My blog. Now that all the chaos I wanted to blog about has died down, is there even a point in blogging about it?

So instead of some more weirdness that has you wondering just how much cold medication I'm on, how about I leave you with a pretty, shiny picture from my summer adventures? I am exceedingly proud of this picture. I can't believe I managed to capture a butterfly sitting on a flower with my cheapo camera? Well, it wasn't that cheap, since cameras these days are kinda expensive, but it certainly wasn't a fancy model. So be sure to say something nice about my picture to make me feel good.

OH!!! I know, I have the attention span of a butterfly! Because butterflies don't stick around in one place for long, do they? I can't remember. Hopefully, I'll be back to my old self soon. In the meantime, anyone have any good get well tips for a summer cold that has you exhausted all the time?

 

Embracing different talents

The thing I love most about my little girls is that they've taught me to appreciate different talents far more than I ever could have imagined. Growing up, I was always the one who was different, and didn't fit in with any of my family. I always wished I could be more like them, more of what they wanted me to be, and yet, I was just... me.

So when I was blessed with two little girls who were like me in some ways, but really different in others, I decided to embrace them. I love them for their differences and their different talents.



This is my princess.  She has two main goals in life: 1. To be a varsity cheerleader, and 2. To be a singer on stage. In this picture, she's living her dream because the part you don't see are the varsity cheerleaders around her doing their routine. Her dance instructor is a cheer coach at one of the local high schools, so my little one gets to meet lots of cheerleaders. You also don't see that she is on a stage, and after her routine, she was up there, dancing and singing.  She is learning to play the piano, and even though she'd much rather sing, we're hoping that this will teach her the notes and the discipline needed to be everything she wants.

I never signed up to be the mother of a singing cheerleader. My friends and I groan at the thought of being cheer moms, but we never do it in a way that discourages our girls' dreams. And who knows, maybe one day, she'll have a hit like "Call Me Maybe," her favorite song, and my friends and I can laugh about these days while sitting on the beach, drinking Mojitos.

 



This is my cowgirl. She's the one standing on the horse and waving. Her dream involves breeding and training horses. We spend 2-3 days a week at the arena, where she takes care of horses, rides, and hangs out with her horse buddies. I never thought I'd say this, but hopefully someday, we'll have a place where we can own our own horses so she can spend every day living her dream.

If you know me, you know that I'm not terribly fond of horses. Scratch that. I like horses just fine. But they stink, they poop, and I'm allergic to both them and hay. So to have a horse-loving daughter is a pretty interesting experience. I could let hubby take her to her rides every week, or like many parents there, drop her off with a kiss, and go about my business. But let me let you in on a little secret. There is something magical about watching my daughter ride. I come home every Saturday exhausted and barely able to breathe. But the big grin on her face makes it worth it.

I think about how I have such different little girls, and how much joy they bring to my life. Sure, there are a million other things I could be doing besides listening to my little one play "Fuzzy Wuzzy" a thousand times a day. (I wish that were an exaggeration.) I'd love to attend more local writer's groups that meet on Saturdays when my daughter rides.

But one day, they will be gone... hopefully one will be touring the world like the diva she is, and the other will be on top of a mountain somewhere, riding her horse. Or maybe these are just phases my kids will have outgrown, and they'll be doing other things. Either way, I hope I've given them the tools they need to succeed. I hope I've communicated to them that it's okay to be different, and that I embrace who they are. Even the smelly parts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOVING!!

To my new website!!

I have to admit, I forgot to post here that I'm finally on my new website. Silly me!!

So join me here:
http://www.danicafavorite.com/journal/

It's all in the interpretation

We had a crime spree over the weekend. Someone decided it would be a nice gesture to go around the neighborhood, moving people's front lawns. Crime spree, you ask? Well, that's what I wondered. Personally, I was glad that someone besides me noticed that it was high time our lawn got mowed. I was beginning to fear for the neighborhood children. Because of my allergies, I have to wait for hubby to mow the lawn. So having someone else do it for us- bliss!

Unfortunately, our neighbors did not agree. I actually thought they might have been behind the drive-by mowing, since their yard is always pretty neat, and ours goes way too long behind mowings. But when they mentioned it to us, they were less than pleased. To be fair, they had just gotten their lawn fertilized, and you have to wait several days before mowing it. Well, our friendly neighborhood mower didn't know that, so they mowed it too soon.

What surprises me the most about our neighbor's reaction is that they're so angry about the surprise mowing that they aren't willing to acknowledge that whoever did it was at least attempting to make a kind gesture. The neighbor is certain that the person who mowed their lawn must've been staking them out, waiting for them to leave, and maybe the mowing was just an excuse to case their house to rob it. I tried telling the lady that our lawn (which was mowed either right before our right after) was mowed WITH US HOME. Yes, we were home when our lawn was mowed by a mysterious figure. We were so wiped out after our daughter's ride that we were all napping on the couch and missed all the excitement. Oh, how could we!!

Maybe I'm naive for thinking that someone mowing the lawns of a few random houses in a neighborhood is nothing more than a random act of kindness. My initial thought that it was a not-so-subtle hint that we're in the suburbs, not the jungle.  But in my mind, I picture a person who saw that there were a couple of lawns that needed some TLC, and was tickled to be able to do something nice without anyone knowing or expecting something in return.

So was this a random act of kindness, or some kind of evil horror brought about by a villain determined to destroy us all?

However, this got me to thinking. How many times do we do something we think is a very kind thing that someone else interprets as being terrible? Does a bad result (ie: messing up someone's fertilizer) negate the kindness behind the action? Do these negative reactions keep people from being kind? I admit, that as I've been thinking about doing more random acts of kindness, which I believe should be done in secret, that I'm really thinking more about how my actions will be interpreted. Will what I intend as kindness end up being a burden for the other person?

What about you? Have you ever had a random act of kindness go horribly wrong?

(OH... And if you happened to be the one to mow my lawn, THANK YOU!!! If you're interested in coming back, my back yard is about three times the size of my front. AND, we really need some edging done. :)  )

The posts I'm afraid to write...

I've been having a quiet spiritual crisis over the past few weeks. Not in a bad way, or even in a way that has me questioning my faith. I've talked to a few friends about it, and I've been praying about it. But today, in church, after listening to the pastor preach about being obedient to God's call, I realized that it's time to share what I've been thinking about.

There's a lot going on in my head, and in my heart, about faith these days, and things I want to say. Things I'm afraid to say to anyone except my closest friends. I know that if I say it publicly, some people will be happy about my words, but a lot of others will be mad. I've faced enough rejection in my life that I don't want to say a bunch of stuff that'll make people mad. Which is a safe way to live, I guess, but it's not very honest.

The truth is, I'm angry. And I'm hurt. And I'm caught in this place of trying to reconcile a faith and a God that I love with a bunch of people who act like jerks in God's name. I don't think they mean to be jerks. I think that they think, in their own way, that they're doing what God wants them to do.

So I'm going to be more honest... and I'm going to talk about the real things going on in my heart that I've been afraid to share. I'm sorry if it pisses anyone off. But if I want to live more like Jesus, then I can't be afraid of upsetting people. If he'd given in to that fear, would we be here today?

In the spirit of sharing the things I'm afraid to share, here's the thought that's keeping me up tonight: Today, some nutcase shot up a Sikh temple. Not one of my friends, Christian or not, has posted any sympathies or anything to indicate that they care. One person did post a scathing comment blaming it on intolerant Christians- but that's it. (And I find the intolerance comment offensive, BTW. Not only has it not been said that whoever did it was a Christian, but let's not use one person's actions as an excuse to attack an entire religion. That's what causes hate crimes to begin with.) When Aurora shooting tragedy happened a couple weeks ago, my Facebook was filled with posts from all sorts of people upset over the tragedy. Why aren't we all more upset over this shooting?

Today, families lost people they dearly love. There is a community of people devastated by a horrible crime. I really don't care that they aren't Christians. They are human beings, and God loves them just as much as He loves us. I've never been one of those people who goes out and tries to comfort shooting victims. I'm not really good at that. But right now, I'm so angry that we're not more angry about yet another shooting, that if I lived in their community, I'd be bringing them meals or whatever you do in these situations. I am a Christian woman, and I love that Sikh community just as much as I love anyone else. God loves them too.

Compassion isn't just about loving people who are like us, but it's about daring to reach out to those who are different, and accepting them anyway.  I have yet to find any information about donations to help those affected by this tragedy, but I personally plan on doing what I can to help. I hope you will consider doing the same.