Anatomy of a Bible art journal page

A lot of people ask me about my art journaling practice, especially as it relates to my Bible reading. I’ve always been the sort of person who likes to write in my Bible. I like to highlight passages that mean a lot to me, and I like to write notes in the margins. However, when I discovered art journaling, I found that I had a new avenue for worshipping God.

Have you ever read something in your Bible that made you so thankful to God? Something that made you want to worship God in a deeper way? Art journaling gives me the ability to have that deeper worship.

When I read something impactful in my Bible, I love being able to respond in a creative way. More importantly, I love being able to have that worship written right in my Bible. It’s a wonderful experience to thumb through my Bible and remember all the beautiful moments I’ve shared with God. Having the colors and images pop out at me bring back the experience in much fuller detail than if I’d simply underlined a passage. More importantly, the time I take to create the art in my Bible has me meditating on that piece of Scripture longer. Rather than highlighting and moving on, I spend a lot more time, doodling and soaking it in.

As an example of how my process works, I’m going to take you through the creation of one of my pages. I have a daily reading plan (which, in all fairness, does not always happen daily!) and I try to follow it as best as I can. The day I created this page, my reading was Psalm 136.

One of my favorite phrases in the Bible is, “give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever.” It’s mentioned several times in the Bible, and I even have a little tune I mentally sing this phrase to, because it’s such a beautiful reminder of God’s love. As I read this Psalm, even though I have probably read it dozens of times, I realized that every other line was my favorite phrase. With one exception. The word “steadfast” is added.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that addition to the phrase. To me, steadfast love is a much more powerful image than plain old love. I ended up highlighting the entire Psalm. When I have something that hits me that powerfully, that’s when I pull out my colorful pens and journal. I go through different phases with my Bible art journal, and I love word art. I wrote the phrase I loved and made it pretty and colorful.

Then, because the word “steadfast” was so important to me in this time, I looked it up, and I wrote definitions of it in the margin. I thought about each definition and how it fit God’s love. Finally, at the bottom, I wrote two summaries of what that time had meant to me. What I wanted to remember.

Don’t take this as a “this is how you should always do it” bible art journal guide. Each entry in my Bible has a different component, or a different order. Sometimes, I skip the full reading plan, because just one verse sticks out to me in a powerful way. What remains the same and consistent through each one, is that it was done in response when I felt a particular reading speak to me. My art journaling Bible isn’t perfect. You’ll find mistakes, splotches, smudges, and other weird things. But I think it’s beautiful to God, who sees my response to him and loves it.

If you’re thinking about trying art journaling, or even putting some art in your Bible, I highly encourage you to do so.

It’s really wonderful to have these mementos of my time with God. You can purchase a journaling Bible or a notetaking Bible so you have more room to make art than you would with a regular Bible. I use the ESV journaling Bible by Crossway. Pen-wise, for this page, I used some glitter gel pens from the Write Dudes. Basically, the ones you get at Target. Nothing fancy you have to buy at an art supply store. I also used a regular pen for the rest. Other pages, I’ve used colored pencils, watercolors, and Sharpies (which bleed).

Do you art journal in your Bible? What tools do you use? I’d love to hear about your process. And if you don’t art journal in your Bible, but want to try it, let me know that too!

When a door closes on your dreams

I've been working hard to make the dream home I found at the end of last year a reality. Unfortunately, we received bad news. We were outbid on the house we wanted. To say I was heartbroken to come so close to my dreams, only to have it fall apart was an understatement. It was pretty devastating. Even my husband, who is not known for his demonstration of emotion, was crushed. I remember sitting here, sobbing, crying the big fat ugly tears that make your face swell, your eyes hurt, and your nose too stuffed up to breathe.

I poured out my heart in my journal, and one of the lines I wrote really sticks with me. "I feel like Jacob, working so hard for Rachel, only to be presented with Leah. My faith is so small right now- I want to believe and trust, and honestly, I don't know how."

Betrayed. That's how I imagine Jacob must have felt, and that is how I felt. If you don't know the story, it's found in Genesis 29:16-30. Basically, Jacob fell in love with Rachel, worked seven years to get her, and instead, was given Leah, a woman he did not love. He had to work another seven years to get Rachel. It doesn't really say what Jacob went through in terms of his anger and betrayal, but it's easy to imagine how hard it would have been to be so close to the woman of your dreams only to have it ripped away.

And there I was, so close to the house of my dreams, and we got outbid, and frankly, the whole thing was just kind of stupid, the way it was with Jacob being forced to marry Leah on a technicality. Yes, I realize that a house and a wife are not necessarily the equivalent, but for us, this is something we've wanted since we met. We've dreamed of this for seventeen years, and it all seemed so perfect. We had so many miracles leading up to this point that it made no sense that the door shut when it did. I can imagine Jacob felt the same way- he was there, at the finish line, and WHAM! The door closed.

People told me things like, "God has something better," and honestly, in the midst of my grief, I wanted to smack them. We've waited SEVENTEEN YEARS for an opportunity like this, and haven't seen anything come even close. There hasn't been anything better in that time. It reminded me of all the things I've waited for that never came. That will never come. Every piece of grief that I thought had been healed opened up again, and I just wanted to know why. Why, when I was doing all the right things, did this, too, have to be taken from me?

But see, there is another piece to Jacob's story. He got over the betrayal, and he worked another seven years, and he got to marry Rachel. I read a bunch of articles and things speculating on why Jacob had to do the Leah/Rachel thing. Why it couldn't have been simpler? We really don't know, and we won't know until we meet God face to face. Sometimes you get to know why, and sometimes you don't. Will I know we why lost that house? Maybe. Is there another, more wonderful, house waiting for us? Maybe. I'd like to think so.

So here I am, the grief over my house loss subsided, and a new plan in place. We are selling our house, a house I love, because our dreams are bigger than staying where we are. Currently, there are no houses out there in our price range that even come close to being what we want. But I'm choosing to step out in faith that when the time comes, there will be a house for us. My daughter asked me what happens if there isn't. I told her we'd live in my van. Which would be weird, considering we have a dog and three chickens, and I'm seriously anti-poop in regards to my living conditions. But I'm choosing to believe that we'll be okay.

I went for a walk at a nature preserve yesterday with my friend Kay, and I took a great photo of the sun through the trees. Only when I looked at the photo after, I saw these fun blue and red spots in my picture. I don't know what they are, but I felt so much peace sitting there, that to me, those were my confirmation that everything is going to be okay.

What do you do when a door closes on your dreams?

I think it's okay, and even necessary, to take the time to grieve. But then you have to figure out a way to move on. To know that there is something good waiting for you, even if you can't see it. You have to find the strength and courage to go forward, even if your faith is so small. Even when you don't know how. I have no idea where this journey is taking us, and yes, I'm scared. But I suppose, if we had all the answers, there'd be no reason to have faith.

Have you had a door close on your dreams? What did you do? And if you're like me, blindly stepping out on faith, let me know how I can encourage you.

Letting God in on your dreams

I just got done taking a bath and reading a book. This may well be the first book I've actually read this year. Sometimes I get so single minded in pursuing my dreams that I have a tendency to forget to slow down and take time for me. Yes, I have a lot of work to do before our house hits the market on Thursday. But I also have to remember that part of pursuing a dream is also allowing God the grace to move and act in that space as well. Which means slowing down, spending some quiet time and nurturing yourself. If I trust God, this house thing will still happen without me killing myself with overwork.

The past three weeks have been nonstop- getting up earlier than usual, doing my regular job, then performing a lot more physical labor than this body is used to until I finally fall into bed. Some nights, I toss and turn worrying over everything I still have to do. One night, I even got out of bed at midnight and worked for two hours on a project that was bothering me. And yes, in the midst of this, I turned in some book ideas to my editor.

If you think it's crazy, it is. But that's me when I'm consumed with something important to me. And this afternoon, as I was listening to a devotional on audio in my car, I realized that all-consuming passion leaves no room for God.

If a dream really is of God, then you have to give him room to work.

I think it's a tough balance- on one hand, I do believe you have to do the work to make your dreams come true. I don't believe God is a magical fairy who goes around with his wand to make things happen. But I also know that God does want to be involved in your dreams. I think he wants to be able to work miracles in your plans. If you're too busy working and not taking the time to notice, you might miss the miracles that happen along the way.

We do not have the house yet. Our house goes on the market next week, then we will get the other house. So far, I've counted at least ten things that have been miraculous in this situation. TEN! And probably dozens more prayers answered. So why am I killing myself to make this happen?

Over the next few days, I have a lot more work to do. And I'll get it done. But after my relaxing evening in the bath, realizing how much I've failed to take care of myself, I'm going to be more mindful of the fact that part of pursuing your dreams is taking time to enjoy the journey.

Staying focused on the dream

Ah, the grand plans of a dreamer... one of the things I noticed about when you dream of doing something big, something always gets in the way. I no sooner launched my art journaling class than a minor catastrophe hit our household. I ended up having to focus at least two hours a day on this situation. Completely beyond my control, and absolutely necessary for me to deal with. On top of that, I had some important book deadlines, some major events happening in my world, and it felt like everything was spinning out of control. Times like that, it's easy to wonder if maybe you weren't meant to pursue your dream after all.

If your dream was what you were meant to do, wouldn't it be easy?

That faulty thinking stopped me in my tracks a lot in the past. If I were to list every single thing that has gone wrong in my life in the past month, it would almost be funny. Um, yeah, no. I'm still finding no humor in it. That said, all the muck I've had to wade through has been a source of valuable lessons. And, if I'm really looking for silver linings, some really precious time with my family. But it's also given me tremendous clarity.

When you make the decision to move from one state of being into your dreams, it's almost as if the universe is asking you, "do you really want this?" So many times, we're able to step back and justify remaining exactly where we are. It's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that maybe the timing is wrong. When things settle down, THEN we'll go after that dream again. But you know what? Things never settle down.

Challenges are your dream's way of testing to see if you're worthy of having that dream.

Now, I'm not talking worthiness in terms of saying you stink, so you don't deserve your dream. But I do think that when we want more, we have to prove that we're willing to be more. Are you willing to face the dragons that are in front of you? Are you willing to fight them? Do you believe so strongly in your dream that you are willing to overcome what you need to overcome to have it?

If it were easy, you'd already have your dream.

Think about it. Why don't you have your dream now? No one's handed it to you, and no one's going to.

Which brings me back to the challenges I faced earlier this month. It's been two weeks of doing a bunch of stuff I don't want to do, don't have time to do, but I don't have any alternative but to do it. But I also didn't give up on my dream. I didn't do as much work on it as I'd have liked, and I went without a little more sleep than I would have liked, but I did what I had to do.

Are you being pushed to your limits in pursuing your dream?

I hope so! That means you're on the right track! And if you're looking for a little encouragement or some tools to help you along the way, I'd love to help. Sign up for my Unleash Your Creative Spirit class, and let's get you unstuck and moving forward. Your dreams are worth pursuing!

Now it's your turn... What's holding you back on following your dreams?

 

Taking a leap of faith

[caption id="attachment_4626" align="alignleft" width="300"] Where I'm spending time clarifying my vision.[/caption]

Last night, I asked for prayer about a major decision I was facing. The truth is, I knew what I had to do, and I was scared to do it. After lots of prayer, and hearing from a number of wonderful friends, none of whom knew the decision I was making, that we have to act on faith, I had enough affirmation to know that my fear was not from God, and the only direction to go was forward.

So... for those of you wondering about my big scary prayer request. :)  Some of you know I've been talking about teaching art journaling classes for a long time, and I've done a few online classes to get my feet wet. Well, today I signed up for an intensive program that's going to help me launch my art journaling biz! It's definitely a stretch for me, and a huge act of faith, but I truly believe that this is the direction God is sending me in. Your prayers really helped me clarify that, and I'm really grateful to each person who prayed.

I had a great talk with one of my wonderful friends this afternoon, and he asked me what he could do to support me. I decided that I should probably share what I told him with all of you as well.

1. Please continue to pray. Trust me when I say that there is no way I can do any of this on my own power, and I really need to work closely with God on this. I'm walking purely in faith right now, and sometimes the fear is pretty overwhelming.

2. As I launch my biz, please do spread the word and share the love in any way you can. If you know of places where I can teach or share my information, please let me know. You can check out my art journaling page for more deets as I figure them out (and sign up for my art journaling newsletter!).

3. Please continue supporting me in my writing. I have every intention to continue that dream, and my pursuit of becoming America's favorite author! You can pre-order my book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Tattered Cover, or if you're super impatient, and want it now, it's already available on Harlequin.com.

Really, this leap of faith is all about me becoming more in line with the woman God created me to be, and following a passion and dream I've had for a long time. I remembered this morning (as I was journaling and praying about my decision) that some of the dreams I wrote in my journal when I was 12 years old would be accomplished through this. Apparently, I needed a lot of time to be molded into the person God needed me to be to make this dream come true. I'm still being molded, for sure!!

I really appreciate everyone's prayers and I feel very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Thanks so much for all of your support!

The healing power of art, friendship, and Truth

One of the biggest blessings in my art journaling journey has been to see how many inner wounds it has healed. I'm doing a number of different art journal projects, and one of the most daunting things has been that a lot of the challenges ask you to do some kind of self-portrait.

I'm going to be honest here. I HATE pictures of myself. I'm not like some people, who completely shun the camera, because I have relatives who are like that, and it makes me sad that I have no pictures of them. But still, there's a tiny part of me that dies inside when I'm asked to be in a picture. When I see a picture of me, I see the awful labels that have followed me around for years- the ugly girl who was bullied and made fun of. I hear the voices that tell me I'm not good enough and point out all of my flaws. And I think, "I'm such a phoney for all the positive self talk I give myself about my appearance."

So when I'm asked to take a picture of myself and put it in a journal that's all about celebrating my creativity, I think, "why am I torturing myself?" Which means I put off the task as long as possible until I'm finally forced to do it because I can't allow myself to skip a journal exercise.

Today I had coffee with my friend Niki. She does not know I was struggling with this, and yet, she said something that rocked my world in terms of how I viewed my picture. She said something along the lines of, "living under Christ, we are already God's beloved. He doesn't look at us and see sinners, He sees people He dearly loves." I knew those words to be true. But as I tossed them about in my mind, I realized that as much as I say I believe that, I don't live that in my own life. If I really believed that God looked at me as His beloved, JUST AS I AM, then why do I look at myself with labels that are not true? I've worked so hard to get past the body image lies, but as much time as I spend telling myself what I think should be the truth, the old lies creep in.

When I got home, I decided to do the selfie exercise. As soon as I printed the picture, I immediately started picking out the flaws- my double chin because I don't know how to hold my head right, the hormonal acne, the gray hairs, the awkward smile. I glued my picture down, and I wanted to cry. But then I remembered Niki's words, and I thought, "all those things I hate, God loves."  Before I could stop myself, I took a Sharpie, and wrote right across my forehead, "beloved." I decorated my picture by decoupaging tissue paper around it. I like that look, and I decided that it reminds me of stained glass, which is something you find in the most beautiful of cathedrals- God's holy places. I am a holy temple of God. But then I had to take it a step further. I wrote down all the labels GOD has given me. All the beautiful, wonderful things that HE has called me. I surrounded myself with truth.

I look at that picture now, and I think, "wow, I'm really pretty." I don't feel the shame I typically feel when I see a picture of myself. I see me. I see the person that God made. And I think she's lovely. I am lovely.

I don't make art because I have aspirations of being a great artist. Most people are not going to look at the art I make and think I have amazing talent. But that's not the point. In my art, I've found a way to take the wounds of the past, combine them with the beautiful words of truth from my friends, and find healing. I look through some of my other selfie projects, and I like the girl I see. She may not be perfect, but that's okay. God looks down on her - on me- and sees someone He adores.

What do you see when you see pictures of yourself? Do you see someone who is beautiful and beloved? If not, I encourage you to let God into that place. Take your picture. Print it out. Claim God's truth over your image. You are so valuable to God.

Deepening the Psalms through Art Journaling

My art journal journey has been really great for me- but because I am not an "artist," I don't always have clever ideas about what to do. Last night's Advent Bible reading had us read Psalm 6. Now, I've read the Psalms a hundred bazillion times. Okay, maybe not literally, since I don't even know how much a hundred bazillion is. But it's a lot. However, as I read Psalm 6, verse 4 really stuck out to me. It says, "Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love." Now, I am not a theologian, and I don't claim to understand even half of the Bible. So when something really hits me, it hits me hard and I can't let it go.

The part I couldn't let go is this: He wasn't asking God to save him because he was super awesome. No, he asked God to save him because of God's unfailing love. God's loving character was the reason God would deliver him. How many times do we ask God to save us because of all the different reasons on our list, most especially, the reason that we are worthy? It hit me then, as I read those words over and over, that I do not have to be worthy for God to save me. Theoretically, we know that. But what I found interesting was that this was in the Psalms, aka before Jesus came and assured us of our salvation. Even before Jesus, it was in God's good character to save us because He loved us. His love for us, despite our unworthiness, is unchanged.

Which leads me to my art. This message was so powerful to me that I really wanted to do some kind of art to remember it. To let this beautiful thought about God sink deep into my heart. But it's such a short verse, and I am so bad at art, and I don't have a very creative artistic mind. Some of you are probably looking at my picture thinking that I am SO creative and SO good at art. Trust me, that's not talent, that's just being a good student of a few simple techniques. (For which I am very grateful, and if you want to learn some of this, you should take the Made Art class. LOVE it!) Anyway, as I was really trying to think of ways of expressing what was in my heart, I felt really inadequate. And I was tired, so I prayed about it, then went to bed.

Tonight I sat down to make art, and I realized that I still have nothing. So I went to Pinterest for inspiration. I saw a lot of great pieces of art in other art journals, and for whatever reason, I was drawn to tree pictures. I thought about it some more, and then I remembered a project we did with Kelly Watts on the Proverbs 31 woman. Which is when I decided to combine the cute little circle thingys she taught us with my tree and the other ideas floating in my head. Why am I telling you this? Because you need to know that I am not an art genius. I just wanted to make something cool to express my joy at seeing something beautiful in God's Word.

And that leads me to the art I created. Maybe you didn't get a good look at it, but when I look at it, I think, um, that's really depressing!! The landscape is barren, the girl in on her knees crying with her eyes closed, the tree is bare, and even my cute little flower is falling apart! I felt so much joy in God's word, but as I created the art, I was creating depressing stuff. I didn't feel depressed, but I don't know, it just came out. But the more I worked on my art, and the more I contemplated the verse as I made the words, I realized something. How many times do I resent other people's blessings from God because in my mind, they don't deserve them? It really humbled me and struck me in a lot of painful places. And so, I painted, I sharpied, and I prayed. I thought about how imperfect I am, how I wanted people to know that I made so many mistakes in my art, and it was okay. I thought about a quote I once saw attributed to Bob Ross, and how if you make a mistake, you just turn it into a bird. It made me happy to think about making birds in my art. No, I did not actually put a bird in my art. But I think about my life mistakes, and how God has let me turn them into birds instead of leaving them as big ugly blotches on the canvas of my life.

So my picture looks kind of depressing. A depressing situation, and I guess, a depressed person. But God's Word is surrounding her, and it is full of hope. I realized that it's actually a hopeful picture, because no matter what is happening in our lives, God's love is unfailing. Which led me to the final touch on my picture. I'd planned it only being about Psalm 6:4. But as I thought about how thankful I am for God's love, I couldn't help but add a reminder to my rather pathetic tree- my favorite verse of praise: Psalm 106:1. Versions of it appear in different places in the Psalms and I love that it is so often repeated. My favorite phrasing is a mishmash of versions, and I think that's okay too.  "Give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good. His love endures forever."

What I loved about taking this verse and making it art is that in all, I spent about four hours on one verse. I think if you'd handed me a verse and asked me to spend four hours on it, I would have said you were nuts. But because all that time marinating in this one verse was spent doing art, I felt like I got so much more out of it. I dug deeper into the verse and I feel like I know it intimately. Yet I also know that even with all this, I still don't fully understand it. And I'm okay with that too.

Have you read something recently that's spoken to you? Consider turning it into an art project to see if you can dig deeper.

 

J is for Judgement

I've been thinking about this post for a while now. Mostly because the J-word is such a huge part of my faith journey. I did not grow up in a Christian home. I was always curious about Jesus, and I went to church with whoever I could, whenever I could, but my family always had the attitude of, "no thanks." Their biggest reason: Judgement.

I've experienced a lot of judgement in my life. More when I've lived my life as a Christian than when I strayed from my faith. It's as though the moment we accept Christ, a switch magically flips and we're suddenly supposed to become more perfect and more capable of overcoming the flaws of humanity that made us need Christ in the first place.  Except it's never worked that way for me. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but as much as I've prayed to become a better person because I'm a Christian, the more I find I fail. Worse, the more I work on being that person exhibiting the magical "Fruit of the Spirit," the more I seem to have a whole lot of rotting fruit falling off my tree. When I dig deeper into the question forever embroidered into friendship bracelets about What Would Jesus Do, I end up falling woefully short of anything that would make God proud.

The real Danica, the person I am when I am just being me, is not the person who exemplifies any of the Christian ideals we learn about in Bible studies. I cuss. A lot. Mostly in my head, but I do enjoy letting a good one rip once and a while. I can say, without any doubt, that my children learned every bad word they know from me. I have a pretty mean spirit. I was just talking on the phone today with one of my BFFs lamenting someone else's good fortune that we did not think was fair. I told her, "I know I'm supposed to be happy for her, and I know I'm not being Christlike, but man!!!" I yell at my kids. I plot people's murders in my head. I lust after things I know I shouldn't lust after. I don't read my Bible every day. To be honest, I don't understand most of what I do read in the Bible. I sometimes skip church because I'm too lazy to get out of bed. I do not love my neighbor. I really don't even love myself most of the time. I tell people I'll pray for them and then forget. I try to spend time with God, but spend most of that time sitting around, wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing and how you spend time with someone who's invisible. Mostly, I don't get what it means to be a Christian. Because while I think God is awesome, I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge. Sometimes, I even question God. I wish this was the complete list, but I could probably continue the list all night and still not be done writing it.

Great confession, huh? The reason I don't confess these things more often, is that I fear the judgement that comes with them. I've seen Christians who confess to their failings in attempt to be more transparent, but you know what? Those confessions almost always come with some deep Biblical lesson to show how much God is working in their lives. I don't really have those same answers. When I slip in front of some Christians and say that bad word or unkind thing or totally blow it on a Biblical interpretation, I'm immediately thrown into the pot of sinners who, despite our best intentions, are going to hell. If I have a glass of wine, some Christians don't care, and others are immediately calling the exorcist in hopes of saving my soul. Some days, I'm afraid to take a step or open my mouth, because I know that despite my good intentions, I'm going to alienate a group of people I deeply care about. So I clam up and go through the motions. I try to be the good, more evolved (or maybe I should find another word, since some people would have me burned at the stake for saying "evolve"), Jesus-loving Danica that's sure to go to heaven. But it makes me miserable.

I don't presume to be a theologian. But here's what I believe to the bottom of my soul. God knows the real me. He knows when I'm faking it. He knows every single bad thing about me, every single doubt, and He chooses me anyway. He knows I don't have it figured out. He knows I'm trying. And I'd like to think that even though I somehow missed the class on how to be magically transformed because of faith in Jesus, that God loves me anyway.

Because I am not a fully evolved Christian, I don't always remember these things when people judge me. I forget that it doesn't matter that others think I'm the biggest messed up sinner on the planet. I sometimes fail to cling to God's love and grace when I need it most. And yes, there are days when I, too, judge. I'm sorry for that. Like I said, I'm still figuring this out.

There are people in my life who don't judge me. I'm really grateful for them. Those are the people who are Jesus to me. They don't need me to be more or less of anything. They love me as I am. And when I someday become that highly evolved Christian I read so much about in all the self-help Christian books, they're going to love me still. Of course, I'll probably be dead at that point, but hey, we'll be in heaven, so it'll all be good.

Using the blessing to take the sting out of the cost

At this moment, hubby and I are cringing at some of our bills. For the first time in twenty years, I owe taxes. Added to that, our dog needed some expensive care- routine, but because of his age, he needed some extra things that made it cost more money. On top of that, we had to have some work around our house done. We could have put off the dog and the house, but I was afraid that if we waited, there'd be more problems that would cost more.

All in all, we've had to tighten our belts significantly this month. I've cringed as I've had to write the checks, cringed even more when we had a few weird bills come up that we weren't expecting, and had a general bad attitude about money and spending it.

Then I had a reality check.

We owe the IRS because we made more money than we've ever made. In fact, we made more money than we'd ever thought we could. I planned for that, yet it wasn't enough. Because I had to know where we went wrong, I checked a few things. Not only did we make more money, I actually spent less money on my business, so we had fewer deductions. In addition, we refinanced our mortgage, so we lost deductions there. In essence, we owe money because I worked so hard to save money this year.

Thanks to Obamacare, we had more medical expenses than we've ever had, but because of our income, we couldn't deduct any of it. I knew we wouldn't be able to deduct our expenses this year, and while I am a little bitter at how much out of pocket we spent, I can't help but be grateful that we could pay for all of it. My daughter needed special therapy not covered by the insurance. I wasn't sure where the money would come from, but after refinancing our mortgage, we were able to easily pay for it.

Last year, we paid off our car, paid down a significant amount of debt, paid for our kids to be in all the activities they wanted, never went without a basic need or had to decide which need was really a want, and did a lot of fun things as a family.

We're planning on visiting our eldest daughter for her military graduation this summer. A family vacation. Hubby was upset at how much it is going to cost. But then I broke it down for him. We can afford to take a family vacation! It wasn't many years ago that we couldn't afford to go camping for a weekend, let along fly to Washington DC for a week as a family.

It stinks that we have to pay taxes, but as I look back on the year, and I look to the things we get to do, I find the blessings so overwhelming, that I'm feeling a little better about having to hold off on a purchase I really wanted so I can write a check to the IRS. The fact of the matter is, if I had to write the check right now, despite the mortgage payment I have to make in a week, I could do it and not have to do without.

We've been really blessed this year. And I'm trying to keep that in mind and not be focused on the bitterness of the unfairness of having an avalanche of expenses coming at us all at once. With every bill that comes because insurance covers less and less, I am thankful that we have insurance, and that our family is healthy. I'm paying my taxes and am grateful that I can. Just a few years ago, this tax bill would have crippled us financially.  I look at my home, and I am grateful that I have a home. I'm especially grateful that our house payment is quite a bit less than it was, even though our new mortgage holder has been horrible to work with. I'm grateful we have good-paying jobs.

Where it all leaves me is here- the more I count the blessings, the less I am bothered by the cost. When I look at the seeming dark moments of today, I remember the darker moments of the past, and I am so grateful for where we are now. I can't begin to express how overwhelmingly grateful I feel for the wonderful things in my life. I sit here and say over and over, "thank you God," knowing it is not enough to express this overflowing gratitude in my life, yet I can't find any other words. I pray that if things in my life become dark again, I will remember the power of gratitude.

In the midst of your trials, what have you found to be grateful for?

Is Rob Bell really my enemy?

Some of my friends may be convinced I'm going to hell for saying this. But as I see the new flurry over Rob Bell, a controversial pastor who has now endorsed gay marriage, I find myself in a weird place. It bothers me less that Rob Bell has come out in favor of gay marriage than do people's responses to it. I am appalled at the mean, hateful posts people are putting out there because of his opinion. Okay, I get it. He's a popular teacher who's written a lot of books. Our church used to watch a lot of his videos. Then he started saying things people thought were controversial, and now people treat him like he's a tool of the devil.

I should confess that I haven't read his books. I have a couple I've been meaning to read, but that's the story of half the books I own. I've watched some of his Nooma videos. I've read articles about him and I've heard people ripping him to shreds over his opinions. Many of those people haven't read his books either.

Why do we feel like we're experts on the spirituality of a man we don't know?

More importantly, why do we feel it's our right to lash out in angry judgment because we don't agree with what he's said? Why are our responses full of hate?

I think I would respect the people who disagree with Rob Bell more if they said, "Whoa. Rob, I love you man, but I think you're wrong on this one, and here's why." Why don't we do that- to Rob- and to anyone else who challenges our tightly held theological beliefs?

Regardless of whether or not his position is right, Rob is a child of God whose sins Jesus died for just as much as anyone else's. Some people may be in shock over this, but Jesus died for Republicans and Democrats alike. He even died for those who don't affiliate themselves with a political party. He died for people we don't agree with. He died for people we don't like. He died for the people who are mean to us.

I even believe that Jesus had the audacity to die for Rob Bell. He loves Rob. He loves Rob when he's wrong. He loves Rob when he's right. Someday, when Jesus and Rob sit face to face, they're probably going to talk about those things. As much as I want to say I know how that conversation will go, I don't. None of us do.

But here's the conversation I will be a part of, and how I imagine it going:

Him: "Danica, you messed up on a lot of things."
Me: "Yes, Lord, I know."
Him: "When I said X, did you really think I meant Y?"
Me: "Uh... sorry?"
Him: "I forgive you."
Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Now let's talk about what you did right."
Me: "Sweet."
Him: "Thanks for loving the least of my children."
Me: "Uh... you're welcome? Who were they?"

The trouble is, I don't know who "they" are. I have a really hard time loving my enemies. I have a hard time thinking charitably toward people I consider crackheads (the bad kind, of course). I am not always nice to people I should be nice to. I call people bad names in traffic. I yell at my kids. I snap at people when I'm tired or stressed or irritated. I say mean things mostly without intending to, but sometimes I'm just being mean. So I know I don't always do it right. I probably mess up more than I succeed.

That said, I try really hard not to publicly tear someone down. As a Christian, it's not my job to post a million blogs about the people I think are going to hell. Nor is it my job to let the world know who I think is sinning. There's enough sin in my own life, thanks. If you love the sinner but hate the sin, I don't think it means attacking that person- verbally, Tweetally, or otherwise.

If you posted something bad about Rob Bell, please know this isn't personally directed at you. I saw at least 50+ posts that made my heart hurt. I know you're trying to spread the truth the best you can. But I implore you, please take a moment to ask God to share his love for Rob with you. Maybe you aren't posting mean things about Rob. Maybe your hot button is one of the other many controversial issues floating out there. Will you think about how your words can reflect love instead of hate?

Rob Bell is not my enemy. People who attack Rob Bell are not my enemy. My enemy is hate. And as much as it makes my heart hurt to see the hate floating around cyberspace, I'm trying to do my very best to respond in love.

Will you join me?

 

The Myth of God's Favor

I recently read a prayer request from someone that made a lot of things that I've been mulling for a while come to a bit of clarity. This person said, "Please pray for God's favor in X situation, that we will achieve X." My first response, at least mentally, was to ask, "aren't you a Christian? Doesn't that mean you already have God's favor?"

It occurred to me then, that many of us, including myself, have a warped vision of what God's favor looks like. Too many of us think that success=God's favor. And sure, in some instances, maybe that's true. But does failure also mean that you're not in favor with God?

I've started to realize that God's favor being linked to any particular outcome is a myth.

A few weeks ago at church, our pastor gave a different take on Psalm 23. We all know it, and many can recite it. But he pointed out something new to me. We often think of the verses as separate occurrences. We separate verse 3, "He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake," from verse 4, "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

What if they're connected? What if GOD is the one taking you through the darkest valley?

I've been thinking about that for a long time. Taking that question and seeing how that applies in my life and what I assume to be true about God. I admit that I'm not anywhere close to having an expert answer. But as I've thought about the valleys in my life, and times when I've wondered why I'm there- what am I doing wrong?

Maybe it's not me at all.

I have a laundry list of deep dreams that are unfulfilled. Some, I am learning to accept will never be fulfilled. Is it because God doesn't love me? Is it because I did something wrong? Am I paying for past sins? Because I tend to go to the negative first in my brain, of course that's what I told myself. Maybe I am not favored by God.

Then I remembered the story of Mary, and how when the angel came to her, he told her that she was favored. Most of us think, wow, isn't that wonderful? Except we forget the part that being favored by God RUINED HER LIFE. Seriously. Being unmarried and pregnant in that time was punishable by death. She had her baby in really inconvenient circumstances. She had to take her husband and baby and spend the early parts of the baby's life on the run in a foreign country. She had a few years watching her son doing really cool things. And then she got to watch him die a painful, horrific death.

And yes, we know the story ended with the resurrection, and what a glorious ending for her. But did she know it while she was hiding her son, wondering if that next knock on the door would be someone there to kill him? Did she know that when she saw him take his last breath? How did she feel at the time about being highly favored by God?

Maybe being favored by God isn't what we want after all. Maybe what we really want is for God to take a look at our laundry list of dreams, check them all off, and say, "done!"

So why don't we say that? Why don't we just admit that rather than God's favor, what we really want is to get our way? I'm not trivializing here- I know that for some people, they're asking for serious things- cures for cancer, homes to not be foreclosed on, babies to be born, peace in a war-torn country. But all those things happen, regardless of whether or not you have God's favor. We just want God to fix stuff for us. And that's okay. I have a lot of things I'd really like God to fix.

The thing I need to remember is that when God doesn't fix it for me, it doesn't mean that He doesn't love me or that I don't have His favor. How about you? Are you able to accept God's favor for what it is, or do you need reminders that His favor isn't about your success? What reminders of God's favor have helped you?

 

God and Politics

Why don't I just put the two most controversial words out there together? It's election eve,  and everyone is getting ready for the big day. As I did with the last election, I'm struggling. Not with who to vote for. You see, last election, I did struggle with that decision. I felt that both candidates had some severe weaknesses that made them a scary choice. So I prayed about it, and here's what came of it, and what shapes my political position today.

I see so many Christians powerfully protesting in social media about what they think is the evil that will come about if the candidate opposing their pet issue wins.

The answer you have to accept is that it doesn't matter which candidate wins, what matters is what YOU do with that issue.

Let's take a lesser controversial issue, like health care. Each candidate has differing views, and many voters are polarized about how it should be handled. Or I should say, how the government should handle it. Because here's the truth about health care. If you truly believe that every American should have access to quality healthcare, then you will work toward that goal REGARDLESS of what the government chooses to do or which plan passes. How do you do that? Easy. Take care of the sick. Whether it be donating your time to volunteer at a hospital or health fair, or giving your money to a medical cause, or God forbid, paying the medical bill of someone who can't afford it, you CAN make a difference that will help others. Will it be a sweeping change to revolutionize the country? Not if only you do it. But if you did it, and encouraged others who were passionate about health care reform to do the same, and a whole bunch of people who were willing to actually live what they say they believe did it, then yes, it would absolutely make a difference.

But instead, we whine about candidate X and how candidate X isn't supporting the health care reform we want to see.

I think that if God saw us loving each other the way He commanded, none of the political issues would matter, because they wouldn't exist.

No matter who we vote for, if we are not loving one another and actually doing something to care for our fellow man, we're still going to have problems because we're asking someone else to do it for us, but we're not even asking it of God. We're asking a man, who is flawed, imperfect, and unable to work miracles. If you really want to see change in this country, then get out there and be that change.

Think about a political issue dear to your heart. What can you personally do to impact that situation? How can you encourage others to join you?

How do we give our kids value?

The princess and I had a weird conversation the other day. She was convinced that some day, when she grew up, I was going to forget about her. "I will never forget about you," I told her with confidence. "Yes you will. You're going to see me on the street someday and you won't know who I am." Nothing I said would convince her otherwise. I finally hugged her tight and told her that she was too precious to me to forget. At the core of my daughter's questions, though, was the question we all ask. Am I significant?

I started a new Bible study at our church based on the book, Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. So far, we've only discussed the introduction, but I have to say, even that small bit is changing my life. Keller's main point is that we set up idols for ourselves by allowing things to take the place of God's significance in our lives. It's making me realize how easy it is to take the focus off God and replace Him with something else.

One of the prominent thoughts in parenting today is giving our kids good self esteem. All of the books and schools tell us how we should praise our children and make sure they know they're loved. There are so many techniques for helping our children grow a healthy self esteem. But everything I've learned is missing one component. Where does our kids' value come from?

Is it because I say they are? Or because they are good in school? Or because they're such nice kids? Well, all of those are true. They are good in school (sometimes) and they are nice kids (sometimes). And I happen to think that they're pretty great. But that isn't why my kids are valuable. They are valuable because God says they are. That's it. There is nothing they can do to make themselves any more or less valuable.

The problem is that as parents, we tend to only give them value based on our authority. "You're valuable because I say you are." To a point, we need to do that. But we also can't neglect the idea that our authority is nothing to God's. God's authority is the ultimate authority, and we also have to remind our children of their value in God's creation. I know so many adults, myself included, who don't have the proper self esteem because they didn't learn as children their value in Christ.

As I denied that I would ever forget my daughter, I started thinking of reasons I would forget her- like a traumatic brain injury or Alzheimer's, or some other terrible thing. I didn't mention them to her, but as I started worrying, I thought, great, now I'll be a liar and that will really devastate her.  That's the trouble with placing the hope in a person... there's always the chance you'll be let down. But see, God isn't going to get a traumatic brain injury or Alzheimer's or have any other reason to forget us. God will always be there.

So I'm going to be more intentional about reminding my kids that even if I fail, and let's face it, I will, some way or another, God won't. Even if they fail, God isn't going to love them any less.

How do you remind your kids of their value in God's eyes?

The Unseen Lent

When I first looked at the idea of Lent this year, I really struggled with wanting to do something, yet not wanting to feel hypocritical about it. I had a lot of friends on my blog, Twitter, and FB share their thoughts and ideas. It was so helpful to hear all of the different perspectives.

Then, on Ash Wednesday, I went to a new church, and the reading was exactly what I needed to hear.

Matthew 6:1-6

Showy Religion
1 “Be careful that you don’t practice your religion in front of people to draw their attention. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  2 “Whenever you give to the poor, don’t blow your trumpet as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they may get praise from people. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 3 But when you give to the poor, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing 4 so that you may give to the poor in secret. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

Showy Prayer
 5 “When you pray, don’t be like hypocrites. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners so that people will see them. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 6 But when you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to your Father who is present in that secret place. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

I took this from the Common English Bible, and I love the headings of "Showy Prayer" and "Showy Religion." Because I think that's the part that was really bothering me about the whole Lent thing. I'm kind of fed up with the Christians who are out there sounding their trumpets about how great they are that the works of Christ are almost invisible to anyone watching.

So I chose a secret Lent project. Interestingly enough, a comment from one of my nonbeliever friends about Lent got me thinking about how I wanted to honor God in this time, and I'm doing something based on this person's advice. I did end up telling hubby my project, because I needed his help on something, and it's been great to conspire with him to do what I'm doing in secret. In some ways, I feel closer to my husband than ever, because I have this wonderful secret that I share with him, and him only. Some days, I think that I will tell people about it when I'm done, because I truly believe that this thing is transforming my heart in unexpected ways. I want to share it with people who might be able to use it in their own lives. And other days, I am so full of the joy of having this beautiful thing that I share only with my husband and God, and am so mindful of the warnings in Matthew 6, that I don't want to lose it.

For now, I want to encourage you to find a glorious secret- something that is wonderful and brings joy to your heart- to share with God and God alone. Or, like me, with your spouse. While I believe that sharing your faith can be a very good thing, there is something very magical about reserving a private place in your heart just for God.

**

Do you want to win a copy of the leather-like Thinline Bible DecoTone Tan/Brick Red edition of the Common English Bible? I'm participating in a blog tour promoting this new translation, and I will be giving away a copy each week through Pentecost. Just comment on my posts featuring the CEB, and you'll be entered in that week's drawing. Unfortunately, people outside the US are not eligible to win.

The Unseen Lent

When I first looked at the idea of Lent this year, I really struggled with wanting to do something, yet not wanting to feel hypocritical about it. I had a lot of friends on my blog, Twitter, and FB share their thoughts and ideas. It was so helpful to hear all of the different perspectives.

Then, on Ash Wednesday, I went to a new church, and the reading was exactly what I needed to hear.

Matthew 6:1-6

Showy Religion
1 “Be careful that you don’t practice your religion in front of people to draw their attention. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  2 “Whenever you give to the poor, don’t blow your trumpet as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they may get praise from people. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 3 But when you give to the poor, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing 4 so that you may give to the poor in secret. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

Showy Prayer
 5 “When you pray, don’t be like hypocrites. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners so that people will see them. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. 6 But when you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to your Father who is present in that secret place. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you.

I took this from the Common English Bible, and I love the headings of "Showy Prayer" and "Showy Religion." Because I think that's the part that was really bothering me about the whole Lent thing. I'm kind of fed up with the Christians who are out there sounding their trumpets about how great they are that the works of Christ are almost invisible to anyone watching.

So I chose a secret Lent project. Interestingly enough, a comment from one of my nonbeliever friends about Lent got me thinking about how I wanted to honor God in this time, and I'm doing something based on this person's advice. I did end up telling hubby my project, because I needed his help on something, and it's been great to conspire with him to do what I'm doing in secret. In some ways, I feel closer to my husband than ever, because I have this wonderful secret that I share with him, and him only. Some days, I think that I will tell people about it when I'm done, because I truly believe that this thing is transforming my heart in unexpected ways. I want to share it with people who might be able to use it in their own lives. And other days, I am so full of the joy of having this beautiful thing that I share only with my husband and God, and am so mindful of the warnings in Matthew 6, that I don't want to lose it.

For now, I want to encourage you to find a glorious secret- something that is wonderful and brings joy to your heart- to share with God and God alone. Or, like me, with your spouse. While I believe that sharing your faith can be a very good thing, there is something very magical about reserving a private place in your heart just for God.

**

Do you want to win a copy of the leather-like Thinline Bible DecoTone Tan/Brick Red edition of the Common English Bible? I'm participating in a blog tour promoting this new translation, and I will be giving away a copy each week through Pentecost. Just comment on my posts featuring the CEB, and you'll be entered in that week's drawing. Unfortunately, people outside the US are not eligible to win.