5 reasons why you (yes you!) need a retreat!

Part of my heart for hosting my own retreat is that as I talk to other writers about their writing and their writing lives, I keep hearing a common theme: they all need a retreat for one reason or another. I see so many people who need a break. Writers wear so many hats, and have the most overfilled, overloaded plates of everyone I know, and yet, we just keep piling it higher, or grabbing a bigger plate. What we're not doing is stopping to take a time out to assess what's really important to us. And I believe that taking the time for a retreat, and investing in yourself, is the best way to do that. So here are the top five reasons why you need a retreat:

1. You need a retreat if you are at, or close to, burnout.

Ha! That's not me! It's easy to be in denial, but the truth is, many of us are a lot closer to burnout than we think. Most writers are going at a breakneck pace. In the current writing environment, it seems like there are so many things changing, adapting, and requiring our constant attention. I am increasingly disheartened to see so many of my writer friends either walking away from their writing careers, struggling where they used to find ease, or living in a state of utter exhaustion. Taking the time for a retreat gives you the rest you need to restore those burned out places.

2. You need a retreat to take time for yourself.

One of the things I love about my writer friends is that they are such givers. I was just on the phone with one of my really good writing friends, and what I love about her is that she has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I have seen her in places where she is absolutely running on empty and she still finds room to give to anyone who asks her. However, when it comes to taking time for herself, she feels like she's being selfish. But here's the thing: if she does not take care of herself, she's going to end up so utterly depleted that she makes herself sick or worse. When you take time for yourself, you refill the well so there is something for you to keep giving. There is a reason the airlines tell you to put on your oxygen mask first!

3. You need a retreat to refill the creative well.

Taking care of your own personal well is just one of the wells that can run empty. The creative well is one of the other wells you have that needs to be replenished. Again, when you're constantly pouring out, you need the time and space to refill. Going away to a place and situation outside your normal world and routine gives you the opportunity to access new creative materials and stretch your brain so you have even more to draw from!

4. You need a retreat to give you the space to take care of yourself. 

Even though we set the intention of doing better to take care of ourselves, to refill the well, to do all the things we want to do with our creative practice, most of the time, we don't do it. Something always comes up. The afternoon you were going to go write, your kid decides to start throwing up. True story. Nothing makes vomit happen faster in my house than having plans to go write (or having a clean house, but that doesn't happen as often). But when you've made reservations, paid money, and are all set to go on a retreat, you don't have the choice but to go, unless you want to all that to go to waste. If you don't have specific plans and something at stake, it's easy to forgo taking care of yourself in favor of other seemingly pressing matters at home. A retreat gives you the structure to force you into doing what you need to do for you.

5. You need a retreat because you don't need another writer's conference.

Let me be clear and say that I am not against writer's conferences. I've been to dozens of writing conferences, and I've gotten so much out of them. I absolutely love writer's conferences, and there are so many that are really good. I am very much in favor of writer's conferences. However. I believe that most writers already know what they need to know to be a good writer. I'm not saying we don't need to improve, because I think everyone has room to grow. Sometimes, though, what we need more than learning HOW to write is that we need to learn to BELIEVE in our abilities as writers. To care for the parts of us that will sustain us through our writing careers. We need time and space to process the things we've learned at writer's conferences. But if you're anything like me, you get home directly from a conference and have to dive right in to family life- without processing what you just learned at the conference. A retreat gives you the time and space you need to process what you've learned at a writer's conference, from a writing book, or any other thing you've done to improve your writing.

Ultimately, though, you need a retreat because you need to invest in you. Writers, you need to know that who you are and what you are doing when you put words on the page is valuable. 

Obviously, I'm biased in favor of people signing up for my retreat. Mostly because I have a lot of cool stuff planned that I believe will help us all avoid burnout, and give us the care we need to move forward in what I know is complete and total awesomeness. But you know, even if you just make a plan to get away on a little retreat of your own, you're still going to get a great benefit.  Don't put off taking time for yourself. You deserve to have the time and space you need to take care of yourself.

Sign up for the retreat before 9/4/15 to get the special Early Bird Pricing!

The value of relationship in customer service

Over the past few months, I've been having a lot of issues with our medical insurance company. Weird claims processing, being charged for things we shouldn't be charged for, bills I don't understand, etc. Today I learned something that completely changed my perspective on things not working as they have been. I realized just how important relationship is.

We've had the same insurance company for 15 years. In addition, we've had the same claims adjuster for that time. Over the years, I've been able to pick up the phone, talk to her, and figure out any questions or problems. It's been a very friendly relationship. As soon as I identify myself, she immediately says, "hello, Danica, how are you?" in a way that has always made me feel like I had an advocate in our insurance company. Rare, I know, but I think it's something I've taken for granted. Or at least it's something I've gotten so used to that I've forgotten just how powerful it is. One quick phone call was all it ever took to get really complicated messes straightened out.

Which is why all of the confusion we've had with our insurance company is puzzling. I couldn't understand why certain mistakes were being made, and why things that were usually taken care of had become such a mess. Today when I called, I finally got a live person. Someone new.  We have a new claims adjuster, and she hasn't known us for 15 years. She doesn't know the ins and outs of our medical billing history, needs, and how our providers work. All she knows is that she has a job to do and that's to push papers and crunch numbers. We're just names on claim forms. Our conversation wasn't filled with pleasantries or the warm familiarity I've come to recognize from our old claims lady.

I talked to our new claims lady and got everything straightened out. Yay! But as I hung up the phone, I felt a little sad at the loss of the old claims lady. Yes, business got done, and everything worked out. Mission accomplished. However, I realized that I'm going to have to make a lot more of these phone calls to straighten things out. There won't be any more friendly sticky notes on claim letters from the lady who knows us, telling me not to worry about something, or telling me what I need to know. Instead, it will be the formal letters with Dear Mr. and Mrs. X that will take phone calls to decipher and add a little more stress to my day.

Unfortunately, I don't know why our old claims lady isn't handling our claims anymore. She was an older woman, so she could have retired. Or she could have moved elsewhere in the company. Or she could have gotten a different job. But I'm going to miss her, and relationship we've built over the years. While she handled our claims, I didn't worry about anything having to do with our insurance. I always knew that she was on top of it. I knew that we would always work it out.

Most of my job is, in a lot of ways, related to customer service. My hope is that the people I've worked with for years know that I'm going to take care of them. That the new people I meet and work with will feel the same way. As people start reading my books, I hope that the relationship I develop with them will be about knowing them as people, and not just names in a database.

How has a good relationship impacted your customer service experience?

Lesson in Writing Productivity

This is my (I think) 8th year of doing and finishing NaNoWriMo. I ended with just over 62,000 words, plus I also wrote a proposal and sample chapters that didn't get counted in this number. Some of my friends get freaked out over those numbers. I will say that this has been my most productive word count writing month ever- I probably wrote somewhere around 90K.

I'm not saying this to brag on how well I did. Honestly, I think a lot of it comes from knowing myself, my process, and accepting it. I wanted to share some of what I learned because I hope it will help some others figure out their process as well. The key, in my opinion, is accepting and following your own process. We all work differently. So take a look at what worked for me and see if you can apply it to your own process.

I do work full-time. I've been telling myself it's part time, but I finally accepted the writing on my timesheet, and so I am admitting my full-time status. :) So how do I write that much AND work full time?

1. I recognize and respond to my productive hours. If I sit down to write at 9 a.m., I'll have maybe 1K done by noon. If I sit down to write at 9 p.m., I'll have 1K by 9:30. Therefore, I only write during my productive hours. This does mean, with a full time job and a family, that I went to bed later than I wanted to and I have been really tired this month. But with an active family and a husband who worked 60 hour weeks in November, plus a major work event, I didn't have a choice to put off other responsibilities to write. I wrote when I could, and I made it as productive as possible.

2. I recognize and respond to other productivity cues. I can't work with any background noise or the TV. I mean, I can, but if I have the TV on to catch up on my favorite show while I'm writing, I'm lucky to get a page written. With the TV off, I can write 1K in the time it takes to watch a show. So I made a choice to let the DVR record my shows, and when I have time, I catch up on them. I also recognized what an easy distraction the Internet is. Even though I told myself, "I'll look this up real quick," it ended up sucking a lot of my time for writing. So... I found times and places to write with no Internet access. My best writing days were in a coffee shop with no Internet access and in a car as a passenger on our Thanksgiving trip.

3. I accept my choices. It's easy for all of us to say, "I have no time." But when you look at ways you waste time, then you can examine what you could be doing instead. So when I felt like reading a book instead of writing, I was conscious of that being my choice and reminding myself that I DID have time to write, but I was choosing something else. I didn't do a lot of things I wanted to do this month, but I accepted it as MY CHOICE. By owning my choices, I felt a lot better about writing and taking the time to do the things I needed to do and also taking the time to do things I wanted to do. I did make choices to spend time not writing, but I accepted that as my choice, and I didn't feel guilty. Personally, I think there is a lot less guilt whether you write or don't write, when you accept the choices you make in that direction.

4. I accepted it as a fun "want to" instead of a "have to." I never go into NaNoWriMo with a lot of pressure. This year, I had a plan to write a book that is completely not in my genre and I haven't even decided if I'm going to try to get it published. I broke a ton of rules and had a lot of fun. I chose to see this book as a "play" book, to experiment and explore. Yes, I kind of had that luxury because all of my writing deadlines have been met. But I think sometimes we approach our writing with a lot of pressure and an idea of the rules and a list of everything we have to accomplish and I think that stifles our creativity. Every once and a while, I think it's good for our brains to have a break from that pressure and just let it go crazy.  My book is kind of crazy. But I'm really pleased with it, and I'm proud of what I did.

5. I nurtured my creative spirit. Remember that accepting my choices bit? Well, this month, I did a lot of art journaling. I really did not plan my time well at the start of this month. I joined three art challenges, a fitness challenge, NaNoWriMo, and had my usually busy life. (In the spirit of full disclosure, I did not fully complete my fitness or art challenges.) Some days, I ignored my art challenges to write. Some days, I ignored writing to do art. Some days, I did both. I remember from my time doing The Artist's Way that Julia Cameron suggests having artist dates with yourself. One day, when I was struggling with the writing, I closed my computer and went to the art museum. I came home to free flowing words and felt capable of handling what was a tough scene. I am learning that when I take time to nurture my creative spirit by playing with stuff in my art journal or going to the museum, or doing something creative OTHER than writing, my writing flows faster and better. If I art journaled and wrote in the same day, I averaged about 2k in an hour. If I only wrote that day, I averaged 1K an hour. To me, those numbers are significant, and it tells me that allowing myself creative freedom in another arena makes me more creative in general.

So that's how I got it done. It wasn't pretty at times, and please don't come to my house anytime soon or you will see the things I chose not to do so I could write, but if I could go back and choose how I spent my time differently, I wouldn't. I think I learned a lot this month and I'm excited to apply it to future months.

How did your writing go? Do you have any productivity tips that make your writing go faster?

 

Is Rob Bell really my enemy?

Some of my friends may be convinced I'm going to hell for saying this. But as I see the new flurry over Rob Bell, a controversial pastor who has now endorsed gay marriage, I find myself in a weird place. It bothers me less that Rob Bell has come out in favor of gay marriage than do people's responses to it. I am appalled at the mean, hateful posts people are putting out there because of his opinion. Okay, I get it. He's a popular teacher who's written a lot of books. Our church used to watch a lot of his videos. Then he started saying things people thought were controversial, and now people treat him like he's a tool of the devil.

I should confess that I haven't read his books. I have a couple I've been meaning to read, but that's the story of half the books I own. I've watched some of his Nooma videos. I've read articles about him and I've heard people ripping him to shreds over his opinions. Many of those people haven't read his books either.

Why do we feel like we're experts on the spirituality of a man we don't know?

More importantly, why do we feel it's our right to lash out in angry judgment because we don't agree with what he's said? Why are our responses full of hate?

I think I would respect the people who disagree with Rob Bell more if they said, "Whoa. Rob, I love you man, but I think you're wrong on this one, and here's why." Why don't we do that- to Rob- and to anyone else who challenges our tightly held theological beliefs?

Regardless of whether or not his position is right, Rob is a child of God whose sins Jesus died for just as much as anyone else's. Some people may be in shock over this, but Jesus died for Republicans and Democrats alike. He even died for those who don't affiliate themselves with a political party. He died for people we don't agree with. He died for people we don't like. He died for the people who are mean to us.

I even believe that Jesus had the audacity to die for Rob Bell. He loves Rob. He loves Rob when he's wrong. He loves Rob when he's right. Someday, when Jesus and Rob sit face to face, they're probably going to talk about those things. As much as I want to say I know how that conversation will go, I don't. None of us do.

But here's the conversation I will be a part of, and how I imagine it going:

Him: "Danica, you messed up on a lot of things."
Me: "Yes, Lord, I know."
Him: "When I said X, did you really think I meant Y?"
Me: "Uh... sorry?"
Him: "I forgive you."
Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Now let's talk about what you did right."
Me: "Sweet."
Him: "Thanks for loving the least of my children."
Me: "Uh... you're welcome? Who were they?"

The trouble is, I don't know who "they" are. I have a really hard time loving my enemies. I have a hard time thinking charitably toward people I consider crackheads (the bad kind, of course). I am not always nice to people I should be nice to. I call people bad names in traffic. I yell at my kids. I snap at people when I'm tired or stressed or irritated. I say mean things mostly without intending to, but sometimes I'm just being mean. So I know I don't always do it right. I probably mess up more than I succeed.

That said, I try really hard not to publicly tear someone down. As a Christian, it's not my job to post a million blogs about the people I think are going to hell. Nor is it my job to let the world know who I think is sinning. There's enough sin in my own life, thanks. If you love the sinner but hate the sin, I don't think it means attacking that person- verbally, Tweetally, or otherwise.

If you posted something bad about Rob Bell, please know this isn't personally directed at you. I saw at least 50+ posts that made my heart hurt. I know you're trying to spread the truth the best you can. But I implore you, please take a moment to ask God to share his love for Rob with you. Maybe you aren't posting mean things about Rob. Maybe your hot button is one of the other many controversial issues floating out there. Will you think about how your words can reflect love instead of hate?

Rob Bell is not my enemy. People who attack Rob Bell are not my enemy. My enemy is hate. And as much as it makes my heart hurt to see the hate floating around cyberspace, I'm trying to do my very best to respond in love.

Will you join me?

 

Using what I have

[caption id="attachment_4275" align="alignleft" width="224"] I have over 50 varieties of tea stashed in here. It's getting harder and harder to find a place for all of my teas.[/caption]

One of my priorities lately has been to do a better job of using what I have instead of buying new. We have so much stuff! So I'm starting to take inventory of what I have and seeing how I can use it up, making room for new, or, having a fresh place for everything to go.

Tea is one of my biggest weaknesses- and biggest delights. It's also the go-to gift idea when someone who knows me wants to buy me something. Unfortunately, it also means that I have way too much tea! And I realized that I don't drink most of it! I have my few daily standbys and only rarely do I drink something else. One of my favorite teas is Ginger Peach by Republic of Tea. I drink it almost every day. When I ran out about a week ago, I thought, "oh no, I have to go buy more." Which is funny because I have about a million varieties of tea in my house.

Instead, I made a pledge to myself. No more new tea until I drink what I already have. The only exception to this is my bedtime teas, and that's because there are few nighttime teas that don't have chamomile, which I am allergic to. I've only found two teas that really work for me at night, so when I'm out of them, I can buy more. Everything else- NO NEW TEA!

I've dug into boxes of tea people sent me as gifts. Some were amazing! A few were duds. I rediscovered new favorites, and mourned when I drank the last cup. I've found a few teas that I wanted to save because they were so good, I didn't want to say goodbye. Now, they are stale, and I wish I had drank it when it was fresh. Slowly, I am working through my tea collection, drinking it up.

[caption id="attachment_4274" align="alignright" width="300"] My Tea station, where I keep my hot water boiler, teas I drink most often, sweeteners, and hot drinks for the kids.[/caption]

The only thing I don't know what to do about is the teas I don't like. I realized that I have a number of varieties sitting in my cupboard that I purchased, had a few cups, and really don't care for. Do I give them to friends, hoping they like them better? Do I throw them away? To me, that seems like a waste, because I've spent a lot of money on these teas. What would you do?

I'm finding a lot of joy in enjoying the teas that I have, saving money by not buying more tea, and feeling a sense of freedom as I clean out my cupboards.

Maybe you don't have a vast collection of tea. But is there something in your house, in your life, that you could be using up instead of hoarding?

I hope you'll consider using it up and enjoying it. Savor your tea (or whatever it is) before it gets stale.

 

Making the time

[caption id="attachment_4055" align="alignleft" width="150"] The books and knitting I'm sacrificing[/caption]

Can I make a confession?

A lot of people praise me for how organized I am and how I've got it all together, and how I get so much done. Right now, I am SO not living up to that title. In fact, I feel like I am juggling a million glass balls and at any moment, they're going to crash down into a million little pieces that will get stuck in my bare feet, leaving me bleeding all over a carpet I still need to clean.

I keep saying, "when X happens, I'll do Y." And you know what? X happens, and something else gets in the way of my doing Y. I was talking to a friend who used to be one of my writing buds. We used to challenge each other and push each other on a daily basis. She hasn't been writing much because life got crazy. She'd say things like, "when I get past X, I'll start writing again." Well, X finished but then another situation came up, and it's been a couple of years. I told her recently, "You've got to just say, I don't care that X is happening. I'm going to carve out this time and I will write. This is my writing time, and I'm going to stop letting stuff interfere."

Then I realized something last night. I do the same thing. I missed a writing goal. It partially was because I was waiting on someone else. But then I slacked off on doing my part. Because life was getting in the way. First it was because I still needed to do stuff with my new computer (and yes, still working on it!), then it was because my boss was on vacation, and I had a lot more to keep up on. There was also my husband working weird hours, leaving me to do more of his stuff. Let's not forget the kids' sports and activities. I was trying to keep up with it all, proud of myself on the days when I had it together, worked out, made dinner, did my Bible study, got my work done, and found time to write.

But most days I've been falling into bed exhausted because I have too much to do in too few hours. And left a lot on my plate undone. I've done a lot of kicking myself for not accomplishing everything I'd set out to do.

I was thinking about this last night as I finished a great chat for work. It was fun, and I loved it. I was so tired after that all I wanted to do was curl up with one of the books I've been wanting to read for a while. But then I got an email from someone who just sold her book and wanted me to know so I could make the announcement. Of course I was happy for her, but a tiny voice in the back of my head reminded me that I'd never get that announcement for myself if I didn't do the work. So instead of picking up the book and treating myself, I pulled out the manuscript and got to work. A few times, I thought about going to bed, but then I started thinking about all the people I keep telling to make the time.

So I made the time.

I'm not saying that what I wrote was good (but I hope it was!), but I did get more done than I thought I would. Moving forward, I'm going to be more intentional about making sure I find the time to write.

How do you find time for the important things that sometimes slip away?

 

Embracing different talents

The thing I love most about my little girls is that they've taught me to appreciate different talents far more than I ever could have imagined. Growing up, I was always the one who was different, and didn't fit in with any of my family. I always wished I could be more like them, more of what they wanted me to be, and yet, I was just... me.

So when I was blessed with two little girls who were like me in some ways, but really different in others, I decided to embrace them. I love them for their differences and their different talents.



This is my princess.  She has two main goals in life: 1. To be a varsity cheerleader, and 2. To be a singer on stage. In this picture, she's living her dream because the part you don't see are the varsity cheerleaders around her doing their routine. Her dance instructor is a cheer coach at one of the local high schools, so my little one gets to meet lots of cheerleaders. You also don't see that she is on a stage, and after her routine, she was up there, dancing and singing.  She is learning to play the piano, and even though she'd much rather sing, we're hoping that this will teach her the notes and the discipline needed to be everything she wants.

I never signed up to be the mother of a singing cheerleader. My friends and I groan at the thought of being cheer moms, but we never do it in a way that discourages our girls' dreams. And who knows, maybe one day, she'll have a hit like "Call Me Maybe," her favorite song, and my friends and I can laugh about these days while sitting on the beach, drinking Mojitos.

 



This is my cowgirl. She's the one standing on the horse and waving. Her dream involves breeding and training horses. We spend 2-3 days a week at the arena, where she takes care of horses, rides, and hangs out with her horse buddies. I never thought I'd say this, but hopefully someday, we'll have a place where we can own our own horses so she can spend every day living her dream.

If you know me, you know that I'm not terribly fond of horses. Scratch that. I like horses just fine. But they stink, they poop, and I'm allergic to both them and hay. So to have a horse-loving daughter is a pretty interesting experience. I could let hubby take her to her rides every week, or like many parents there, drop her off with a kiss, and go about my business. But let me let you in on a little secret. There is something magical about watching my daughter ride. I come home every Saturday exhausted and barely able to breathe. But the big grin on her face makes it worth it.

I think about how I have such different little girls, and how much joy they bring to my life. Sure, there are a million other things I could be doing besides listening to my little one play "Fuzzy Wuzzy" a thousand times a day. (I wish that were an exaggeration.) I'd love to attend more local writer's groups that meet on Saturdays when my daughter rides.

But one day, they will be gone... hopefully one will be touring the world like the diva she is, and the other will be on top of a mountain somewhere, riding her horse. Or maybe these are just phases my kids will have outgrown, and they'll be doing other things. Either way, I hope I've given them the tools they need to succeed. I hope I've communicated to them that it's okay to be different, and that I embrace who they are. Even the smelly parts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The posts I'm afraid to write...

I've been having a quiet spiritual crisis over the past few weeks. Not in a bad way, or even in a way that has me questioning my faith. I've talked to a few friends about it, and I've been praying about it. But today, in church, after listening to the pastor preach about being obedient to God's call, I realized that it's time to share what I've been thinking about.

There's a lot going on in my head, and in my heart, about faith these days, and things I want to say. Things I'm afraid to say to anyone except my closest friends. I know that if I say it publicly, some people will be happy about my words, but a lot of others will be mad. I've faced enough rejection in my life that I don't want to say a bunch of stuff that'll make people mad. Which is a safe way to live, I guess, but it's not very honest.

The truth is, I'm angry. And I'm hurt. And I'm caught in this place of trying to reconcile a faith and a God that I love with a bunch of people who act like jerks in God's name. I don't think they mean to be jerks. I think that they think, in their own way, that they're doing what God wants them to do.

So I'm going to be more honest... and I'm going to talk about the real things going on in my heart that I've been afraid to share. I'm sorry if it pisses anyone off. But if I want to live more like Jesus, then I can't be afraid of upsetting people. If he'd given in to that fear, would we be here today?

In the spirit of sharing the things I'm afraid to share, here's the thought that's keeping me up tonight: Today, some nutcase shot up a Sikh temple. Not one of my friends, Christian or not, has posted any sympathies or anything to indicate that they care. One person did post a scathing comment blaming it on intolerant Christians- but that's it. (And I find the intolerance comment offensive, BTW. Not only has it not been said that whoever did it was a Christian, but let's not use one person's actions as an excuse to attack an entire religion. That's what causes hate crimes to begin with.) When Aurora shooting tragedy happened a couple weeks ago, my Facebook was filled with posts from all sorts of people upset over the tragedy. Why aren't we all more upset over this shooting?

Today, families lost people they dearly love. There is a community of people devastated by a horrible crime. I really don't care that they aren't Christians. They are human beings, and God loves them just as much as He loves us. I've never been one of those people who goes out and tries to comfort shooting victims. I'm not really good at that. But right now, I'm so angry that we're not more angry about yet another shooting, that if I lived in their community, I'd be bringing them meals or whatever you do in these situations. I am a Christian woman, and I love that Sikh community just as much as I love anyone else. God loves them too.

Compassion isn't just about loving people who are like us, but it's about daring to reach out to those who are different, and accepting them anyway.  I have yet to find any information about donations to help those affected by this tragedy, but I personally plan on doing what I can to help. I hope you will consider doing the same.

 

Welcome to my new site!!

I've been working on my new site for several months now. It's been live, but I haven't moved the blog entirely over because well, I'm just not fully satisfied with it. I paid to have someone do it, and unfortunately, due to some communication errors on both sides, they never finished it to my satisfaction. So I've been messing with it, trying to make the things that I don't like work, and I've kept working on trying to make it more perfect.

But then, Michael Hyatt posted something on his blog where he encouraged people to Embrace Permanent Beta and Launch... So, Mike, if I can call you that, this one's for you. Thanks for making me finally accept that it's not going to be perfect, and I need to just do it already.

So here it is... my imperfect website that's probably a better reflection of me than something perfectly shiny and wonderful. There's so much I still want to do with it, but for now, it is what it is. To be honest, that's pretty much who I am as a person and a writer. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and hoping to improve, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying the journey.

Take a look around, let me know what you think, and in the coming months, we'll see this place evolve. Or not. And that's okay.

Prioritizing from behind

I seem to be in a constant catch-up loop. Or at least that's what it feels like.

Last week, no wait, it was the week before, I was in Indianapolis for the ACFW board meeting. Wow... So many interesting things to come out of that meeting. It's going to be a great conference, and a lot of good things are in the works. But that's all I can say about that. :) However, it left me behind on a lot of stuff I needed to get done.

Last week... I played catch up from being gone for five days. In the middle of the week, we had a huge snowstorm and snow day. Which put a wrench into my plans, putting me further behind.

And then, I left Friday for our church's annual silent retreat. Which is such an important spiritual time for me that despite everything on my plate, I wasn't going to miss it. An entire weekend with no connection to the outside world, and a day and a half of complete silence. Bliss! But of course, not having the weekend to catch up has me... wait for it... further behind.

With all the stress of a to-do list longer than I even want to think about, I had to make some decisions about my time.

This morning, we moved critique group to my house at the last minute because I'd forgotten that this week, my kids are on Spring Break (yes, one more thing to keep me from catching up). As I apologized for my disgustingly messy house, lack of planning, and completely scattered everything, one of my critique partners said very sympathetically, "you could have canceled. We would have understood."

Yes, I could have canceled. But I realized, as I was forced to confront my available time and completely full list, that when I'm behind, I tend to cut the things I love to make room for the things I must do. I hate every minute of it, and I tend not to do as good of a job at those things because I resent pushing out the things I love. As I told my very understanding friend, I'm learning not to cut the things I love. Those are the things that give me the energy to keep going.

So today, I didn't cancel my critique group. I let them see my dirty house. I let them read my unedited manuscript. I let them find their own cups for coffee that one of my critique partners brought so I didn't have to make any. I laughed with friends. I found encouragement. And my tank was filled enough to deal with the rest of my day.

Did I get it all done? Nope. But I feel good about what I did. And I accomplished more than I'd originally thought I could. I'm still behind. But it's looking a lot closer to being caught up than I could have imagined because I kept room in my schedule for the love to do as well as have to do.

Routine in chaos

This week was the annual MOPS clothing and equipment sale. It's one of my favorite events of the year. I work with some amazing folks and I love the friendships that have been forged over the years. However, what this means is that I have to take time off my regular job, find child care of my little one, and still keep up with my online work.

I thought about sharing the details of how early I've had to get up (3-4 hours before my usual time) and that I've been staying up later than I'd like to stay caught up, but the last time I shared my schedule, I scared folks. What I do want to share is how I was able to do it.

I have a system.

A couple of friends and I were discussing FlyLady the other day, and I admit, I'm a reluctant flutterer. Her routines are too structured for me and I have emotional issues with wearing shoes. But she does have a great point. When you have a routine of what needs to be done, it runs a lot more smoothly than wandering aimlessly trying to figure out what's next.

For me, if I do everything in the right order, nothing gets missed. And, when I'm in a time crunch, it's great for prioritizing things that need to get done the most. This part, I stole from Stephen Covey. A long time ago, I read his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I don't remember everything in the book, but the one thing that's stuck with me is the idea of putting first things first. Take care of the most important things first.

Which means when I have other things interfering with all the stuff I have to get done, I look at the most important things, do them, and leave the rest for when I have time. Then, once things slow down, I can play catch-up, finishing the items with the highest priority first, and pretty soon, I'm back to my normal routine.

How about you? How do you handle keeping your balls in the air when you've got that extra one thrown in?

Thursday Thirteen #58: Back to School Resolutions

Thirteen Things about Back to School Resolutions We're two weeks into school and I feel like we're still in summer slacker mode. I have basically a week and a half and then I'm back teaching. I started looking at our schedule and it looks pretty scary. M,W,F, Sat, we have soccer. M, TH, I teach. Tues is church. Last night, my intention of making a nice dinner of salmon, quinoa, and veggies turned into making a run for the border to wolf down dinner to get to curriculum night in time. So, as I sat stressing about everything we have to do, I thought, why not make some back to school resolutions? 1. Just because there is no reasonable expectation that we will eat dinner as a family most nights doesn't mean I can't make dinner and leave it warming on the stove for when the crew trickles in. 2. Having dinner for the family means I need to actually start planning dinner, rather than the mad dash to the store at 5:00. 3. Homework starts next week. So that means setting aside regular time to work on what sounds like will be ongoing projects. 4. Next week, with school starting for the little one, I get my Panera time back. Which means dedicated no-excuse writing time. 5. Okay, I admit it. I feel better when I exercise. So I will get up and exercise in the mornings. 6. Ditto for breakfast. Kiddo's lunch is an hour later this year, so I need to make sure she has breakfast foods she will eat. Plus, I'll admit to feeling better if I eat breakfast too. 7. While we're on the topic of things that make me feel better, I found the Bible study I was working on in the spring and am committed to continue working through it. 8. I'm going to spend more time reading with the littlest one. Not that it's a contest or anything, but I couldn't believe how much my friend is required to read to her preschooler for the program she's in. We're definitely not that disciplined, and she likes reading. 9. Somehow, we'll figure out how to continue our weekly library trips. The kiddos love it. 10. The kiddos get a lot of weird days off this year. I'm going to take advantage of the time off and do good things with them, like go to the zoo. 11. I'm going to make sure we all get our vitamins. As busy as we are, we need them. 12. I'm not going to stress about the little things, like the fact that the little one always leaves the house with unmatched socks. 13. Mostly, though, I'm going to give myself a break. If it doesn't all come together perfectly, that's okay.

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What are you willing to sacrifice?

So obviously God is bringing me through a time of testing and challenging my beliefs. Last night, of course, we dealt with my whole workaholic nature. Not that it's fixed, but God's got me there wrestling with it.

Tonight at church, our pastor talked about how our God is a dangerous God. When you make the choice to follow God, and you ask Him to do something in your life, the risk is that He just might make you do it. Ad it may not exactly be the easiest thing in the world to do.

The reason I share this is not to give you a sermon recap, but to tell you something that has profoundly impacted me. See, tonight was a bittersweet night. We celebrated the 11th anniversary of our church. In addition, he announced something I've known for a while, but well, I was not prepared to hear from his lips. He and his family are leaving our church to move to Mozambique and follow their mission calling.

This is a hard, but joyous thing for me. His wife, Amy, is one of my closest friends. She has meant so much to me, I honestly can't imagine my life without her nearby. And yet, I am so thrilled for her that she's getting to do it. To follow her calling and stretch herself beyond anything she's ever done.

In tonight's message, Dave challenged us to think of what it means to serve a dangerous God. I started thinking about what that looked like in my life. At first, I thought a lot about how the reality of my life is that I often try to tame God. I often say, "YES! I want to follow God's calling. Oh, but, this is what I'll do to follow it, 'kay, God?" For a minute or two, I was jealous of Amy's bravery. Of being able to give up everything familiar, everything she loved, and just go.

I wondered if I was really doing that in my life... have I really followed the road of my calling, of the dangerous God, or am I just playing it safe?

Last week, I received a disappointment in my writing journey. Not a rejection. Not a redirection, but the news that the editor I've dreamed of working with will no longer be in her current position. I was heartbroken, because she is one of my favorite people, and I respect her so much. And now we won't be able to work together.

I called my compadres and bemoaned my fate, questioning whether or not this is what God wanted for me. My writing journey has not been an easy one. Three years ago, I made a heart wrenching decision to follow God with my writing. It meant saying no to a New York agent, not submitting requested books to big name New York editors and houses, not submitting books to another editor I like and respect, and pretty much disappearing off the writing radar. Would I have made it big time? Who knows? But I made the decision to give it up because God asked me to. I stopped submitting, stopping pursuing what had been a huge dream for me for a long time. He started giving me direction, and I started listening.

So here I am, in a season where I thought God was saying yes to my writing dream, and despite a lot of really cool things, I have this speed bump. As I thought and prayed about it, God said something to me... "you've trusted me this far, will you continue to trust me?"

The only answer I could give, the answer I have been giving for three years, was yes.

Tonight, though, I had to look at it again... am I taming God? Am I playing it safe? And really, truly, are my writing dreams and the path I am taking in following them, am I doing it with the heart of God in my sight?

Truthfully, I don't have an answer. I'd like to think I'm following God. I've stopped writing for publication, changed genres, started writing again, chosen a more difficult path to publication than I needed to, and I'm still waiting. Still trusting. And still asking if I'm following Him or me. Inside I feel like a great big chicken. And I truly can't tell you anything other than what the journey's looked like so far, and the questions I still ask.

What are you willing to sacrifice? Everything? Or just what feels safe to give up?

Like I said, I don't know the answer. I'm still figuring that out for myself. I'm not sure there is an answer, except that we should keep asking, keep seeking, and keep following, even if we don't entirely know where we're headed.

Being valuable

I have a group of girlfriends, we call ourselves the bat girls. My bat girl friends are an important support group for me. We live all over the world and work hard to get together in person when we can. I met the bat girls at a time in my life when I was feeling a little lost. But they took me in and became my friends and showed me a lot about Christ's love. Not one of us are perfect. Together, though, we just sort of fit. Each one brings a different piece of the body together and as a whole, well, we are the body.

Today, one of the bat girls sent out a bat-beacon because she's depressed over a lot of things. I sat there, praying for her, telling her what I could to encourage her, letting her know that she is so precious to the King. As I wrote, God started talking to me, asking me, "what makes you so different from her?"

Huh?

For those of you who don't know this about me, I'm a workaholic. I have so many things going on and projects that keep popping up. I recently sent out a prayer request because I was asked to take on another project that frankly, I don't want to do. And I honestly can't figure out a way to say no. I've had so many wonderful folks say, "just say no."

But they don't get it.

When people need me to do things, it makes me valuable. When they say, "hey, can you help with this," I always say yes. I never knew why, I just figured that I'm the helpful sort of girl who likes to lend a hand. And I am. But I'm also a scared little girl who has this messed up version of identity that says if I don't have enough notches on my scorecard of stuff I've done, I'm not valuable.

I've always been the overachiever. Looking back, I know it was because people in my life only treated me with value if I was accomplishing something good. And with each accomplishment, it set the bar higher. I got out of that dangerous cycle, or so I thought.

Then here I am, trying to make this decision, and I'm praying for my bat girl friend because my heart is just broken that she can't see what a beautiful, amazing person she is... and God smacked me one. I do not have to do all the stuff I'm doing to be valuable. I do not have to say yes to this project. I do not have to have a clean house, be the perfect friend, be the perfect mom, win any awards, get the contracts, say the right things, etc.

Through my bat girl friend's struggle, God showed me how I am still using a messed up standard for my life. I can tell everyone around me that God loves them just as they are, and I fully believe that with all my heart. But boy, I really messed up in applying that to my life.

Lord, thank you so much for putting people like the bat girls in my life. Thank you for allowing me to have contact with other parts of my body that are constantly revealing to me where I still need to have my vision adjusted. And thank you for giving me friends who are willing to be transparent in their lives so you can reveal places in mine that need work.

And for those of you who struggle with this, please know you are not alone. And know that God really does love you, just as you are. You are valuable. And so am I.

Making time for the important things

One of the most important things that came out of the retreat was a renewed focus on God. After spending forty hours of doing nothing other than contemplating the Lord, it's hard not to think about priorities. We watched a Rob Bell video on noise, and the thing that struck me was one of the questions he asked about what we're filling our time with.

I've been frustrated lately because I haven't had time for Bible study. I'd planned for my evenings, after everyone's in bed, to spend that time with the Lord. But I get home, and I'm so tired from everything else I have going on that the words on the page start to run together. But I'm so wired that I can't sleep. So I sit up and play computer games. I find it relaxing. Except then I never find time to spend with the Lord.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

If I say God is the most important thing in my life, why haven't I fit Him in?

The truth is, I fill my life with a lot of noise.

I started to examine a lot of the things in my life, a lot of my priorities. I had to ask myself the tough questions, like: "Does the time I spend playing computer games add to my relationship with God? Does it further the purpose He has in my life? Does it accomplish anything useful in my life?"

Now, before I get folks flaming me for attacking computer games, let me just say that I don't think there's anything wrong with them. Given the right time and place. But when I use them to fill up my "God time" that's a huge problem.

So I'm choosing to give up computer games. Not entirely. But rather than being my means to unwind, they are a reward. Something I get to do after everything else that's important, everything that adds to my life, is done. I'm giving up a lot of other things, too. Some of them I'm not able to share completely, but I do want to share one piece... the part where I'm examining and making decisions.

I keep coming back to the question... while I enjoy it, and it's something that makes me happy, how does it add to my relationship with Christ? How does it add to the ministry He's given me?

The Bible talks about being double-minded. Never in a good way. When we have so much going on, we can't help but become double-minded. Even though all the things I have in my life are good things, and certainly all have served the Lord, they don't allow me to keep my focus where it should be.

I've given myself a year... time to figure out and cut out the things that are taking away from what's really important. It means saying no to things I used to say yes to. It means disappointing people who are counting on me. It means giving up things I really enjoy. But it also means gaining precious time for the things that really matter to me.

So the question for those of you who are eagerly looking to my journey in hopes you can glean wisdom for your own is...

What's the noise you need to cut out of your life?