Confessions of a codependent doggie mama

[caption id="attachment_4222" align="alignleft" width="300"] How can I work without my dog?[/caption]

There I said it. I am a codependent doggie mama. I love my doggie, probably more than I should, and it probably meets conditions of more psychological dysfunction than mere codependency. But we won't discuss that. After all, that's why I pay a therapist. ;)

My dog is having his teeth cleaned today. But since going to the vet, groomer, or anything else that involves me dropping him off and leaving him is SO traumatic, I scheduled it all into one big fun spa day. Well, if spa days involve going under anesthesia and getting an IV. Anyway, he's getting the works- teeth cleaning, immunizations, exam, bloodwork, grooming... pretty much anything a healthy 13 year old dog needs to have done. I should be getting back a new dog.

But while he's gone, I miss him. The space next to me is empty, and it makes me sad. Every once and a while, I forget where he is, so I get up and go looking for him. After searching my house, my yard, and an instant of panic, I remembered. I seriously do not know how I will survive when he dies. But he's healthy, so even though he's 13, I have lots of time, right?!

I decided to look up codependency, since I can't focus on anything but my missing dog. I didn't like those quizzes, because talk more about HUMAN relationships, and mine is all about my dog. So here's my own quiz. Take it and see if you have a codependent relationship with your pet.

1. You're eating dinner and your pet wants your attention. Do you:
a.) Feed it some of your dinner.
b.) Ignore it.
c.) Try really hard to ignore it since that's what Cesar says to do, but explain to your pet that it's for his own good, and you'll feed him just as soon as you're done. Then rush through dinner so you can feed your pet.

2. You buy your pet's treats at:
a.) A specialty pet store that allows my pet to come in and pick his own treats. Nothing but the best for my pet.
b.) What treats? Pets don't need treats
c.) Wherever I happen to be that has something I think my pet might like

3. When you die, you've made provisions for your pet. They are:

a.) I'm leaving everything to my pet, of course. My trustee will take good care of my pet when I die.
b.) Are you freaking kidding me?
c.) I'm not sure my pet can live without me. My pet will be euthanized and buried with me.

4. When you are not with your pet, you feel:

a.) What kind of crazy person isn't with their pet 24/7?
b.) I'm sure my pet is fine. I'm fine.
c.) Alone and depressed, longing for our reunion.

5. If your pet predeceases you, you will:

a.) Have it cryogenically frozen to bring back when technology allows.b.) Where's the shovel?
c.) Have its ashes turned into a diamond that I will make into a ring so beloved is always with me.

6. You consult your pet on decisions:

a.) I have no opinion that my pet did not give me.
b.) Pets can't make decisions.
c.) When I need the vote to swing my way. My pet shares all of my opinions.

7. How much money do you spend on your pet?

a.) Everything I own belongs to my pet.
b.) Only what I have to.
c.) I make sure my pet gets the best without going overboard.

8. What do you feed your pet?

a.) Homemade food.
b.) Whatever's on sale.
c.) What my vet recommends.

9. Where does your pet sleep?

a.) In a specially designed pet co-sleeper.
b.) Its kennel.
c.) With me.

10. My pet is...

a.) My entire universe.b.) a pet.
c.) A good portion of my universe, but sometimes I let other things slip in, like my family.

Scoring the test:

If you scored mostly A, then you're crazier than me. Get help right away! If you scored mostly B, you don't deserve to own a pet. Take it back, and get something easier on your emotions, like a rock. Unless your pet is a rock. Then, good for you! If you scored mostly C, well, all C's, then hey, we got the same score! I see no real problem here.

(Please note, this test is for fun. If you suspect that you or a loved one may have a problem with your relationship with your pet, you should seek professional help, not the blog of a lady missing her dog.)

Bee-cuhz ah'm tyhrd

Instead of what I think tonight, you get to learn what a silly Internet quiz thinks of me...

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.


• * Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.


• * Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.


• * Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.


• * Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

• * my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level


• * my ability to establish warm connections with people


• * admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life


• * my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor


• * being unique and being seen as unique by others


• * having aesthetic sensibilities


• * being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

• * experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair


• * feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved


• * feeling guilty when I disappoint people


• * feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me


• * expecting too much from myself and life


• * fearing being abandoned


• * obsessing over resentments


• * longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

• * have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games


• * are very sensitive


• * feel that they don't fit in


• * believe they are missing something that other people have


• * attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.


• * become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood


• * feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

• * help their children become who they really are


• * support their children's creativity and originality


• * are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings


• * are sometimes overly critical or overly protective


• * are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

You know you're a bona fide writer when...

My friend Jan tagged me, so here it is. Since she plays loose tag games, I'll play it the same way. Tag, you're it, list yours if you want to play.

1. You find yourself listening to your friends talk about their lives and you're thinking of ways to incorporate it into a book.
2. You're in a store and start picking out things your characters would like.
3. You have real conversations with your characters.
4. Your non-writer friends hate watching movies or tv with you because you spend hours afterward griping about GMC.
5. Your husband regularly kicks you out of bed and sends you to your computer.
6. When your friends and family see you talking to yourself, they smile knowingly and say nothing about adjusting your meds.
7. You call your family and friends with the latest news about your character and they know exactly who you're talking about.
8. You ask people deep, probing questions so you can understand how other people, and therefore your characters, think.
9. You begin correcting everyone else's spelling and grammar.
10. You have nothing intelligent to say unless it somehow involves a book.

Ode to Chip MacGregor on the Anniversary of His Birth

I posted this on the site of my beloved Chip. For his birthday, he's holding a really bad poetry contest, and well, since I do pride myself on my really bad poetry, I had to share.

Ode to Chip MacGregor on the Anniversary of His Birth

That Chip MacGregor, the man can sing.
Were we not already otherwise wed, I'd offer him a ring.
I first met him, singing his ditty.
I tried to think of something to say to him that would be witty.
With a smile, I asked, "who might you be?"
"Why, I'm Chip MacGregor, can't you see?"

To the strain of amazing grace sung by a beautiful girl,
I thought I'd give eye-opening a whirl.
"No," said I-"tell me, what do you do?"
"I'm a big shot publisher, how about you?"
"I'm Danica, not the race car driver."
"Pity. For that, I'd give a fiver."

Not really, but it sounded good.
And you laughed, as I knew you would.
We joked and had fun
But alas, the evening was done.
In my green chariot we did leave.
When I dropped him off, we ran into a Baldwin named Steve.

We chatted for a while then he wanted to sleep.
Our parting came, but I did not weep.
As Scarlett O'Hara said, tomorrow is another day.
Because the MacGregors and McDonalds are cousins, I found a way
To see him again, I did.
At our previous antics, we giggled like a kid.
From scary agents I saved him.
Otherwise his life would have been grim.

Then from Denver he departed.
This next line begs the word, "farted"
But I'm sure it doesn't meet the CBA rule.
I guess I should go back to school
To learn how to write and read
According to industry need.

The next event in this epic tale
Was a whopper I was sure had to be a whale.
A friend put a bug in my ear
That Chip's end as publisher was near.
An Agent! That foul form of beast.
He could have warned me at least.

That the evil scourge I had saved him from
Was the exact creature he was going to become.
However, he was my cousin, my friend.
Despite his change in career, I'd stay with him to the end.
Who else would liven up the loop?
Especially following posts that make my eyelids droop.

Chip MacGregor, the man is terriby funny.
And to say that, he paid me no money.
Which is why my greatest hope
For a man who never lets me mope
That on the anniversary of his birth
I would craft a poem very much worth
A reaction that could only be called vomit.
With such terrible writing, I'm sure I can count on it.