Infinite patience to realize your dreams

The apple tree at our old house. It only produced
fruit every two years, but when it did, it was a
bumper crop. Of course, the tree was about thirty
or so years old, so it had plenty of time to mature.

One of the things my coach, Amanda Moxley, teaches is that infinite patience creates immediate results. Sometimes I get frustrated with her saying that because I have been SO patient, and sometimes it seems like my dreams are never going to come true. The words infinite and immediate seem to almost be contradictions, and certainly, when you feel like you've been waiting forever, the infinite seems far more possible than the immediate.

But today, as I was having coffee with a friend who was discouraged about how her book is doing in terms of sales, I remembered my own discouragement just a few months ago. Like her, I was disappointed in my numbers. I had not yet earned out my advance. And when I had a few friends share their numbers to try to encourage me, I only felt worse, because my numbers weren't as high. I've heard enough numbers over the years to know that it's all relative. Compared to many authors, I have amazing numbers that they'd kill to have. Other authors would look at my numbers and wonder why I'm wasting my time. I checked with both my editor and agent, and they agreed that my numbers were fine. Fast forward a few more months, and there was a royalty check in my mailbox. I DID earn out my advance, and my numbers were starting to look closer to my comparison numbers.

And here's the point I made to my friend today: sometimes you just have to wait it out until the numbers come. 

I realized, based on talking with friends and hearing my agent speak on this topic for a while, that I was freaking out over numbers when I simply hadn't gone through the process long enough. No one plants a seed for an apple tree and expects it to be producing apples the very next day. But that's often how we view success. The seed is planted, so where is our fruit? Or we see the seed start to sprout, and we're disappointed because it hasn't grown very big. And when it finally starts producing fruit, we're mad because it only bears a few scraggly apples that first year.

If any of us heard a gardener whine about those circumstances with their apple trees, what would we say? Probably something along the lines of, "just give it time." But when people tell us as writers that same thing, we get mad. And yes, I'm guilty of that very thing. Fortunately, I didn't do what a lot of writers do and quit. I dug my heels in and continued working, continued tilling the soil, planting the seeds, and doing all the stuff I'm supposed to do as a writer.

Which led to a really cool thing that happened a couple of weeks ago. I went to the bank and deposited my latest advance check. The teller comes over the drive through speaker and says, "are you an author," in a revered tone. I say yes, and her response kind of knocked me for a loop. She said, "Wow! That's amazing! You must be doing really well for such a big check from a publisher."

To me, it wasn't that big of a check. Add a few more zeroes to that puppy and then I will be in awe of my big check. But you know, a few years ago, I would have done anything for that check. To a lot of my author friends, that IS a lot of money. Then there are the author friends who would never work for so little. It's all relative. And that's why you have to sit where you're at, accepting of your own journey, grateful for where your journey has brought you, and understand the idea of infinite patience. I have no doubt that one day, I will have the kind of income that impresses both me and the bank teller.

Here's the secret, and how you DO end up getting the big checks:

Not one of my author friends woke up one morning, banged out a book, and got handed a ginormous check their first time out of the gate. I imagine maybe there might be a few rare folks that's happened to, but for the rest of us, the way it happens is that you get up, you write, then you write some more. And you keep doing that until you have a sale-able book. Some people can do it in months, others take years, and still others (like me) wonder if it's EVER going to happen. Then you get your book out there, and you keep doing the work. You keep believing, and you keep trusting, and you surround yourself with people who believe in you and who can see a little bit farther than you can, and you keep going. 

When stuff gets hard, and the numbers don't seem to add up the way you think they're supposed to, keep going. When your friends whine about how bad the industry is, or that things aren't fair, or that it didn't used to be this hard, keep going. (And maybe get new friends!) Because one day, you're going to pull up at the bank, and you're going to deposit a check, and the teller is going to be amazed that a real live writer who makes real money is there. And I don't know the teller's story, but I'd like to think that because she saw what she thought was a really big check from a publisher, that she now believes that something that seems almost impossible can come true. Maybe she's got her own writing dreams but someone told her that she'd never make a dime doing it, so she never pursued them. Or maybe she's trying to write a book and seeing my check gave her hope that she can do it too.  Who knows?



What I learned is that in all the time I was frustrated over not being where I needed to be is that I was exactly where I needed to be at the time. Like the apple tree (and I'm still just a seedling, trust me), I needed that time to grow and develop. The apples were coming (and woo hoo, am I looking forward to the day when my branches are overloaded with fruit), I just couldn't see them yet.

I went through some old files today and I found a synopsis written by a friend who is no longer writing. I wanted to cry, because it was SO good. But because her tree didn't get apples fast enough, she quit watering it, quit fertilizing it, and that little tree has gone dormant. She published a book, way before I ever sold, and that's been it. I wonder, if she'd just kept writing, how much fruit would be on her tree today.

Going back to the idea of infinite patience creating immediate results, I've realized that part of the infinite patience is the not giving up. People see the trees bursting with fruit, but the don't realize that those results didn't happen overnight. We think they did, but few of us were watching when that seed was planted, watered, fertilized, and coaxed to life over time.

Even if your dream isn't to be an author, there's something out there that you dream of doing. Granted, it's not going to happen if you just sit around, hoping, but doing nothing to move in that direction, but it you do the work, and just keep moving forward, it will happen. I don't know when, and there isn't a magic formula for how to figure it out. You just have to keep moving, keep believing, keep trying, and it will come.

The simplified process to achieving your dreams

I had lunch with a friend last week, and she asked me about the process it took for me on this journey to my dreams. And while there is a lot to the process, I wanted to share the basics, because the truth is, achieving your dreams is a LOT easier than you think.

WHAT??

It's easy?

Believe it or not, your dreams are often closer than they appear. 

When we decided to embark on the dream house process, almost a year ago, I told my husband I thought it would take 2-3 years. He wanted to shorten the time, and I was like, okay, go for it. We still thought we'd be about a year out. But then, as I started researching the possibilities, the spark of what we could do kept coming alive, and before we knew it, we were living in our dream house. What started as a "maybe we can do it in 2-3 years" only took six months! Here is what it took:

Step one: Dream
That sounds really basic, but a lot of people are afraid to take a look at what they want in life, because they're afraid they won't get it. They're afraid they might be dreaming too big. Here's the crazy thing: oftentimes, what seems like a HUGE dream is completely do-able, if you're willing to make the effort.

Step two: Research the Dream
Now this also sounds basic, but it's amazing to me to see how many "impossible" dreams were actually possible with little to no effort. For example, last year, we went on our dream vacation to England. We'd wanted to go for years, but thought there was no way we could do it. When we were planning a trip, we had a few locations in mind, and for curiosity's sake, I looked up how much flights to England were. Whoa!! Yes, it was expensive, but as I looked at our budget and what we wanted to do, I realized that it cost almost the same as another trip we'd been looking at. What seemed to be impossible actually was closer than I thought.

Step three: Focus on the Dream
How often do you focus on your dreams? I have a dream notebook I look at every day, reminding me of my dream, and allowing me to clarify what I want out of life. In that notebook, I have several letters to myself, where I talk about my vision, written in the future tense, expressing gratitude for having reached those goals. I read those letters to myself every day, not only reminding myself of the dream itself, but also of the why.

Here is a video I did today on Periscope showing my dream notebook.



Step four: Plan the Dream
You've researched, you've focused, but you also need to come up with a plan. For example, how much does your dream cost? Have you broken down how much extra money you'd need to make that dream come true? Have you created a plan for how you'll come up with that money? What if all you needed was an extra $50 per month? Or just one hour per week? I'm always amazed at how, when you break down the dream, and start making a plan, how much more do-able it is.

Step five: Move in the direction of the Dream
Sometimes the cost of the dream is more than anything you can see. My ultimate dream, when it comes to my writing retreat, is that I would have a retreat center in the mountains, where people could come and be refreshed. I figure that building the retreat center I want is going to cost at least a million dollars. Sounds pretty hard, right? But I am starting small, and I'm hosting a retreat at a hotel as a first step. Then I'll host more retreats, and find even cooler places to go. And with each step, I'm building a foundation to create a retreat center that it going to nourish so many people. Yes, it's going to be work. And no, it won't happen tomorrow. But it's going to happen, and it's going to be wonderful. Even though it's still a long way off, it's a lot closer than it was when I sat around, talking about how cool it would be with no real movement in that direction.

What's your dream? Have you thought about how you're going to reach it?

Following my dreams and bringing you closer to your goals!

The dream house is pretty big, but I'm up to something even bigger! You see, I've always had a lot of big dreams in life, not just for me, but because I've always wanted to help people. I can remember writing in my journal at age 13 about a tough situation I was going through and saying, "I don't know why I'm going through this, except that maybe it will give me the strength to help others so they don't have to." And that's been a theme running through my life.

My dream home in the mountains isn't just about me wanting to live in the mountains. The truth is, I have ulterior motives. Once upon a time, a long time ago, I thought it would be cool to have my very own retreat center, where I would host retreats and teach people about a variety of things. I'd also have guest teachers and other fun things to give people rest and rejuvenation. I remember one time, calling my pastor and leaving this super long message about how I wanted to help with retreats at the church and all these great plans I had. He never called me back, and I never got the opportunity to help with church retreats. At the time, I figured I must not be ready for such a big challenge.

Time went on, and the dream never left me. I even fell in love with a number of retreat centers for sale. Of course, at a million dollars, hubby was not eager to support the endeavor. :) I told my friend Camy Tang about my dream, and she said, "why don't you just start your own retreats at other places and when you build a successful track record, you can get a loan to build your own retreat center?" I thought about it, but I never managed to get it together. But the desire never left me.

So what does this have to do with you and your dreams? I think, in a lot of ways, we all have the same things holding us back. I doubted myself in a lot of areas, and I used them as excuses to not move forward on something that had been calling me for a long time. Often, we look at the practical things, like with my house,  and see how it's virtually impossible, so we don't even try.

Which is why, as I am following so many of my other dreams, I've decided to take the big step in following this one as well. I have created a retreat for writers. I'm taking the advice I've received and starting small, but my goal is to grow so that eventually, tucked on my beautiful mountain property, there will be a place for other writers to come and find respite. But for now, we'll be hanging out at a hotel, and there, you will be able to find rest.

I specifically created this retreat based on my experiences at retreats, but also based on what we as writers need. I saw other writers struggling in their careers, and I understood that pain. It took me twelve years to get published, and it wasn't for lack of skill as a writer. I see so many perfectly talented writers who can't get ahead, and it's a shame, because their work deserves to be read by others.

So why, then, if talent isn't the issue, are so many people not succeeding as writers? It's like there's an invisible switch inside them that seems to be turned to the "off" position. I know, because I had that problem. And I also learned to re-set that switch. Which is what I want to help others do.

Honestly, I think we get caught up so much in the business of writing that we forget the joy of writing. We forget the love we have for the written word as we find ourselves torn between the artistic side of writing and the business side of writing. We are overwhelmed by the expectations, deadlines, pressures, goals, edits, and marketing. And what we need is space to play. To relax. To rejuvenate.

But here's the thing... we all say, "yes, that sounds good, and I totally need that." But we never make the time for it to happen. Instead, we promise ourselves we'll take better care of ourselves, and then we never do. I created this space so you can keep that promise to yourself. I created this space to keep my promises to myself.

The retreat is called Nourishing the Writer's Spirit, because your writer's spirit deserves to be nourished. It needs to be nourished. And as we nourish your spirit, you'll discover the dreams buried inside you, and find the strength to move forward on them.

I believe every writer needs to have the time and space to nourish themselves. Which is why I think every writer needs to come! If you're in a place where you feel depleted, or are struggling with where you're at in your writing career, you especially need to give yourself this gift.

You can find registration info here:
http://danicafavorite.com/retreat

I'd also really appreciate it if you shared information about the retreat with other writers you know. We spend so much time learning about craft and career, but we don't take the time to learn about something equally important- nourishing ourselves. I'm also happy to come to your group and talk about these topics.

Whatever your goal or dream with your writing is, I know you can do it! And I've love to help you get there.

Our house story... aka the path to a dream

My new back yard!

Now that I'm catching up on my blog, people are probably wondering, okay, so what happened with the house? You found a house, lost it, and now you mention living in a new house. Well, I am here with answers! :)

Though part of my desire is to satisfy random curiosity, there's also the piece that wants you to know this house thing isn't just about me. It's about having faith, trusting God, and fully believing that whatever crazy season you're in, God will see you through.

And, because this is extremely important to the story, I'm taking you back to the very beginning...

In the beginning, there was this guy and this girl. They were dating and would go for drives in the mountains. On their drives, they would talk about how they dreamed of having a home in the mountains someday. In case you're wondering, that couple was me and my hubby. We got married, and as sometimes happens when two people get married, the practicalities of life kept us from having our dream home in the mountains. But we never let go of the dream. And, every now and again, we'd go for a drive in the mountains, and say... "wouldn't it be awesome to live here?"

Fast forward a few years, more like 15, and something super cool happened in my life. I achieved a lifelong dream of becoming a published author (yay me!). Unfortunately, the thing people don't tell you about your dreams coming true is that it's dangerous business. Because, as I found out, achieving your dreams is kind of addictive. Once you get one thing you've always wanted, you start wondering about all the other things you've always wanted, and you think that it's actually possible to get those things too.

And so, in the time since I sold my first book, I started doing a lot of things I always said I wanted to do, but never did. I went to England. I started taking dance lessons. If it was ever a dream, I started pursuing it. Which leads me to the dream house. Being the practical sort of person I am, I decided to make a plan. Last October, I said to hubby, "I think we should look at our plan of moving to the mountains someday. Let's start making it happen. I think it'll take us a couple of years, but we can make it work." Hubby said, "I agree. But I think we should do it at the end of the school year." I thought he was off his rocker, but figured if he was going to get to work on the goal, I'd support him.

HA!

Let's just put that out there again. HA!

Because I am a planner, and I like researching things TO DEATH, I began looking at mountain homes. I wanted to see what we could afford, what was out there, what met our requirements, etc. Basically, I learned exactly what I had figured. It would take a couple of years for us to afford what we wanted. And then, I found THE HOUSE. The price was right, the location was good, and most importantly, the house had everything we wanted in a house. I am not kidding when I say we were not ready to sell our house or buy a new house. But I could not stop thinking about it.

Finally, one night, I couldn't sleep, so I woke hubby up, and I told him that we had to look into the house. He said okay. I'm pretty sure he just said that to get me to shut up so he could go back to sleep, but we're going to pretend that he thought it was the best idea ever. Over the next few days, I convinced him we should look into it, and we did. Now, remember back to my saying it would take a couple of years to get what we wanted? Part of that was because our house was not ready to sell. We had tons of projects that we needed to get done. Things that would make or break our sale. But once we saw the other house, we were in love, and we were going to do whatever it took to get it done. We worked hard, and we really found our faith stretched as we trusted God and moved boldly forward.

One of these days, I'll go back and count all the small miracles that happened along the way. It seemed like something would come up daily to help us in an unexpectedly beautiful way. We were days from our house hitting the market, and then it happened... we lost the bid on the new house. The agony and heartbreak in those days... Wow! For us, part of why it was so hard is that I wasn't kidding on the money issue, either. There were literally no houses on the market in our price range. To get what we wanted, we needed way more money.

But we had this belief, deep down, that this was what we were meant to do. Why would we set on this path and have doors open so wide and so many crazy miracles happen for it to all blow up like that? One of the things we hadn't been comfortable with was that our realtor initially was going to price our house low so it would sell fast. We decided to sell our house, but at a higher price, because we didn't need it to sell right away. Maybe then, another house would show up on the market. So we listed our house.

Our house sold in five days, had multiple offers, and we got above asking price. The crazy thing is, before we even made the decision to sell our house, I'd written down a goal of how much I'd like to sell our house for, and this number was above that number!

The only trouble was, we had nowhere to go. I scoured house listings, and nothing new was popping up. Our realtor suggested we change our requirements, and we were like, um, no. Finally, we decided that since we weren't finding our dream home, we'd build our dream home. Which meant buying land, building, all that stuff. Which meant renting something in the meantime. The rental market here is insane. No one would do less than a one year lease, and anything even semi-comparable to what we'd had cost twice what we paid in mortgage. Worse, every place we called on was already rented within hours of the listing popping up. Finally, we found a place. It wasn't perfect, but we could at least live with it. The day after we signed the lease, we got a phone call that would change everything.

A couple had called our realtor to see if she would list their house for sale. Our realtor walked in the door and knew immediately she'd found our house. We looked at the house, and yup, we wanted it. Fortunately we were within the time frame to break our lease, so we got out of the lease with no penalty. Unfortunately, we were two weeks away from closing on the sale of our old house. We talked to our lender and the sellers, and worked out that we could close in three weeks. Which meant we'd be homeless for a week. The sellers were super nice and let us store our pod unit on the property and let us store things in the barn as well. We also rented a storage unit.

The first load of junk we took out of the house

Now, you'd think things would go smoothly from there... um, no. Our hotel was not as promised, but it was good enough, so we stayed there. Our hotel caught on fire one day, but was fortunately still liveable. And then, the day of closing on the new house, our mortgage broker called us up and asked for documentation on some random thing that if he'd asked for at the beginning of the process, we could have given him. But since we were living in a hotel, it was a little more difficult. And so, we did not close on time. We closed late the next day, but it was enough to throw our entire plan into a tailspin.

Someday, I will find pictures that show how bad it actually was. Although I think we may have been too stressed to take pictures. The previous owners left so much junk and trash in our house that we couldn't move in as planned. Of course, we had movers scheduled and couldn't change that, so as people were moving stuff into our house, I was shoveling crap out, and my friend was vacuuming behind me. The poor moving guys were just baffled, and it took everything I had not to just break down and cry. Except I couldn't because we had too much to do.

And so here we are... in our new mountain home. I would like to say that moving in is the end of the story. But I would be a total liar. Because the new house, while it is wonderful in many ways, is not so wonderful in a lot of other ways. The new house, glorious as it is, is about 1,000 square feet smaller than our old house. We have five fewer rooms and two fewer bathrooms. That may not sound terrible, but to a woman who is homicidal if she does not have her space, it's basically a few levels short of hell. At least until I look out the window and remind myself of what an incredible place I get to live in.

Construction of the addition

The plan from the beginning was to build on immediately. We began that project, and like all things related to this house, it hasn't been as easy as you'd think. Pretty much everything in this place is in a state of disrepair. It seems like a million other things keep popping up to interfere with the actual building process. The money is not how we thought it would be, and I'm not going to lie- it's been a challenge. You would not believe how easy it is to spend ten thousand dollars! I'm not saying these things to complain. In fact, as I look at the challenges we face, and I see how far we've come despite all of the other challenges, I know it's going to be okay.

Seriously... every day, I find a new challenge or find one of the challenges we've been living with to be SO. FREAKING. HARD. and I take a deep breath, look out at our gorgeous land, and I think, this is it!! I live in the mountains. Even though I still lay awake some nights because of creepy crawlies in the house keeping me up, or because I have all the crazy stuff we still have to do running in my head, I'll be honest... I am living my dream and I couldn't be happier.

One of our ponds. I am SO happy we have ponds!

Okay, fine, I would totally be happier if our construction was done, or even if I could take a bath in my own house! But really, I am so happy. I am so grateful.

Which leads us to the question... was not getting the other house a good thing for us? As much as I really would love to live in less of a project, this house is a much better situation for us. It's closer to town, has more land, and the land is much prettier and has more cool features. Also, we've met some of our neighbors, and they're great people! My daughter says that this place feels more like home, and she wakes up every morning feeling happy that we live in such a wonderful place.

We achieved our dream of living in the mountains, but we have not arrived. I was joking with my father in law the other day that it will take us a lifetime to finish all of the projects we have to do at this house. The longer we live here, the more ideas I have, and the more things I want to do. And of course, when I talk about projects I want to do, what I really mean is projects I want my husband to do.

But seriously, I need you to know how happy I am. Not because our life is perfect. Because trust me, it's not. I have been stretched and grown past what I thought was my breaking point, and then back again. I am exhausted beyond belief, and I sometimes joke that I have moving PTSD. Except we're still living it. Which doesn't sound like a very happy life, except that in the midst of everything, I know that I am where I belong. I look out my window and I see a million things to be happy about. I close my eyes and I know that I can do all things because God is there, strengthening me. I learned a lot about who my real friends are. The ones who spent time helping me, supporting me, and encouraging me. I also know the ones who say they'll be there, then come up with excuses that are just thinly veiled lies, and I would have respected them a lot more had they just said they had more important things to do. I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning a lot about God. I'm watching my children take on responsibilities that they never would have done otherwise. I see them living a renewed childhood. I could probably write an entire book on how amazing this journey has been for us, and maybe I will.

For now though, I want you to know this. Whatever your dream is, go for it. I won't lie to you and say it will be easy. Everything will not go your way. You will have crazy miracles enabling your dream, and you will have wild unexpected setbacks that make you think you were crazy to have thought you could do it at all. But keep at it. Keep moving forward. You see, there was nothing wrong with my life when I embarked on this journey. I remember sitting in my old house, sobbing, because I truly loved that house, and at one point in my life, that was my dream house. I just knew that I was meant for something bigger. And I trusted that. I trusted my dream, and I trusted God.

If you're thinking of following your dream, I'll be there, cheering you on. And when you fall down, I'll be there to help you up. Because your dream is worth it. You are worth it.