New Year, Better Me!

Happy New Year!!

I was looking at one of the ad campaigns we're supporting for work called New Year, New You. Now, no offense to the folks who came up with that idea, but the more I've thought about it, the more I don't like that idea. For the most part, I like who I am. I don't want to find a new me, I just want a better me. Which I think is the whole point of New Year's Resolutions. We want to build on the foundation of the life we've been creating and make it better.

One of the things I realized in the last few months of 2013 is how much of my true self I've been repressing. Things I love that I've been pushing aside for practical reasons, because I'm afraid, because I don't know what to do, because I've forgotten, and probably a lot of other reasons. But what I've found is that as I let some of that out, I'm really a lot happier. The other thing I've realized is that as focused as I've been on a lot of the mundane, I've really lost a lot of focus on who I am. Over the past few months, I've been really stumped by questions that dig down to the heart of who I am. Things I feel like I should know the answer to, but I don't.

At the end of 2013, I committed to doing some things that dig in to who I am and who I want to be. 2013 saw one of my major dreams come true.  And while I couldn't be happier over that accomplishment, there are still so many things I want to do. Looking back, I realized that years ago, I thought that when we reached this level of income, we'd be really set. And yet, in some ways, we're no farther along in life than I'd thought we'd be. Some of that is my fault, some of it is the hubby's fault, and some of it... well, it's just how life happens sometimes.

So this year, my goal is to be more intentional about making my life more into the life I've always wanted. Don't get me wrong here. I really like my life. I'm so blessed. Sometimes it's overwhelming to see just how blessed we are. But there are also longings in my heart, dreams I have, that I'm more focused than ever on pursuing. I always start my year really focused on all the great things I want to do, and at some point during the year, when things get crazy, I forget. So my hope for this year is that I don't forget. I'm also working on some plans to help with that. For example, I'm participating in an art journal project called The Documented Life Project. Art journaling is one of the things I've been doing to make myself happy and rediscover myself. Hopefully incorporating that into a planner will help me be more organized. Plus, I'm also adding a new aspect to it- I bought the wrong planner, so I have a ton of extra pages. I decided to use those pages to help with my goal setting and goal planning. I'm hoping that having my goals and dreams close at hand- as part of my daily planner- will help remind me of my focus.

How are you focusing on the new year?

 

There's just not enough preparation

I am a warm person. When I say warm, I mean that I always like to be warm. Unfortunately, I tend to be cold most of the time. When we swing into fall and winter, I'm always sad because I know that I'm going to be cold- soon.

So when the weather report said it would snow Saturday and that it would get really cold Thursday night, I prepared. I brought in the produce that would get ruined, and I covered my garden to keep it going just a little bit longer.

As you can see, I got a nice selection of things. Yum!! I'm thinking there may be some zucchini bread in our family's future. :)

 

Imagine my horror when I woke up this morning to this:



Yes, friends, that icky white stuff is known as snow. Snow that we weren't supposed to get until SATURDAY. It's FRIDAY. I needed that extra day to mentally prepare.  Even though the snow is already gone, I'm still sad because it means that I am finally forced to face the reality that my warm days really are leaving.

So to cope, I'm making chili in the crockpot.

How do you cope with changes in the weather?

Detox Stinks

Okay, so I have a lot more colorful words to describe it, being a writer and all, but most of them are definitely R-rated.

I have not yet started the colon cleanse because it hasn't arrived yet, but I am already on the restricted diet. I've done the diet before, and I don't remember it being this bad. Maybe because my body wasn't this bad off. I'm finding, though, that as my body withdraws from the starches and sugars, I'm having a rough time.

Yes, friends, detox stinks. I've never been able to relate to people addicted to alcohol, drugs, nicotine, and whatnot. I haven't understood the physical pain of giving it up. For some reason, this go-around on the diet, I am having such horrible physical symptoms of sugar withdrawal, I can relate. I am on day six, and I want to die.

One of the hardest things is that since my husband is not on this diet, except for the fact that he eats the diet-friendly meals I cook, is that we have sooo many sweets in the house. For as long as I've known him, he's enjoyed a pastry every morning on his way to work. Guess what's sitting on my counter? Gooey, scrumptious pastries. Every time I pass the counter, I have to make a choice: grab a handful of almonds, which are on the diet, or have a pastry. So far, the almonds are winning.

Actually, what's winning is this: I am sick and tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of being a reasonably young woman who's too tired to do things people twice my age do with ease. I hate that my kids are used to the fact that mommy can't do this or that with them because she doesn't feel good. I hate my husband's resigned sighs when I tell him I have a headache again and he's on his own with the kids. I can feel awful for the next month, or I can feel awful for the rest of my life.

I can better relate to those with more difficult addictions like drugs, alcohol, and whatnot. But as I take each painful step, and my hands can't stop shaking because my body wants sugar so bad or my stomach is telling me I'm not full yet because there's no starch in it to make it feel that way or I'm dizzy and have a massive headache from my body adjusting to it all, I remind myself why I'm doing this.

I am worth it. My kids are worth it. My husband is worth it. And those of you who are thinking of detoxing from something, you are worth it, too. Yes, detox stinks. But what stinks worse is to be ruled by something that doesn't give you real, lasting joy. We deserve better than what our addictions are telling we deserve.