Five Steps to Healing Writer Wounds

I had so much response to my post about writer wounds, and while I knew others had been wounded by other writers, I didn’t realize how much it hit home with people. I think it’s because we try so hard to do the right thing, and turn the other cheek, that we end up silently suffering for a long time.

Writer wounds are a different animal from a lot of the other wounds we face. There are a lot of reasons for that, but mostly I think it’s because as writers, we’re in this weird place of being in business, but in a way that makes us extremely personally vulnerable. 

After all, what is our writing, but our vulnerabilities out for the world to see?

Even though I’m listing out this process, recognize that it is a very personal journey, and these steps might be different for you. So don’t be discouraged if your process isn’t exactly like this. Part of why I am including this in my retreat is that it’s a bigger and deeper process than you can get out of a blog. More importantly, I believe that the unhealed wounds we carry around are part of what's holding us back in our writing success.

Step One: Acknowledge the Wound

Because we’re supposed to be professional, a lot of times, when we’re wounded as writers, we brush off the wound. The editor who just said, “your writing stinks,” is still your editor, and you’re going to have to work with that editor again. Or, the big-name author who stepped on you is still a big-name author and you’re going to have to interact with that person on an on-going basis. So, a lot of times, we push it down because we’re trying so hard to suck it up and move on. The trouble is, pushing it down never heals the wound, and eventually, the wound will come back up when we least expect it. The first step in healing the wound is to say, “this happened, and it hurt me.”

Step Two: Feel the Wound

Part of the pushing down process means that we never fully feel the pain of the wound. Maybe it’s because the wound happened at a time and place where having a good cry isn’t appropriate. But a lot of times, it’s because we’ve trained ourselves not to feel the pain. I’ve talked to a lot of counselors and coaches who all say that allowing yourself to feel the emotion is part of what helps you heal that emotion.

Step Three: Process the Wound

A lot of people stop at feeling the emotion. They feel it, and it hurts, and then they sit in the hurt. But you also have to take the time to process that emotion. Why did it hurt? What did that hurt remind you of? Is there an unexpected gift in that wound? A lesson that can help you grow? How can you care for yourself and love yourself in a way that is going to help that wound heal?

Step Four: Forgive the Person Who Wounded You

I have a daily forgiveness practice that I work through, and the thing I’ve learned about forgiveness is that it is never about the person who hurt you. It’s about softening your heart, and giving yourself the gift of letting go of the wound. One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that you can just say, “I forgive you, and move on.” Forgiveness is actually a process that takes time. You’re going to say, “I forgive you,” today, but tomorrow morning, you might wake up and still feel the pain. And you’re going to have to say, “I forgive you,” again. You may have to say that a whole lot of mornings before you actually feel the forgiveness. 

Forgiving the other person does not make what the person did to you right. 

In fact, you should forgive the person whether that person is sorry or not. Note that I did not make, “confronting the other person,” part of the process. There are a lot of reasons for that, but mostly because this process is more about you and your emotions. You can’t control the other person, or change them. The only person you have control over is you.

Step Five: Use the Wound for Good

I have a journey entry from when I was about 12 years old, and I was processing a hurtful situation. In it, I wrote what has become a driving force for my life. I decided back then, that I was going to use those painful places to help others- whether it be to help others out of a similar situation, or to prevent similar situations from happening. As writers, we also have a third way of using the wound for good. We get to use that pain, that situation, even that emotion, to inform our words as we write.
 

Being wounded happens to everyone- whether we like it or not. But in the end, we get to choose how we use those wounds. We can let those wounds fester inside us, crippling us, or turning us into mean grumpy people. Or we can heal those wounds, and use them in a positive way.

If you’re curious about my story about Matilda, and how it ended, here’s the result. Matilda and I haven’t spoken in about 3 or 4 years. I gave up after I couldn’t get past her assistant. I have never spoken to her about my hurt. And at this point, it doesn’t matter. If she called me up tomorrow, I would treat her like any other acquaintance who called me out of the blue. I’d be polite, but I also wouldn’t give her unguarded access to my heart. I had some good times with Matilda, but I choose to invest my energy into friendships that are more mutual. As much as what she did to me hurt, I’m grateful for the experience, because it opened my eyes to the kind of person I want to be as a writer. There are people in my life that I’ve asked to hold me accountable to that standard. And I’d like to think that as I become more successful, I’m going to be a person of integrity and love. Not perfect, of course, but hopefully my name won’t be synonymous with jerk. Plus, I’ve been able to use this story to help others, to know they are not alone in their pain.

So Matilda, even though I’m not using your real name, and I know you do not read my blog, thank you. What you did really hurt me. But I forgive you. It does not excuse your behavior, but I’m not holding on to it and letting it define me. In fact, I’m using it to help others heal. And while they don’t know who you are, they thank you, too. 

If you want to learn more about this healing process, I'd love for you to come to my retreat. We won't be spending the entire time at the retreat talking about this, but we will go more in depth than I did here on the blog. 

Five Ways to Believe in Yourself as a Writer

I had a different post in mind for today, but when a fellow writer posted a question in a group I belong to, I realized that the core of what I do, and why this retreat is so important to me, lies in the answer that I gave her. You see, I think one of the biggest things writers struggle with is believing in themselves as writers.

The way this idea manifested today is that a person asked about the value of critique partners. And you know, while I did give her an answer, I didn't give her a complete answer. Mostly because it was way too long for a simple FB post, but also because it's a much longer explanation than, "should I look for a new critique partner?"

Over the years, I've had some amazing critique partners. I've also had some really terrible critique partners, whose cutting criticism of my work had me feeling absolutely worthless. Lately, though, I have not used critique partners at all. When I submitted the first book I had published, my good critique partners were too busy to read it. So I sent it in, with no one but me having read it. That book sold. In fact, every book I've ever sold has never been fully critiqued. If I have questions or doubts about a certain passage, I'll send it to trusted friends to give it a read-through. But it's usually something that doesn't take long, and is usually something very specific I want to know. My editor reads the book, and then I get my edits from her.

I struggled to sell my first book for a number of years, and during those years, I had dozens of critique partners, including well-known writing experts. Interestingly enough, the things that my editor didn't like about those books were all things that the experts told me to do. Now, I don't blame the experts, and, I have no intention of revealing who they are or what they said. I think they do know a lot about writing, and they've helped a lot of people. They just weren't the right fit for me, and I didn't have the courage to respectfully disagree.

The person I blame is myself. Because, as the experts told me their advice, I knew it wasn't right for my book. But rather than owning my story, I let the experts shape my story and turn it into what they thought it should be. I didn't believe in myself as a writer, and the truth is, that showed up in my writing.

My writing is different now. Not because I took a class that taught me a new technique, or because I read a fabulous writing book. But because I learned to believe in myself. To trust the story I had inside me, and to trust in the fact that I know how to write.

So does that mean people don't need critique partners? Absolutely not! I used to judge a lot of writing contests, and I read a lot of bad writing. There was one particular story, year after year, I would somehow end up judging in multiple contests. Every year, it was exactly the same story, and the author never changed anything. One year, I received a nasty email from that author basically saying that I had no idea what I was talking about, and how dare I say that her book wasn't perfect. I fought the urge to answer her back and tell her that after five years of not being a finalist, and not selling the book, she might consider that her writing could use some improvement.

There's also the author, whose work I spent hours critiquing and really trying to help, and finally, after not selling her book, decided to self-publish. To support her, I bought the book, and was horrified to find that she hadn't changed a thing- including the typos! So now, she complains everywhere that her book is not selling as well as she thinks it should be.

Where, then, is the room for being critiqued?

I know at least a hundred authors. Probably more. Of those authors, only one has told me that she doesn't have a critique partner and her editor never gives her edits on her books. However, she's also published more than a hundred novels, so I'm going to say that she knows a little something about writing. Every author has some level of editing done before the book goes to print. With the advent of self-publishing, more authors are choosing not to have the book edited, but I believe that's a mistake. There are things you can't see in your own work that you need someone to help you find- even if it's just typos.

Even though you'd think that not having a book edited means that you believe in yourself as an author, I'm going to take a different stance. If you do not have the courage to let someone else critique your work, and are not willing to listen to suggestions and make changes, I think that comes from a deep insecurity manifesting itself as pride. I've noticed that people who are overly prideful are people who have such low self-esteem that accepting criticism in one area means that they are bad people as a whole. None of us are perfect. We all have flaws, and one flaw doesn't make a person a waste of a human being.

So how do you balance the need to trust yourself and the need to have another set of eyes improve your work?

1. Recognize that you are not perfect. And that's okay! You are not a failure of a human being for not being perfect. No one is perfect, so embrace your imperfections and choose to love yourself anyway. Even if someone tells you that your book is the most awful thing they've ever read, their words have nothing to do with your value as a writer. Even the greatest writers in history are criticized to this very day!

2. Recognize that you are a talented writer. You have a valuable story to tell, and it deserves to be told. There is something special inside you that deserves to come out. Only you can tell your story.

3. Recognize your flaws as a writer. There are people you will never please with your writing. My own daughter won't read my books because she hates romance. But there are people who DO like what you write. Have them look at your writing, and notice the patterns that come up. Part of why I don't use a critique partner, except for problem areas, other than the fact that I have an editor, is that over the years, I've seen enough patterns in critiques I've received. If you want to know my flaws as a writer, I can give you a list. So I know, when I'm reading through my work, what to look for.

4. Recognize your strengths as a writer. Sometimes we're so focused on our flaws, that we forget the incredible strengths we have as writers. There are things you do really well. Find out what they are, and celebrate them!

5. Recognize that being an author is a journey. We're all at different places on that journey, and because the journey is so full of different paths, you might be further on one path than someone who is further on a different path. And that's okay. We can learn from each other, support each other, and help each other along the path. A lot of people want to arrive at a certain place on the journey, but the truth is, you never really do arrive. There's always something new to learn and do, and when you embrace that truth, being a writer becomes so much more fulfilling.

Where do you need to go deeper in your belief in yourself as a writer?

I am hosting a retreat in November, and this is one of the topics we'll be addressing. I've talked to so many writers, and it makes me sad to see how many of us struggle with believing in ourselves and our work. The things we write are so valuable, and I really want to see us owning that value!

You can find more details on the retreat here: http://danicafavorite.com/retreat

And, for a little fun-spiration today, as I wrote this post, I had this great song going through my head. If you replace the life stuff with writing stuff, it's really the same story. The writing life is a dance you learn as you go! So take a chance on your writing, and let it out! You're worth it!

Owning your value as a writer

I've had a couple of conversations lately and I wanted to share the gist of them, because I'm seeing a trend in a lot of friends, especially writers, and it bothers me. We are not seeing and claiming our value! As writers, what we do is so valuable. Think about the books that have changed your life. Most people, especially readers can name a book that impacted their lives. What price do you put on that?

You might say, "well, Danica, I'm not a Hemingway, or Dickens, or whoever, and therefore, I'm not in that category." And you know what I say to that? BALONEY. Actually, I'd use a stronger word here, but I might get in trouble with the internet police, so I won't. :) You don't have to be great to be valuable. You just have to be you.

The trouble with owning your value is that it's scary to step out there and do it.

Yesterday, I talked to a friend who said that she was afraid of sounding too prideful or getting too big of a head if she started sharing all the reasons why she was valuable. And I understand that. We've all met the jerks who think too much of themselves. In fact, this friend and I have a pact that if we ever turn into writing super stars, we will keep each other in check to not become jerks. But there is a difference between saying I am a great writer and what I do is valuable, and saying, I'm too cool for you because I'm a great writer.

God gave us each these fabulous talents and abilities. So when we downplay them and say that we're not as awesome as God made us to be because we're afraid of people thinking our heads are too big, we're denying God. We're not letting God's gifts shine through us. We've dimmed the light, and frankly, I think that's offensive to God. He gave us our gifts and talents to USE them.

How do you start owning your value?

First of all, recognize it! Have you thought of all the ways that you are valuable? The things that make you valuable? Seriously. Take a minute and write a few down. I'll give you a few examples.
1. I am a great encourager.
2. My friends know that I will tell them the truth, even if it's uncomfortable.
3. I have a variety of life experiences to draw upon.
4. I'm a good writer.
5. People like my books.
6. I am a good mother.
7. I love chickens!!
8. I seek to understand other points of view.
9. I love to try new things and have new experiences.
10. I am persistent.

Now think about the kind of person who is all of those things. Put in your head what kind of person that is. That's a pretty awesome person, right? And guess what? That person is ME!! Your list of all of your awesome things? That's YOU!!

What does this have to do with owning your value as a writer?

Everything. If you aren't owning your personal value, then you can't own who you are as a writer. All of those wonderful things about me? I bring that to my writing. I have those gifts that add value to the words I write. Are my words autobiographical? No. But they are flavored with those beautiful and not so beautiful things about me. And yes, I do believe the ugly things, our scars, our flaws, those add value too. But too often we focus on the negative and the reasons why we can't, and we don't see the wonderful things we bring to the table with our writing.

The friend I spoke with the other day, she is a fantastic writer. People love her books. But she's had a lot of things happen lately that have discouraged her and she's feeling not so valuable. She's afraid to put herself out there and shine. What if the negatives are right? What if she's being too bold in saying that she is a great writer? What if she's not as great as she thinks she might be?

All of those things are lies. She, like so many of us, get trapped into believing them because we're conditioned to think that way instead of owning our value. I'm not saying any of this to pick on her, by the way. I'm just as guilty, and perhaps that's why I can recognize it in her. I've been there.

Why does owning your value matter so much?

When you don't have confidence in your value, it shows. Who wants to have a surgeon with a shaky hand perform surgery on them? But that's exactly what you're doing when you fail to claim your value and stand securely in it.

Being valuable doesn't mean being perfect. I can say I'm a good mom and be confident in that, but also know that I am not a perfect mom. I got a little competitive playing on the Wii with my daughter yesterday and a swear word popped out. Oops! That one mistake doesn't negate the fact that I'm doing a great job raising my kids. And guess what? I admitted my mistake, apologized to them, and turned it into a teaching moment to demonstrate that I am not a perfect mom, but I am a mom willing to acknowledge my shortcomings. My mistake helped build character in my kids. That's valuable.

On the writing side, if I sit at my computer, filled with fear and insecurity, it shows in my writing. If I'm second-guessing myself because I have no confidence in myself and my abilities,  I make mistakes that I wouldn't have made otherwise. Last night, if I'd spent the time beating myself up for that swear word, I wouldn't have had the precious giggle and snuggle with my girls. When we fail to acknowledge our value as writers, we're locking up the beautiful moments like giggles and snuggles, and keeping them off the page, and out of the hands of readers who could be blessed by it.

Take some time today and think about the things that make you valuable! I'd love for you to post some of the items on your list, and if you're brave enough to share, I'll tell you something I see in you that's valuable!

December Thanksgiving Art Journal Challenge Day 13

I spent all day Saturday working on revisions for one of my books. I holed up at a local Panera and wrote, wrote, wrote. And deleted, deleted, deleted. And wrote some more. The story I'm working on is one that I love. I really want to get it right. So I spent a lot of time going over my words, looking at what I'd written, and, most important, looking at the revision notes from my editor.

I'm so thankful to have an editor who takes the time to go through my stories and make good suggestions. They definitely made the story better, so it was nice to be able to sit down and get it all done.

Which makes for perfect timing of this art journal challenge.

Today's art journal challenge is something you read today.

My art journal reads:

"I am so thankful for reading my revision letter today. It is something I've been working on and I'm grateful today that I had the letter to review so I can make my book better. I really love this story and I love making it better. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
I'd love for you to share your art journal masterpieces. You can either post them on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram with the hashtag #DecemberThanksgiving, or feel free to email me if you want to keep it private.

And, if you'd like to receive a PDF with all the challenges for this month, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter!

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Kindness doesn't cost anything

I've been thinking about kindness lately, and last night, as I was editing my latest book proposal, I realized that kindness is one of the themes I've been exploring a lot lately.

A while back, I talked about my own personal kindness challenge, and how I was being more intentional about being kind. I'd hoped to spend the month talking about kindness, but then, I got zinged by someone I once thought of as a friend, and wondered if I really had any place to speak with authority on the subject. In one of my "I totally did not mean to be hurtful" moments, I said something that she interpreted as being unkind. The sad thing was, her response to me was very unkind, and while my lack of kindness was completely unintentional, her intent was to make sure I understood just how "bad" I was. Which, to me, is even more unkind. I'm not telling this story to call this person out. While she severed our friendship completely, I bear no ill will towards her. Actually, I kind of feel sorry for her, and hope that whatever that need in her to demand treatment from others that she does not reciprocate, that need is somehow filled. Somewhere inside her is a wounded person who needs healing, love, and yes, kindness.

Which is where, as I was writing last night, I started to think about how so many times, we ask for kindness, and in some ways, expect others to be kind toward us. Yet we often are not the ones freely sharing kindness. My daughter, Princess, often justifies her unkind behavior by saying, "well, the rule is do unto others as you would have them do to you. They're being mean to me, so I guess that means they want me to be mean to them!" As hard as I work to correct this view, I look around and realize that we all have that problem. Our first response when someone is unkind is to lash out, to criticize, to condemn.

Last night, I was in the store, and this guy was being, well, to put it nicely, a jerk. At first, I was like, huh, what a jerk. But then I noticed all the things he had in his basket. Medical supplies. Like the heavy duty kind you have to get when someone at your house is really sick. I wondered who he loved was sick, and what was wrong. I silently prayed for him, and when we both started for checkout at the same time, I intentionally slowed down, even though I was just as eager to beat the coming hail storm. What did it cost me to let this worried guy go ahead? Okay, I might spend a little more time in the store than I'd wanted to. But maybe those extra couple minutes of getting to whoever had him so worried would make a difference.

Notice my first reaction was not, "I wonder why he's got all those medical supplies," but, "what a jerk." My former friend's reaction was not, "huh, I wonder what's going on in her life that she was so short with me?" Sometimes being kind means taking an extra step back and not reacting. Not calling the person a jerk, or making the person pay for what seemed like a slight. Sometimes being kind is just a friendly smile or waiting patiently when you're in just as much of a hurry. Mostly, kindness is treating others the way you want to be treated, even when they don't follow that rule.

The best part about kindness, is that while it requires a little more self-control, is that it doesn't cost anything. Sometimes we think that we need to go out and buy people a cup of coffee or take them dinner, or do something really grand. But the truth is, the most meaningful part of kindness is simply how we treat each other. For me personally, the kindness of others in my life has been life-changing. And truthfully, as much as I've had to deal with unkindness, it is the kindness of loving friends that have made me want to be a kinder person. Maybe I'm living a little too much in my books, but ultimately, kindness is what changes the hearts of my characters.

Where has kindness made a difference in your life? What can you do to share kindness with others?

Book news! And a contest!

I finally have a release date for my first Love Inspired Historical book! Look for it November 2014! I also sold my second book, which will be out early to mid 2015.

With all that to celebrate, I wanted to share some of the fun. In my second book, a brothel called The Lucky Miner plays an important role in the story. My editor would like me to change the name to something that doesn't include the word, "Lucky." I thought it would be fun to let my readers help me pick a new name. My book is set in 1881 in Leadville, Colorado, during the silver boom.

I'm going to give you all a week to help me name my brothel. I'll take a look at all of the ideas submitted and choose my favorite brothel name. If two people suggest the same name, I'll go with the one who suggested it first.

The GRAND PRIZE: I'll use your brothel name in my book, you'll be featured in the acknowledgements, AND I'll send you a $25 gift card to the online bookstore of your choice.

And because I want to spread the joy a little, I'm going to give away a random prize to one of our entrants. Just fill out the entry form and rafflecopter will choose a winner to receive a $25 gift card to the online bookstore of their choice.

If you don't see your posts right away, don't worry... it'll be there eventually. Due to high levels of spam, I have to approve everything. Stinky spammers ruin it for everyone!

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A rant, or possibly a question, about Young Adult books

For those of you who followed my Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project, it should come as no surprise that I've been reading A TON of Young Adult books over the past few months trying to wrap my head around whether or not the Young Adult book I wrote is publishable. I've really enjoyed many of the books I've read. Most of them have way too much sexual content for me to be comfortable letting my kiddo read them- yet. However, THAT is not my rant. My rant is this: Lately, everything I've read ends without an ending. Rather, what I've noticed, if you were to sit the book on a three-act structure, the books are ending at  Act One. Since each book touts itself as being book one of a trilogy, in some ways, that makes sense. Sort of. If you want to read three two hundred page books to find out how the primary story question ends.

I do not.

Let's break this down. Each book is two hundred pages (give or take... actually a bit longer, but I like simple math). Plus, they are all hardcover, which retail for about $17.99 each. So, I have to read 600 pages to find out how a story ends, AND pay just over $50 to find out the ending.

No thank you.

Really. Just. No.

Yes, the idea of sucking readers in at a high pricepoint and then making them buy three books is kind of ingenious. If it's a bestseller like The Hunger Games, the author and publisher stand to make a lot of money.

But here's the thing. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but when I got to the last chapter, realizing I was going to have to read TWO MORE books before getting any satisfaction, as a reader, I felt betrayed. Then, as a writer, when I realized that basically, I'm going to get Act One in one book, Act Two in the next, and Act Three in the final book, I felt cheated. Ultimately, I felt manipulated. It's going to cost me fifty bucks to find out whether or not the ending is satisfying. Based on book one's ending, I have no guarantees of a satisfying ending.

Which means I'm not buying the rest of the series. You haven't given me any assurances that I will be satisfied at the end of book three. Moreover, because I feel so manipulated with book one, I probably will never pick up books by either of these two authors again. My trust was blown with book one, and with the limited reading time that I have, I'm not willing to try another book.

The more I mulled over my outrage over these two books, the more I began to wonder, is this simply a trend in publishing? I also recently read a general fiction book that did the exact same thing. And I hated it. HATED it. I might just check the book out of the library and read the last couple of chapters to find out how it ends, but I cannot afford to invest the kind of time the author and publisher ask of me. Maybe I need to stick to the "formulaic romances" some people like to mock. At least with them, I know that I'm going to get a satisfying ending. Not, "buy two more really expensive books, and MAYBE you'll be satisfied."

So that's my question... am I expecting too much? Is there an underlying piece that I'm missing that says, "if you're reading a Young Adult book, or a Mainstream book, do not expect a complete story without reading all of the books in the series?"

My Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project REVEALED

I have been tormenting some of you for a while now over my super duper top secret writing project since NaNoWriMo. I can finally reveal what I've been working on.

So... when I decided to do NaNoWriMo, I was in an interesting situation. I always do NaNoWriMo. And, because I feel like it's sort of a rebellious thing, I always try to write a weird book completely outside of my comfort zone that I don't entirely intend to publish but secretly hope it will become a bestseller. So far, no secret hope come true, but maybe someday, right?

This year, I entered NaNo season after talking with my 13 year old about books and how it was hard to find a book for her to read. So, being the slightly insane woman I am, I decided to take on the challenge for NaNo. Yes, friends, my secret book was a Young Adult. Let's be clear here- the book was solely written with my daughter's tastes in mind. Which means a ton of stuff blows up, there's a dragon, the heroine can totally kick anyone's butt, and there's a nod to her favorite character from TV. This also means that I have no idea if there's a market for it, or if it's even wise for me to try to sell a YA at this point in my career, so this book may never see the light of day. And I am perfectly okay with that.

I decided that this book would be my daughter's Christmas present. I wrote it, and I'll be honest, I LOVE THIS BOOK!! Which probably means it's total crap, but I don't care. Did I mention I blew up a ton of cool stuff in it? I also decided that I was going to keep this a secret and make it a surprise, which was REALLY hard to do because I REALLY loved writing this book. And I was REALLY excited to see what my daughter thought.

And then, sometime in December, as I was patting myself on the back for being THE BEST MOM EVER, I had a horrible realization. I had another child who would be really hurt if I didn't write HER a book for Christmas. Thus turning me into the worst mom who ever walked the planet and would cause my child years of heartache and therapy to get over the fact that I clearly liked her sister better because I wrote her sister a book and not her. Crap. So I wrote ANOTHER book.

Yes, friends, once my big December work project was finished, I wrote another book. For my 9 year old princess. I call it, "Mommy needs her head examined." Fortunately, I could get away with writing a shorter book with a less complex plot. I think this would fall into the middle grade category, except that I may have pushed that line a bit. But hey, the point is, I wrote a book for my other kid, and finished it on Christmas Eve at 11:54 p.m., which means that I SAVED Christmas. Or at least I saved myself from the guilt trip I would have been given for the rest of my life for writing a book for one kid and not the other.

Sadly, the second book is not as good as the first. I am not in love with it. It is, after all, a rough draft, but this kid, bless her little heart, is yet old enough to understand. She just thinks that having mommy write her a book is the coolest thing ever, and that her mommy is awesome. Yay me.

The kids opened their presents, and were not as excited as I hoped they'd be. But they were still happy, and Cowgirl, who was sick, spent the day reading my book. She finished it already and liked it. She did not say it was THE BEST BOOK EVER, which makes me sad. Clearly my children do not think I am as brilliant as I think I am. Oh, wait. No kid thinks that of their mom, so we're still good.

So there you have it. My Super Duper Top Secret Writing Project. Two books in less than two months. One that was totally awesome (as far as I am concerned), and one that was not so much (but the recipient thinks it is).

Which means I'm taking a tiny little writing vacation until I hear back from my editors. Or not. Maybe I should write a book for my dog next...

Lesson in Writing Productivity

This is my (I think) 8th year of doing and finishing NaNoWriMo. I ended with just over 62,000 words, plus I also wrote a proposal and sample chapters that didn't get counted in this number. Some of my friends get freaked out over those numbers. I will say that this has been my most productive word count writing month ever- I probably wrote somewhere around 90K.

I'm not saying this to brag on how well I did. Honestly, I think a lot of it comes from knowing myself, my process, and accepting it. I wanted to share some of what I learned because I hope it will help some others figure out their process as well. The key, in my opinion, is accepting and following your own process. We all work differently. So take a look at what worked for me and see if you can apply it to your own process.

I do work full-time. I've been telling myself it's part time, but I finally accepted the writing on my timesheet, and so I am admitting my full-time status. :) So how do I write that much AND work full time?

1. I recognize and respond to my productive hours. If I sit down to write at 9 a.m., I'll have maybe 1K done by noon. If I sit down to write at 9 p.m., I'll have 1K by 9:30. Therefore, I only write during my productive hours. This does mean, with a full time job and a family, that I went to bed later than I wanted to and I have been really tired this month. But with an active family and a husband who worked 60 hour weeks in November, plus a major work event, I didn't have a choice to put off other responsibilities to write. I wrote when I could, and I made it as productive as possible.

2. I recognize and respond to other productivity cues. I can't work with any background noise or the TV. I mean, I can, but if I have the TV on to catch up on my favorite show while I'm writing, I'm lucky to get a page written. With the TV off, I can write 1K in the time it takes to watch a show. So I made a choice to let the DVR record my shows, and when I have time, I catch up on them. I also recognized what an easy distraction the Internet is. Even though I told myself, "I'll look this up real quick," it ended up sucking a lot of my time for writing. So... I found times and places to write with no Internet access. My best writing days were in a coffee shop with no Internet access and in a car as a passenger on our Thanksgiving trip.

3. I accept my choices. It's easy for all of us to say, "I have no time." But when you look at ways you waste time, then you can examine what you could be doing instead. So when I felt like reading a book instead of writing, I was conscious of that being my choice and reminding myself that I DID have time to write, but I was choosing something else. I didn't do a lot of things I wanted to do this month, but I accepted it as MY CHOICE. By owning my choices, I felt a lot better about writing and taking the time to do the things I needed to do and also taking the time to do things I wanted to do. I did make choices to spend time not writing, but I accepted that as my choice, and I didn't feel guilty. Personally, I think there is a lot less guilt whether you write or don't write, when you accept the choices you make in that direction.

4. I accepted it as a fun "want to" instead of a "have to." I never go into NaNoWriMo with a lot of pressure. This year, I had a plan to write a book that is completely not in my genre and I haven't even decided if I'm going to try to get it published. I broke a ton of rules and had a lot of fun. I chose to see this book as a "play" book, to experiment and explore. Yes, I kind of had that luxury because all of my writing deadlines have been met. But I think sometimes we approach our writing with a lot of pressure and an idea of the rules and a list of everything we have to accomplish and I think that stifles our creativity. Every once and a while, I think it's good for our brains to have a break from that pressure and just let it go crazy.  My book is kind of crazy. But I'm really pleased with it, and I'm proud of what I did.

5. I nurtured my creative spirit. Remember that accepting my choices bit? Well, this month, I did a lot of art journaling. I really did not plan my time well at the start of this month. I joined three art challenges, a fitness challenge, NaNoWriMo, and had my usually busy life. (In the spirit of full disclosure, I did not fully complete my fitness or art challenges.) Some days, I ignored my art challenges to write. Some days, I ignored writing to do art. Some days, I did both. I remember from my time doing The Artist's Way that Julia Cameron suggests having artist dates with yourself. One day, when I was struggling with the writing, I closed my computer and went to the art museum. I came home to free flowing words and felt capable of handling what was a tough scene. I am learning that when I take time to nurture my creative spirit by playing with stuff in my art journal or going to the museum, or doing something creative OTHER than writing, my writing flows faster and better. If I art journaled and wrote in the same day, I averaged about 2k in an hour. If I only wrote that day, I averaged 1K an hour. To me, those numbers are significant, and it tells me that allowing myself creative freedom in another arena makes me more creative in general.

So that's how I got it done. It wasn't pretty at times, and please don't come to my house anytime soon or you will see the things I chose not to do so I could write, but if I could go back and choose how I spent my time differently, I wouldn't. I think I learned a lot this month and I'm excited to apply it to future months.

How did your writing go? Do you have any productivity tips that make your writing go faster?

 

SOLD!!!

Yes friends, it's finally true!! I sold my first book to Love Inspired Historical!! I think most people already know via FB, Twitter, etc. but I thought I'd also make it official here on my blog and website.

Sadly, I don't have a lot of details yet. I got The Call on a Thursday, left for vacation the next day, and now my agent is on vacation, so we've had no time to go over the contract for the important details, like when everyone can buy a copy. The vacation is also the reason why I haven't posted about my sale yet. I hardly had time to go online (yay!) and am still playing catch up. But YAY for vacations!!

In the meantime, if you haven't headed over and given my Facebook page a "like" I hope you do so!

W is for Writing Journey

I don't always talk about my writing, at least not in online form, because sometimes there's a blurry line between being a writer and working in the publishing industry. Plus, it's a little weird given that as much as I've been in the business and know about the business, I'm still waiting on that elusive book deal. The waiting can be hard. I've learned a lot from waiting, but I can also say in all honesty, that I'm really done waiting. But that's not for me to decide.

In terms of the wait, agent Rachelle Gardner just wrote a great post on the subject. It inspired me to talk a little about my waiting journey.

Here's what I've learned about waiting.

1. Publishing really is a crapshoot. I've seen books that have made it that leave you scratching your head as to why, and also books that are excellent that sit in someone's drawer for lack of publishing. As much as you want an explanation, you're just not going to get one. It's the same deal once a book is published. Excellent books miss the bestseller list, and really bad books make it. Why? The person who figures out the answer to that question will make gazillions in the industry.

So here's what you do about it. Write the best book you can. Learn from the experts. Keep improving. Be willing to let go of your expectations. Understand that the journey is going to look a lot different than what you thought it would be.  Every single one of my friends from when I first got started (except those who quit) are now published. I never imagined that it would take this long for me. But it has. And ultimately, I have to be okay with that. My time will come. Hopefully before I die.

2. Take the waiting time to learn. I'll never forget the early days of going to writer's conferences. I ran into a woman I knew, and she proceeded to tell me how much she thought going to conferences was a waste of time because it was always the same information and same people, and she never learned anything. That writer is still not published. I contrast that with the time I sat next to bestselling author Joan Johnston at a small writer's group. The workshop was geared mostly to beginners, with very basic information, but there was Joan, taking notes. At the break, she made a comment to me about how the presenter said something she hadn't thought of before. The lesson I learned- even the pros have things they still need to learn.

3. Keep writing. I know so many people who spent years on that one book. And then, when that one book sold, they had nothing to come next. They struggled with how to start another new book, and couldn't figure out how to get it written in a timely manner. I have completed somewhere between 15 and 20 books. I lost count, and that's okay, because I imagine some of those books aren't very good. But I know how to write one, and I know how to get it done. I've learned something new with every book. My fabulous agent, Chip MacGregor, says that eventually, we can go back and sell some of those old books, so maybe... someday.

4. It's okay to be frustrated. I get really upset at people who want to offer pithy statements about bucking up and not letting you be upset about disappointments in the process. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to screw a smile on my face as some Pollyanna gives me lame advice about my crushing blow. You suck it up, and when you can, do whatever it is you do when you're angry and hurt and frustrated. Go ahead and cry. Write a cathartic piece about your feelings. Use those emotions in a scene that you're writing. Sometimes, you just have to let the emotions be what they are. This does not mean you post a blog rant about the editor who rejected your masterpiece or send that same editor black roses. Make sure you have a small group of writer friends you can trust- talking about it with them can really help. My go-to group is willing to kick my butt when I need it (and sometimes when I don't see it!) but also love on me just as much.

That said, there is a point at which you do have to pull yourself out of it and move on. I found a rejection letter the other day for a book that, at the time, was the book of my heart. I was depressed for WEEKS over that rejection. I was sure the editor was some kind of horribly mean human being for not seeing the beauty in my brilliant piece of work. But now, 8 years later, I looked at that letter, and went, "huh. I didn't know that editor rejected one of my books." It would be nice to do something with that book someday. But in the meantime, I've written at least ten other books, and I've been able to move on.

5. Your journey is your journey. I can't tell you how many well-meaning (and sometimes not so well-meaning) people want to compare your journey to someone else's. Heck, sometimes I want to compare my journey to someone else's. But that's not fair. The timing is just different for some people. Even once you sell a book or two or ten, you could have a dry spell of years without publishing a thing. Or you could consistently publish for the rest of your life. I don't know what it will look like for me or for anyone else. As hard as it is, and as much as I want to analyze it and find a formula, there just isn't one. So accept it. Accept your journey. Sure, you're going to be upset and disappointed from time to time, but accept that piece of it. Think of it as a journey to the new world- you don't know exactly where it is, or how long it's going to take. And maybe, though you're expecting to land in India, you'll end up discovering a whole new continent.

Are you a writer? What's your advice for people on the waiting portion of the journey?

 

 

R is for Remembering

As we grow up, sometimes we lose touch of the person we wanted to be. I went into college very confident, and I had a lot of great dreams. Unfortunately, I had some bad experiences in college, and some of that hope was torn from me. Over the years, especially lately, I've worked hard to recapture that person I once was. Not because I'm one of those people who clings to the past, but because I let so much of the pain of the past define me and hold me back.

There's so much work still to do, but I had a really profound healing moment the other day as I came across a piece written about me in college. Our assignment was to interview a classmate and then write that classmate's biography based on what was said.

Here's my bio written by a classmate:

"'I love to read. I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge,' said Danica Favorite about herself. Well, that about says it. Look out world because Danica has come willing to try almost anything once, and she intends on doing just that until she reaches her goal: To make the world a better place. Danica, who is from Loma, CO (outside of Grand Junction), believes in keeping an open mind. This is probably why she enjoys debating as much as she does. Her dedication and perseverance shows in her debating, as she would rather tackle the challenge of arguing/defending a point she disagrees with instead of a point she believes in.

Believing in never judging a book by its cover, Danica has aspired to prove that the world, much like a book, has many secret treasures; you just have to find them. She would like to travel, experience the lifestyle of different cultures, and document her activities in books.

She has come to the community with the hopes of having the education that will help her achieve her goals. After that, it is off to show the world what she feels; that there can be a better world, and the sky is the limit."

Wow. I had pretty big plans and aspirations. The funny thing is, not a lot has changed. Okay, so I'm not willing to try ANYTHING once. I mean, I have watched the Meth commercials on TV. Meth. Not even once.

But I still love to read. I still have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I still want to make the world a better place. I don't like debating much anymore. I finally learned that most people don't have an open enough mind to be willing to see another point of view. However, I still do like considering points of view different from my own. Not so much because I doubt myself, but because I do want to understand people who are different from me. My close friends will tell you that I'm still dedicated, and one of my dear friends recently gifted me with a token as a reminder of the perseverance she admires so much. I still believe in never judging a book by its cover, unless, of course, Fabio is on it. I would still like to travel.

But you know, I keep going back to his point about the world being much like a book, that is has many secret treasures- if only you find them. It's been a long time since I've approached the world with that desire to seek out those hidden treasures. It might be a smile from the man down the street my daughter calls Grumpy Old George. Most of the kids around here are terrified of the guy, but my daughter adores him. George is a secret treasure. And I've stopped looking for a lot of them.

I had to smile at the part about my desire to travel and document my travels. That hasn't changed. However, with a family, a mortgage, and the cutest little Peeps on the planet, that kind of travel isn't possible right now. Still, I do get to visit some neat places, and I'm really grateful for that.

What got me most, though, was how, even then, I wanted to be a writer. I'd forgotten that. Mostly because the same class in which we'd written those biographies killed that dream in me. My professor was an egotistical jerk who plainly told me that his goal was to take me down a few notches. It worked. But only temporarily. I spent four spirit crushing years in which I wrote furtively, pretending I wasn't that girl, pretending that my soul hadn't been torn from me. And then I moved on. I still said I would never be a writer. I found many more dreams. I followed them. I started a family. And I wrote. Secretly at first, but then, I decided to go for it.

It's been a long hard road. I have not achieved my writing goals. I have lamented how long my writing journey has been. But I'm still here. And I'm still fighting. The girl who dreamed of writing books and changing the world is still inside me. It's taken me a while, but I remember her. I still have a long ways to go, and I'm sure I will never fully arrive at my destination, but remembering that girl, it gives me the strength to keep going.

Making your office space work for you

I spent a good portion of the weekend cleaning my office. I didn't plan on cleaning my office, but as you may remember from my earlier post about how one project leads to another, you can understand how it might happen. It started last week, when I had a really great writing breakthrough. I decided I needed my desk to have some clear space to work. The only problem was, I had tax stuff all stacked up ready to do my taxes. So I started by clearing my desk.

Then, Saturday, I wanted a specific writing book that I know I have. But I couldn't find it right away on my writing bookshelf. I eventually found it, and it was exactly where it was supposed to be, but for some reason, that meant I had to clean my office. So now, I am in absolute bliss because not only is my office clean, but I got to do a few decorating/decluttering things I'd been wanting to do for a while now. I have a really small office space, and a lot of stuff, so this was a great exercise in making what I have work.

Presenting...

My office!

This is the view looking in through the door.

My office is in the basement. I hate being in the basement, but hey, you appreciate having an office to begin with, right? On the green wall, you see a white thing. That is actually the window, except that it's really old and it leaks freezing cold air, so I had hubby close it up with Styrofoam he had from another project. When we can afford new windows, it'll be a real window! The lamp thing you see, that is a special bulb that gives me the effect of being in the sun. So I don't have a beautiful well-lit office. But we made it work as best as we could with we already had.

Yes, those are my bookshelves. Some of them, anyway. The sticky notes on them are to let me know which is which for my catalog project. Someday I'll have them all in the catalog. My bookcases are pieced together from things we found on sale, at garage sales, and were handed down from others.

On the floor are three file boxes- two are stacked on top of each other. My laptop sits on that stack and I use the other one as a footrest. The fileboxes are all the mementos I'm saving from the kiddos, but I needed a table and footrest, and these are the perfect height. So why not let them do double duty? My couch is covered with a sheet- that's because my dog sits with me and he's gross. I wanted this couch to stay nice.

Here's the view from my closet. I have a tiny table squeezed between the couch and bookcase. I needed something to hold my tissues, tea, etc, and this small table works perfect. It's really ugly, but it was hubby's grandma's so I love it. The table has a drawer where I can keep junk like pencils, and then the shelf underneath is all of my current study materials. The dog is sniffing by my tiny trash can, and I have a bin next to it that has my book cataloging materials.

I have a fun quote I'm thinking of hanging above the couch- or above my desk. I can't decide, so it's not up.

The reason you see my ugly stepstool is because that's where it goes. When my door is opened, the stepstool is behind the door. It's a pretty small space, so I maximize my storage.

The big brown blob on the right is a shawl I knitted. I like to call it "The Behemoth." It's blanket sized, and it was a really good lesson in why you should check gauge before knitting. I usually have it wrapped around me as I work. But, as you can see from the other blankets in the picture, I also use those sometimes. I get cold easily, so I am generally wrapped in a blanket or two or more.



My closet is under the stairs, so there's not a lot of room, but I did manage to cram in 3 bookcases, and a couple of stackable storage drawers. Most of my shelves (including the ones in the other picture) are stacked with books two or three deep. Yes, I love my books. No, I am not getting rid of them. Being surrounded by books makes me happy.

I should admit that I have not read all of them. However, I intend to. I figure, once my kids are grown, hubby is retired, I'll have nothing to do but read. And that suits me just fine.

We will also not discuss my plans for when we run out of room. Personally, I don't think my kids need their own rooms when my books need space, but that's just my opinion.

 

This is the spot that started it all- my writing bookshelf. One of my goals this year is to make better use of what I have, and I'm hoping to really get some good use out of these books!

On the other side of my writing bookshelf is my desk. There's just enough room on that wall for the desk and bookshelf. I have a desktop, but I'll be really honest, I hardly ever use it. My office chair is a really fancy, really expensive chair, and, I hate it. It's not the chair's fault. I'm short so it's too big, and I haven't found one that works any better. If I sit at my desk for too long, my arm goes numb. So I don't spend much time there and prefer working on my couch. I do have a ball I sit on sometimes, but my chiropractor says I should only do it for short periods at a time.

My desk is a v-shape, and the other end comes just to my door. Like I said, small space. But it works. The far top of my desk (cut off in the picture) has a bunch of nice mementos and gifts from my writing friends around the world.

I'm not sure if you can tell from the picture, but I have a set of file folders in a holder on my desk- THAT's all my tax stuff. I still have to work on those, and match them to my spreadsheet, but I'm hoping to do that soon, so I can get my taxes out of the way this year. I need to be a good example if I'm going to talk to others about taxes, right?

Ugh, I just realized that my lighter thing is right there with my pretty candles, looking not so pretty. Oh well. Even when I clean things up and make them nice, it's never going to be perfect. Martha Stewart, I am not, and that's okay. My bookshelves don't match, well, actually, none of my furniture matches, and as you can see, The Dog likes to sneak in a lot of my pictures. But that's okay. You don't have to make anything perfect to make a difference.

Do you have things in your house that you can re-purpose to help you work better?