I started a super long post, then realized I sound like I'm rambling and whining. Which I probably was. So I deleted it.
Instead, I'll just say I can't sleep tonight. My feelings were hurt deeply today, and to make it worse, someone who did something very bad to me a long time ago decided to try to re-enter my life like nothing ever happened. I realized that as much as I think I have my life figured out, I don't. I'm just me. Floating around in this crazy world doing the best I can.
That probably doesn't make any sense. It's not supposed to. If it did, I'd be sound asleep instead of wide awake.
The comfort I find as I question and try to sort things out is that while I am completely uncertain as to where I stand on the plane of humanity, there is one place where I know the ground is completely firm. I know that God loves me. He sees every facet to who I am, all my weaknesses, all my flaws, all my sins, and He still chooses to love me, exactly as I am.
And I guess, as much as I don't know about a lot of things, I do know that all I really need to know is what I do know. Try saying that ten times fast.
So now I'm going to bed. My feelings are still hurt. And I still want to punch that one person in the gut for well, a lot of things. But I can at least sleep securely knowing God's love. If you're awake and reading this, I hope you know that God loves you too. Whatever your flaws. Whatever thing in your life that's keeping you awake. He sees it. And loves you anyway. So go to sleep, and get some rest.