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Monday, July 27, 2009

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

Sometimes you don't. Uh, actually, no, I always feel like a nut, but since I've been singing that song, I had to finish it.

I'm having a hard time decompressing now that I'm home.

Wow, that felt good just to get that off my chest. As many of you know, I'm an introvert masquerading as an extrovert, and this month, I had more extroversion than I can handle. My darling, precious Camy Tang flew on on July 2nd, my darling, precious Cheryl Wyatt arrived July 7th, and then I left for D.C. on July 14th. I came home late July 19th to husband, children, and dog who acted like they'd been in the nonDanica desert forever and needed to drink of my waters.

Now, I love Camy and Cheryl. They are two of my favorite people. I love most of the people at RWA (read my previous post for the exception). I love my family But I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from having so many inputs at once. I got through this week fine, because well, I had too much work to catch up on and I've been on autopilot. Though in retrospect, I have to say, I didn't do as good of a job as I would have liked and I think I may have messed a couple things up. Apologies to anyone who might have gotten shortchanged.

Starting yesterday evening, I got irritable, snappy, and probably mean. I didn't want people talking to me, looking at me, breathing my air, well, you get the picture. This morning, I woke up early, angry at the universe for not letting me sleep in, so I stayed in bed, mad, for a couple of hours. I know, I'm so mature. I took a shower, grumped around the house for a bit, then grabbed a couple of books and read. I felt a little bit of me seep back into my bones.

Then I remembered the book I've been reading with a group of friends from church, Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God's Transforming Presence by Ruth Haley Barton. We've spent the summer focusing on intentionally pursuing time alone with God. I've discovered a lot about myself. Mostly, though, I am reminded of how absolute my need is to be alone. It is the only way I can truly recharge.

Today I took my Sabbath. I kept my promise of not working on the computer until sundown, although, since I was up until the wee hours of the morning last night writing, I won't write until tomorrow, even though I'm at such a good place in my story. I read a little. Unpacked a little. Cooked a recipe I'd been wanting to try. Dug out my Bible. Recharged. Came to the conclusion that I'm still working on getting back to normal. And that's okay.

So yeah, today, I felt like a nut. Still kinda do. But at least I know what kind of nut I am, and I know that what I really need is a little more time to decompress.

The encouragement I want to give to the nutty friends who follow me is that if you feel like a nut, it's okay. And it's also okay to take a step back and figure out why you're so nutty. Charge up whatever it is that makes you run smoothly. Invest in self care. You can only run on fumes for so long. To be the you God created you to be, sometimes you have to get back in touch with your youness. If that didn't make sense, well, maybe it's because you're in need of a little you time.

So go ahead! Be a nut!


Jana said...

I am the same way with needing time to recharge after being around people. Glad you're starting to feel better though.

So sorry to hear that you had such a rough start to the RWA week. I always love hearing about Nationals vicariously and it's so sad to think that there are participants there who aren't as lovely as the writers I know and love.

Danica Favorite said...

Thanks Jana. I'm going to do an addendum post to the RWA one, because there ARE a number of very lovely writers out there.

Diane Marie Shaw said...

Oh Danica, I too am an introvert. God has pressed and pushed me to get out of myself, most people can't believe it when I tell them I'm an introvert. Given a choice I would rather be by myself, at home, out for coffee, on vacation, my husband would not be too keen on the last one.
I do enjoy being with friends but, like you, sometimes I want to put my hands over my ears and scream "leave me alone." Like you, rest and recharging of my batteries usually helps. I hope you will have better and better days ahead. You are an awesome person, that is why everyone wants to be around you.