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Monday, December 14, 2009

A response from the President

Some of you may recall that I wrote a letter to the President and my Congressmen back in March. Yup, March. I figured they'd all blown me off, but imagine my surprise when I received a letter in the mail from Barack Obama himself. It takes him the amount of time it takes most people to have a baby to write little ole me a letter. Yeah, I know, he's busy running the country and all that.

But really... I must share his sage words with you all:

Dear Friend (Huh, I never said we were friends. Is that kind of like a guy who sleeps around calling all the girls, Baby?):

Thank you for writing me about the pressures facing the middle class. (Sort of like that Santa/M&Ms commercial where they both realize that they do exist!) I have heard from countless Americans working hard to make ends meet (do you call all of us Friend, or is that just the special little name you have for me), and I appreciate your perspective. (Really?! I'll just bet you hung on every word my talented self wrote.)

My administration is addressing the serious challenges our Nation faces. (That is just swell!) Some say we are moving forward on too many issues too quickly. (Not letter writing, that's for sure. Especially since I'm beginning to suspect someone merely printed off a canned response and stuck it in an envelope.) Given our unprecedented circumstances, swift, deliberate action is needed. (You put the words right in mouth, buddy. Can I call you that? After all, you called me friend.) I am committed to taking immediate steps that generate job creation and economic recovery, and I am determined to make investments that lay a new foundation for real and lasting progress. (Wow. So do you send this letter to all your friends, or do you have a list of canned letters based on keywords in a person's letter? Just wondering. Because so far, you haven't addressed any of the points I made.)

I can't type any more of his letter without vomiting in my own mouth. The next paragraph is all his propaganda about health care reform, clean energy, education, homeland security, cutting the budget deficit, yada yada yada. The last line, though, I think is really clever. "We can do all this, and change the way business is done in Washington, by building the most open, transparent, and accountable government in history."

Seriously. He said that. The most open, transparent, and accountable government in history. He hasn't read much history, has he? Actually, he's right. In comparison to say, the communists, this is a very open, transparent, and accountable government. After all, a communist would have me jailed for daring to say that he is falling really short of the mark. So hey, kudos to you, President Obama. You got me on that one.

Final paragraph: Ultimately, the only way to solve the problems of our time is to involve all (ALL? Really? Are you sure? I don't think anyone really even read this letter, so how are you involving ME in the process, except to put more of your propaganda in my hands. Come on, Mr. President, surely you think we're smarter than that) Americans in shaping the policies that affect our lives. Thank you again for writing. (No, thank YOU. Really, I mean that.) I encourage you to explore www.WhiteHouse.gov, which is regularly updated and more interactive than ever before. (Super! It has a lot of great information about what you're doing, but I don't get the interactive part. Interactive as in we get to watch a video of you? Or interactive as in we actually get to participate in our governmental processes? No need to answer, we already know it.)

A very clearly stamped by someone else signature of Barack Obama (I am so touched. It's a pretty high-quality stamp. I'm not 100% on this one, but it may have even been printed on the page by the computer. Now that's some high-tech, courtesy of my tax dollars. I bet THAT helped stimulate the economy.)

Sooo... here is my takeaway. Um, yeah, they really don't give a crap. Someone very well trained in regurgitating the President's agenda wrote a nice letter to send to anyone who has issues with what's going on in the country. I'm actually more disappointed that I have not heard from my Congressmen. They have fewer people to deal with, and it's disturbing that they don't seem to care what the people they represent think. So who exactly do they represent? I'm not sure. I just know it's not me.

Welcome to Democracy in America, ladies and gentlemen. Along with a bridge he's going to try to sell us all, the President wants you to believe that is is the most open, transparent, and accountable government in history. I suppose duck manure and cow manure smell differently, but in the end, it's still just crap.


Anonymous said...

I'd LOL at your clever commentary, but the whole thing left me too sad to laugh. But you're soooo right about the duck manure v. cow patties.

Peggy Blann Phifer said...

Your commentary cracked me up, but, like Tanya, it is all so sad. Well, maybe sad is too tame a word.

By the way, I saw something yesterday that Obama's approval rating has reached an all-time low. Are you ready? -19%. That's right. A minus 19%. Cool, huh?

Nicole Flockton said...

Sorry to say Dream, it's politics and it's not just special to the USA. It's the same way back in Australia. They have their 'people' that deal with letters received and the content is generally all the same.

Unfortunately a few lost sight of how to run companies, banks etc and we are the ones who suffer the most.

For us, surprisingly, the move to the US kind of helped us get out of a pit we were starting to fall into. Now I'm a lot smarter :)


smithsk said...

But Obama told Oprah that he would give himself a B+ for his job performanace.
Why - he was already won the Nobel Peace Prize for his first 10 days in office.
/scarcasm off.
Seriously, you could join the ranks of late night comedians. They are starting to turn on the One.