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Thursday, April 08, 2010

Partially Written

I keep starting blog posts and not finishing them- lots to say, and yet, I lose the steam to finish writing them. I know some of it has to do with how busy I am right now. And the rest- I'm starting to think that my world, like my blog posts, is partially written.

What does that mean?

I look at all the stories I've started and abandoned. Some for good reason, but oftentimes, I think it's because I don't really know where I'm going. I realized that's sort of like my life right now. My story is going on all around me, but it feels like it's not moving forward.

Or at least that's how I've felt lately.

I feel like I've been in the same place for so long and I've been wondering if this is really where I'm supposed to be. I can see places in my life where I know I made wrong turns. And here I am, trying to stay on the right path, but not feeling like I'm going anywhere. Then I read this great article by Rachel Hauck called Dodging Raindrops.

When she talked about going before God with her writing, I realized something. It's been a long time since I've gone to God and asked Him, "What am I supposed to be doing?" I did that years ago, and I've been plodding on that course ever since. I've been praying for success on that course, but I can't say that I ever checked back to see if it's still the right one.

Then in church, our pastor talked about hearing from God, and why we may not be hearing from Him. Two of the points really hit me: one was whether or not we were asking questions of God and what He wanted, and the other was that we may be in disobedience.

Years ago, I thought I'd learned the lesson about my disobedience. God called me on the carpet over things He'd asked me to do that I hadn't done. He made it clear that until I completed those tasks, I wouldn't find success in anything else. So I obeyed Him. Since then, it never occurred to me that I might be living in disobedience again.

So I prayed a brave prayer that had me wondering if I'd regret it. Lord, if there is an area in my life where I'm being disobedient, please show me and tell me what I need to do to fix it. I'd just opened the door for massive correction, and I hate opening that kind of life-changing can of worms. But God didn't show me anything.

I also prayed another scary prayer. God, if this is really what I'm supposed to be doing, I'll keep doing it for as long as you need me to do it. Just give me a sign that I'm still in the right place. And if I'm not in the right place, please tell me where to go. Again... scary. I'm not real fond of the unknown.

All these prayers left me in a place of unease that I don't really like. God has asked me to do some pretty crazy things in my life. What was He going to ask of me this time? I feel like I've been stretched in so many ways lately, and when I haven't been praying for direction, I've been praying for a break.

Today, I got an encouraging email. Two devotionals I wrote are being considered for publication. No, it's not the book deal I've been working for, but it's a sign. Of God saying that He knows where I'm at. I'm on the right path. And my story isn't finished yet.

My life is in bits and pieces of development. Like the stories I have sitting on my hard drive. Some are more complete than others, just like the different pieces of my life. Since my life story is only partially written, I can't see the bigger picture of where all this is going. And unlike with my books, I don't have the synopsis to tell me where the story is going next. Only God does, and He seems to like keeping that information to Himself. I'm learning to be content in that. To accept the partially written story of my life and to keep plodding along, even if it doesn't look like it's going anywhere. At the same time, I need to keep checking back to make sure I'm still in the story God has planned for me.

The cool thing about all of our partially written stories is that they don't end until our lives end. Which means even if God comes back with the answer that we're on the wrong path, or that we've been disobedient, there's still time to change directions so we can have a better ending.

2 comments:

smithsk said...

"And my story isn't finished yet."

Your story is much like the Book of Acts. It, too, seems unfinished, but it is a never-ending story.

Much fruit will come from all those pieces when they all come together.

Peace,
Susan

Danica/Dream said...

Thanks Susan.