R is for Remembering

As we grow up, sometimes we lose touch of the person we wanted to be. I went into college very confident, and I had a lot of great dreams. Unfortunately, I had some bad experiences in college, and some of that hope was torn from me. Over the years, especially lately, I've worked hard to recapture that person I once was. Not because I'm one of those people who clings to the past, but because I let so much of the pain of the past define me and hold me back.

There's so much work still to do, but I had a really profound healing moment the other day as I came across a piece written about me in college. Our assignment was to interview a classmate and then write that classmate's biography based on what was said.

Here's my bio written by a classmate:

"'I love to read. I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge,' said Danica Favorite about herself. Well, that about says it. Look out world because Danica has come willing to try almost anything once, and she intends on doing just that until she reaches her goal: To make the world a better place. Danica, who is from Loma, CO (outside of Grand Junction), believes in keeping an open mind. This is probably why she enjoys debating as much as she does. Her dedication and perseverance shows in her debating, as she would rather tackle the challenge of arguing/defending a point she disagrees with instead of a point she believes in.

Believing in never judging a book by its cover, Danica has aspired to prove that the world, much like a book, has many secret treasures; you just have to find them. She would like to travel, experience the lifestyle of different cultures, and document her activities in books.

She has come to the community with the hopes of having the education that will help her achieve her goals. After that, it is off to show the world what she feels; that there can be a better world, and the sky is the limit."

Wow. I had pretty big plans and aspirations. The funny thing is, not a lot has changed. Okay, so I'm not willing to try ANYTHING once. I mean, I have watched the Meth commercials on TV. Meth. Not even once.

But I still love to read. I still have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I still want to make the world a better place. I don't like debating much anymore. I finally learned that most people don't have an open enough mind to be willing to see another point of view. However, I still do like considering points of view different from my own. Not so much because I doubt myself, but because I do want to understand people who are different from me. My close friends will tell you that I'm still dedicated, and one of my dear friends recently gifted me with a token as a reminder of the perseverance she admires so much. I still believe in never judging a book by its cover, unless, of course, Fabio is on it. I would still like to travel.

But you know, I keep going back to his point about the world being much like a book, that is has many secret treasures- if only you find them. It's been a long time since I've approached the world with that desire to seek out those hidden treasures. It might be a smile from the man down the street my daughter calls Grumpy Old George. Most of the kids around here are terrified of the guy, but my daughter adores him. George is a secret treasure. And I've stopped looking for a lot of them.

I had to smile at the part about my desire to travel and document my travels. That hasn't changed. However, with a family, a mortgage, and the cutest little Peeps on the planet, that kind of travel isn't possible right now. Still, I do get to visit some neat places, and I'm really grateful for that.

What got me most, though, was how, even then, I wanted to be a writer. I'd forgotten that. Mostly because the same class in which we'd written those biographies killed that dream in me. My professor was an egotistical jerk who plainly told me that his goal was to take me down a few notches. It worked. But only temporarily. I spent four spirit crushing years in which I wrote furtively, pretending I wasn't that girl, pretending that my soul hadn't been torn from me. And then I moved on. I still said I would never be a writer. I found many more dreams. I followed them. I started a family. And I wrote. Secretly at first, but then, I decided to go for it.

It's been a long hard road. I have not achieved my writing goals. I have lamented how long my writing journey has been. But I'm still here. And I'm still fighting. The girl who dreamed of writing books and changing the world is still inside me. It's taken me a while, but I remember her. I still have a long ways to go, and I'm sure I will never fully arrive at my destination, but remembering that girl, it gives me the strength to keep going.