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Monday, August 25, 2008

Being valuable

I have a group of girlfriends, we call ourselves the bat girls. My bat girl friends are an important support group for me. We live all over the world and work hard to get together in person when we can. I met the bat girls at a time in my life when I was feeling a little lost. But they took me in and became my friends and showed me a lot about Christ's love. Not one of us are perfect. Together, though, we just sort of fit. Each one brings a different piece of the body together and as a whole, well, we are the body.

Today, one of the bat girls sent out a bat-beacon because she's depressed over a lot of things. I sat there, praying for her, telling her what I could to encourage her, letting her know that she is so precious to the King. As I wrote, God started talking to me, asking me, "what makes you so different from her?"


For those of you who don't know this about me, I'm a workaholic. I have so many things going on and projects that keep popping up. I recently sent out a prayer request because I was asked to take on another project that frankly, I don't want to do. And I honestly can't figure out a way to say no. I've had so many wonderful folks say, "just say no."

But they don't get it.

When people need me to do things, it makes me valuable. When they say, "hey, can you help with this," I always say yes. I never knew why, I just figured that I'm the helpful sort of girl who likes to lend a hand. And I am. But I'm also a scared little girl who has this messed up version of identity that says if I don't have enough notches on my scorecard of stuff I've done, I'm not valuable.

I've always been the overachiever. Looking back, I know it was because people in my life only treated me with value if I was accomplishing something good. And with each accomplishment, it set the bar higher. I got out of that dangerous cycle, or so I thought.

Then here I am, trying to make this decision, and I'm praying for my bat girl friend because my heart is just broken that she can't see what a beautiful, amazing person she is... and God smacked me one. I do not have to do all the stuff I'm doing to be valuable. I do not have to say yes to this project. I do not have to have a clean house, be the perfect friend, be the perfect mom, win any awards, get the contracts, say the right things, etc.

Through my bat girl friend's struggle, God showed me how I am still using a messed up standard for my life. I can tell everyone around me that God loves them just as they are, and I fully believe that with all my heart. But boy, I really messed up in applying that to my life.

Lord, thank you so much for putting people like the bat girls in my life. Thank you for allowing me to have contact with other parts of my body that are constantly revealing to me where I still need to have my vision adjusted. And thank you for giving me friends who are willing to be transparent in their lives so you can reveal places in mine that need work.

And for those of you who struggle with this, please know you are not alone. And know that God really does love you, just as you are. You are valuable. And so am I.


Kay Day said...

It's so hard, isn't it.
I finally learned how to say no and it FEEL SO GOOD!

But I still struggle with so much in that area. Something that God really brought to my attention last week. Right now I'm just holding it and examining it and asking God to help me figure out what the heck this thing is that I'm holding on to. And why. And how do I get rid of it? It's pretty sticky.

Anonymous said...

You and I are a lot alike in this area, in how we valued and respected.
Which is why I prayed this year my prayer of insignificance. It's been hard. It's not that I'm insignificant to God or his work, but that I'm insignificant according to how I think I'm significant.
It's been a hard prayer.
Harder still that God's answering it.

Danica Favorite said...

Kay, it is hard. I'll be praying for you as you work through it.

Heather, it's a struggle, and you're right, even harder when God answers. Praying for you, and so glad I've got a friend fighting the battle with me.