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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What I know for sure...

I am exhausted. It's so funny, I'm going through treatment for adrenal exhaustion, and should be nearing the end, and yet, I'm more bone weary than I have been in a really long time.

For those of you unfamiliar with my 5yo (get out from under your rock!), that sweet little girl we lovingly refer to as "The Terrorist," well... I can't even describe it. We've been going through a tough year of testing, testing, testing boundaries since school started. The school called (again) the other day, so I called hubby to tell him, and he said, "Principal or Nurse?" Last week, she taught half the kindergarten some monkey bar trick that landed them all in the nurse's office. Yep, we have one of THOSE kids. Anyway, this week has been tougher than usual in terms of her behavior. And I'm really weary.

On top of that, it's been a season of clashes between hope and disappointment on a number of fronts. A lot of really good news, and a lot of not so good news. My days are these crazy roller coasters that don't seem to have an end in sight. I don't want to complain too much, because while I'm on this ride, I see so many people on similar rides. It's like chaos is trying to consume us all at once. My heart hurts, for me, and for them.

Why am I telling you all this? To let you know how neurotic I am? Um, no. You probably already know that if you read my blog. All this turbulence of late is causing me to question what I think I know. Do I know how to be a good mom? Do I know how to be a good writer? Do I know how to be a good wife? Do I know how to be a good friend? Do I know...??? For someone who likes to know, my answer is... Nope.

A while back, I woke up with a song in my head. I'm learning to listen to those songs, because they tend to be the stuff of sustenance God uses to bring me through whatever's coming next.

What I know for sure is this:
1. It's going to be all right.
2. God is still in control.
3. It's going to be all right.
4. God still loves us.
5. It's going to be all right.

I suspect, because it seems like everyone in my life is going through something hard or reeling from some hard news or just in a season where they can't see much of anything, that some people reading this blog are dealing with something too. What I know for sure is captured by this song from Lincoln Brewster that's been running through my head during all of this. It brings me a lot of peace, and I hope it will for you, too.


Dineen A. Miller said...

Hey girl, I think we're on the same wavelength. I woke today with "Our God Saves." It's like my spirit's already worshiping when I wake up. LOL! Interesting thought to view it as preparation. I wrote a post about that over at the Spiritually Unequal Marriage blog. I love how God prepares us. He even prepared his Son for his ministry and death. Makes sense he'd do that for us too. :-)

Camy Tang said...

You are a wonderful friend!

Shirlee McCoy said...

As a mother to five, I understand that bone deep weariness. If the journey we are on were easy, we wouldn't need Him nearly as much and the busy hectic pace of life might drown out the still small voice that leads us on.

About your daughter....I have two like that. If you ever need an ear, I'm here.

It does get easier as they get older, BTW.