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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Blood of Lambs by Kamal Saleem

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!


Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:


The Blood of Lambs

Howard Books (April 7, 2009)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


Kamal Saleem was born under another name into a large Sunni Muslim family in Lebanon. At age seven, he was recruited by the Muslim Brotherhood and immediately entered a Palestinian Liberation Organization terror training camp in Lebanon. After being involved in terror campaigns in Israel, Europe, Afghanistan, and Africa, and finally making radical Islam converts in the United States, Saleem renounced jihad and became an American citizen. He has appeared on CNN, CBS News, and Fox News programs, and has spoken on terrorism and radical Islam at Stanford University, the University of California, the Air Force Academy, and other institutions nationwide.

Collaborator Writer, Lynn Vincent: Lynn Vincent, a U.S. Navy veteran, is features editor at WORLD Magazine, a national news biweekly. She is the author or co-author of six books, including the New York Times bestseller, Same of Kind of Different as Me.

This true story of an ex-terrorist reveals the life and mindset of radical Muslims. Now a US citizen, Kamal heralds a wake-up call to America.

Visit the author's website.

Product Details:

List Price: $23.99
Hardcover: 352 pages
Publisher: Howard Books (April 7, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1416577807
ISBN-13: 978-1416577805



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Beirut, Lebanon

1963

1
It was at my mother's kitchen table, surrounded by the smells of herbed olive oils and pomegranates, that I first learned of jihad. Every day, my brothers and I gathered around the low table for madrassa, our lessons in Islam. I always tried to sit facing east, toward the window above the long marble sink where a huge tree with sweet white berries brushed against the window panes. Made of a warm, reddish wood, our table sat in the middle of the kitchen and was surrounded by tesats, small rugs that kept us off the cool tile. Mother sat at the head of the table and read to us from the Koran and also from the hadith, which records the wisdom and instruction of Allah's prophet, Muhammad.

Mother's Koran had a hard black cover etched ornately in gold and scarlet. Her grandfather had given the Book to her father, who had given it her. Even as a small boy I knew my mother and father were devout Sunni Muslims. So devout, in fact, that other Sunnis held themselves a little straighter in our family's presence. My mother never went out without her hijab, only her coffee-colored eyes peering above the cloth that shielded her face, which no man outside our family had ever seen. My father, respected in our mosque, earned an honest living as a blacksmith. He had learned the trade from my grandfather, a slim Turk who wore a red fez, walked with a limp, and cherished thick, cinnamon-laced coffee.

Each day at madrassa, Mother pulled her treasured Koran from a soft bag made of ivory cloth and when she opened it, the breath of its frail, aging pages floated down the table. Mother would read to us about the glory of Islam, about the good Muslims, and about what the Jews did to us. As a four-year-old boy, my favorite parts were the stories of war.

I vividly remember the day in madrassa when we heard the story of a merciless bandit who went about robbing caravans and killing innocent travelers. "This bandit was an evil, evil man," Mother said, spinning the tale as she sketched pictures of swords for us to color.

An evil bandit? She had my attention.

"One day, there was a great battle between the Jews and the sons of Islam," she went on. "The bandit decided to join the fight for the cause of Allah. He charged in on a great, black horse, sweeping his heavy sword left and right, cutting down the infidel warriors."

My eyes grew wider. I held my breath so as not to miss a word.

"The bandit fought bravely for Allah, killing several of the enemy until the sword of an infidel pierced the bandit's heart. He tumbled from his horse and died on the battlefield."

Disappointment deflated my chest. What good is a story like that?

I could hear children outside, shouting and playing. A breeze from the Mediterranean shimmered in the berry tree. Mother's yaknah simmered on the stove — green beans snapped fresh, cooked with olive oil, tomato, onion, and garlic. She would serve it cool that evening with pita bread, fresh mint, and cucumbers. My stomach rumbled.

"After the bandit died," Mother was saying in her storytelling voice, "his mother had a dream. In this dream, she saw her son sitting on the shore of an endless crystal river, surrounded by a multitude of women who were feeding him and tending to him."

I turned back toward Mother. Maybe this story was not so bad after all.

"The bandit's mother was an observant woman, obedient to her husband and to Allah and Muhammad," my mother said. "This woman knew her son was a robber and a murderer. 'How dare you be sitting here in paradise?' she scolded him. 'You don't belong here. You belong in hell!' But her son answered, 'I died for the glory of Allah and when I woke up, He welcomed me into jannah.' "

Paradise.

My mother swept her eyes around the kitchen table. "So you see, my sons, even the most sinful man is able to redeem himself with one drop of an infidel's blood."

The Blood of Lambs © 2009 Arise Enterprises, LLC


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

So Not Happening (The Charmed Life) by Jenny B. Jones

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!


Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:


So Not Happening (The Charmed Life)

Thomas Nelson (May 5, 2009)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:




Jenny B. Jones writes adult and YA Christian Fiction with equal parts wit, sass, and untamed hilarity. When she's not writing, she's living it up as a high school speech teacher in Arkansas.


Visit the author's website.



Product Details:

List Price: $12.99
Reading level: Young Adult
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson (May 5, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1595545417
ISBN-13: 978-1595545411


MY REVIEW:


I had the opportunity to read one of Jenny's books last year, and wow, was I hooked! As a general rule, I'm not a YA reader. Jenny is one of the exceptions. I would, in Jenny-speak, wade through a swamp full of crocodiles in my favorite shoes to get to her books. I can't wait until my kiddos are old enough to read her books, so they can enjoy a wholesome, lighthearted read that takes on some pretty tough topics. Not that I'll let them read my copies. They'll have to buy their own.


AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


One year ago my mom got traded in for a newer model.

And that’s when my life fell apart.

“Do you, Jillian Leigh Kirkwood . . .”

Standing by my mother’s side as she marries the man who is so not my dad, I suppress a sigh and try to wiggle my toes in these hideous shoes. The hideous shoes that match my hideous maid-of honor dress. I like to look at things on the bright side, but the only

positive thing about this frock is that I’ll never have to wear it again.

“. . . take Jacob Ralph Finley . . .”

Ralph? My new stepdad’s middle name is Ralph? Okay, do we need one more red flag here? My mom is marrying this guy, and I didn’t even know his middle name. Did she? I check her face for signs of revulsion, signs of doubt. Signs of “Hey, what am I thinking? I don’t want Jacob Ralph Finley to be my daughter’s new stepdad.”

I see none of these things twinkling in my mom’s crystal blue eyes. Only joy. Disgusting, unstoppable joy.

“Does anyone have an objection?” The pastor smiles and scans the small crowd in the Tulsa Fellowship Church. “Let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”

Oh my gosh. I totally object! I look to my right and lock eyes with Logan, the older of my two soon-to-be stepbrothers. In the six hours that I have been in Oklahoma preparing for this “blessed” event, Logan and I have not said five words to one another. Like we’ve mutually agreed to be enemies.

I stare him down.

His eyes laser into mine.

Do we dare?

He gives a slight nod, and my heart triples in beat.

“Then by the powers vested in me before God and the family and friends of—”

“No!”

The church gasps.

I throw my hands over my mouth, wishing the floor would swallow me.

I, Bella Kirkwood, just stopped my own mother’s wedding.

And I have no idea where to go from here. It’s not like I do this every day, okay? Can’t say I’ve stopped a lot of weddings in my sixteen years.

My mom swivels around, her big white dress making crunchy noises. She takes a step closer to me, still flashing her pearly veneers at the small crowd.

“What,” she hisses near my ear, “are you doing?”

I glance at Logan, whose red locks hang like a shade over his eyes. He nods again.

“Um . . . um . . . Mom, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you at all this week . . .” My voice is a tiny whisper. Sweat beads on my forehead.

“Honey, now is not exactly the best time to share our feelings and catch up.”

My eyes dart across the sanctuary, where one hundred and fifty people are perched on the edge of their seats. And it’s not because they’re anxious for the chicken platters coming their way after the ceremony.

“Mom, the dude’s middle name is Ralph.”

She leans in, and we’re nose to nose. “You just stopped my wedding and that’s what you wanted to tell me?”

Faint—that’s what I’ll do next time I need to halt a wedding.

“How well do you know Jake? You only met six months ago.”

Some of the heat leaves her expression. “I’ve known him long enough to know that I love him, Bella. I knew it immediately.”

“But what if you’re wrong?” I rush on, “I mean, I’ve only been around him a few times, and I’m not so sure. He could be a serial killer for all we know.” I can count on one hand the times I’ve been around Jake. My mom usually visited him when I was at my dad’s.

Her voice is low and hurried. “I understand this isn’t easy for you. But our lives have changed. It’s going to be an adventure, Bel.”

Adventure? You call meeting a man on the Internet and forcing me to move across the country to live with his family an adventure? An adventure is swimming with dolphins in the Caribbean. An adventure is touring the pyramids in Egypt. Or shopping at the Saks after-Thanksgiving sale with Dad’s credit card. This, I do believe, qualifies as a nightmare!

“You know I’ve prayed about this. Jake and I both have. We know this is God’s will for us. I need you to trust me, because I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

A single tear glides down Mom’s cheek, and I feel my heart constrict. This time last year my life was so normal. So happy. Can I just hit the reverse button and go back?

Slowly I nod. “Okay, Mom.” It’s kind of hard to argue with “God says this is right.” (Though I happen to think He’s wrong.)

The preacher clears his throat and lifts a bushy black brow.

“You can continue,” I say, knowing I’ve lost the battle. “She had something in her teeth.” Yes, that’s the best I've got.

I. Am. An. Idiot.

“And now, by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Finley. You may kiss your bride.”

Nope. Can’t watch.

I turn my head as the “Wedding March” starts. Logan walks to my side, and I link my arm in his. Though we’re both going to be juniors, he’s a head taller than me. It’s like we’re steptwins. He grabs his six-year-old brother, Robbie, with his other hand, and off we go

in time to the music. Robbie throws rose petals all around us, giggling with glee, oblivious to the fact that we just witnessed a ceremony marking the end of life as we know it.

“Good job stopping the wedding.” Logan smirks. “Very successful.”

I jab my elbow into his side. “At least I tried! You did nothing!”

“I just wanted to see if you had it in you. And you don’t.”

I snarl in his direction as the camera flashes, capturing this day for all eternity.

Last week I was living in Manhattan in a two-story apartment between Sarah Jessica Parker and Katie Couric. I could hop a train to Macy’s and Bloomie’s. My friends and I could eat dinner at Tao and see who could count the most celebs. I had Broadway in my backyard

and Daddy’s MasterCard in my wallet.

Then my mom got married.

And I got a new life.

I should’ve paid that six-year-old to pull the fire alarm.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

How Twitter meets real needs in real time for real people

I had a small issue this evening.

Well, okay, not so small.

I was DYING for chocolate cake.

To some, that's not such a big deal. But for whatever reason, I NEEDED it. All I could think about was chocolate cake. So much so that I didn't want to read because I was afraid that someone in the book would talk about chocolate cake and that would be the end of that.

So I tweeted my frustration at not having chocolate cake.

Then my friend, Camy Tang, tweeted back with this.

All I have to say is, God Bless You, Camy Tang!

I didn't quite have all the ingredients, for example, I substituted hot cocoa mix with marshmallows for the cocoa and cherry cordial Hershey's kisses for the chocolate chips. But... oh... it filled the need.

I also agree with her assessment that it's more like bread pudding in texture than cake, but that actually was a good thing, because I almost made bread pudding for dessert tonight, but then got too lazy.

Seriously though... this is definitely a great quick fix for anyone needing that immediate chocolate cake gratification.

Twitter, my friends, is an amazing place. You can find me there at http://twitter.com/danicafavorite. And if you ever need a quick chocolate fix, Camy or I can fix you up.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The end of an era

Yesterday was my last day at my tax job. As some of you may recall, I gave notice four months ago and have been working out the end of my contract. I've only been working there five years, but it definitely feels like the end of an era.

After we sent the final return at about 11pm, we went out for drinks. We reminisced, as we always do, talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the tax season. As we told our stories, one of the things I realized is I've left a good legacy.

It was humbling to hear from a number of people how valued I am, how much I am respected, and what an incredible example I was to others. The significance of all this isn't to say how great I am. I'm truly honored by all the wonderful things people said and the awards I've been given. But I do want to share why I think my time there left the legacy it did.

1. I was never out for the glory. I just wanted to do a good job- using the best of my abilities to help every person I encountered.
2. The connection was just as important as getting the job done. Many of my coworkers and clients became friends.
3. In everything I did, I tried to honor God and to do the right thing. Even when it was hard, even when other people didn't like it, and yes, even when I didn't like it.

I'm going to miss my job. And yet, I am so happy that I am going to have a huge chunk of my time freed up so I can focus on more important things. Yesterday ended an era in my life. Today begins a new one. And I hope, as I take that next step towards whatever God has planned, I'll do so armed with the lessons I've learned, and use them to do greater and better things.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Plucking the Chicken of Fear Part 2

This must be the season of conquering fear. Last week, God asked me to confront one of my writing fears. This week, we (read He) decided to confront another fear.

Rewind to my whining about needing to lose weight and exercise more. My friend, the fabulous Kay Day, suggested at one point that we take a Nia class together.

This week, I saw a flyer for a FREE introductory Nia class at the local rec center as a teaser to join the session starting next week. Unfortunately, this class didn't work for Kay.

The real me does not like being around strangers. I do not like to exercise. And I REALLY do not like to exercise in front of other people. Without a friend there to hold my hand, no way was I going to some exercise class.

Then I heard the refrain of "Bwaaaaaaak."

Today, I went to the class. I spent the entire hour of this class feeling awkward, uncomfortable, and wondering why I skipped Panera for this. Then the thought hit me...

Why do I think that changing something as important as my fitness level is going to be easy? If it was going to be easy, I'd already be doing it. I thought about all the reasons why I wanted to get into shape.

I debated about registering for the class. I tried my no money excuse. Even tried the "it's my Panera time" excuse. But let's be honest here. I didn't want to endure another six weeks of being uncomfortable.

It wasn't awful, and as far as exercise goes, it's actually kinda fun. Still not my thing, still a place I will feel stretched about as far as I can be stretched. But I realized, as our instructor told us to purposely put ourselves in a place where we were off balance so that we could learn to develop balance, that's exactly what God is asking of me.

So I registered for the class. If I want to grow, I've got to be willing to pluck the chicken of fear and go to places where I know I'll be uncomfortable.

What about you? Is God challenging you to confront a fear or visit a place of discomfort?

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Stress Much?

It is the last week of tax season. Which means my schedule is crammed full, I'm operating on much less sleep, and I can barely put together a coherent thought together unless it involves explaining tax-ese.

So I am tired. Stressed. Thankful that my time working is almost over. Sad that I'll soon be leaving some great co-workers.

Which means if I'm scarce, it's just what I gotta do for the next week until it's over.

A friend once asked me how I deal with all this stress. My tendency is to hibernate, though that's not exactly possible with everything I have to do. So mostly, I just push through it, do what has to be done, and get through, one foot in front of the other. The to-do list doesn't always get finished, but it's always waiting for me the next day.

How about you? What do you do when you know you're in the middle of a very stressful time?

Thursday, April 02, 2009

My Britney Spears Dilemma

So let's just get this out there... I don't like Britney Spears. I think it's awful that they turned a little girl into a sexy woman-child whose life is now out of control. She is a terrible role model and I don't particularly like her music.

That said, you can't deny that she's popular with young girls. I thought, that at 8 and 4, mine were too young to fall under her spell. I was wrong.

Today, as I sat on my computer, I heard strains of "oops I did it again." And I thought, huh, neighbors must be outside working. Then I thought, um, no, they listen to Mexican pop music. Crap. It's coming from my basement.

And there they were, my two little girls rocking out to that song on You Tube. Apparently, my 8 year old's best friend (also 8) is a HUGE Britney fan. Double crap.

I sat my daughters down and explained to them that I don't think Britney sings about nice things and that I think she's a bad example and I'd prefer they don't listen to her, etc. The 4 year old pipes up and says, "But what about Womanizer?"

*insert hysterical scream*

Then I asked them, "Do you even know what a womanizer is?" Dull looks. I explained that a womanizer is a man who treats women bad and is mean to them. Did they think that was a good thing to sing about? Well, no, they admitted. But it has a great beat they can dance to.

*banging head against wall*

So I am asking, begging, even, for some help.

First, are there good, clean musicians out there who have a good beat like Britney Spears? Any music recommendations? I promised the girls I'd help them find some music we could all be happy with.

Second, I'd love some thoughts on handling the situation in general. Not only can I not control what they watch/listen to outside my supervision, but I don't want to. I want them to learn to make good choices about their music and entertainment. I don't want to be the mean mom who bans all the good stuff. So how do you balance promoting good values with the crap we're bombarded with?

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How do you pluck a chicken?

I have a confession to make.

I am a great big fat chicken.

The reason I am confessing my sin today is that I finally decided to do something about it. Of course, I'm such a big fat chicken that I can't get rid of my chickenness all at once. So I'm doing it the old fashioned way.

One feather at a time.

A few days ago, while working on the great clean out my office and find the missing tax folder project, I came across a slew of rejection letters. And contest entries. All testimony to my great writing suckage. And to the fact that I almost, but not quite, had it. "While the story and writing had great promise, blah blah blah blah blah blah... we are sorry to inform you that because of the aforementioned reasons, we are opting not to publish this book. We would, however, be pleased to consider another synopsis."

And then there were the contest entries... "You're such a fabulous writer, I don't know why you're not published." Um, you obviously didn't get the memo from the editors that I did. Even better, same contest, same manuscript even, a less polite version of "don't quit the day job." Really. Or, my favorite (on an inspirational manuscript): "you need to make this sexier." And on the same line of the same manuscript, "this is way too sexy and risque for the inspirational market."

As I pawed through this stash of writing shame, I realized that I used to submit with wild abandon. I'd enter contests, send out manuscripts, and throw it all out for the world to see. These days, not so much.

For a long time, I've been justifying my lack of submissions with my favorite badge of honor, "I have an agent. I submit to him. He submits to publishers. So there."

A while back, one of my CPs made a comment about me entering the Genesis contest. What? Me? Enter a contest? Why would I do that? I have an agent. The publishers I want to read my work are reading my work. Plus, I'm broke. So yeah, nice idea. Not for me.

But as I pawed through the old files, reading rejection letters and comments from contests I did not fare well in, I started to think. Granted, I have an agent, so I no longer need to flood the universe with my submissions. But there's other stuff I could submit, like articles, which was something el agento suggested I do even before he became my agent. I've done a few. Just enough to say, "see, I did it," but certainly not with the abandon I used to have in sending it out there, believing that this one would be it.

My ego would tell you it's because I've gotten smarter. I've learned to study the market. Hone my craft. Submit wisely.

Does anyone else smell a lot of BS?

Sitting on my office floor, surrounded by dust and evidence that I've been pursuing a dream for a really long time with seemingly little show for it, I had to own up to the fact that the truth is, I'm a big fat chicken. I'm tired of having holes blown in my ego. I'm tired of working as hard as I know how and being told that my best is simply not good enough. I'm tired of wondering if I'm actually not doing my best because I'm afraid that it still won't be good enough. I'm scared to keep getting the feedback that I still can't cut it.

I stopped taking risks. I started only submitting where it was safe. I stopped entering contests. I wrote book after book and let them sit in a file on my computer where no one would read them.

I started writing as a child because no one heard me. I was the loud obnoxious kid who never felt like anyone heard anything underneath my words. I was alone and scared and created worlds where people were able to survive the toughest odds and heartbreaking challenges. I wanted to believe there was something better.

In college, I stopped writing. Too many people told me I wasn't nearly as smart as I thought I was. They said I wasn't as talented as I'd always been led to believe. And they made my life a living hell. When I finally chose to break free from their influence, I began writing again. Small things. Secret things. Things I never dared share with anyone for fear of having it taken away again. And I promised myself, one day, I'd write a book.

I wrote that book. And lots of others. I finally found the courage to share my dream. I realized that as an adult, I wrote for a lot of the same reasons I wrote as a child, except for one key difference. I learned that a lot of people feel the same things I do, and they need the same hope I do. One of the writers I admire, Lisa Samson, says that she writes "so that people will know they're not alone." When I read that, I knew at the very core, that's why I write too.

It totally sucks to be rejected. And I'm still really bummed that a few good stories (at least I think they are) didn't make it. Because I think they have things that will speak to the hearts of others and help heal something that's hurting inside. Fortunately, I've got a lot of other stories to tell. A lot of other things I want to say that I'm not so good at saying in any other way. But my stories can't help anyone if I don't have the courage to share them.

So even though I really didn't have the money, my agent has the book already, and it probably will not change much in my writing career...

I entered the Genesis.

Not because I care about the prestige of winning. Not because I hope it'll finally get me noticed. Not because I need additional connections in the industry. But because I have to stop being a chicken.

This doesn't end my battle with chickenness. Because there are still a lot of things I'm scared to do. Scared to write. Scared to submit. But if my fear wins, then so does evil. So I'm going to reach in, and find those chicken feathers, and pluck every last one of them out.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My bizarre Toby Mac dream

To set the stage of the dream, you need to understand, I don't listen to much Toby Mac other than what's on the radio. I have no idea what the guy looks like. I actually don't want to know what he looks like because I think it'll make the dream less funny.

Last night, I had the craziest dream. I was having a party and there was an eclectic group of people there. I can't remember who all was there, but it was the sort of gathering where people you'd never think would have anything to say to each other in a million years were acting like best friends. Then, everyone left and my house was trashed. And of course, I was stressed out.

I turned to start picking up, and I see this guy. And I say to him, "who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

He looks at me like I'm an idiot and says, "I'm Toby Mac. I'm cleaning your house."

And then I woke up.

I don't know why, but that has had me laughing all day. Just the thought of this crazy looking guy washing dishes in my sink, suds up to his elbows, acting like it's no big deal that he's in my house, cleaning. Plus, I just keep hearing the voice: "I'm Toby Mac. I'm cleaning your house."

I have no idea why my subconscious chose Toby Mac to be the guy cleaning my house. Like I said, I'm not a fan (I don't dislike him, so don't send me hate mail), and I can't even remember the last time I heard one of his songs. But you know, God is funny that way. Obviously He knew it would be a stressful day, and I'd be at life overload, and the best cure for what ails me would be Toby Mac, cleaning my house. (Hahaha... I bet it would also cure what ails his wife. He's got a wife, right? Probably. All the Christian singers get married at like 13, have 7 kids, and all that. Anyway. I bet she dreams of him cleaning her house too!)

Although, I have to say, I came home to hubby cleaning my house. With bleach. It did not excite me. It made me want to vomit. I hate the smell of bleach. Maybe next time, if he cleans the house with something that smells good...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Characterization Conundrum

A few days ago, I was talking with one of my CPs about entering one of my books in the Genesis. I asked if she thought it would do well. She paused. A loooooooong time. And then she said, "well, if you fixed your first chapter, then I think you'd do fine."

Insert kick to the gut. Let's be clear here. I love and respect her a lot. But I've been at this writing thing for a long time, so it's frustrating to get this sort of feedback. Especially because most people who read my stuff think it's perfectly fine, don't know why I haven't sold, yada yada yada.

I've been mulling her opinion and asking myself, "what can I do better?" I read a few books to see what they had that mine don't. And I came away really depressed. All the stuff that's supposedly missing from mine? Also missing from the published books I've read lately.

So what is wrong with my writing?

I have tons of writing books, so I thought I should probably go back to those to see what I'm missing. To see what I can do to ramp it up and get it that much closer to catching a publisher's eye. I picked up Writing the Breakout Novel and corresponding workbook by Donald Maas.

At chapter one, I found my problem. Here are the questions and my answers:

1. Who are your personal heroes? Write down the name of one.
Um, I don't have any. There's no one I really look up to and think, "I want to be like him or her."

2. What makes the person a hero or heroine to you? What is his or her greatest heroic quality? Write that down.
Again, drawing a blank.

3. What was the moment in time in which you first became aware of that this quality in your hero/heroine?
Um, yeah. Stupid question. See above.

4. Assign that quality to your protagonist. Find a way for he or she actively to demonstrate that quality, even in a small way, in his or her first scene.
Crap. Is this why I don't write good characters? Am I such a negative Nellie that my inability to make people into heroes is translating into sucky writing?

Okay fine. So let me analyze why I don't have heroes... My questions and my answers:

1. Why don't you have heroes?
Because to have a hero is to risk putting them on a pedestal, which is unhealthy for them and you. You can never be that person, and that person can never live up to your expectations. Plus, because every person is flawed, if you build up that person too much, they will inevitably let you down.

2. Let's go with that letting you down thing... what's with that?
I generally have too high of expectations of people and when I encounter the reality of who they are, I find myself disappointed.

3. Can you give an example?
I used to go to church with this person, we'll say the name is Bob, and I very much admired him for his knowledge and depth of Bible study. He appeared to have a great relationship with God. I admired that. However, for whatever reason (was never shared with me), Bob did not like me and was very cold, rude, and demeaning to me when we spoke. I wondered how such an admired man of God could make me feel so small and seem to feel good about it.

4. How do you think this translates into your writing?
Even though I try to write positive, uplifting things, I wonder if my distrust of people sneaks in. Because I don't really believe what I'm writing about people, rather it's what I want to believe, it probably comes across as fake. Conversely, when I write things that are more true to how I view people, it tends to be too dark and people end up hating the characters. This people hating my characters issue is one I've struggled with for a long time. The very things people hate about my characters are, in fact, the very truest pieces of me.

I admit, I've struggled with this one from day one. Years ago, a CP picked apart a character and told me exactly why she wanted to kill her. All things that I'd snatched up from my own life. I cried for days. I still mourn that story. Oh, I accept that there were a lot of flaws in the writing, and yes, if I am to be completely honest, it's probably not publishable quality.

5. So, because we hate it when you cry in your Wheaties, how can you use this knowledge to make your characters better?
Personally, I think most people overglorify their characters by not making them flawed enough. If I read one more sickeningly sappy sally church girl, I am going to do something really really bad. That said, no one is completely evil. I do have friends and I do like them. They have qualities I like, but I also know that they have bad qualities. The qualities I like are greater than the bad qualities. I just try not to put them on pedestals because that's usually where I get burned. With my characters, because I try so hard to show the flaws to avoid the overly happy character that makes me want to hurl, I need to spend more time showing the positive qualities. Rather than asking, "why is this person a hero," I think I need to ask, why is this person my friend?

Maybe, if I change the semantics of the question, I might be able to come up with more satisfying answers. And hopefully, more satisfying characters.

Anyone else want to take a stab at the questions?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Digging through the piles

We're in the middle of a lovely spring blizzard here in CO, and I decided to use our snow day productively. Because after all, why would I act like a reasonable person and spend it sipping cocoa by the fire with a good book?

I'm headed for the home stretch on getting our taxes done. We usually are done by now, but I'm still trying to get my business info in order. I'm missing my records for the first three months of the year. I distinctly remember putting them all... somewhere. As in, last year, I had a great plan for organization, put them in a really smart place, and now have no clue what it was. Welcome to my world.

What does this have to do with the blizzard?

Since I had nothing better to do, except maybe laundry, and we all know how I love that task, I decided to hunt for the missing papers.

Allow me to introduce you to Danica Organization 101. I keep everything. Mostly because I honestly don't know what to keep for how long (except tax stuff). And because I've had nasty run-ins with would-be creditors who claim I owe them money (but don't and have proven it with my dinosaur records), I'm terrified of throwing anything away.

In the past, I've been a big believer in the "throw it in a box and it no longer exists" method of organization. However, I can't deal with the boxes, and to tell the truth, it drives me nuts. I really can't deal with chaos and clutter. So boxing it makes me feel good temporarily, but in the end, it makes it worse.

So today... because I needed to find those records, and I probably accidentally put them in one of the other boxes by mistake, I started to go through said boxes. I tossed, I shredded, and I came across a lot of old memories. Some good, some bad, but mostly, I realized just how much of my life I've spent focused on the wrong things. It felt really good to shred some of the reminders of how stupid I've been.

The exercise reminded me of something I did at our silent retreat. We confess our sins by writing them on a piece of paper, then shred them. Because that's what our sins are to God. I realized as I was shredding and tossing a lot of old papers that even though they represented a lot of the mistakes I've made, they're not who I am now. It also made me realize the extravagant grace I've been given.

I'm amazed at the progress I've made. Both in cleaning out my office (a whole ROW of boxes is now GONE!) and in the growth I've made as a person. At times I feel like I'm still that same person, and today I actually saw the evidence that I'm not. Of course, I also saw the areas in which I've definitely got a LONG way to grow, but I guess if we didn't have room to grow, we'd be up in heaven or something. :)

Lots of progress today. While the rest of the city dug out of the snow, I dug out of the piles of paper I've had boxed up over the years. Funny thing is, I didn't find the information I was looking for. (Yes, I still have more boxes. *sigh*) But I honestly don't care. I feel like a weight has been taken off me and I'm free from a lot of the things from my past.

Even though I don't recommend keeping the past 10-15 years of your life in a box and having to sort through it, I think it's good to be able to take an accounting to see what's worked, what hasn't, and what I still need to work on. Hopefully, 10-15 years from now I'll be able to look at this time and see that I've grown as a person and I'm not making the same stupid mistakes I do now. And even if I do, I'm so glad there's grace to cover it.

Deadly Charm by Claudia Mair Burney

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!


Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:


Deadly Charm (Amanda Bell Brown Mystery Series, Book 3)

Howard Books (March 24, 2009)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:




Claudia Mair Burney is the author of numerous novels and the popular Ragamuffin Diva blog. She lives with her husband and their seven children in Michigan.

Visit the author's website and blog.

Product Details:

List Price: $13.99
Paperback: 400 pages
Publisher: Howard Books (March 24, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1416551956
ISBN-13: 978-1416551959

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Rocky showed up at my apartment door with an offer that, in his words, I “no coulda refuse.” Or maybe those were Marlon Brando’s words. I couldn’t be sure. My blond, dreadlocked former pastor slash ex-boyfriend locked me into a stare with those big, brown puppy eyes. He’d puffed out his jowls to utter the Godfather’s most famous line, while grazing his cheek with the back of his fingers—an excruciatingly amiss imitation. I’ve seen newborn babies’ smiles more intimidating.

“You look more like a hamster than a mobster, Rock.”

“Hamsters are cool.”

“But less compelling, you must admit.”

Rocky grinned and wagged his finger at me, “Never underestimate the power of a furry little creature.” He twitched his nose and started making hamster noises.

“Amen!” I said.

I thought of my vicious, former pet sugar glider, Amos. Although he’d become my friend and hero, I had to give him away to another nocturnal creature—otherwise, I’d never sleep again. My husband’s best friend, Souldier, had taken the murderous marsupial. Now Amos happily shreds his drapes.

“Come on in, my not-so-furry friend,” I told Rocky, mostly so he would stop making weird rodent sounds.

I moved aside so he could enter my little slice of paradise: shabby chic meets Africa is what Jazz, my husband called it. Rocky loved my funky, eclectically furnished place, too. He just didn’t describe it as aptly as Jazz did.

Who was I kidding? Rocky didn’t do anything as aptly as Jazz did. I had lost them both six weeks ago, and now here was Rocky, surprising me by showing up at my door like unexpected grace.

“Welcome back, Rocky,” I said. I know how lame I sounded, but I wanted him to know I was glad he’d come no matter what the reason.

He muttered a shy, “Thanks.”

We stood in my foyer exchanging reticent glances until I got bold enough to take a long look at him. I’d missed him so. He wore a typical Rockyesque uniform underneath his white down jacket—khaki pants and a long-sleeved Batman T-shirt. A cupid earring dangled in his right ear. Every year about this time he wore it to remind me to come to the Saint Valentine’s Day feast.

Without thinking I blurted out. “I see you and Cupid are still advertising our—” I bit my tongue. There’d be no “our” Saint Valentine’s Day feast this year for prodigal Bell. “Sorry,” I muttered.

“No problem,” he rushed to say, and then an awful silence descended on us like a cold, grey fog.

When I was still a member of his church, aptly named the Rock House, I never missed the event. Rocky would tell stories of the historical Saint Valentine; we’d eat candy conversation hearts, listen to live music, and share abundant amounts of food and laughter. It was Rocky’s way of making sure the lonely hearts wouldn’t spend the evening alone. There with my church family, not only did I get heaps of love, I could give out some from my meager supply.

That and we always had a chocolate fountain.

What was I going to do now?

I tried not to think about the sting of Rocky kicking me out of his church. I didn’t want to think about anything that had happened six weeks ago. Still, I figured whatever brought him to my door had an olive branch attached to it, and whatever he asked, short of sin, I’d be willing to do to reconcile with him.

Rocky hung up his jacket, kicked out of his Birkenstocks, and headed over to my rose-colored velvet sofa and sat. I followed, plopping down beside him.

“So, what’s the offer, Godfather?”

He stared at me. “Did you gain weight?”

Because I know it’s rude to kill your loved ones, I let that one slide and gave him a polite smile, but I did grab a mudcloth throw pillow and cover my expanding waistline.

“So, what’s the offer, Rocky?”

He gushed in a most un-Godfatherly like way. “I want you to go to a meeting with me. It’s only going to be the way-coolest event you’ve been to in forever.”

I cuddled the pillow and eyed him cautiously. He didn’t mean the Valentine’s Day feast. I braced myself. Rocky’s idea of way cool could get scary. “Can you be a little more specific?”

He didn’t answer. Just reached out and touched my hand, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. “I really missed you.”

Oh, man. That small gesture—him touching the hand nobody held anymore—that tiny movement had the effect of a pebble in a pond, creating ripples of unexpected sadness that circled out of my soul. Lord, have mercy. I didn’t fling myself at him, begging like a rhythm-and-blues singer for him to keep loving me, to not give up on me, but something in me wished I could.

I didn’t want to marry Rocky, or even date him. He had never been the love of my life. In that moment I simply wanted to banish the nearly incarnate loneliness that had been dogging my heels as a solemn, maddening companion, shuffling me through all those days with no best-friend Rocky.

And with no husband Jazz.

I gazed up at him with my own version of puppy eyes. “I missed you too, Rocky.”

We let a bit of silence sit between us on the sofa like a third and very quiet presence. Our heads hung low. Apparently we both still smarted over our mutual pain of separation.

Minutes passed, our hands still clasped together, but Rocky’s merciful presence soothed my dry soul patches like olive oil.

Thank God. Thank God for every kind soul I don’t deserve in my life who loves me anyway.

“Rocky.” I made my voice as soft and small as a baby’s blankie.

He turned to me, his face as open and vulnerable as that blankie’s little owner.

I squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

Those puppy eyes shone with the compassion I knew like the backs of my freckled hands.

“I’m sorry for the things I did, too, babe. For the things I said that night.”

“Don’t call me babe.”

He chuckled. “Some things never change.” Again, those gentle peepers bore into me. “Why didn’t you tell me you married Jazz?”

“At the time I didn’t seem too clear on it myself. Things happened pretty fast, and the next thing I knew, I was a wife.” I paused, the weight of that statement shifting just a bit since Rocky had shown up to help bear my burden. “He’s mad at me.”

“Duh-uh. You were kissing your blond boy toy.” He nudged me with his tattooed arm. “What’s going on with the two of you now?”

“I’ve seen corpses on Carly’s autopsy tables more involved than our marriage.”

I wondered if I’d ever get over what I’d lost with Jazz.

“I can only imagine what his parents think of me. I guess they’d say I’m the nightmare that took his ex Kate’s place.”

He regarded me with the care and concern I’ve seen him lavish on the fortunate souls he counseled as a pastor. Rocky may be only twenty-seven years old, but he’d been a pastor for two years. Two good years. He didn’t have the life experience an older pastor would, but God had given him an extraordinary shepherd’s heart.

“You’re not a nightmare,” he said. “You jumped into a marriage with no spiritual or emotional preparation.”

Like I, the clinician, needed him to tell me that.

I sighed. “Yet another psychologist heal thyself thing.” I looked away from him, guilt gnawing at me. “Maybe Jazz and I just aren’t meant to be, Rocky.”

“Have you talked to him?”

I shrugged. “Just once. He came over for a few minutes on Christmas Eve. I let him know I wanted him in a way I knew he’d understand. And then I waited. He never came back.”

“Why didn’t you go to him?”

“The same reason I didn’t come to you. I wanted to give him some space to feel whatever he felt and then to decide on his own.”

“But, maybe he’s not like me, babe.”

“Ya, think? And don’t call me babe.”

“Maybe he needs you to help him decide. Like, some extra reassurance or something.”

“That’s crazy, Rock.”

“It’s not so crazy, babe.”

I took back every nice thing I’d just thought about him. What did he know? Yes, he pastors a church of more than two-hundred members. He did missions work. He had a shepherd’s heart. He took pastoral counseling classes in seminary, but, honestly! His voice sounded just like Patrick’s on Sponge Bob.

Rocky glared at me. “Babe. . . .”

“Don’t call me babe.”

“Babe! You gotta go to him.”

“But he yells. Sometimes he cusses like a fish wife.”

“What’s a fish wife?”

“I don’t know, but my great-grandmother used to say that and it stuck with me. Maybe only females cuss like fish wives. Maybe he cusses like the fish.” Now I sounded like Patrick!

“Fish don’t cuss.”

“Okay, I know I should have reassured him.”

He sighed. Looked at me with those eyes. Squeezed my hand. “Will you ever let anyone love you?”

“People love me, Rocky. My sister. My secretary. Sasha.”

“I have doubts about Sasha.”

I thought about that and chuckled with him. “You may be right. My mother has done a few things that make me wonder. Now I’m really depressed.”

“I want to see you happy.”

“I want to see you happy, too. Speaking of which, how are you and Elisa?”

He grinned, reddened, looked away.

“What? Did you marry her in six weeks? My goodness!” For the first time, I didn’t feel jealous that someone was interested in Rocky. Well, not much.

“No. I’m not married. I’m . . . .”

“You’re what?”

“She’s really special, but it hasn’t been that long since she left creepy cult dude. I’m not sure I should be involved.”

“How involved are you?”

“I’m involved, babe.”

“You’re in love?”

He wouldn’t say anything, but his goofy grin spoke for him.

“Rocky?”

He nudged me, “Cut it out, babe.”

So, Rocky was really in love. Wow. I always knew it would happen, but I didn’t realize I’d still have the teensiest bit of pain knowing he’d moved on from me for good. I could see a flower of astonishing beauty blossoming between them when I saw them together, even though it nearly killed me at the moment. But God knows Rocky deserved the biggest, juiciest love he could find. He needed to look beyond the non-existent us. And he still calls me babe.

“Just take it slow, Rock. Trust me. The cost of moving too fast is astronomical, even if you are in love.”

I could tell he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about Elisa. I decided to let their love blossom without my tending, pruning, or pulling up weeds. I got back to the business at hand. “Are you ever going to tell me what your offer is?” I eased into the lush upholstery of my sofa.

Rocky’s face lit up. Honestly, if that guy had a tail to go with those puppy eyes, it’d be thumping my sofa with joy.

“It’s gonna be awesome, ba— I mean, Bell.”

Apparently our little chat about Elisa made him correct himself.

“You think everything is awesome, Rocky.”

“I don’t think everything is awesome.”

“You said my Love Bug is awesome. You said Switchfoot’s new CD is awesome. You said my new zillions braids are awesome, and you said the ice-cream at Cold Stone Creamery is awesome.” Okay, the ice-cream at Cold Stone happened to be awesome for real. Lately I’d craved it like the blind crave sight.

“But, babe . . . ”

There he goes again. Honestly! A holy war couldn’t make that man stop calling me babe.

He went on. “Those things are awesome.”

“God is awesome, Rock. Awesome meaning the subject inspires awe, as in reverence, respect, dread.”

“You reverence your tricked-out VW Beetle,” he said, “And I respect Switchfoot, especially Jon Foreman, and your way-cool, African-goddess hair inspired me to get dreads.”

I stared at him. Comments like these coming from Rocky tended to render me temporarily speechless.

He filled the silence with his proposal. “I want you to go see Ezekiel Thunder with me.”

My eyes widened. Electroshock therapy wouldn’t have given me such a jolt. “Ezekiel Thunder?” I screeched. I jerked up from my slouch. I’d heard the un-right reverend wanted to hit the comeback trail, taking his miracle crusade with him.

Rocky gave me a wicked grin and settled himself smugly into the soft folds of my sofa. He knew I’d left Thunder’s particular brand of Pentecostal fire many years ago and had no desire to go back.

Rocky bobble-head nodded, as if his physical movement would affect a change in my attitude.

“Stop all that nodding!”

“I’m just trying to encourage you.”

I did not feel encouraged.

“It’ll be fun,” he said, blasting me with the full puppy-eyes arsenal. Oh, those eyes. Powerful! Mesmerizing! Like a basket full of cocker spaniel puppies wearing red ribbons. I could feel myself weakening.

“Rocky, that meeting will torture me. It will torture you!”

“No, it won’t. Ezekiel is my friend.”

“Your friend?”

“He led me to Christ.”

“Ezekiel Thunder led you to Christ?”

“I told you I came to Christ at a Bible camp.”

“Yes? And?”

“It was a Sons of Thunder Bible camp. I’m a Thunder Kid!” He beamed with what I hoped wasn’t pride.

“You never told me that!”

Honestly! You think you know somebody! He was my ex-boyfriend for goodness’ sake. We’d talked about marriage. I couldn’t believe I had no idea he was close friends with the infamous Ezekiel Thunder!

“You can be kinda judgmental about guys like Ezekiel.” He went on. “I didn’t mean to upset you or trigger bad memories of your tongues-talking days.”

“Then don’t ask me to go see him.”

“He’s a different man. He and his family want to buy a house in Ann Arbor. He’s living at the Rock House house until one comes through for him. ”

“God forbid!”

“He needs support. People to show up and cheer him on.”

“Cheer him on? We should stop him!” Had Rocky forgotten that Ezekiel Thunder had fallen as hard as many of his televangelist contemporaries in the eighties—and for a tawdry little tryst with a young intern? May it never be!

“How hard would it be for you to sit there and listen? Maybe say a few prayers for him.”

“God bless you as you do that for him.”

“I was there for you, supporting Great Lakes Seminary when they were struggling and going to lose their building. I did it because of how much you love Mason May.”

“Rocky! That’s not even comparable. Mason is a fine theologian training good men and women for powerful, effective ministries. He’s not a snake-oil peddler.”

“It’s not snake oil. It’s miracle prosperity oil.”

I stared at him. He’d stunned me to silence once again. I waited for Rocky to fill the silence with testimonies about the healing properties of miracle prosperity oil. Thankfully, he refrained. But he didn’t look like he’d let me off the hook.

I tried to reason with him. “You shouldn’t ask me to do this. You’re Emergent, Rocky, not a dyed-in-the-wool charismatic.”

“You don’t like post-modern, post-denominational, Emergent folks either.”

“I like them more than Ezekiel Thunders.”

“What’s that thing you say about the Emergent Church?”

“This is not about the Emergent Church. I’d go to an Emergent meeting with you anytime. You name the place: Mars Hill, Ann Arbor Vineyard. How ‘bout Frontline Church? ”

He didn’t budge. “Come on, babe. He’s like a dad to me.”

“A dad?”

“You always say Mason is like a dad to you.”

“But Mason has a PhD. He doesn’t sell ‘miracle prosperity oil’.”

“Ezekiel doesn’t sell it, either. He gives it away for a love offering.”

“A considerable love offering, if I remember! It’s plain olive oil he’s pushing to gullible babes in the faith who don’t know any better. How can I support his money-lusting schemes?”

“Ummm. By going with me?” Hope burgeoned in his voice as if I hadn’t just accused his mentor of being a hustler.

“Did you hear what I said, Rock? Ezekiel Thunder is everything I walked away from.”

“You walked away from a lot more than that, babe. And you’ve been known to hang out with people with worse theology than his. People way more dangerous.”

He had a point.

“Rocky . . . .” I didn’t want to go. Please, God, don’t make me go.

“He’s changed, babe. Give him a chance. For me.”

The eyes again, and a smile with an invisible tail wag.

I grumbled.

He grinned.

I gave him a dramatic sigh. “What time are we leaving?”

“If you’re not busy, and you’re not, we can leave in a few hours. I’ll pick you up at six.”

“How do you know I don’t have plans?”

“Because you have antisocial tendencies.”

“Don’t hold back, Rock. What do you really think about me?”

“Don’t worry,” he said, ignoring my insolence. “You’re gonna fall in love with Ezekiel.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not likely.”

He put his face right in front of mine until we were eye to eye. “You are feeling veeeeeery tired. You’re getting sleepy. You’re going to enjoy yourself at the crusade.”

“No fair,” I said, “Those eyes of yours are potent hypnotizers.”

“You are going to love Ezekiel Thunder.”

“I am going to love Ezekiel Thunder.”

Rocky got out of my face. “You’ve gotta admit, babe. This will be safer than sleuthing.”

No, it won’t, a disembodied voice--also known as the still, small voice of God--informed me.

I tried to ignore it. Maybe this Spirit prompting was speaking figuratively.

Couldn’t ignore it.

What, Lord, am I some kind of trouble magnet?

Don’t answer that, God.

I started rationalizing immediately to take the edge off what I truly hoped was not a prophetic warning. Maybe I could fall in love with the guy and respect him. Maybe he could even heal the egg-sized growth on my lower abdomen that scared me to death each time I ran my index finger across it. Maybe I could even find the keys to unlock the little room inside my heart where all the Ezekiel Thunders I’ve ever known were locked. I’d stored them there to keep me safe from the particular brand of harm only they could inflict.

I could feel my defenses shoot up as if a rocket propelled them.

Fall in love with Ezekiel Thunder?

I wished.

I shouldn’t have wished. My great-grandmother and namesake Amanda Bell Brown use to say, “Be careful what you wish for, baby. You just might get it.”

She ain’t never lied.


Monday, March 23, 2009

One foot in front of the other

I've been out of touch for the past few days. I went on our church's annual forty hours silent retreat. Not for the faint of heart. And certainly not for anyone uncomfortable with God getting in there and dealing with their junk. So, for about 48 hours from Friday-Sunday, I had no internet access, no phone, no connection to the outside world. For forty of those hours, I didn't speak, and no one (but God) spoke to me. And it was so refreshing.

God shared a lot of things with me, and in time, I will probably share them. Some were things I wanted to hear about, others were things I wasn't expecting. The most surprising thing, not so much because I didn't think this of God, but because I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear it, was hearing how deeply God cares for the deepest places of our hearts.

Of course, for me, the bad news about getting away for a few days without Internet is that work is waiting. My to-do list has grown. My house is a mess. Life rolled right on by me without thinking that I'd have to dig out of it. And I have to admit, I woke up pretty darn depressed about it. Overwhelmed because I have so much to do and honestly no idea how to get it done or where to start.

Then God reminded me in that sweet voice that I came to feel so intimately while I was away that it'll be okay. He's carried me thus far, and He'll be there through everything else. One of the fun reminders He gave me this weekend was how He used a silly song to help me push through. During the darkest moments of my life, it's given me strange comfort. And today, I'm singing it.

The song is from a classic Christmas movie, Santa Claus is coming to town. Yeah, I know, so not about Jesus, but God can use just about anything. So if you're faced with a tough task or are overwhelmed with catching up, pop this baby in and give it a whirl:

Put One Foot In Front of the Other
by Jules Bass

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it's just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn

(repeat chorus twice)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

My letter to the President and Congress on the economy

Dear President Obama,

I am writing to speak for the people your administration has seemingly ignored. I am an average middle class woman who wants the best for my family. However, because we are not currently in dire straits, many of the plans to help stimulate the economy do not apply to us.

For example, while we are among the lucky ones whose jobs were not eliminated, my husband’s hours were cut from 40+ hours per week to 10-15 hours a week. As a family depending on those 40+ hours per week, we’re struggling to make ends meet on such decreased hours. Though I count my blessings that we still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, it seems unfair that we will see little to no benefit from your stimulus package.

If we were the only family in this situation, perhaps I would be a little less resentful. However, I work as a tax preparer and I hear the same story from other hard-working families. They still have jobs, but not nearly the same number of hours they need to make their house payments or other necessary bills. As I go over the implications of the stimulus bill with them, one thing is glaringly obvious: there is next to nothing in that package for them.

One of the solutions we have looked at is refinancing our home. But like so many in this economy, the value of our home has gone down. Because my husband’s income is greatly reduced and we can’t get our home to appraise for the value we need, the two-percentage point drop in mortgage rates does not help us. Nor does it help many other families. I’ve spoken with several people in the same situation. What good is bailing out the banks and creating programs to help people with their mortgages when the people who are working hard to keep their payments current do not qualify?

I am amazed at the number of people who’ve told me that they’ve called their banks, asking for assistance with refinancing. The answer is the same: until you’re in default, there is nothing we can do to help you.

Until we’re in default? Really? So basically, in order to qualify for help, we first have to be in deep trouble? Wouldn’t it be in the best interests of the banking industry, and the country, to help the folks who want to stay out of a financial mess?

I am disgusted that the only solutions people are being offered is to default on their home loans or declare bankruptcy. Believe it or not, there are still people in this country who want to pay their bills on time. We want to get out of debt. We want to do the right thing.

But you, your administration, and Congress, won’t let us.

Do my husband and his friends have to beg their employers to lay them off so they’ll be counted in the unemployment numbers and get some extra tax-free income that we desperately need? Should I stop paying my mortgage so that the bank will see that we’re in trouble, so they’d better go ahead and refinance our loan?

I hope this sounds as ludicrous to you as it does to me. Because maybe it will give you a moment to pause and think about the people you are overlooking. The people who do not appear on the unemployment lists. The ones who are not defaulting on their loans. We do not fit in any of the statistics, but let me assure you, life is still hard for us. We’re just easier to ignore because our numbers are more difficult to quantify and we don’t make up your pretty charts and graphs.

The truth is, we will get through this recession. This country will get through this recession. And I’m extremely saddened to say, it will be on the backs of people like us. We will keep making our mortgage payments, financing everyone else because our interest rates are higher. We will keep working the measly hours our employers offer. We will also do our best to pick up whatever side work we can find. All of this you will tax at ridiculous levels because we were determined enough to find work.

The sickest part of this tale is that during this time, and even after it’s over, you and all of your political interest buddies will be doing just fine. Your families will not have to make the heartbreaking determination of what things are necessities and what aren’t. You will not lie in bed at night praying for a miracle, except maybe for the miracle of re-election. If only our problems were so simple.

I do not want a hand out from you or the rest of the government. Thus far, the handouts you’ve given don’t seem to have done much to improve the situation you were trying to fix. It would, however, be nice to get a little recognition for those of us who are clinging to our lives with every ounce of strength we have. When you look at implementing the many plans you have, please remember that your statistics do not even begin to shed light on the full picture of our country’s economic crisis. Because the people paying for your stimulus package are having a hard enough time paying their own bills.

Sincerely,

A Hard-Working Taxpayer

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Diamonds in the Shadow by Caroline B. Cooney

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!


Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:


Diamonds in the Shadow

WaterBrook Press; Reprint edition (March 17, 2009)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:




Caroline B. Cooney is the author of A Friend at Midnight; The Face on the Milk Carton (an IRA-CBC Children’s Choice book); its companions, Whatever Happened to Janie and The Voice on the Radio(each of them an ALA Best Book for Young Adults); and many other award-winning novels. Caroline divides her time between Madison, Connecticut, and New York City.


Product Details:

List Price: $8.95
Reading level: Young Adult
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: WaterBrook Press; Reprint edition (March 17, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 140007424X
ISBN-13: 978-1400074242

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Jared Finch could not care less where some refugee family lived.

“Drew and Kara Finch have generously volunteered to take the family in,” said Dr. Nickerson. The room applauded. Jared stared at his parents in horror. The refugees were coming here? His little sister, a mindlessly happy puppy of a kid, cried out in delight. If Mopsy had ever had an intelligent thought in her life, she kept it to herself.

“Yay!” cried Mopsy. “It’ll be like sleepovers every night.”

Jared gagged.

“You see, Jared, we have a lovely guest suite,” said his mother, as if he didn’t live here and wouldn’t know, “where the parents can stay and have their own bathroom.”

This implied that there were kids who would not be staying in the guest suite. So they would be staying where, exactly?

“Your room and Mopsy’s are so spacious, Jared darling,” his mother went on. “And you each have two beds, for when your friends spend the night. And your own bathrooms! It’s just perfect, isn’t it?”

Jared’s mother and father had volunteered his bedroom for a bunch of African refugees? And not even asked him? “I’m supposed to share my bedroom with some stranger?” he demanded. Jared did not share well. It had been a problem since nursery school. Mrs. Lane, a woman Jared especially loathed, because he was fearful that Mopsy would grow up to be just like her—stout and still giggling—said excitedly,

“That’s why your family’s offer is so magnificent, Jared.” Jared figured her last name was actually Lame.

“You will guide and direct young people who would otherwise be confused and frightened by the new world in which they find themselves,” cried Mrs. Lame. She definitely had somebody else in mind. Jared did not plan to guide and direct anybody. Jared’s bedroom was his fortress. It had his music, his video games, his television and his computer. It was where he made his phone calls. As for Africa, Jared knew nothing about the entire continent except what he’d seen on nature shows, where wild animals were always migrating or else eating each other. But about Africans themselves, aside from the occasional Jeep driver, TV had nothing to say. And there was always more important stuff on the news than Africa, like weather or celebrities. Jared would be forced to hang out with some needy non-English-speaking person in clothes that didn’t fit? Escort that person into his own school? Act glad?

“I decline,” said Jared.

“The church signed a contract, Jared,” said Dr. Nickerson.

“We are responsible for this family.” “I didn’t sign anything,” said Jared. “I don’t have a responsibility.” The committee glared at Jared. Jared glared right back. They weren’t volunteering to share their bedrooms. No, they could force two handy kids to do it. “My sister and I are the only ones who actually have to do any sharing? You guys get to contribute your old furniture or worthless televisions that you didn’t want anyway for when these guys get their own place, but meanwhile Mopsy and I have to take them in?” He hoped to make the committee feel guilty. Everybody did look guilty but also really relieved, because of course they didn’t want to share a bedroom either.

“It’ll be so wonderful!” cried Mopsy, hugging herself. “Is there going to be a girl who can be my best friend?” It was getting worse. People would expect Jared to be best friends with this person who would invade his life.

“What went wrong with the rental?” asked Jared, thinking he would just kill whoever was getting the apartment, thus freeing it up again for these refugees.

“The owner’s eighty-year-old grandmother, who’s blind, is moving in with her caregiver.”

Oh, please. That was such a lie. How many eighty-year-old blind grandmothers suddenly had to move in with their caregiver? The owners were probably remodeling so they could sell the place for a million dollars instead.

“What are we supposed to do, Jared?” asked Dr. Nickerson in his most religious voice. “Abandon four people on the sidewalk?” They’d been abandoned anyway; that was what it meant to be a refugee. Jared opened his mouth to say so, but a movement from his father caught his eye. Dad was sagging in his chair, deaf and blind to the meeting. Having a family of refugees in the house probably wasn’t his choice either; Mom had saddled him with it. He wasn’t on this committee, and the last committee on which Dad had served had gone bad. His co-chairman had turned out to be a felon and a bum. But Jared had more important things to worry about right now. “How long are these guys supposed to live here?” he demanded.

“We don’t know,” admitted the minister. “This is an expensive town. We’re going to have trouble finding a low-cost rent for people earning minimum wage. We probably found the only place there is, and now it’s gone. We’ll have to look in the cities nearby—New London, New Haven. And probably in bad neighborhoods. It’s a problem we didn’t anticipate.”

Jared never prayed, because the idea of a loving God seemed out of sync with the facts of the world. Nevertheless, Jared prayed now. Please, God, don’t let there be a boy in this family. Make Mopsy do all the sharing. I can squeeze my extra twin bed into her room. I’ll even move it cheerfully. “What do we know about these guys?” he said.

“Very little.” Dr. Nickerson waved a single sheet of paper. He handed it to the person sitting farthest away from Jared, ensuring that Jared would be the last to know the grim truth. “That’s why we’ve gathered here tonight. Let me introduce our representative from the Refugee Aid Society, Kirk Crick.”

What kind of name was that? It sounded like a doll Mopsy would collect. And what was up with Kirk Crick that he couldn’t even photocopy enough pages for everybody to have one? It didn’t exactly give Jared faith in the guy’s organizational skills.

“He’s going to discuss the work ahead of us and some of the difficulties and joys we can expect,” said the minister. Like there could be joy with four total strangers in your house for an unknown period of time. The guy didn’t smile, which Jared appreciated, since it was easy to overdose on good cheer. Just look at Mopsy.

“I find that my name annoys people,” said Kirk Crick, “but it’s memorable. You can call me either one—or neither.”

This worked for Jared, who hoped to have nothing to do with the man or his refugees. Kirk Crick launched into a long, tedious description. It seemed that the African family to be foisted off on Jared might never have been in a grocery store, never used an indoor stove or a computer, maybe never driven a car or heard of credit cards, never taken a hot shower or encountered cold weather, never seen a shopping mall. In their entire country, there was not a single ATM. There had not been reliable electricity for a decade.

“They probably can’t drive,” said Kirk Crick, “a problem here in suburbia. They’ll be used to buses, and maybe taxis, but mostly if they have to go somewhere, they walk. Or run. Remember, they fled a civil war. They’ve lived in a refugee camp in Nigeria for several years, with little shelter of any kind—six thousand people in an outdoor pen.” This was an obvious exaggeration intended to make Jared feel sorry for people who were going to trespass on his life. “The good news is that they speak English, the official language in Liberia, where native tribal languages are used mostly at home. Their accent will be difficult to understand, but they won’t have difficulty understanding you. “According to this, the parents finished eighth grade. The kids probably attended school at the refugee camp, although those schools usually have no paper, pencils or books. Sometimes no teachers either. The children are fifteen and sixteen, but we can’t tell from their names whether they’re boys or girls. We’ll just run with it when we meet them at the airport. We weren’t expecting this family to arrive for another month, so it’s just great that you people are so flexible.” Nobody here has to be flexible but me, thought Jared. Mrs. Lame suddenly decided that everybody needed coffee. Right in the middle of the guy’s talk, off she went into the kitchen, which meant Jared’s mom had to go with her, and then the two of them circulated, offering regular and decaf, whole milk and skim and sugar or sweetener in yellow, pink or blue packets. Brand preference was one of the million things this African family was going to have to learn. As long as Jared didn’t have to do the teaching—whatever. Kirk Crick droned on. Basically nobody except Jared even knew he was up there; certainly not Jared’s parents. They were such bad listeners that Jared didn’t see how they’d ever gotten through college. They multitasked to the max. When they watched television, they were also cooking, leafing through the newspaper, talking on the phone and balancing their checkbooks. Here was information that would change their lives and they were thinking about ten other things instead. The Finches’ beautiful yellow and cream family room was a huge space, with three soft, welcoming sofas and four large armchairs. As the sun went down beyond the wall of glass, people nestled into cushions and got sleepy. “Refugees,” said Kirk Crick, “have nothing, and that also means no paperwork. People racing out of villages only inches ahead of madmen with machetes or AK-47s don’t pause to collect birth certificates or vaccination papers.” Mom was arranging desserts, something church ladies did well. Jared wondered what Mrs. Wall had brought, because she was a great cook.

Then he remembered. Mrs. Wall wasn’t here. It was her husband, Brady, who had co-chaired the fund-raising committee with Dad. Over two years they had raised seven hundred fifty thousand dollars for the new church building. They’d had fairs, auctions, pledge campaigns, concerts and dinners. And three days earlier, the church had found out that Brady Wall had been siphoning off that money and gambling it away at Foxwoods. It wasn’t just stolen. It was gone. Jared’s mom was friends with Emmy, Brady Wall’s wife. Jared had a bad feeling that one day soon Emmy would be in the kitchen sobbing all over Mom. It was going to be a very crowded kitchen, since it would also be full of Africans sobbing all over Mom. Jared hoped she was up to it, because he had just decided to sign up for every school-sponsored ski trip in order to be out of town Fridays through Sundays. The less sharing, the better. “One problem getting refugees to America is just finding seats on a plane,” said Kirk Crick. “There aren’t many flights. Probably something opened up very suddenly, or four other people couldn’t go after all, so your four moved to the head of the line. Your family is flying to London, where they’ll change planes for Kennedy Airport. Now, you’ll need subcommittees. Who will be handling medical needs and doctors?”

“Wait,” said Jared. “What medical needs? Are these people planning to show up complete with typhoid and malaria?”

“No. They get checked in Africa for that stuff. But the kids can’t start school until they’ve been inoculated for tetanus and all. Just like any other kid starting school. They’ll be spending a bunch of time at the doctor’s. Your family’s background has been screened as well. African civil war consists of people butchering each other. Our task force makes sure you’re not getting some mass murderer responsible for destroying whole villages, or a dealer in blood diamonds, or some vicious boy soldier.”

“I’ve heard about boy soldiers,” said Mr. Lane. (Jared was always surprised that anybody had married Mrs. Lane and even more surprised that such a person ever had a chance to talk.) “Ten-year-olds who chop people’s arms off and walk away,” explained Mr. Lane. No kid would do that. It was the kind of hype spewed on satellite radio—anything to make the world sound even more violent than it was. The whole idea of screening people struck Jared as useless. Being screened would be like taking an essay test where you wrote whatever your teacher wanted to hear. We’re kind and gentle, the refugees would say. We didn’t hurt anybody. Goodness, no. We were the victims.

“What are blood diamonds?” asked Mopsy.

“Diamonds that are mined in West Africa and used to pay for war,” said Kirk Crick. He seemed ready to expound on this, but

Jared didn’t care about mines. He cared about the strangers soon to be under his roof.

“If the family doesn’t have any papers to start with, how does the Refugee Aid Society even know for sure who they are?” Jared asked.

“We’re very, very, very careful,” said Kirk Crick.

Jared was suspicious. Right in their own church they had been careful and they’d still ended up with a major-league thief on the fund-raising committee. “Is there really such a thing as a boy soldier?”

“Yes. Often when a village is attacked, the boys are out in the fields watching the cattle. So parents get caught, killed or maimed, girls get raped and killed, villages get burned to the ground, but young boys get rounded up. They’re forced to use machine guns and machetes on their own neighbors.”

Nice. Jared decided to e-mail everyone he’d ever met and find someone to live with until this was over. “A boy who spends the day out in some field with cows won’t exactly fit in with suburban America in the twenty-first century,” he pointed out.

“You have your work cut out for you,” agreed Kirk Crick.

“Now, your African family may not wish to discuss their past. They want to look ahead, not back. You’re getting an intact family, which is unusual. Four people who struggled and suffered and now hope to put terror behind them. Your church signed on to cover housing and food for three months and to find jobs for the parents. After three months, the family is on its own. If they can’t function—and that’s rare, because refugees are fighters—the Society takes over.”

Three months? thought Jared. Three months? Nobody but Jared seemed to think this was insane.

“You are doing a good deed,” said Crick.

The committee loved hearing how good and generous they were. They sat tall. They took lemon bars as well as double-chocolate brownies. Jared’s dad began talking softly to one of the husbands, undoubtedly about Brady Wall, because that was now Dad’s only topic of conversation. Mom was asking Mrs. Lame for her toasted almond cake recipe. The rest of the crowd was finding car keys. Jared was the only person listening to Kirk Crick.

“In a civil war,” Crick said, “there are no good guys. They’re all guilty of something. You are probably not saving the innocent, because in a civil war, nobody is innocent.”

Jared had never seen a refugee; the Society had seen thousands. Maybe tens of thousands. And that was the summary? There are no good guys? This made the refugee scene quite exciting. Jared’s roommate would have a history of fighting and killing. On the other hand . . . how much fighting and killing did Jared really want in his own bedroom? The piece of paper describing this family finally circulated to Jared. On it were four black-and-white photographs that had probably been grainy and unfocused to start with. After much copying or downloading, they were so blurred that the four faces hardly had features. The photos were from the shoulders up, and everybody’s hair was pulled tightly back, or else cut close, and as far as Jared could tell, these guys could be anybody. These could even be four photographs of the same person. There were dates below each photo, possibly dates of birth, but they were smudged and only partially legible. After close scrutiny, he decided that the two on top looked older. Probably the parents. The names typed under those photos (Typed! Not even done on a computer!) were Celestine Amabo and Andre Amabo. It seemed odd that they had French-sounding names. The photo in the lower left was labeled “Mattu” and the one on the lower right, “Alake.” No clues how to pronounce those names or whether the people were male or female. We are taking people under our roof for months at a stretch, thought Jared Finch. We can’t read their dates of birth. We can’t tell what gender they are. We can’t recognize them from their photographs. We know in advance that they are not good guys.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Time to tell the truth....

Last week, I posted Two Truths and a Lie...

I am either a good liar or the others are bad guessers, because the truth is, I did not write in my journal. Been really slacking off on it. Trying to be disciplined about the Bible study and about my writing. With as crazy busy as I am, I haven't written in my journal lately. But maybe I should, you know, get rid of all those homicidal thoughts. ;) Or maybe I should just do a little more Bible reading.

This was a fun game!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Filling the well

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It's the only day I consciously keep free. Well, sort of. The only things I allow to be scheduled on my Thursdays are things that make me happy. So I'll meet with my best friend, have my critique group over, etc. But mostly, I just hang out. Be lazy. And rejuvenate. Sometimes, I even sleep in.

The worst part of tax season is how "taxing" it is on my "me time." Because I am an introvert, I find the energy of having to deal with so many people and actually be nice to them trying. Not that I'm not a nice person. Well, maybe that's debatable. But to me, giving good customer service that's heartfelt and not being fake about it takes a lot of energy when what I'd rather be doing is sitting somewhere curled up with a good book.

During tax season, I am a ball of stress. I commented to one of my friends yesterday that I cry at every stupid little thing because I can't do anything about the big things. However, it's gotten a lot better now that I recognize the need for "me time" and I work hard to keep it that way. Instead of feeling stressed all the time, I have one day for decompression. Granted, I still have too many things I try to accomplish in that day, but I also make sure I take time out for one selfish "me" thing. Even though I call it selfish, the reality is that it is the time I need to rejuvenate and be a better me so that I can take care of others and do all the other things I need to do.

Last year, I also tried something new. I went on a silent retreat with my church. Wow! I wasn't sure how I'd do going 48 hours without speaking, but it was such a blessing. I went 48 hours without noise and input from all directions. It was just me and God. The one direction that mattered. And, if I'm really honest, the direction I probably ignore the most since it's not always the loudest voice vying for my attention.

If you are exhausted, like I am, and you feel like everything is tugging at you and pulling you in a million directions at once, like I do, then I'd like to suggest taking out your calendar, moving things around, and giving yourself a little space. Take that space and use it to rejuvenate. Do something nice for yourself. Maybe you don't yet have time to really do it right, but do something. Take that time, and while you're resting, invite the Lord to join you, and spend that time hanging out.

And if you're like me, and think you don't have the time to do it, trust me when I say you don't have the time not to do it.