Something Real...

Someone who will remain nameless but if you click on the link, you can find out who... does a very good job of nagging me when I don't post regularly. I saw her tonight and promised her I was working on something and would post. So, for you, oh nameless friend, here is my post.

When I talked to her about what I was going to post, I mentioned that I had a whole list of topics I wanted to blog about, but couldn't decide. But that wasn't the whole truth. The whole truth is that there is one topic I REALLY want to blog about, but haven't dared, so I keep toying with silly things not worthy of the space on the page.

Tonight, I dare. It's not pretty. It's not funny. But it's real.

I've been thinking about this ever since my friend Jan linked to my blog. She's got it under the title, "Dream, Believe, Achieve." Yeah, it's at the top of my blog. And when I started my blog, that's what I thought I wanted to blog about... dreaming, believing, and achieving your goals. And you know, I used to blog about that. Then, I started moving away from it until now, I just blog about stuff.

What kind of stuff? Real stuff. Things like I have a gassy dog (although not so much now, thanks to a revolutionary product called Dog Smog), kids who drive me nuts and to my knees with gratitude that they're mine, a Man, writing, and lots of other quirky stuff that happens in my life. But what's the point of all that stuff?

When I set out on this crazy journey as a writer, I wanted to write because I thought that somehow, my words, my experiences, and my stuff might be able to help someone else (and okay, I wanted to be able to kill people- legally). And that's still my goal. Maybe I won't solve your life's problems, but I hope that when you're done reading my blog, you'll come away feeling a little lighter than you did before.

So why am I not blogging like I used to? That Man asked me about it tonight, wondering if it had something to do with my addiction to Crackrat. And I have to admit that yes, I do spend an awful lot of time on Facebook playing the game (Crackrat, for those not in the know, is actually called Packrat, but is more addictive than crack, so I call it crackrat. If you'd like to play, let me know and I'll add you. But be warned. You steal my stuff without asking and I PROMISE I'll kill you). But that's not why I'm not blogging.

The truth... the big one that I've been working hard at not telling, is that I'm really jaded about the whole blog thing. It's the big bandwagon for authors to promote themselves. And yes, I admit that I hope once I have a book out, my blog readers will race to the stores and buy copies for themselves, their neighbors, their grandmothers, and their second grade teachers. But if I never sell a book, I hope that I still touch someone's life. And I guess I don't see that in a lot of the bandwagon bloggers out there. And then there's the Fakers... wow... this is a hard one for me to admit to. Mostly because I don't want folks to read this and say, "boy is she a big fat meanie." But maybe I am.

Here's the thing about blogs and the internet in general. We can write whatever we want and no one knows if it's the truth or a lie. We can post a great story about our lives, and it could very well be a complete work of fiction. We can pretend to be real about our feelings and share something earth-shattering about the work God is doing in our hearts, and never live it out. People say things on their blogs that they would never say to a person's face. And I guess I'm more than a little sick of it.

What does this have to do with my blog? Everything. I asked That Man, who reads my blog faithfully every day and knows me better than anyone but God, how real my blogs are. Would I say the things on my blog to a person's face? Do I live out the things I talk about? Even if I don't succeed, is there evidence that I'm really trying? Am I a Faker? Or am I Real?

I've been trying to come up with a new word. Not Real. Not Relevant. Not Transparent. Not any of the words the Fakers and their followers use to describe themselves. Because that's not me. I'm just a girl, on a journey, trying to figure out this living in God's grace thing, hoping to meet some fellow journeyers so we can all encourage each other. At the risk of giving myself away as a total cheeseball (okay, fine, I am), the thing I think about most when I think about my writing and my blog is a song from High School Musical... we're all in this together.

But I want it to be something real. Something true. Something not filled with puffed-up rhetoric about how humble I am or how great I am, but something that people can take away to help them on their journey. I'm not going to lie to you and say that this morning, I woke up early and read my Bible. I meant to, but I had to check my pack to make sure some stinky jerk who will remain nameless, however if someone tries to add you as a friend because *I* recommended him, he is a big fat liar, and you should tell him to keep his grubby paws off. Not that I'm addicted or anything. But before you pass judgment, you should know that I did do three loads of laundry, clean four toilets, one sink, the kitchen, have a tea party with my best friend and our kiddos, work on my online jobs, go to WFTJ, read kiddo a story, AND get my latest revisions out for crit so I can meet my deadline. Then again, that could be a complete lie and you'd never know it. But I hope, by the way I live my life, you know it's the truth (or you could come by and use my sparkling toilets).

So there you go... my attempt at a blog that represents what I really want my blog to be about.