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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

How we deal with telemarketers and political calls

First off, you should know that I hate talking on the phone anyway. There's a few friends I can talk to for hours, but most of the time, the phone ringing is nothing more than an irritating distraction I choose to ignore.


In these political times, I can't ignore the fact that my phone never stops ringing. Go away! I'm not voting for you because you bugged me. Period. I track who calls the most and then I vote for the other guy. So there.

My four year old, on the other hand, looooves the phone. She takes all the calls we don't want. Even the eight year old, when she's bored with whichever friend has called, will hand her the phone when she's done and the friend's not. The worst fact of my kiddo's life is that she's not allowed on the phone without permission. So she looooves it when she gets a turn.

So tonight, caller id announces it's yet another political call. I look at the four year old.

"Want to talk on the phone?"
"YES!" I hand her the phone, tell her to answer it, and tell whoever it is that Mommy is busy.

(It's loud enough I can hear what's going on)
"Hi. This is X from X Campaign. Is your mom or dad home?"
"Can we talk to them?"
"What do you want me to say to them?" She's looking at me because she's forgotten to tell them I'm busy.
"Just tell them we at X Campaign would like to talk to them about blah blah blah blah blah."

I'm thinking, this person is incredibly stupid for trying to give such a long message to such a small child, but whatever. The longer my kid keeps them on the phone, the more of their time and money we waste and the more I feel like I'm sticking it to the man.

"Can you just get your mom or dad?"
"No. They don't want to talk to you. You have to talk to me."

By this point, I'm sitting here, trying not to laugh hysterically because she thinks she's doing me a huge favor, and if I laugh, her feelings will be hurt. She thinks her gatekeeper job is the most important job on the planet.

"Little girl. This is very important. Do your parents know you're on the phone? Phones are for grownups."

And I'm thinking... I don't like people who are condescending to my children, so now you've really got no chance of ever getting me in person.

"I can talk on the phone if I want to. What do you want?"
"Can we talk to your parents?"
Now she remembers. "My mom's busy."
"Uh, we'll just call back later. Tell your mom and dad to vote for X."

Yeah, we'll be sure not to. But thanks for playing. Not only did I get a good laugh, but you gave me a blog topic. Next time you call, my kiddo is going to sing you a song. Those are the best. Or maybe I'll have her tell you about her Christmas list. She's already making one, and that's pretty funny to listen to her telling telemarketers. HA! Wouldn't that be funny. I'll vote for candidate X if you buy my kid all those ridiculous toys in the commercials.

I know, I'm a stinker. But you know, if you're going to call me without my permission, then I'm siccing my kids on you without your permission. Turnabout being fair play and all that.


Anonymous said...

I don't think you're a stinker. I think you're brilliant! You almost make me want to go out and rent a kid to talk to these yahoos at our house. *g*

Anonymous said...

WOW! I'd like to hire your child for just one day. She'd be able to talk on the phone to useless political people and telemarketers for hours at my house. I get SO TIRED of them calling I want to scream.

siteseer said...

rotfl. This is hysterical. I usually pick up the phone and say "hello" "hello" all the while they are saying "hello" and I do this a few times then turn to an invisible person in the room and say "hmph, there's no one there" and hang up. Wish I had caller Id and your daughter, it would save me a lot of time.

michellewillingham said...

I love this!! Maybe I'll let my 4-year-old talk on the phone next time. :)

Danica Favorite said...

Yep, it's like having my own personal answering service! :)