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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #66: Kids say the darndest things


Thirteen Things my four year old said this week


1. My little one was bouncing and I kept telling her to stop so she wouldn't make herself sick. "But mom, I'm not bouncing on my tummy, I'm bouncing on my @ss!" Horrified that my sweet child would say such a thing, I told her not to use that word. "But why mom, that's what it is... it's my @ss." As I tried explaining to her that it was still a bad word, she says, "Mom, it's a part of the body. Body parts can't be bad words." She's four. What am I going to do with her at fourteen?

2. The doctor is asking if it hurts her to pee, so she whispers to me, "It hurts to poop, but don't tell him that because that's private."

3. We're discussing whether or not she's well enough to go outside to play, and I tell her she'll have to wait until her dad gets home to talk with him about it. "Oh good. Daddy always tells me yes." I mentioned I'm going to be in trouble when she's fourteen, right?

4. She's sitting on the couch, passing gas, each time offering a polite "excuse me." Finally, I say, "okay, that's enough." "But mom, I said excuse me, so it's okay to fart. Farts happen."

5. We're getting ready to go to the store to buy soup for lunch. "So first, you have to put curlies (braids) in my hair so I can be beautiful. Then I need my socks and shoes. Then, you have to let the dog out. Then, we have to look in the mirror to make sure I'm beautiful. Then, we can go." I tried letting the dog out before the socks and shoes and she threw a hissy fit. "No, Mom, that's not how I said it goes!"

6. She's looking at one of our wedding pictures on the mantle. "Where am I in the picture?" "You weren't born yet." "That's not fair that you got to go there without me. It looks like a cool place. Will you take me there sometime?" As I'm trying to figure out a good answer, since we were married at a country club that we're NOT members of and that particular picture was taken on their golf course, she says with the urgency of a deathbed vow, "PROMISE me, Mom. When I get married, you're going to take me right there and you'll let me get married."

7. Still looking at pictures on the mantel. "I was such a cute baby. I've always been beautiful." "Um, that's not you. That's your sister." "What? Why don't you have pictures of me anywhere in the house? Don't you love me?" In all fairness, I still don't have all of our pictures framed or unpacked, and for some reason, I don't have hers. So she does have a point.

8. "Do you think I should marry Tom and Jerry?" As in her favorite cartoon? I'm tired of all her nonsense, so I sort of agree. "Mom, you're silly. You know I can't marry Tom and Jerry. I'm still a kid."

9. She's been trying to get me to get her a glass of milk and I'm in the middle of something. "Mom, you're my most beautiful and lovely mom. Now will you get me some milk?"

10. Looking for a pumpkin at the pumpkin patch. "I want a pumpkin that I can carry all by myself. Last year, we got a big one and dad had to carry it. But it's MY pumpkin and I'M going to carry it, okay?" Big sister had to rub in that it was a small pumpkin. "Yes, but I'm a small girl and I'm carrying mine all by myself so I need a small pumpkin."

11. "Mom, I brought my pet roly polys in because someone stole some last night. I had a lot and now there's only a few left, so I brought them inside." "Sorry honey, you know the rules. No bugs in my house." "But mom, these are my pets. And they have to be inside so no one else steals them." "Nope. They need to go out." "But they're in MY room, not yours." "Yes, but they're still in my house and I don't want them in my house." She stomps off, wailing, "You just don't care about nature!"

12. She's playing, and I hear a loud, "MOM!" I come running, "What, honey?" She looks at me, angry. "I wasn't talking to you. I was playing a game." This happens a few times, so finally, the next time I hear her yelling mom, I ignore it. A few minutes later, I find her in tears. "What's wrong?" "I called and you didn't come. Don't you love me?" "Well, the last few times you called, you were playing a game and didn't want me." "But this time I did. You're my mom. You should know when I need you."

13. But probably the best, because at each of her funny but truly sincere words, I have a hard time not laughing, she says, "Don't laugh at me, I'm not funny. I mean it. I'm serious."



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15 comments:

Jenn said...

OH my gosh, I am laughing so hard.

Alice Audrey said...

LOL. She sounds very down to earth to me. You'll be fine when she's 14. Or maybe she'll be fine and you'll have already gone bald from tearing your hair out.

Eaton Bennett said...

She sounds like a delightful little girl with her own mind and good company for her mom. You can't buy personality and character, they're God given gifts. :)
Thanks for coming by and commenting on my poem...the photo I took and here is the link to my Aussie photo blog, I think you will enjoy it. http://countrydownunder.blogspot.com/

Denise Patrick said...

She sounds adorable and, yes, you will be in trouble when she's fourteen. Maybe even when she's ten or twelve! Good luck!

Happy TT!

JO said...

oh my! she's a comedian.

Here's my TT # 52. Thanks!

FickleMinded said...

you got one very smart 4 yr old girl !

Money Honey said...

This was the highlight of my day: Vivi, 5, said with a grin,"I got a booboo on the playground becuase I fell when Chandler was chasing me for the whole recess". I then coyly asked my son Brendan,8, why a boy would do that to sweet Vivi. Brendan screwed up his face and spit out,"I,m not going to say it out loud - that's disgusting!"
Don't forget to print out your fabulous entry and put it in each of your kids baby books to hang onto forever! You're a good Mama, Danica!

poppingbubbles said...

OMG! You cannot put a price on the things that come out of children's mouths! I have a five year old who slays me every day!

Happy TT!

Danica/Dream said...

Yeah, I have to say, she gives me unspeakable joy. Love this little girl!

Janet Spaeth said...

I had to read this out loud to my daughter--it was so funny!

I love it!

siteseer said...

Girl, you are in TROUBLE!!! I love that she can't marry Tom and Jerry because she's too young, nevermind they're not real! She's like my daughter was...she's so sharp she must be eating tacks for breakfast. Good luck - btw I've tagged you for a fun meme on my blog.

Ellen said...

Oh man are you in trouble!!! Her teen years are going to drive you around the bend.

Rob in Gallup said...

These are classic. Thanks for sharing them. You made my day!

Joanna said...

She sounds like my four year old girl! So sassy. - Jo

justspeaz said...

Danica! She's hilarious! Seriously, you could run your own show of kids say the darndest things!