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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

From the mountains to the valleys...

Yesterday, we closed on our old house. Wow. A very weird feeling, to be sure. We're still in the move out process, which is going slower than we'd planned, but more on that in a minute.

The coolest feeling in the world was depositing the check. I have never held that much money in my life. (MY money, anyway) I keep looking at the bank statement, and saying, "WOW!" Granted, I'll be spending it all next week when we put the down payment on the new house. It's still a great feeling to see that our hard work paid off.

Then, I talked to our broker and found out we have plenty of money to get the new house. When all is said and done, and we close on that house, we'll have a good deal of money to use on some much needed projects. Again, more than I've ever had. And to think that just a couple weeks ago, I was so worried about money that I was literally in tears. I love how God takes care of things.

So I hit midday feeling pretty good. That despite the fact that one of my employers forgot to pay me-AGAIN- we are fine. For the first time since the big layoff of '03, I can actually breathe easy. Something God and I have been wrestling over for months.

I went back to packing, and felt pretty happy that I had very little left to do. Just my spices and food in the cupboards. I'd even taken out some chicken to marinate, stuck it in the marinade, and was ready to grill. For once, my life was back in my control.

Then I went to get the kiddos from a friend's. The baby was crying, and as it turns out, she'd fallen and hurt herself. Well, more to the point, the bigger kids pushed her and she fell. I couldn't console her. When she finally cried herself to sleep, we started checking her arm to see how badly injured she was. She woke up and immediately started screaming. Despite my lifting limit, I carried her until we got her home. At the ER, the xrayed her (while she screamed) and didn't find a break, but because of the pain, they have her in a splint and they'll re-check her Friday.

Three hours. That's how long it took for everything flowing perfectly to go to a complete mess. The time we spent in the ER was time That Man needed to get some work done for a crew to come in and finish today. He skipped out on work today after his one important meeting to get everything done.

I have to admit, I've had an attitude over all this. With as much stress as we've been under, why couldn't I have just had one day be perfect? I have been stretched about as far as I can without exploding. I am exhausted. Another night of not sleeping, because I had a baby in pain sleeping next to me. I've done everything I can for her, and she is still in so much pain. I'm so mad. Why now? When we have literally had to fight to make everything work out okay? Why is there one more thing added to the list of impossibilities in our lives?

But when I look back at the success and happiness of yesterday, I realize that in our celebration, there was a lot of selfish pride. "WE" did it. "WE" are finally going to be okay. Considering it was God who'd brought us through all the negative circumstances, that's a little high-handed. Yes, our bank account is finally at a place where I can breathe easier. And yes, I'm on my way to living in the home of my dreams. But it is still God who has allowed us to do all of this. And it is still God who will continue to carry us, even if the seas don't seem as stormy.

Arrogance. It's a deep crevice on the way to the mountaintop.


Heather said...

From someone who's still in that mid-point tears over finances, it's good to hear the later testimony. Not that He'll deal with me the same way He dealt with you, but I know that no matter what, I'm in His hands.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on selling the old house! That's quite an accomplishment in the current market. And way cool on the money! :)

Hope your baby's arm is okay.

Unknown said...

You don't know me, but your blog showed up on my GoogleAlert on "Danica" because I thought it would be neat to see what other Danica's in the world were up to. Needless to say, I ended up on your site and was intrigued. Your current entries have inspired me and have reinforced my hope during a difficult time, as I see you've gone through as well. I apologize for this being quite random, but I just wanted to you know that you, a person I don't even know, achieved what no one around me could, and made my day a little better. So... thank you.

Danica Favorite said...

Heather, it's totally in His hands. I had no idea, four years ago, that it would be so long or hard to get to here. Midpoint- two years ago, I pretty much resigned myself to it never happening.

Tori, it is! We were talking to the people we're buying the new house from, and they were all excited that theirs had sold in 3 weeks. When I told her ours took 5 days, she about had a heart attack. Both are phenomenal for the market here.

And baby is doing much better, although it still hurts. We'll visit the doc in the am for a checkup.

Danica, thank you for stopping by and leaving such kind words. I hope things in your life get better soon. Please do stop by again. And I'd love to visit you sometime.