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Monday, August 13, 2007

I still don't have a title

Usually, when I start a blog, I start with a title, and oftentimes, the contents of the blog have nothing to do with the title. Sometimes, I change it, other times, I don't, and occasionally, I think it's so brilliant I wonder why no one dubs me the title queen of the universe. Today, however, I have no title. I have topics, but no title. And I'm not entirely sure what I'm blogging about, so flow with me for a while, will ya?

I took a nice, long bath tonight. I'm going to miss the tub at my old house. That Man installed a super deep tub, a super large hot water heater (with the water turned up to super hot), and well, I'm spoiled for it. This regular tub with a regular hot water heater turned to a regular temperature is for the birds. Note to Man who reads my blog daily: this will be the one of your first projects in the new house. (she says sweetly)

So, for my tub read, I chose a book that promised to be my kind of suspensy psychological thriller. ICK ICK ICK. It did not make my heart go pitter patter. It was so... blah... I hated that I wasted my reading time on it, and not Sherrilyn Kenyon's latest. But as we all know, my reading quirk is that I can't not finish a book. I MUST know what happens. And truly, with a suspense, you do need to read to the very end to make sure there isn't a twist. At least with a good one. Which I would've gotten with Sherri's book, except that she's more paranormal than suspense and I wasn't in the mood for paranormal. Moody, moody, moody.

Today, I got to see Sherri. She was in town for a signing as part of the book tour for her latest release. I came out of the afternoon inspired. I have to tell you a little about Sherri. We have a very unlikely friendship. Several years ago, I was in a phase I'm not proud of, don't talk about, and did some really dumb things. However, once I had some sense knocked into me, I realized I needed to make amends for what I'd done, and one of the people affected (in a bizarre way) was Sherri. I spent MONTHS gathering up the courage to meet her and basically apologize for being an idiot. But I finally did it. I was shaking so hard when I approached her that the friend with her was a little nervous, thinking I might be some sort of psycho or something. (I am, just don't tell her) But we talked. For hours. And after my initial apology and explanation, the conversation steered towards other things and out of it, we became friends.

I'm shocked I even just told this story, but I think it does illustrate something I'm trying to learn through my Enemy Prayer Blog. For a long time, she was my enemy, although entirely in my own mind. Most of it, I'd built up so huge in my imagination (with help from a friend who'd also done the same), that I couldn't see clearly who she was. The truth is, what I'd thought was such a huge deal and something she'd hate me over was absolutely nothing. I'd worried and worried over nothing. I think we do a lot of that. I know I certainly do.

So today, when I saw Sherri, and we hugged like long lost sisters (over and over- I wish this woman lived closer!), I kept thinking of how, if I'd hung on to my negative thoughts, I wouldn't have known the joy she's brought to my life. Maybe I should be doing this on the other blog. See, I told you I had no idea what I was doing when I started blogging tonight. :)

Today also brought another reminder of my unfounded fears. My friends joke around about how everyone knows me, blah blah blah, and I don't ever see it. Yet, there I was, at someone else's signing, recognized by a lot of folks I didn't think knew who I was. I realized something really powerful. So many of them believe in me far more than I believe in myself. I am overwhelmed by the level of encouragement people who've never read a word I've written have given me. Another author, Dianna Love Snell was with her to help out, and I have to say, Dianna is another one of those folks you just love to death. Or rather, she loves you to death. Nah, not to death. To life. Because she, too, inspires me.

The biggest thing I took out of today's signing (besides the fact that I aspire to have one as HUGE as Sherri's), is a reminder that we can't live our lives based on fear. Honestly, I have a huge issue with that. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Most of them will never come true. Sherri didn't tar and feather me five years ago. Even after all these years, she's still not come after me with a war party. She loves me, and I love that. Forgiveness and grace is so powerful. And I'm so thankful that she gave me that gift. I'm reminded to do the same.

I keep writing stuff and deleting, mostly because I'm so tired that it's all blurring and I can't remember what I was saying to begin with. I guess that means it's time for bed. As you drift off to sleep tonight, well, who am I kidding, you're all already asleep... but I digress... whatever the conversation you've been fearing, such as an overdue apology, have it. Maybe the person won't give you a big hug and shower you with love the way Sherri did for me, but it still won't be nearly as bad as your fear tells you to.

A while ago, I taught my kiddos a verse: Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I'd intended it to help them with their nightmares, but you know, it seems to me it can help their mommy out a bit too. In commanding Joshua, the Lord is constantly telling him to be courageous. That tells me Joshua was scared. It's okay to be scared, but don't let the fear paralyze you.

3 comments:

Heather said...

I love the enemy turned best friend!
Makes me think of Jonathan and David, although strictly speaking, they were never enemies. They just should've been.

Danica/Dream said...

Thanks Heather. It amazes me how we make enemies out of nothing, and yet, in the case of Jonathan and David, they should have been enemies and weren't.

Heather Diane Tipton said...

I'm glad you saw that... how much people believe in you. you're easy to believe in, Danica.