D is for Dog

If you ask my children, my favorite child is The Dog. This is true. It is also true that I often like The Dog better than my husband. Except, perhaps, for the other day when The Dog PUKED IN MY CAR!

Allow me to rewind. We began April Fool's Day at 5 a.m. I am not a morning person and I do not do mornings. The Man had to to be at work at 3 a.m. Sadly, it was not a joke. So, at 5 a.m., The Man's usual time to get up with The Dog, I was awakened by a horrifying sound. The Dog was puking. So, my no poop rule. That also applies to puke and any other bodily fluids. I do not do bodily fluids. If I did not have a husband who supported me in this endeavor, I'd have a nanny. However, this does not help me at 5 a.m. when The Dog is PUKING and The Man is not home. The worst part of The Horror was that The Dog sleeps in my bed.

I jumped out of bed, freaking out that The Dog, my beloved, soon-to-be-toast, is PUKING in my bed. I threw him off the bed. Then I turned on the light. And found my faith in The Dog was restored. You see, he was considerate enough to lean over the side of the bed and puke on the floor. Well, it would have been more considerate if he'd gone and done it in the toilet, but I suppose that's asking a bit much. So, I was quite pleased that The Dog did not actually puke in my bed. And then, he had the great thoughtfulness to clean it up himself. By eating it. Gross, but I was happy to not have to clean puke.

The next day, I was busy getting ready for the annual MOPS used toy and clothing sale. While I graduated out of MOPS, I still volunteer with the sale. It's fun, and I get great bargains on stuff. I also sell a lot of my kids' stuff. The day proved to be quite stressful. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. I had to run to my FIL's house to get more safety pins (one more thing that went wrong) and decided to be nice to The Dog. He is very jealous of my new Peeps. He thinks he is being replaced. He is correct.

The Dog loves to go on car rides with me, but I don't take him often because I'm usually in and out of the car and I don't want to leave my sweet little cherub alone. So, I took The Dog with me to my FIL's. All was beautiful. The Dog got to play with Grampa, sniff Grampa's yard, pee on Grampa's stuff, and then we headed for home. That is when The HORRIBLE Thing happened, and The Dog PUKED in my car.

I cannot express the absolute horror of the disgusting smell of dog puke in a car on a cold day when you have to have the heater on. Fortunately, The Dog also ate this pile of puke, again saving me from cleaning puke out of my car. However, my car still smelled, and despite using cleaners on the stain, I still have a dog puke stain in my carpet. I almost got out the carpet cleaner, except it was raining, and I have a morbid fear of being electrocuted, which I was sure, with the way my luck was going, would have happened. Mind you, all of this happened at a time when I needed to load my car with my stuff for the sale and get it there at a certain time. I almost cried. Except I kept telling myself how stupid it was to be crying over dog puke when I had so much stuff to do. So I saved it for when I had time to blog. Aren't you lucky, getting to hear about my near breakdown over dog puke.

Wait. My post was supposed to be about how much I love my dog. I love him. Really, I do. And I still like him better than my kids. They don't clean up their own puke. I think I like The Man better. He usually cleans up everyone's puke, so he's got The Dog beat. Anyway, I love my dog. He's awesome. Except when he pukes or does other gross stuff.

(P.S. If I'm not as up on comments or visiting folks as usual, I'll catch up in a couple days or so. I'm pre-posting a lot of stuff because I'll be working at the MOPS sale pretty much the entire time. So not being rude, just being crazy!)