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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Have I blogged about people who need to die recently?

So the build a bear people got back to me:  Dear crazy lady, thanks so much for your email, but we ain't selling you the pony.  But hey, we'll give your kid a small gift certificate to make up for the pain and emotional trauma of not getting her dream.  Have a nice day. 

Yeah.  Thanks.  God, could you help us out here, please? 

Usually, I don't ask for shallow things from God.  I tend to be more into the whole, God, make me a better person, a good mom, obedient to You, keep me from killing people, help me forget that whole God smiting people lest I should ask Him to do it, that sort of thing.  You ask me to pray to heal someone or fix whatever woe they have, and I'm pretty good about saying, God, your will be done.  But DANGIT, please, Lord, find me that pony for my little girl. 

Speaking of smiting enemies, I was thinking of this discussion I had with one of the board members about how she's into the God smiting enemies frame of mind, and I'm more into the whole loving God act.  I've decided it's probably a good thing I'm not a smiter, because with my temper, lotsa folks would be dead.

Tonight, That Man very nearly lost his life.  The only thing that kept him from being murdered in his bed is that he suggested I buy the more expensive Todd Agnew tickets, and I don't know of any way to legally kill him and get away with it.  Besides, I'd end up missing him fairly quickly, and that would suck.

I had a really good rant about That Man and men in general, but God is making me be nicer.  Why do I want to be nicer, anyway?  Did I mention I didn't have dinner tonight because That Man didn't save me any?  What?  God, I'm just explaining why I'm in a particularly bad and grouchy mood.  Me + low blood sugar= mean lady.  If you don't like it, too bad, you made me this way.

Well, I'm suddenly very sleepy. I think it's because I had a long trying day.  And I haven't eaten.  Eating at night makes you fat, anyway, doesn't it?   Of course, when I don't eat at night, I wake up sick to my stomach.  Would it be really wrong of me to roll over and puke on his pillow?  Aside from the fact that I'd be the one to clean it up anyway, of course.

Yes, I know... be nice, Danica.  See, this is why people shouldn't remind me of God's smiting powers.  I'd go around pointing, "Smite, don't smite..."  But God doesn't always grant people what they want, so I'd be covered.  Oh yeah.  But this world would be so in trouble if I could harness that smiting power...  Ah, pleasant things to dream about when I go to sleep.  Besides the yummy dinner that I DID NOT GET.


Bailey Stewart said...

Jill gave you the perfect murder weapon - a giant icicle. Wait, but then you'd have to train someone else ...

You can smite them - with a pen. Make them the bad guys in your next book!

Maybe you can find the horse on ebay?

Jana said...

Oooo yeah. Check ebay. They have everything. ;-)

I don't so much tend toward killing people...I just wish sometimes I had a baseball bat to konk 'em on the head with. You know, enough to make 'em miserable but not enough to kill 'em. hehehe

Hope you find that pony though.

Danica/Dream said...

Sadly, ebay does not have it. But I will keep checking, and even if I have to pay a lot of money for it, my daughter will have the pony. I sort of can relate to parents who go nuts at Christmas time, killing each other over a stupid hot toy. Except this isn't just some whim, but something she's worked for and earned.

Eve, and the re-training is exactly why That Man gets to keep his life. So many things to re-train him in... understanding that I stay up late, understanding that I'm insane, all that good stuff. :)

Jana, my only fear with baseball bats, is that I'd turn the person into a vegetable rather than knocking some sense in.

Ah well, back to being a pacifist.

Rae said...

I'll keep checking ebay too. I =think= we might be going to the mall this weekend, if we do, I'll look and see what I can find. I'll keep you updated. I've found a brown one and a pink unicorn, but no purple horse. =(

Danica/Dream said...

Thanks Rae.