Reason Number 5894 why people with children never have sex

Untimely puddles of vomit.

It was late at night... Mama Bear went to bed early, feeling a little bit frisky and slightly irritated at the universe. A combination that Papa Bear knows how to fix. ;)

He picked up the small child from the marital bed, opened the kids bedroom door to deposit her into her bed, only to be met with a baby sleeping in a puddle of her own vomit.

The good news: All of my worries about having sick kiddos choking on their own vomit in the middle of the night and dying are completely unfounded. Little stinker slept through it all apparently. But who am I kidding? I still won't sleep if the kiddos are sick.

So rather than a night of lovin' with the man, we cleaned puke. You can tell she did it in her sleep because the side of her face that she slept on was just matted with the stuff. It was truly gross. She hadn't realized what had happened, so she was pissed off that we woke her up to clean it. Like we were going to let her sleep in that all night.

And so, after an hour of the joy of cleaning, laundry, scrubbing kiddo (it's really hard to get off kiddo in its dried form, in case you were wondering), we were too exhausted, too grossed out, to think of anything other than passing out.

Let this be a warning to those of you without kids.

And if you see one of those crazy, harried women in the grocery store with screaming kids, refrain from making one of those "helpful" comments about moms with their hands full. We know, thanks. And if said harried mom accidentally backs into your car because vomit baby is still not herself and acting exceedingly cranky, don't read her the riot act. Accept that there is no damage to either vehicle, and let her be on her way. Your dirty looks and lecture will serve no purpose other than to further stress her out and since she will not be having any sex to relieve that stress anytime in the near future, you should probably give her a break. People become homicidal with less provocation.