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Sunday, July 16, 2006

What was the spider thinking?

I had an unfortunate incident with a spider this evening. I might as well confess-I don't like the things. And sure, I will also admit to a slight fear of a creature that is small enough to squish with my bare hands. As if *I* was dumb enough to touch one.

Last night, as we cleared out a weed bed, we deprived several enormous, menacing eight legged monsters of their homes. I was afraid that they might think that an invitation to relocate to the interior of MY home, so my beloved man killed them with his bare hands. Yes, he is such a hero stud. There is a reason why he got lucky last night. The Man killed for me. Several horrible beasts are now dead and will threaten my family no more.

However, one of their relatives decided to visit me this evening, perhaps to seek vengeance for ordering the execution of his people and destroying their home. He crept across the floor, trying to be stealthy, but I saw him. I looked for a weapon, but all I could find was the rolling chair. Everything else would have required me to get close enough to touch the fiend. And so, I began to chase the spider with the rolling chair.

Oh, he thought he was so smart. He thought he was going to escape. He'd skitter one direction, I'd follow. He tried to hide under the laundry basket. I moved it. Up and down, left and right, we danced, until finally, the roller on the bottom of the chair made contact and crushed his little spider bones. I ran over him a couple of times, just to be certain he wouldn't rise again. His body remains, in the middle of the family room floor, a reminder to any who dare trespass into my sacred space.

I wonder what he was thinking, in those final moments, when he realized that he'd miscalculated and was about to meet his doom. At what point of impact did he feel the weight of my chair crushing his little body? Do you think he's in heaven? If so, will I see him there? Will I have to kill him again? Or will the Lord, in all His mercy, put the spider and I in different places so that neither of us will encounter the other? Or will we have both somehow evolved to the point of accepting each other?

Yes, this is where my mind goes in the middle of the night. I'm blaming the heat. If this hundred degree weather does not let up soon, I'm going to be killing more than spiders.


Tori Lennox said...

And so, I began to chase the spider with the rolling chair.

ROFL! I can just picture this! Sounds like something I'd do to avoid getting anywhere near a spider, too. :)

Danica/Dream said...

I'm telling you, those things are evil!

Jana said...

ROFLOL Poor spidy. I at least use a shoe and make it painless as possible. :-D