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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Held Hostage by a Terrorist

And it was nothing like how I thought it would be.

The two year old has now figured out how to open her bedroom door. It's bad enough the little monster can get out of bed and destroy the room during naptime, but now she can get out and destroy my house.

After fighting to keep her in the room for an hour, I decided to try a new tactic. I brought the little bundle of energy into my room for the nap. I grabbed a book and held her, thinking she'd fall asleep if she got some mommy snuggles. Instead, Mommy got a concussion and I think possibly a broken toe. Okay, I may be exaggerating on the concussion, but I do think my toe might be broken. Finally I decided that if I let her run amok in the bedroom, she'd tire herself out and go to sleep.


My bedroom now looks like hers. Except... with my bathroom under construction, all my bathroom items are in the bedroom. Which means I have weird and gross mixtures that are probably toxic oozing from every imaginable crevice. She painted herself with her father's deodorant. My deodorant has disappeared. Yes, we will now be known as the stinky family, since we no longer have deodorant.

Now, lest you think that my problems will be solved once I get my bathroom back (tomorrow, thank God!), I should point out that having drawers for organization rather than a cabinet has given the creature the ability to climb onto the sink so she can get into the medicine cabinet. Thus far, she has painted the bathroom with toothpaste twice.

After a nearly four hour standoff, I gave up the fight, handed her off to her father, and went to church to deal with other people's screaming babies. There's these two snuggly ones that I love, so it was nice to have a baby to snuggle with who won't head butt me.

However, it does bring me to a more serious thought, because I am seriously going crazy. She is literally ten times the energy of Bay (who, as some of you know, is pretty high energy-you may remember some of my Bay baby stories. Kay has topped them all, and usually earlier than Bay did them).

I wanted to just sit there and cry. I cannot control a two year old. She is destroying my house, destroying my peace, and just making me crazy. If I start picking one thing up, she destroys something else. I can't keep up. I've been a Flylady member for a long time now, only halfheartedly do it, but frankly, even if I was fully doing it, it wouldn't make a difference. Because let me just tell you... *F* Flylady. All of that crap is well and good, but when you have a terrorist roaming the house, it gets messed up faster than you can say "hotspot". I have to be constantly watching her, constantly following her, because the one second that I don't, it ends up being an environmental catastrophe of the worst sort.

Did I tell you about the lost trophy? You know, me, the great contest coordinator who LOST one of trophies for one of the winners? I know what happened to it. The terror child is holding it hostage and if I could just figure out how her evil little mind works, I'd find the bloody thing. Instead, I'm going to have to fork out fifty bucks to replace it, and then she'll tell me what she did with it.

So this is me... writer extraordinaire, seeker of the Lord, super mommmy, loving wife, brought to her knees by a mere two year old. As soon as I finish my study for the night, I'm going to clean a bit more, go to bed, and then wake up to find she's gotten up sometime in the middle of the night and set off a few bombs. I wish I were kidding.

Why is it illegal to duct tape your kids? And please, don't give me your crap about proper discipline. The monster gets disciplined. She just doesn't care. Which is why I think I deserve a dispensation from the law and should get permission to just duct tape her now and then. But no, instead, I have to let her terrorize the universe.

Don't get me wrong here. I adore the little monkey. But man... this testing her limits phase is really killing me. I had to keep reminding myself all day that this is a phase, she will grow out of it, and I just need to be firm and consistent.

I SO need this upcoming spa day!


Bailey Stewart said...

Don't suppose she knows where my brain is? LOL

Have you tried any of those safety knobs that you slip over the doorknob? They worked for my nephew when he was that age and he has now managed to reach the ripe old age of 16.

Jana said...


I pray you keep your sanity till the phase passes.

Tori Lennox said...

*hugs* sweetie!!! You're a braver woman than I. I'd never be able to cope with a two-year old.

Danica/Dream said...

Eve, I completely forgot about those things until you said something. Guess what I'm buying tomorrow?

Thanks Jana and Tori.

She was better today. We used bungee cords to keep the door shut until she screamed herself to sleep.