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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Finding the Missing Poopy

Some days are just well... crappy. And, as I've blogged about before, mine tend to be literal.

I woke up this morning to, "Mommy! Poopy!" I let the critter out of her cage to find her stark naked, except for a princess tiara (on backwards) and her socks-one pink, one purple. I REALLY wanted to take a picture for my blog, but I was afraid I'd get in trouble for kiddie um, bad stuff that I won't say so the pervs don't get me when googling. She was very cute. However, her "poopy" comment meant one thing. The little turkey had gone poopy, and since her diaper was MIA, I had to dig through the pit known as her room to find it.

At which point, I step into a puddle of what can only be pee. Ah, I love this mommy business. I search for diaper and find it-completely dry. So I begin looking for the rest of her bowel functions. I tear apart the room, and don't find it. I give up because I want to clean up the puddle o' pee before the dog finds it and decides to add to it.

That mission accomplished, the little monster decides she needs to eat. I don't know why they made feeding children part of parenting. Geez! I mean, if I stopped feeding them, they'd stop going to the bathroom. ;) Anyway, kiddo gets fed and we head downstairs. She's going through a nonstop eating phase, so after she ate her yogurt, my yogurt, my pastry, an orange, my banana, she stood in the living room, happily chomping on HER banana, smiling, she starts to pee in the middle of the family room. I try to coax her into stopping and going to the toilet, but no. God help you if you bother this child while eating. You'd think I was trying to kill her rather than keep her from peeing on my carpet.

Sooo... yet again I get to clean up pee before the dog smells it and decides to re-mark his territory. I get THAT cleaned up, and realize that with all the errands I have to run, I have to get running before it gets too late. I take kiddos upstairs to find their shoes and socks. What do I smell by the sock drawer, but poop. Is it the missing poopy? I start digging (their room is a total mess-stuffed animals and blankets everywhere-they're playing some weird game with them), hoping the poop isn't on something important. I can't find it. B walks in and says, "Ew, Mom, it stinks like poop in here." I had to bite back what my mom used to tell me, even though it was probably fitting for the situation. "No s**t Sherlock." Literally.

I made her help me look, and despite our best efforts, we could not find the poop anywhere. And then, it stopped stinking, so I thought, well, maybe the baby has gas. Sometimes she farts and thinks she's got poop. We packed up ourselves, ran our errands, put the baby down for a nap, and when I got her up, I smelled it again. BAD. I looked around. No poop. She was dry, and yes, I sniffed to see if she had gas. Negative.

We went shopping, came home, and I sit down at the computer to get a little work done. HA! The dog curls up beside me, falls asleep, and just when I least expect it, he lets one rip. Yep, it's the dog. The nasty poop smell we've been blaming on the baby and trying to track all day-Wasn't her. The ugly black thing sitting next to me is the culprit. He follows me around all day, and of course, I never thought to sniff HIS butt. I mean, come on!

At this point, I'm going to assume that the missing poopy that woke me up this morning was, in fact gas. However, don't be surprised if weeks from now, I'm cleaning their room, and in some random and bizarre place, I find the missing poopy. Because you see, crap happens. And when you combine my luck with a dog and a potty training child, it happens a lot more often, and in a lot of really strange places.

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