Why I hate my new book

I've mentioned that this is a Hosea book, right?

I need to rewind for a minute and mention a conversation I had with a friend. She was talking about her writing and how she felt that she was a Hosea. She said, "Everyone wants to be an Isaiah, but no one wants to be a Hosea." Um, okay. I sorta got where she was going with it.

And then I start writing this book-the book I didn't want to write. This family fascinates me. It started as I was editing my current book, and one of the secondaries casually mentions that his wife left him and the kids, leaving just a note. As a mother who adores my children (yes, even when they're blowing up my house), to just leave your kids like that, well, it's so unthinkable. I didn't want to write her story, nor did I want to like her. Which is pretty stupid if you're writing a book where the goal is to get your readers to like the character, right?

As I thought about this book and whether or not I could really write it, a thought hit me. This is my Hosea book. Here's this hero, with a wife who has gone and done the unthinkable. Not only does he have to take her back, but he has to chase her and fight for her to come back to their family. So I've been thinking a lot about Hosea. Yesterday, as I realized that I am in the midst of lots and lots of cop talk that will probably have to get cut in the final draft, I decided that I should probably dig in to Hosea. If I'm going to write a Hosea book, I might was well read it, right?

I think my brain is going to explode. I say that a lot, I know, and it's only by the grace of God that it hasn't already. But as I dug in, of course I discovered all the things I already knew, like Homer is fighting for his unfaithful wife, Gomer, and the Lord is fighting for his unfaithful people, the Israelites. Here's what made my brain start to short circuit.

I realized that we are all Gomers.

We are all a part of the unfaithful people, chasing after that which is not of God. We don't seek Him, we seek all of the other things. Worse, we aren't even honest about it. "No, Lord, we're not chasing after Baal," we argue. I mean, until I started digging in my Bible, I didn't even know who or what Baal was. And Asherah poles? I can't recall that I've ever actually seen one. What does an Asherah pole look like?

I can only guess what they looked like in Biblical times, but I do know what they look like in modern times. I think about the things I chase after, and I've come to realize that a lot of them are Baals. My focus isn't on God, but on those things. And while I say, "I want to honor God with it," the goal isn't God, but attaining that thing, or that goal. Honoring God is a part of the equation, but it isn't the THE answer. If it's not the answer, then it's nothing more than putting up an Asherah pole or worshipping Baal.

Which leads me to why I hate this book. On the surface, I am nothing like my adulterous drug addicted heroine. And yet, I am everything like her. It really sucks when all you're trying to do is write a book that people will like enough to buy, and instead you find your own heart being changed.

So instead of spending the month Nano-ing my heart out, it looks like God is going to be doing a little heart cleaning on me. Gotta love how that one works.