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Monday, January 07, 2008

Third attempt at a blog

Can we say uninspired?

Actually that's not true. What is true is that I have a lot of things on my mind and in my heart, and I've been doing a pretty lousy job at expressing myself coherently. So here it is.

I'm trying to dig myself out of the pit. I've done a lot of really good positive things to improve my day, my life, my mood, my house, my family. I managed to drag myself out of bed, even though I wanted to lay there forever. I did some good things for myself that I needed to do. I'm proud of myself. I wanted to share those things, except they sound kind of silly when I get specific, so there it is.

The other thing on my mind is the idea of justice. Good guys, bad guys, and why it seems like the bad guys win more often than the good guys. I'm getting tired of watching the meanest people I know triumph over the nicest people I know. The people who do everything with so little integrity always getting ahead while the honest ones are stepped on. I hate watching people with integrity give up and cut some corners because it's the only way they can survive. I want to know where God is. I'm not meaning to be blasphemous here, but really... where is He? We all know that He is going to triumph in the end. This is one story that's been spoiled to death: God wins. And yet, there's so much mystery because we don't know how or when.

How long? How long?

The Psalmists wrote about this centuries upon centuries ago. And here we are, still singing the same song. Where is my Deliverer? Where is my help? My Strength? I'm trying to wait patiently for the Lord, but really, I just want to cry and scream and beg and rant and throw the biggest temper tantrum to get Him to notice me.

Here I am. I'm still waiting. We're still waiting. Deliver us. Avenge the wrongs done to us. Give us triumph over our enemies.

Is there anything new under the sun? No, there is not. Not one of my words is anything You've never heard before. Am I just babbling like the pagans? Speaking only to hear my own voice echo against the walls in my own mind?


Are you still out there?

Be still and know that I am God. When you seek me with all your heart, there you will find me.

Is my faith not strong enough? If only it were as big as the grain of a mustard seed. Is it not even that big? Give me more faith. Give me more strength to seek deeper.


Nell Dixon said...

To me it depends on what you mean by winning. What is the prize? Material things? They are important in our eyes, but in God's? Good does always win out but sometimes the rewards aren't visible to our eyes and I agree it doesn't feel so great when you're the one going through the mill but our experiences good and bad nurture our faith and help us grow closer to God.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of Habbakuk. He told God his complaints then resolved to sit at the watch tower until God answered him.
God did.
Hab didn't like the answer. The answer seemed even more unjust than the question.
So he asked another question and waited.
God answered.
Eventually Hab understood. Or maybe accepted is the better term.
I'm not saying you should just accept what's out there. Or that you shouldn't be frustrated with it. Or that you should stop questioning.
I'm just saying, like you said, you're not alone.

Danica Favorite said...

Love these thoughts, guys! Posting more on it today, because yes, so much of what you say is sooo true.