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Friday, May 12, 2006

Remember those threats I made about blowing up my house?

I mean them.

I am seriously going crazy.

This has been a seriously crappy day to end a seriously good week.

Allow me to share highlights since this is the third time Word has crashed and lost everything.
-Todd Agnew concert-good
-Fun family day-good
-Got a much bigger bonus than expected-good
-Received another fun financial lagniappe-also good
-Received scores from contest I did not final in-good and bad: good is that one judge loved (and Got!) the book and had some great comments to improve it. Bad is that not only was the other judge a complete and utter moron (aka giving me the lowest score possible on market because “this sounds exactly like a traditional romance-wrong category”-no, moron, that was exactly the RIGHT category, you know, the one it was entered in), but the other bad is that even though the other judge’s comments totally rocked, I have no place else to submit the book.
-Call from trophy place re: trophies I’m supposed to pick up-they’re not ready. Very Bad, since Saturday is the luncheon.
-Take kids to play date-pool is closed-second pool I take kiddos to isn’t allowing kids until later in the day-truly heinous.
-Find out that That Man is busy doing his own crap all day and can’t possibly help me.
-Have to take kids with me to chiro appt-VERY bad. You try laying face down on a table with electrodes on your back with two kids running around.
-Get the call that the trophies are FINALLY done, which means driving through the worst part of rush hour traffic.
-Not only do I have a mega allergy attack, but the cold I’ve been fighting for days decides to hit in earnest, AND I get such a painful stomachache, I can’t move-yep, that’d be bad.
-Find out that I need new supplies to print finalist certificates
-While I’m dealing with not feeling well, kiddos trash the house.
-Finally get about half the certificates printed (and dealt with Word crashes) and realize I have the wrong date on all of them and have to re-do them.

The list is a lot longer, but frankly, if Word crashes again, I will end up smashing my computer, so it’s best to just stop the list and continue. I think I hurt the poor little computer’s brain with my pathetic life.

And yes, I know I’m complaining about a lot of piddly little stuff that really doesn’t matter, but I’m really tired of it. I just feel like I can’t get a break. I am an introvert, in case no one remembers, and I am just in mega need of some time alone. And no, I haven’t had that in a really really long time. Because here’s the thing-even when I am so stressed that I finally say, “Screw it,” and lock myself in my room for a day, the price I pay ends up not being worth it. That Man ends up acting all pissy at me because oh dear, I made him deal with the kids for a day. Plus, he and the kids end up trashing the house, so I have a double workload to come back to.

I told him the other day that what I really wanted for my birthday was a weekend to myself-no kids, no hubby, no people, no worries. His response-“Well, you’re going to that writing conference next week, plus you’re going to Atlanta without me”. Yes, he’s still pouting that he doesn’t get to go to Atlanta. If he keeps it up, I’m not taking him to another conference-EVER. I just looked at him and said, “you don’t get it-I need time ALONE”. And he doesn’t get it. He likes people. If it were up to him, he’d be up my butt 24/7. Like the kids. I swear, people must think my butt’s the size of Texas, so many of them want in it. I don’t like people. I like to be by myself. I get my fuel spending time by myself.

And now, for the third time at this place, because Word keeps crashing at the exact moment where I say what I need-hmmm… I wonder if it’s a sign. Fine. Let’s be plain here. Because I seriously will call my friend Jodi, who is able to sign me into a loony bin, if I so desired. Love knowing people who do that sort of thing professionally.

For Mother’s Day, all I want is a weekend, sometime in the coming weeks, all to myself. It could be in the hotel down the street, I don’t care. As long as I am ALONE, away from the house, and I come home to a reasonably clean house, I really don’t care. Which is why the loony bin would work just fine for me.

I know, this is a crazy post for someone who’s supposedly getting it all together. But you know, I have so much going on, pounding at my head, demanding their time. We’ve got God, who seems to think that I don’t need sleep, two kiddos who are aptly nicknamed the terrorists, a hubby who can’t seem to cope without me, a dog, and all the other little details of the universe that seem to fall apart without my involvement.

That whole playing God thing-totally not for me. I can’t handle the small bit of the universe that I do have. I can’t imagine also having to deal with the rest of the cosmos.

Alrighty then… so Word has continued crashing, I still have a couple dozen certificates to make and print, so I’m calling it good. If someone reads this and alerts the authorities that I’m certifiable, more power to them, because I probably am.


Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Danica I do so know how you feel. Its been a couple of years since I've had an entire day alone. Which is probably why I'm so exhausted - no time to recharge my batteries. I'd just tell him that I'm going to a motel and will be back the next day. A trashed house is easier to deal with after recharging batteries. Sorry about Word - and I hope things get better.

Just think of a place, with a waterfall, relaxing soothing music ...

Tori Lennox said...

*hugs* hon. I like being alone, too. Couldn't convince my parents of that, though. They don't get it either.

Jill said...

Been there, and know how you feel. Hugs.

Danica/Dream said...

Thanks guys. It's amazing how draining life can be when you don't get two seconds alone.

Did you know, that when I go to the bathroom, if I close the door, the children stick their appendages under the door and yell at me until I come out?