I should probably comment on the fat thing before you all do

Okay, I know-some of you think I'm the skinniest thing ever. And I could live with that, except that when I gain weight like this, I feel like utter crap physically. I'm back to the weight where my doctor said, "You need to lose a few pounds". So for me, it's a medical concern as well. Yes, it bugs me that my stomach is like jello. I accept that my hips will never fit back into the size 2 jeans I wore through college. I'm fine with that. I've borne two children, and I have the stretch marks to prove it. I'm fine with that too. The fact that my husband's chest is bigger than mine-well, okay, that smarts a little. But nothing can be done about that other than surgery, and I am NOT down with that.

The way I see it, it could be worse, but it could also be better.

Did I mention I tried on clothes all afternoon? ICK

The other thing I wanted to say, because I have a friend who deals with being overweight. I went to her house a few weeks ago, and all over the place, she's got sticky notes reminding her how fat she is. ICK ICK ICK. She is really a very pretty woman. In fact, and this might have some of you barfing all over yourselves, but here it is: Most of my friends who are overweight-they are a thousand times prettier than I am. And they never realize it. All they see is that compared to them, I'm skinny. This girl is so worried about how fat she is and how being so overweight, she'll never find a husband that she is not seeing how completely gorgeous she is. And I want to put that encouragement out to those of you who read my blog-for those of you whose pictures I've seen-you guys are so freaking gorgeous, it amazes me. I don't get how I can be surrounded by so many beautiful people. And before you say, "ah, she's not talking about me," let me just stop you right here and say, "yes, I am."

So why am I whining about my weight then? I guess, because on top of all the other discouraging things that have been happening to me lately, it royally sucked to know that even though I am trying so hard to do all the right things weight and health wise, there I am, wasting good money on new pants because I'm obviously not doing it right enough. In case you didn't get this, I seldom, if ever, buy things for myself unless they're books or something I absolutely NEED.

And no, my bad mood of the last post is not based solely on having to buy new fat pants. It really is a culmination of nothing going right for me lately. I seriously cannot think of a single thing that's gone right in the past couple weeks. Everything I've thought would be a blessing has been not so much of one, and all the good things that were supposed to happen have not happened.

I really need to go to bed.