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Monday, September 11, 2006

Why travelling with me is more fun than having a needle in the eye

So, in case you didn't totally know, I was in Portland for the weekend. Have I mentioned I love Oregon? If it weren't for all the gray days, I'd move there. We almost did, but that's another story.

Which brings me to the KY jelly story. Being the good nonterrorist that I am, I checked the TSA site to see what I could carry on and what I had to check. The lip goo that I love-NOT allowed. However, they DO allow up to 4 ounces of personal hydrating fluid, aka KY jelly. Yes, they specifically mention it.

I REALLY wanted to ask a TSA supervisor why, but really, why make myself a target? So I boarded the plane, dry lips and all, wondering if I should have brought some KY. I mean, it's the same substance. I thought it would be cool to pass around a tube of KY like mints. Surely someone else had parched lips. (For the record, SOME types of lip stuff were allowed-MINE was not)

Anyway, we got there, and Shelly picked us up with her little poochies in tow. She has little dogs that would fit in a purse-I want one! But I really do not want another dog. We decided that since we were in Oregon, we HAD to go to the coast. So we drove the two hours to the coast and ate at Mo's. Yum. Although I didn't think their famous chowder was so worthy of the label. But seafood is seafood. Our main disappointment was that we didn't get there until dark. :(

Since we had nothing better to do during the drive, I regaled Shelly with my tales of lip woe. The thing that really disturbed me about the KY jelly was that it's not like you can even USE it for its intended purpose on the plane. They only let you in the lavatory one at a time, so unless you plan on very publicly joining the mile high club, what's the purpose of having it exactly? Besides that, I swear, if you even sniff like you're going to move out of your seat and take off your seatbelt, the flight attendants flip out. Seriously. Prior to this summer, I have never seen flight attendants so paranoid about making sure you're buckled up at all times.

So we spent a lot of time brainstorming about KY-which isn't as funny unless you know Shelly, who is this straightlaced Christian woman who really doesn't make a lot of off color jokes, but boy, when she does... it's funny. Shelly got thirsty, so we stopped by 7-11 to get her a drink and since my lips were still dry, I decided to find some lip stuff. The interesting thing is that while 7-11 had plenty of lip stuff, they did not have a single container of KY. Yes, I checked. Because maybe, I was approaching the problem all wrong. Maybe I should switch my preference in lip products over to KY. And then, I wouldn't have to sit on a plane with dry lips.

The next day, we breakfasted with friends, did a little shopping, visited with some other friends, did a little business, ate until we thought we were going to explode, went to bed. We also told the KY story a couple more times and added a few more product benefits. I'm telling you, we could get jobs selling KY. Thanks to TSA, it's going to be the hottest selling multipurpose product since duct tape.

The next morning, we decided to drive up to Astoria for the day. Unfortunately, it took 2 1/2 hours to go 70 miles, so it ended up being lunch in Astoria and drive back to Portland for the flight. We decided, though, that Astoria is worthy of another visit, and will be planning another trip for next fall.

I had to deep six my newfound lipstuff to get back on the plane, and I regretted not switching to KY. Of course, since 7-11 has not joined the KY bandwagon, I would have been in trouble anyway. I wonder, do you think there might be some sort of inside deal going on? You know, like the KY people paying TSA to make sure THEIR product is on the official list? 48 Hours should do an investigation.

However, it doesn't solve the problem that I still have chapped lips. KY anyone?


Tori Lennox said...

ROFL! Strange and mysterious are the ways of airline security. Y'know, if they (or anyone in the government for that matter) ever did anything LOGICAL the world would come to an end, I think. *g*

Danica/Dream said...

Yes, I think you're probably right.

Heather Diane Tipton said...

lol you are sick

Danica/Dream said...

*scratches head*