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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Those stupid TV people/Man junk

One of the very minor pieces of trivia you may not know about me is that I do watch television other than Veronica Mars. I know, shocker, but I've got to have SOMETHING to do until October, and my second favorite show coincidentally comes on AFTER my beloved Veronica, so it works out perfectly. Tonight, the season premiere of Law and Order:SVU. Now, for those of you who don't follow the show, allow me to recap you. Last season ended with some lovely tension between Stabler and Benson very much unresolved and I was quite looking forward to seeing some resolution this season.

How do they start this season? Blah blah blah, they go through a mildly entertaining episode (aka Benson and Stabler are working together, but Benson is mostly with the stupid FBI girl, so we see none of the Benson/Stabler chemistry I love. ICK). At the end of the episdoe, it turns out that my beloved Olivia has supposedly infiltrated this band of eco terrorists, and now she's cleared out and is working with the FBI undercover. Um. NO. First, I would just like to say that there is no way Olivia is going to be able to pass as this ecoterrorist chick any further than she already has. Second, GRRRRRR... Okay, yes, I understand the whole Mariska was pregnant deal, so they had to work her out of it for a while. But come ON! What am I going to do without my beloved Olivia for so long?

On top of that, That Man is off traipsing about the globe while I'm stuck at home with kiddos. Okay, fine. I've had it with all of his stinky man crap, so I decided that while the hubby's away, the wife will... clean? Yes, I know, I'm sick, terribly sick, but there's nothing that can be done about it. My goal is that tomorrow night, I will be sleeping in a clean bedroom, free of the rotten stench of man butt and other miscellaneous man junk. I am even going to sleep in fresh, clean sheets all by myself and will be able to enjoy a perfect, wonderful, night's sleep. I am so excited.

Anyway, as I was cleaning out his half of the bedroom, I had the TV on for background. Do you know that there's this horrible show where they clean out people's junk? Okay, I originally thought it was a cool show, because I was hoping it would give me ideas for stinky man stuff to throw out, but then they started tossing books. "Why do you want to keep this book?" "Because it has memories of..." "Are you ever going to read it again?" "No." "Okay, let's throw it out." WHAT? Who ARE these freaks that they allow on television? If anyone EVER sends one of those stupid TV people to MY house to throw out MY books, I will personally shove any and all books they try to throw out up their... oh, wait, I'm trying to be nice.

Some of you are probably wondering, well, if you're so uptight about your books, why don't you leave That Man's man junk alone? First off, I am not throwing anything out that does not belong in the garbage. You know, wrappers, soda cans, nasty half eaten moldy stuff I don't even want to know what it is, papers, weird odds and ends (stuff he has said I can toss), toenail clippings, mud, I hope you get the picture. It's GROSS. I have to live with that. On the plus side, I have collected about $15 from his floor. Wahoo. And then, there's the laundry. I've always believed that I'm his wife, not his mommy. So, like a good wife, I do his laundry, fold it, and put it on his chair. He throws it on the floor. Also, being a man, he "recycles" clothes, so there's also a pile of "not dirty enough to wash". Over time, these piles get mixed up, along with the dirty clothes that don't always make it to the dirty clothes area. My rule: you want it washed, you either put it in the dirty clothes, or you leave it somewhere that will really irritate me so I pick it up and wash it. I don't recommend the second option, because it comes with major attitude on my part.

Well, major attitude is here. I found almost an entire washload worth of dirty, smelly socks. Any guesses, aside from the trash I threw out, why my bedroom smells like something died in it?

Except for the fact that I am looking forward to sleeping in a CLEAN room for the first time since the last time I went this ballistic (and that time didn't count, because he came home, dumped his stinky man stuff on the floor, so it really wasn't pristine), I would question my sanity in doing this. See, the trouble with those cleaning out the junk from house shows is that all it does is give the people room for more junk. Because I'm the nice wife that I am, the man junk that I have no discernable place for goes into a box for him to sort and put away. Thus far, I have accumulated a number of such boxes that now sit under my bed, and to my knowledge, he has never attempted to clean out. Tempting to toss, I can assure you. But I respect his man junk. Besides, he'll keep bringing home more.

Needless to say, I'm not in happy Dreamy mode-I'm tired, sneezy (from all the dust that has popped up-did I mention his side only gets vacuumed if it's picked up?), and irritated. I know that he'll come home, dump his bag on the nice clean floor, take all the clothing that I washed and folded, throw it on the floor, and things will look just as they did when he left. However, I will have one amazing night of bliss that I am soooo looking forward to. I'm going to savor every moment, because I know it will be months, even years, before I get the opportunity again.

(And since I know That Man is reading-I would just like to take this moment to say that if he really wants to do a loving, romantic thing for his wife, he'll come home, unpack, put everything where it belongs, put away his clean clothes, and even take a stab at his boxes 'o junk.)


Jana said...

LOL Yeah. Good luck with that last part. :-D

Tori Lennox said...

I love those organizing your house shows, but I swear they are NOT readers. Every time they start trying to throw out 3/4 of the owner's books I want to smack them with the entire set of the Oxford English Dictionary. If they ever came to my house, I would have to threaten them within an inch of their lives if they touched my books. The books are NON-NEGOTIABLE. :)

Danica/Dream said...

LOL I know Jana!

Tori, I'd have to kill them too. Like I said, I'd be happy to demonstrate to them exactly where they can put the books.