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Friday, June 29, 2007

The enemy attacks (or not)

So here we are, in the home stretch of getting our house ready to sell. Unfortunately, I was laid out earlier this week with the worst gall bladder attack I've had since this mess began in January. Which means, I've done nothing and my house is a mess. *sigh* I have no idea how I'm going to have it ready for putting it on the market Monday. And if we don't get it on the market ASAP, we won't know where we're moving before school starts, which is really important to me. I don't want to move B midway through the year.

At first, I thought, wow, Satan's really attacking us here. And then I had to wonder... is it really Satan?

I've always had a hard time attributing things to the devil. I'm not one of those "devil made me do it" folks. I pretty much believe that you reap what you sow and most of the time, the crap in your life is due to bad decisions you've made. The devil is not "out to get you" because frankly, we do enough getting of ourselves.

Now, most of my health issues are completely not my fault. There's nothing I could have done to prevent it. But like my attack the other night. I know that with my gall bladder issues, I am supposed to eat a very low fat diet. Which means the really super yummy root beer float was a no-no. I'd eaten ice cream before with no problems, but this time, it was awful. Let's just say that if I ever am in that kind of pain again, I would seriously consider killing myself, it was that bad.

But as I laid in the hospital bed, feeling the joy of painkillers, worried about how I wouldn't get things done on the house, I had to ask, "is this God's way of saying this is not the right time to get a new house? Or does God want us to have a new house, and Satan is being a butthead?" Because yes, I do believe that Satan is alive and well, and likes to destroy things. I'm just not comfortable with all the things we attribute to him.

Over the past couple of days, I haven't gone very far from my bed. And yet this thought keeps going over and over in my mind. Is God telling me no or is Satan trying to stop me from having something good?

And then I remembered a really stupid prayer I prayed months ago. I asked God for a new house. Not just a new house. A miracle new house. One that when we moved in, people would know the house could have only come from God. Every day, I prayed for my new house. Now that we're selling our old house, I figured the new house was already in the works, so might as well pray for the people buying our old house.

You realize that I am getting exactly what I asked for, right?

It will be a miracle if we get this thing sold in time to know where we'll be living when school starts. And even though I know it seems impossible, especially since it hurts to even move right now, I just know it'll work out. I honestly don't know how. I have a lot to do and it hurts to move. I have small children running amok. Next week, I meet with the surgeon to discuss removing my gall bladder. The following week, I leave for RWA in Dallas. So most likely, the week after that, they'll be cutting me open and taking it out, leaving me unable to lift anything over 15 pounds for the next several weeks. (My surgeon has a lovely website) Trust me when I say that *I* will not be able to do anything.

So when I look at the mess I'm in and ask, "God, why is this happening to me," I can be reasonably sure that when I asked for a miracle, I got it. I just got it done God's way. And maybe there's an enemy lurking, messing up the works. But you know, as much as God likes to tell me when I'm heading in the wrong direction, He's remaining silent as we make these preparations. For now, I'll continue moving forward, but if it's the wrong direction, I pray that God will be abundantly clear that He does not want me to do this. Yes, I want a new house. Desperately. But I want more what He wants for me.

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