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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Invitation to NOT! puke

Today is a grand day in the Dream household. You see, with all our beds torn apart for the new carpet, I decided I should wash ALL of our beddding. Usually, mine alone takes a day. Since I had two days of no beds, I did it all.

However, I forgot one very sad fact of my life. Whenever I wash all of my bedding, someone ends up puking. Now, I can wash the sheets and no spewage. But when I do it all, WHAM! I did all three beds. *sobs hysterically* Please, Lord, I cannot take vomit and new carpet. It's bad enough chasing down the family to make them not eat, drink, or have dirty feet on my carpet. I cannot TAKE having to chase down potential pukers.

I just dealt with this, by the way. The other thing I do that makes family members puke is when I deep clean the bathroom. I do the usual cursory cleaning, but every once and a while, I get down and dirty, scrubbing every crack and crevice, then piling on disinfectant. I thought I'd do a deep bathroom clean the other day, you know, so that when I got my new carpet my whole house would FINALLY be clean (I know, stupid thought, given the state it's in now). That night, That Man spent all night puking and diarrheaing. ROFL... okay, I had to know if diarrheaing was a real word (it's not), so I decided to visit dictionary.com to find out. My favorite site. How awesome is it to be able to look up any word at will? Love it! Anyway, I have to tell you the definition of diarrhea.

Diarrhea: an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of fecal evacuations.

Why do they make it so complicated? It's just runny poop. And really, I didn't want to know what it was. I just needed a word for the verb of actively evacuating fluid fecal matter. Which really, you probably didn't want to know, but you ARE reading MY blog, so if I'm going to tell the story of how, after slaving away to make my bathroom spotless, including behind the toilet and that gross ring around the bottom of the toilet floor, I had to wake up in the middle of the night to listen to the sounds of That Man alternate between vomiting (see, a nice EASY verb) and actively evacuating fluid fecal matter, then guess what? I'm telling the story. With or without easy verbs.

My point is to tell you that the real reason I don't bother with cleaning my house, besides the fact that I have many other things to do, is that when I clean, members of my household inexplicably began spewing disgusting matter out of their orifices. Making everything I'd just done a waste of time, except that I don't want anyone else to get it, so I end up having to clean AGAIN. Actually, at that point, I'm so digusted, I grab some disinfectant, forget about scrubbing, and spray everything down. Twice.

So why? Why? WHY? Did I think it was a GOOD idea to wash ALL the bedding? And with new carpet?

Also, I know I promised pictures this morning, however, it took longer than expected for the carpet guys, so we've just finally got all the beds set up and I haven't bothered with anything else. At this point, my thingamajig that transfers the pictures from the camera to the computer is somewhere. I can't even guarantee it's at my house. It could have accidentally ended up in a box destined for the storage unit.

Ooooh! I just had a brilliant idea. Whoever dares spew on my new carpet or freshly laundered bedding will get sent to the storage unit. Yes! I am so brilliant. (So long as I'm not the dummy spewing)


Jana said...


That is both totally disgusting and toooooo funny. You're one of the very few people I know who can make vomit and diarrhea funny. LOL

Hope you don't have to send anyone off to the storage unit! hehehehehe

Anonymous said...

I am impressed that you managed to make this topic entertaining, LOL.

Danica Favorite said...

Yes, it is entertaining... unless someone does something bad to my new carpet!!!