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Thursday, June 21, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #11: Things Spammers should know about me

Thirteen Things Spammers should know about me
I figure this will help them stop wasting their time sending me email I don't need and hopefully clear out my inbox.

1. I do not need a larger penis. This may come as a shock, but some women actually prefer not having one.
2. I am not, nor ever have been, in the military. Therefore, I do not need your help in obtaining the disability benefits I'm entitled to.
3. I do not have an account at all the different banks who email me. Interestingly enough, I have NEVER received an email from a bank I actually have an account at. And no, you may not know who it is.
4. Another shocker- I don't need a f*ck buddy. I already have one. I married him eight years ago, and frankly, I'm too exhausted to add to my collection. Ditto for all the "matchmaking" emails I get.
5. I don't have bad credit. Please stop telling me how I can fix it.
6. I already work from home. The last thing I need is another job.
7. Why would I want to open my own Liberty tax office when I make a lot more money working fewer hours for your competitor?
8. Even if I wanted to go back to school, and even if your free scholarship was legit, you'd also have to give me free childcare for my rugrats. Send me that deal and I might consider it.
9. I have no preference as to which beer is better. Frankly, it all tastes like toad pee, so I don't drink it.
10. A slimmer me? Are you saying that I'm fat? Fuhgeddaboudit.
11. I have never taken any of the other drugs with funky lawsuits. If I had, I have a perfectly good attorney who'd handle it for me.
12. We don't have student loans. No need for help to pay them off.
13. You'd really give me $30,000 unsecured? Or secured on my PO Box? Really? Super. Just send it me c/o John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, or better yet, just give me the cash. Because honestly, anyone dumb enough to give a perfect stranger thirty grand unsecured is really just giving away a nice gift.

So there you have it. All the reasons for spammers to take me off their lists. I'm really a terrible candidate for the things they advertise, and very much a waste of their time.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Anonymous said...

OK I'm cheating: my mom is Danica, that is very common name here. Even more in old national poems and literature Danica is day star (is that the correct expression?). Also the same is to express huge love you feel for a girl (in songs):
You are my Danica Star.

So naturally I had to peek here :)
And it's great I peeked, it's awesome TT! Let me know if it works :)


Lori said...

ROFLMAO...#1, OMG....

Heather said...

Hee hee.

I WANT to work from home, but I do not trust those emails.

Anonymous said...

LMAO - what a great list! Happy TT, mine is up @ http://emeraldcityguy.wordpress.com/2007/06/21/thursday-13-5-13-very-random-thoughts/

Anonymous said...

But, but... you need all that stuff! Really! And you can earn great money doing international money transfers. They wouldn't scam you.

In other words, yep, get those too all the time.

Anonymous said...

I'd have to add that I live with my parents and don't need to refinance my mortgage, thank you very much. *rolling eyes*

Anonymous said...

You made me laugh out loud with your list. I think I need to borrow it! Great TT. Happy Friday!