Fighting it

I’ve spent the past couple of days dealing with a lovely intestinal ickage. Sadly, I think it’s from the spring rolls from my favorite restaurant, as I seem to remember having this same ickage last time I went there. I tried blaming it on something else, however, I suppose I’m going to have to concede this round. I’ll have to find another place that makes yummy spring rolls.


Last night, as I was finally admitting that my favorite food was making me sick, peering into that white porcelain bowl and finding undigested bits of what could only be spring roll, I had a thought about vomit. Go figure.


I’d been fighting the urge to throw up for at least the past 24 hours, but I kept telling myself, “I’m not sick. I’m not going to throw up.” I’d eat and then lay there, praying to keep it down, doing everything I could to ease my sensitive, queasy stomach. Funny thing, when I finally did throw up, I noticed that the contents of my stomach were not the most recent thing I’d eaten, but the meal I’d been fighting to keep down for the past 24 hours or so.


And then it occurred to me-the same thing that occurs to me every time I get sick like this. Why didn’t I just throw up when I needed to instead of spending 24 hours fighting the inevitable? If I’d just gotten sick when the urge hit, the nasty icky spring roll would have been out of my system and I’d have been on the mend. Instead, I’m just now hitting the upswing.


Which brought me to the next thought, after all, who else do you think about while puking your guts out, but God? As many times as I’ve done this-fighting the inevitable vomit, even though I need it to feel better, I continue fighting it. And I wonder, how much of my life is like vomit? The whole reason our bodies vomit is to get rid of toxins-things that make us sick, things that are not good for us. Yes, the whole process is messy and uncomfortable. But without it, like my ill chosen spring roll, all of the ick just sits in there, making us feel even worse.


So many times, we fight the growth and change that we need to make us better. Lately, and maybe it’s the nausea talking, as much as I have been growing and changing, there’s still so many things I fight. I wonder how much of what I’m fighting is like this stomach ick-I fight, but really, it’s the fighting that’s keeping me sick. If I’d just thrown up the other night when I first felt the urge, I wouldn’t feel so bad right now. I’d have gotten it out of my system, and over with.


Next on the agenda: exercise, work on the house, go back to some of the other disciplines I should be doing but dread. Vomit, all of it, but once I get it over with, I’ll feel much better.