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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Funny things and answered prayers

Last year, for those of you who've been reading my ramblings that long, you may recall that I got a boyfriend during the tax season.  A nice man who spoke no English, but liked me well enough to follow me around and ask if I wanted to go out for burritos.  Okay, I think he was rather icky, but I remember nothing about it other than it was a funny story.

So today, I acquired a marriage proposal.  From a gay man.  A well off gay man, but a gay man nonetheless. 

Ahhh... such is my life.

The next funny thing, I'm on the phone with That Man, and I tell him that if the house is in the same condition it was when I got home LAST night, I'm turning on the gas burners of the stove and lighting a match.  I had a semi crazed tone to my voice, and I freaked out one of my coworkers-one of the ones who thinks I'm so patient.  LOL.  Fortunately, I came home and it was livable enough that my family won't be appearing on the news anytime soon. 

That Man, however, did not take my threat too seriously, because he said something about us having insurance.  To which I replied that I was pretty sure our policy didn't cover arson.  (I think that's where I scared the coworker-the joys of cubicle living)

And then he told me about how this friend invited him to a Men's Retreat.  Now, you have to understand, I think the friend is a total nutjob.  I don't think That Man has any normal friends.  Anyway, That Man was hemming and hawing, trying to get the courage to ask me if he could go, because his relationship with God isn't so great right now.  I told him, "You should go."  He says, "Really?"  DUH.  "Yes, I've actually been praying about it."  "Really?"  Huh, am I talking to a broken record?  "Yes.  I pray every day about you-some days, I'm begging God to send down a lightening bolt to smite you, and the rest of the time, I'm praying for you to get closer to God."   Long silence.  I finally say, "You think I'm joking, don't you?"  Uncomfortable laugh on the other end of the phone.  "Uh, no."

See, I told you I'm not a nice person.  I am glad that God chose to answer the whole get closer to God prayer, though.  It really bugs me that he's just not as spiritually driven as he once was, and that I'm much more into it than he is.  At heart, I really am an old fashioned woman who wants her husband to be the head of the household and the spiritual leader.  It drives me nuts that everything is on my shoulders, and that he's just sort of there, hanging out. He used to be a pretty cool dude, and we used to have some pretty cool conversations.  I miss that.  So God, do your God thing on this man, get him to realize that it is all about You and not whatever weird crap is in his head.  Or you can just smite him.  I'd miss him, but it would also be fun to watch a lightening bolt come down from the sky and smite someone.


5 comments:

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Danica - thank you for the laugh I really needed it - and I don't mean giggle, I mean guffaws. You can't possibly know how much I needed this.

Don't forget you'd just have to train another man ...

Tori Lennox said...

You're so bad!!!! Must be why we love you. :)

Jana said...

LOL You crack me up, girl.

Good to hear though, about your husband wanting to go to the retreat. It's always good to know when God's dealing with someone. :-)

Oh, and glad you didn't have to commit arson. hehehehe

Tess Harrison said...

Hey there! Been a while. I like the digs! And the treat sounds like a good thing! But oh, man I was giggling at the arson clause.

Danica/Dream said...

LOL... well, glad I can amuse. :)