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Saturday, December 23, 2006

The dogs and the bees...

I took the kiddos and the dog for haircuts today. On the way home, I had quite the conversation with the six year old about the dog.

"Mom, why don't we find a wife for Grant?"
"Um, because he doesn't need one, and I don't need to take care of another dog?"
"But he's lonely, and everyone needs to have someone to love."
"He has us."
"Mom, he's a grown dog now, and it's time he got married and became a father."
"I hate to break it to you, but he can't ever be a father, so it would be mean to find him a wife."
"No, he can be a father, if you found him a wife. You've got to have a wife before you become a father."

Long sigh... I know I'm going to have to tell her that the dog was neutered. AKA he will never become a father. Plus, dog mating and human mating are nothing alike. Do NOT want to have this conversation with her..

"Honey, when Grant was a baby, he had an operation that made it so he can't have babies."
"Well, of course he can't have babies, he's a BOY."
"I know, but boys play a part in giving babies to the moms."
Now it's her turn to give the long exasperated sigh. "Yes, I know. The boy has to help the mom take care of the babies."
"And the dog had an operation that makes it so he can't help the mom take care of the babies." (Yes, I know... total cop out. But give me a break!)
"Why would you do something like that to him? He's probably really sad that he can't ever be a dad."
"Because boy dogs who can't be dads are nicer." And I was not going to explain that boy dogs will give babies to any girl dog in their path. Thus far, she is convinced that there can be no babies without marriage, and we're not going to change that impression.

She remained silent for a while, and then she said, "Mom, that's really not fair that you didn't give him a choice. What if he wanted to be a dad?"
"Honey, I don't think dogs think about it the way we do."
"Well, when I grow up, I'm going to get a black dog like ours, and a girl dog for him to marry. And they're going to get married and have lots of babies."
Ah, defiance already...
"That's fine. Just remember that dog babies need lots of care and there's a whole bunch all at once, so you'll need to learn how to take care of them before you start doing that."
"Like what?"
"Special food."
"I'll just get them some milk from the fridge."
"Puppies can't drink the same milk we do."
"Oh, human food makes them sick? How do dogs throw up?"
"The same way we do."
"But they go outside to do it, right?"
"Sadly, no. Your dad and I have had to clean up lots of the dog's throw up before."
"Well, I can buy them special food."
"And you'll have to teach them to go outside to go potty and clean up their messes."
"I can do that."

I don't say anything, because she's very definitely set her mind to the fact that she's going to have dogs and let them get married and have babies. As long as it's not in MY house, I don't care.

She's quiet for a while, obviously pondering the whole dog business.
"You know, Mom, you're lucky that you have me. Because next time you get a dog, you'll know better than to make it so it can't get married and have babies. That's just not right."

My daughter-moral defender of the dog's right to reproduce...


Tori Lennox said...

I'm sorry, but... ROFL!!!

Danica/Dream said...

Yep, she's a hoot!