Things that irritate me

1. This stupid lady at my daughter's school. She drives like a maniac, cutting everyone off to get there, and then, rather than parking like a civilized person to let her daughter out, stops in the middle of the street, gets out, goes around the car to the other side to let the kid out, give kid hugs and kisses, gets back in car, adjusts whatever she needs to adjust that takes a hundred million freaking minutes, and then, despite the fact that the lovely folks living across the street had signs posted for the first few weeks of school NOT to turn around in their driveways, she flips a U, realizes she can't make it (and we're four months into school so you'd think she'd have figured it out by now), and turns around in the neighbor's driveway, preventing everyone else from going anywhere until she gets her business done. For the record, her daughter is one of the dumbest kids in the class, so she apparently comes by stupidity honestly. (Actually, she's a very cute and sweet kid. I just want to kill her mother, who does this EVERY day.)

2. My bank. We have a couple of banks, but this one has a lot of our business since they handle our home loans. Not only do they have horrible customer service, idiotic banking policies that make my life difficult, but they seem to think it's fun to randomly change where the night deposit box is located. Not fun when all you want to do is get your money deposited so you don't bounce a check, and you can't find the place to put it.

3. Buying pants. My recent weight gain has made me finally admit that I need new pants. I only have a couple pair I can wear. Sooo... I visited my favorite thrift store and tried on 20 pairs of pants. 3 fit. Did I mention they were all the same size? And yet, I couldn't even get half of them fastened. Do you have any idea how depressing that is?

4. People who think they can parent your kids for you. I realize people are thinking that they're being nice and helpful. But you know, don't freaking come up to me with your "advice" when I'm disciplining my child in the grocery store. YES, you moron, I KNOW it's dangerous for my child to stand up in the shopping cart. Which is what I was explaining to the little terrorist when you decided to stick your big fat nose in and tell me all about it. Maybe "Don't do that" works with your kids, but don't assume that's what mine need. And no, I didn't spank her. You, however, need more than a spanking. Flogging would do nicely, I think.

5. Going to the grocery store. Yes, I just ranted about people who want to "help" with your kids. But that needs its own category. I'm talking in general about the whole finding a parking spot, patiently waiting for pedestrians to pass, carting kid inside, finding the car cart for kid, trying to remember what you're supposed to buy in addition to the "helpful" suggestions kid makes (you know, like lobster and broccoli), maneuvering around the old ladies who think the trip to the grocery store is their own personal social hour, reaching your favorite items that can only be found on the very top shelf, standing in line for eighty years while overtired and overstimulated kid is screaming, getting dirty looks from people who can't understand what it's like to have a two year old, dealing with the sour attitude of the clerk who is terribly inconvenienced by the fact that the strip on the store's discount card doesn't work in the reader, having to explain to the bagger that there still needs to be room for the child in the cart AFTER groceries are loaded, avoiding being run over in the parking lot by drivers who think that stop signs in parking lots are optional, getting kid in car without too much kicking and screaming, loading groceries, getting back OUT of said parking lot, and FINALLY getting home only to realize that you forgot to buy pull ups, which was one of the things you desperately needed.

Welcome to a typical day in my life. Is it any wonder I'm homicidal?