Marriage advice from a five year old

And it's good, so pay attention.

I was tucking B in tonight, and she was stalling, as usual. We got into this discussion of how much I love her.

"Mom, do you love me a hundred times?"
"I love you a hundred million times."
"No, you're supposed to love your husband a hundred million times."
"I do love him a hundred million times. But I also love you guys a hundred million times."
"No, you have to love your husband more."
Brilliant Point number One
"Honey, I do."
"You also shouldn't get angry with your husband." (I SWEAR, we have not been fighting lately. We're actually doing quite well.)
Brilliant Point number Two
"I try not to. But sometimes grownups get angry. You just have to work it out."
"And apolo... what's that word?"
"Apologize."
"Yes. Apologize. You should always apologize for getting angry with your husband."
Brilliant Point number Three
"I apologize to my husband." (And why, exactly, am I justifying my marriage to my five year old?)
"And you should kiss your husband a lot."
Brilliant Point number Four
"I kiss my husband a lot."
"You should kiss him more."
Brilliant Point number Five.

So, in case you're having marital troubles, or just want to know how to have a happy marriage when your turn comes, there it is. Five easy steps to having a good marriage. I have no idea where she got all of this, but it's brilliant stuff.

And just in case I didn't tickle your funny bone enough, here's something that I wish I was daring enough to try. I'm back in tax classes, upping my certification levels for another year. One of my classmates, to put it nicely, is a royal pain. I noticed the other day a fun little quirk she has. When she gets to class and sets her things on her desk in preparation, one of the things she sets out is...

I'm almost tempted to leave you hanging, it's so hillarious.

Okay, I won't. Because then, you'll miss my funny point.

She sets her bottle of Prozac on her desk.

No, I am not kidding.

So here's the funny thing I want to try... what if I did that? Who is going to mess with a chick who's got her meds proudly displayed on her desk? Sadly, I'm not on any meds because for the most part, I don't believe in them (but check with your doctor, okay-don't go off meds because I said I don't believe in them for the most part). But wouldn't that be hillarious? I could line up a bunch of pill bottles for being a psychopath and then no one would mess with me. They'd be too scared I'd go off on them or something.

Hey, maybe that is marriage advice point number six: When you can't beat 'em, make 'em think you're so freaking nuts, they leave you alone.

Our house must be so hard to live in with all this brilliance floating about...