Planned funny pre-empted... again.

One day you'll get the list of funny things my kids say.

However, tonight, I ended up with a really cool thing to share. We had our MOPS leadership meeting, and it was cool. One of the things that really hit my heart was how this is something we need to look at as our ministry. Okay. Got it. Ministry.

Then, I got to meet my mentor mom. Each group has a leader (me) and a mentor mom (someone who has grown kids). My mentor mom is a woman I've been in groups before and I have to say, I dearly love her. I could not have been given a better mentor mom. When I went to tell her she was my mentor mom, she hugged me so tight, and was so excited. It was awesome. We started talking and planning things, discussed our vision for the group.

And then I had a lightbulb moment. All of this stuff I'm dealing with-it's all part of the refining process for the bigger picture. The Book. The other stuff He keeps saying I'm going to be doing. See, I almost turned down this leadership position. Frankly, I'm going to have to do a lot of things outside my comfort zone. And as my mentor mom and I talked, I realized that for our vision to become reality, I was going to have to step up to the plate and outside my comfort zone.

See, the funny thing is, I have a love/hate relationship with MOPS. I love the concept, I love the teaching, but I've never really felt like I fit in. Mostly because everyone seems to be friends with everyone else, and even though they're nice enough to me when I'm there, I don't exist outside that room. And I hate that. And I think there's probably a lot of folks who feel that way. You know, the whole clique thing. Because yes, it's there, too. As my mentor mom and I talked, I realized that I don't have to follow that pattern. Between the two of us, we can set the stage for real friendships and inclusiveness, at least within our group. And maybe that'll inspire other groups to do the same. And yeah, it means that I, little miss hermit comfort zone, I'm going to have to be an example.

Can we all have a collective, "CRAP!" here?

The funny thing is, I've been setting myself up for it without realizing it. I, Queen of Hermitdom and Antisociality, am actually having a BBQ, to which I invited a large number of people, at MY HOUSE, on Labor Day. Granted, I did so knowing that most people already have plans for Labor Day, but we've still got about 15-20 people coming. As I talked to my mentor mom about our plans for the year, I realized planning this party is going to set me up for the things we'll be doing in our group. It's up to me to set things up and be intentional about our gatherings.

The other thing is, I've accepted a teaching position. WHAT? I know, I am really pushing the comfort boundaries. Basically, I was asked to teach one of our tax classes. Honestly, it's REALLY going to be a stretch, even though my district manager and our training manager are psyched, and think I'm going to be awesome at it. (Can I puke now?) The good news (and ONLY reason I ended up saying yes) is that I can teach in lieu of some of my clases, so I will end up with no additional time commitment-basically, I'll be teaching two nights a week and in class one night a week, and the cool thing is that I was planning on class three nights a week, and one of my class nights was a night I had a lot going on-and would have to miss. This schedule change means the night I needed freed up will be free again. Plus, I'll be getting PAID! At this point, it's not so much that we need the money, with DH's new job, however, it will help us save up for the new house. And I am all about my new house. :)

So here's where this all ties in. If I look back at the vision of things I see happening in my life, things I want to accomplish, and more importantly, things I see God moving me toward, I feel like this is all setting me up to succeed at it-giving me the experience I need so that I am more comfortable doing what I have to get done. And so maybe, all of the crap that's been thrown at me over the past few weeks, somehow that too ties into it all. It's probably one of those things that makes me break out in hives like having to learn to love these jerks and show them grace in their trials, knowing they will never give me the satisfaction of an apology or anything resembling one. ICK.

It's funny, I look at some people, and I don't understand how they can be happy living as who and what they are, never wanting to grow and be better. But at the moment, with all the stuff bubbling around me, and yes, the need for me to step outside of who I am, I can understand why. It's hard. Really hard. And I am so weary-I hate that it's this constant motion of forcing all this growth. I want to rest. But I guess what differentiates me from those who quit or those who never try is that I don't think I could ever be content, wondering if I could have been more.

And maybe I just am a psychopath.