To NaNo or Not to NaNo...

I have a couple more weeks to decide if I'm going to do the NaNoWriMo again this year. Last year, I did it and won the challenge. However, I'm undecided this year. I had a hard enough time getting there last year. This year, not only am I dealing with those horrible self doubt/fear demons, but my life has exploded. There's the insane two year old terrorizing my house, the class I'm teaching, the fact that I can't seem to get my act together, and all the "normal" stuff I've always done with my life. And frankly, I'm having such doubts about my writing right now that in the past few writing sessions I've attempted, I've written a sum total of one page.

I'm also frustrated because one of my CPs has said in one of our recent critique session that my writing is the best she's ever seen it. HOWEVER, her past few critiques have been much tougher on me than she's ever been. So I don't know what to make of it. Does that mean I totally sucked before and now I'm mediocre? Or am I actually a decent writer and she's giving me that push I need to get over the unpubbed hump?

Plus, and perhaps you will REALLY think I'm nuts now, I'm debating about entering the Golden Heart. Which means I have to get prepped and ready NOW, because it's due November 15. But I don't even know which book I'd enter, or which category. I was sort of thinking I'd put the inspy in and see what happens, but *GAG* that's a lot of money for no feedback.

And YES, I know I need to join ACFW, and I can assure that once my finances are back on track, I will do so. And really, that's my big Golden Heart dilemma. With money as tight as it is right now, is it really worth my money?

Are you all getting the picture that I seriously think I'm losing my mind? Which reminds me, the book I'd be writing for NaNo-it's a freaking TEEN book. Or at least that's how it plays out in my mind. Which means I am yet again, straddling genres. But hey, this one WOULD be an inspirational.

How much is that lobotomy in the window?