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Sunday, October 01, 2006

What wisdom can I share tonight?

Absolutely none.

It's so weird, this peak/valley deal. I blogged my depressing thing late Friday night, and then last night, God and I had an amazing breakthrough. Sweet, right? Of course I'm still sick, so I'm not back to 100%, but I was feeling pretty good about some things. And then, WHAM! I am reminded of just how broken I truly am. How far I am from the goal.

The good thing about this quest of whatever it is, is that as I work through it, God is still there, and still faithful.

So, I got another "you're a big dummy" smack upside the head.

As much as I think I have things figured out, I realize just as quickly how little I know. Who am I to question God?

It's so crazy, tonight, we split up to pray for each other in small groups. And even though the three of us who prayed together are so vastly different, it amazed me to see how we have some struggles in common. Even more interesting, is that one of them shared a story about how she felt she was in Potiphar's household. That they were living in this terrible place that was against everything they believe in, but knew it was the place God needed them to be. As she spoke about her frustration over the situation, I remembered the end of the story, reminding her of the verse I've clung to for so many years: Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Had it not been for Joseph's time in Potiphar's household, he would not have been in a position to save them from the famine. Had it not been for the injustices he'd lived through, he would have never been able to help his family.

As we talked, another verse came to mind-I had my daughter memorize Philippians 4:13-but it's the verses that come before that I had in my heart as we all talked.
"11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

The prayer I prayed was to learn how to be content in all circumstances. I don't know how to do that. But with God's help, I can learn. I don't know how long this place will last, or if I'll ever leave this valley for more than a few brief glimpses at the peak. Perhaps that is the sacrifice I must make. I read Acts and I wonder, why aren't we as Christians like that? Why aren't we followers of the Way, as opposed to members of the Jesus Christ social club? But how many of us are willing to live in the valley, as Paul and the other early disciples did?

Am I wise, or just stupid? I don't know. But as I poured out my heart today in yet another selfish rambling about how badly my life sucks, I realized that I don't have the right to be bitter. And I still have a whole lot of growing to do.

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